Going For It (Texas Titans #7)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Yes.” She planted her hands on the tiled wall, arching her back as she offered herself to him. “Please, Blaise. I need this. Now.”

  She didn’t have to ask twice. As he slid into her, stretching her slowly, he couldn’t remember wanting a woman more. Of course, every time he made love to Kiara, it ratcheted his desire higher. He slipped his hands down her back, admiring her flawless body as her soft moans filled the steamy shower. His hands found her full breasts, squeezing with just enough pressure to make her squirm as she drove harder, meeting his thrusts.

  He wanted this to last forever. As his mind took him places he didn’t want to go—picturing their demise, imagining her walking away—he became more frantic, gripping her hips and plunging into her with a roughness that sent her spiralling into a violent climax. She didn’t look over her shoulder at him, question his approach, or say a word. She was silent, allowing him to take her where he needed to go.

  He needed to possess her, to make her realize that she belonged to him and could never be complete without him, just as he could never be complete without her. His frenetic thrusts felt wild and uncontrolled, orgasms no longer his objective. No words passed between them. Kiara remained soundless, which should have tipped him off that something was wrong. He couldn’t find his voice either, except to grunt with the force of his deep, harsh plunges. Finally, his body reached its breaking point, demanding release. He took immense pleasure in filling her, enjoying an intimacy with her no one else had had.

  When their breathing calmed, his rational mind raised the warning flag, suggesting he may have gone too far. “Baby…” He turned her around and pulled her against his chest. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?” When she didn’t respond, his heart tripped. Pulling back to look at her, he brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

  “I should ask you that question. Where were you just now?”

  “Right here, with you,” he said, panicked at the vacant look in her eyes.

  “Really?” She reached for the door handle. “Because it kind of felt like you were somewhere else.”

  ***

  When they fell into bed half an hour later, after she’d locked herself in the bathroom to dry her hair, Kiara let Blaise pull her against his chest. She was still looking for the connection she’d missed during their sex. He had used her body as a vessel. Nothing more.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he whispered.

  “You didn’t.” She loved rough sex as much as the next girl, but she’d thought they were both looking for something more tonight. She’d smelled liquor on his breath when he stepped in the shower, but he’d only had one or two drinks at her parents’ place. Someone Blaise’s size would have to have more than a few drinks for it to have any effect. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”

  “I wasn’t either, to tell you the truth.”

  That was all she wanted—the truth. Or did she?

  He kissed her shoulder. “I let my mind wander, go places it shouldn’t have gone, especially when we were making love.”

  “We weren’t making love. That was sex.”

  His arms tensed around her. “Every time I’m with you, I’m making love to you, whether it’s hard and fast or slow and gentle. Would you have preferred slow and gentle? Is that why you’re upset?”

  She rolled onto her back, looking at him in the dim light of the bedside lamp he’d left on. “I’m not upset. I’m confused. I want to know what you were thinking, why you were like that.”

  “I don’t know.” He rolled onto his back and covered his face with his forearm. “I want to be a certain way with you, but every time I try, it’s like my demons take over instead.”

  Kiara wanted to understand what drove him, but she could tell he was reluctant to share, and that made her fearful of pushing too hard. She’d made that mistake with other boyfriends, and she wanted to believe she’d learned. “Your demons? What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Sometimes I feel like I’m my own worst enemy. I know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but I just keep telling myself it’s too good to be true, so I can’t get too attached.”

  Kiara was stunned. While she was falling in love with him, he was trying to prevent himself from getting too attached? “Then I guess we have a problem, don’t we?” She clutched the sheet against her chest, suddenly feeling too exposed.

  “What do you mean?” He rolled onto his side, propping his head in one hand as he supported his weight with his elbow.

  “You’re determined to keep your guard up, and I’m trying so hard to let my guard down.” She was angry with herself when the sting of tears burned her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. Not again.

  “Baby, please don’t do that. Don’t get upset.”

  “How the hell am I supposed to feel?” She felt all the progress they’d made with her parents slipping away. Was that how it would always be with Blaise? One step forward, two steps back? Simply because the baggage he carried from his past wouldn’t allow him to have faith in her or their relationship? When he didn’t respond, she said, “Maybe you should go.”

  “What?” He sat up, glaring at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I have to be here a couple more days to meet with Chad and my friends. But maybe it would be best if you just head home.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve got to keep my head in the game while I’m here. I can’t be distracted by personal problems.” She almost wished she could retract her statement when she saw the hurt in his eyes.

  “So that’s what I am to you? A problem?” He jumped up and threw on the clothes he’d discarded earlier. “You don’t want me here? Fine. I’ll go. Maybe that’ll give you a chance to reconnect with your ex, huh?”

  With that one scathing comment, he’d wiped away any remorse or guilt she felt. “You’re so clueless.”

  “I’m clueless?” he shouted, pulling on his boots. “I’m clueless? Girl, I think I’m finally beginning to get a clue.”

  Kiara fell back on the bed and closed her eyes, wincing when the slam of the door rattled her.

