Unworthy Heart: The Donnellys, Book 1

by Dorothy F. Shaw

  “You don’t know that. Not for sure anyway. And besides, if I were a single parent, I’d be damn sure I was serious about someone before I let them spend any regular time with my kids.” Jodi reached over and squeezed Maiya’s arm. “He’s probably as nervous about this as you are.”

  “Don’t you think it’s a sign?”

  “A sign of what? That he’s a good father? Oh, maybe a sign he likes you and wants to spend more time with you? No, wait. A sign the sex is cartwheel-worthy?”

  “Cart-what?” Maiya burst out laughing. “You crack me the hell up. Crazy ass.”

  “Yeah, you love me. Now, chill and enjoy your pedi.”

  Maiya let out a breath, sounding a lot like a snore. “Fine.”

  The nail tech looked at her with wide eyes and then focused back on Maiya’s feet. Bottom line, she needed to have a conversation with Ryan. They were getting too involved and feelings were blossoming in her heart at a high rate of speed. She’d been trying like hell to get them under control, but was failing miserably. Maybe she should break it off, or at the very least slow things down.

  For two people who were only getting to know each other, who also lived in different states for fuck’s sake, they sure saw a lot of each other. And a whirlwind romance all about the “oh my God, the sex is off the charts and it’s just so wonderful to be together” could only end in heartbreak. Falling for someone was fucking fabulous. It was. But the inevitable hitting-the-ground-with-her-ass part was far from fabulous.

  “Stop thinking about it. I can see the wrinkle between your brows getting deeper.”

  “I hate you.” Maiya rubbed the spot between her eyes. “Is it really getting deeper?”

  Jodi laughed. “I love you too.”

  Ryan waited with Jacob at the entrance of the zoo for Jimmy to arrive.

  “Can I get a stuffed monkey today?”

  Ryan tickled his son’s stomach and Jacob giggled. “You’re a stuffed monkey.”

  “I need a stuffed monkey, Dad.”

  “Don’t you have a stuffed monkey already?”

  Jacob’s little brow furrowed in a serious expression. “He needs a friend. Monkeys get lonely.”

  “Hmm. You have a point.” He sat Jacob on the bench next to him. “We sure wouldn’t want your monkey to be lonely.”

  “You get lonely too.”

  Ryan looked at his son. “What makes you say that?”

  “You don’t have a wife.” Jacob shrugged. “Daddies are supposed to have wives. That’s what Toby at after-school care said.”

  “Some daddies have wives, yes. Sometimes they don’t.” He pulled Jacob on to his lap. “What do you think?”

  “If you had a wife, then I’d have a new mommy, right?”

  From the mouths of babes. Ryan had been blessed with such a smart kid. He swallowed, his throat feeling drier than the Mohave Desert. “I suppose so, yes. If I had a wife then you’d have a mommy.” He re-tied one of Jacob’s sneaker laces and continued. “You think you want a mommy?”

  Tilting his head to the side, Jacob pursed his little bow-shaped lips, looking as if he was giving the idea a great deal of thought. Ryan fought to smother his grin. His son was being so serious he didn’t want to appear like he didn’t appreciate it.

  “Would I getta pick who my new mommy would be?”

  God he loved this kid. “Get to,” Ryan corrected. “I’ll make you a deal. If Daddy finds someone he likes enough to make her his wife, I’ll make sure you agree first, okay?”

  Jacob smiled and his eyes sparkled. “Deal.”

  Ryan looked over and spotted Jimmy walking toward them. About time his brother showed up.

  “Uncle Jimmy!” Jacob hopped off Ryan’s lap in hot pursuit of his uncle.

  Ryan stood. Damn, that was a heavy conversation. He’d be running all of it by his brother, along with a few other things.

  Ryan and Jimmy ambled along the walkway and Jacob ran up ahead of them.

  “So, let me get this straight,” Jimmy mumbled around a mouthful of roasted almonds. “You left a naked woman, a woman you have feelings for, in bed this morning to come to the zoo with me and your son?”

  Ryan glanced at his brother and rolled his eyes.

  “Okay, yeah, I get it. Jacob’s your priority. And he should be. But, dude, why didn’t you invite her to come with us?”

  “Because… I don’t know.” Ryan ran his fingers through his hair. “Hey, Jacob,” he hollered. “You’re getting too far away. Wait for us.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “I’m worried about Jacob.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t want a bunch of women in and out of his life. Keeping things stable for him is important.”

  Jacob ran up to them. “Daddy, can we feed the goats?”

  “A bunch of women?” Jimmy asked.

  “Yes.” Ryan took Jacob’s hand.

  “Dude, you have got to be kidding me, right?”

  “What?” Ryan looked from his brother to Jacob. “Come on, little man.” Walking Jacob toward the goat pen, he looked at his brother and shook his head. “The ‘yes’ was for Jacob about the goats, idiot.”

  Jimmy laughed and tossed another handful of nuts in his mouth. “You got a parade of women in and out of your bed all of a sudden?”

  He and Jimmy grabbed a bench in the goat area and watched while Jacob fed a couple of the animals. “Hell no. I told you, just her.”

  “Ry, how many women have you brought home for Jacob to meet? Hell, how many have you even dated in the last couple of years since you got Jacob?”

  “None, and a few.”

  “Exactly.”

  Agitation pricked at Ryan’s gut. He wished Jimmy would get to the damn point. “Exactly, what?”

  “This one’s different, and Jacob already met her. Why in the hell not invite her along?” Jimmy leaned back and crossed his feet at the ankle. “You like her. I bet you like her a lot more than you’re willing to admit. I saw the way you were with her in Vegas.”

  “I don’t have a great track record for picking the right women. Neither do you.”