  ***

  Kiara’s business meeting went better than expected. Apparently Chad had already decided to sign with her, thanks to his brother’s prompting, and their meeting was just a formality. That meant she had good reason to tie one on with her old friends, and her desire to drink had nothing to do with Blaise. That’s what she told herself as she followed the hostess to the table for ten in the back of the upscale bar. According to her old college roommate, Layla, it was the city’s newest hotspot, and they couldn’t have gotten a table without her brother, the assistant manager, putting them on the guest list.

  Oh, hell no. Eli? She’d trusted Layla to get the old gang together, but she didn’t think that would include her ex-boyfriend. She didn’t know why she was surprised. Given the downward spiral of her personal life lately, his presence seemed fitting.

  “There she is,” her old friends said, standing to greet her with hugs and kisses.

  Those men and women had been like her second family during the tumultuous years when she was still trying to find herself and figure out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Seeing them again stirred her emotions, reminding her of a simpler time when she’d been a different person.

  “It’s great to see you guys.” Kiara gave Eli a quick hug so their friends wouldn’t sense any tension between them. She didn’t want to ruin the evening with lingering awkwardness between her and Eli. As far as their friends knew, she and her ex had parted friends and lost contact when she moved away.

  “It’s good to see you too,” Eli said, scanning her body with obvious appreciation.

  She’d selected a short, tight, backless, jade green dress and nude stilettos. Her outfit was appropriate for the upscale nightspot, but had she known Eli would be there, she would have opted for a more conservative selection. “Sorry, I’m late.” She claimed the free seat n
ext to Layla. “I got a call from a client on my way out the door.”

  “Always on call, huh?” Eli asked, raising an eyebrow.

  She knew he was trying to goad her, but it wouldn’t work. She was determined to enjoy herself whether he was there or not. “I’m not complaining.” She smiled as she squeezed Layla’s arm. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Layla’s husband, Geoffrey, got up and reached for one of several opened bottles of wine in the middle of the table. “You still prefer red, Kiara?”

  “Perfect, thank you.” She covered Geoffrey’s hand with her own when he laid it on her shoulder. She’d been the maid of honor at their wedding six years ago. They’d married months after graduation and now had two adorable boys. “How’re the boys?”

  Layla beamed. “Great.”

  Layla had always wanted to be a mother, and Kiara remembered how happy she’d been each time she called to tell her she was pregnant.

  “Let me see pics.” Kiara inclined her head toward the iPhone resting by Layla’s purse.

  “Okay.” She giggled. “I think I have one of Trevor in his hockey uniform. You gotta see it. So cute.”

  Kiara grinned at the picture. She could tell, even with the helmet and face mask, that the little boy was smiling from ear to ear. “Looks like a future pro to me. Just remember, when he needs an agent, tell him to call Auntie Kiara.”

  Geoffrey reclaimed his seat on the other side of his wife. He folded his hands in front of him as he looked toward the ceiling. “From your lips to God’s ears.”

  “So what’s new with you?” Layla asked. “We haven’t had a chance to talk for a couple months. Any new men in your life?”

  “As a matter of fact, there is.” Kiara took a sip of her wine, hoping her voice didn’t betray her concern. She hadn’t heard from Blaise since he’d stormed out of her hotel room, but she didn’t believe for a minute they were over. It was a lovers’ quarrel. By the time she returned home tomorrow night, they’d both be calmer and more rational.

  “Oh, tell us!” Layla said, clapping.

  Geoffrey rolled his eyes. “Living vicariously again, honey?”

  “Maybe.” Layla grinned. “Don’t keep us in suspense. Tell us all about him.”

  A few pairs of eyes drifted to Eli, obviously trying to gauge whether he was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. To his credit, he feigned disinterest, checking his phone instead of looking at Kiara.

  “Well, he was a boxer,” Kiara said.

  “No way,” her friend Harry said, grinning. “I love boxing. What’s his name?”

  “Um…” She hadn’t intended to share that, just in case it didn’t work out between them. She hated thinking the worst, but she had no way of knowing what Blaise was thinking or feeling. When she noted all the eyes on her, Kiara knew she couldn’t avoid the question without raising more questions, so she took a deep swallow of wine. “Blaise Thomas.”

  Harry’s eyes widened. “You’re shitting me.”

  The table erupted in laughter before Kiara shook her head. “Nope.”

  “Wow.” Still seemingly stunned, Harry asked, “What’s he been doing since he retired, aside from keeping a low profile?”

  “He bought a gym.” Kiara hoped she wasn’t divulging too much information about Blaise’s personal life. She knew he guarded his privacy, but since he’d intended to be there with her, she assumed he would have been answering the same questions himself. “He’s training a few amateur boxers.” She laughed lightly. “I guess it’s still in his blood.”

  “Damn shame the way he went out,” Harry said, grimacing. “That Morin is a dirty S.O.B.”

  Kiara couldn’t tell her friends she was now representing her boyfriend’s nemesis. Nor could she admit she was selfishly happy that Blaise’s boxing career had ended before they met. She couldn’t imagine watching the man she loved trade bloody blows for a paycheck.

  Layla nudged Kiara’s arm. “So is it serious?”

  “We’re still getting to know each other,” Kiara said, trying to be cautious. “I’m not sure where it will go, but I’m pretty crazy about him.” She didn’t want to give Eli the impression her relationship with Blaise was on the rocks, though it very well may be if he was still as angry as he’d been when he left.

  “I’m so happy for you,” Layla said, drawing her into a one-armed hug.

  “Thanks.”

  “Oh listen, Kiara,” Eli said, pointing at the D.J. commanding the stage in front of the large dance floor. “They’re playing our song.”

  “Walking Away” had never been their song. Eli was just being a jerk, trying to say that she’d been the one to walk away, which wasn’t true. Their breakup was mutual, respectful, and she hated that he seemed determined to add a layer of bitterness to it that hadn’t been there.

  “Come dance with me.” He stood before she could respond and walked around the table to offer his hand.

  She could have declined, but that would have lent an air of awkwardness to the evening, so she accepted his outstretched hand with a tight smile. She turned to their friends. “Excuse us, we’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  As soon as they were dancing, he asked, “Trouble in paradise already?”

  “What are you talking about?” She knew he was referring to Blaise, but she wanted him to ask so he could hear how pathetic he sounded, fishing for trouble.

  “You and your boyfriend.” He smirked. “I saw the look on your face when Harry and Layla asked about him. You were uncomfortable.”

  “You’re imagining things.”

  “You forget, we were together a long time. I know you.”

  She supposed he was right. She liked to think she’d matured since she and Eli were together, but if he could still read her so easily, maybe she hadn’t matured as much as she believed. “You think you know me, but you don’t, not anymore. I’m a different person now.”

  “We’re all fundamentally the same at the core.” He clasped his hands at the base of her spine. “Morals, values, hopes, dreams, those things make up the fiber of who you are. Those things don’t change.”

  She wanted to argue, but he made a valid point.

  “Places, faces, all that may change, but you’re still the same person you were back then. You’re still looking for love. You’ve always been looking for that once-in-a-lifetime love that you read about in books and sigh over in those girly movies you love to watch.”

  She could pretend he was wrong, but what was the point? Everyone who knew her believed she was a hopeless romantic. “What’s your point?”

  “You really think that guy understands what you need?” He chuckled. “His idea of a romantic evening is probably beer and pretzels at a dive sports bar.”

  Kiara stepped back, narrowing her eyes. “I came here to reconnect with my old friends. It’s unfortunate that means I have to suffer through an evening with you, but I’m willing to be cordial so long as you understand Blaise is off-limits.”

  “Listen,” he said, holding up his hands, “I’m just trying to—”

  “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to convince me he’s not good enough for me, and you couldn’t be more wrong. He has everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner… and more.” As soon as the words left her lips, Kiara knew they were true. Blaise was everything she’d ever wanted. He may still have some issues to work through, but so did she. She wanted them to work through those issues together.

  She just hoped it wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Twelve

  Blaise kept glancing at the time on the cell phone lying on his desk. He couldn’t help it. Kiara was due at the gym in twenty minutes for a session with her trainer, and he wondered if she would show. He hadn’t seen or heard from her since their argument, and questioning where they stood was making him crazy.

  “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said,” Rowan said, tossing a pencil at Blaise.

  “Sorry.” Blaise caught the pencil against his chest b
efore swiping a hand over his face. “My mind was somewhere else.”

  “On that girl again, huh?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You’re still sabotaging it?”

  “Rowan, don’t,” Blaise warned, glaring at his brother.

  “If I don’t, who will? Everyone else is afraid of you.” He sighed. “You know I’m just looking out for you. I want you to be happy, and from what you’ve told me about Kiara, she could make you happy if you quit making it your mission to drive her away.”

  “I’m not trying to drive her away.” Blaise was frustrated, because that was exactly what he seemed to be doing.

  “You’re sure as hell not trying to make this thing more solid, are you?”

  “I want to.” Blaise was tired of feeling insecure and uncertain about what they had. He wanted to be confident, sure that they loved each other enough and believed in each other enough to go the distance. “I just don’t know how.”

  “Why can’t you talk to her the way you talk to me?”

  “What?” Blaise stared at him, processing the question. “What are you getting at?”

  “You give it to me straight. Why can’t you do the same with your lady?” Rowan asked.

  Blaise didn’t even have to think about it. “I guess I don’t want her to know how…” Defenseless I feel with her.

  “You don’t want to appear weak. Admit it.”

  “If you know, why the hell did you ask?” Blaise snapped the pencil with one hand and tossed the broken pieces at Rowan. “You enjoy watching me squirm, or what?”

  “No, I’m trying to help you realize you’re never gonna get what you want from your relationship until you figure out how to be honest with her. Let your guard down. Show her the real you.”

  “Since when are you such an expert?”

  Rowan chuckled. “It so happens I’m an expert at screwing up relationships. I’ve driven away every woman who’s ever cared about me, and I see you making the same mistakes I’ve made. Probably the same mistakes you’ve made yourself dozens of times.” He sighed. “Look, all I’m saying is if you want a different outcome, you’ve got to change things up.”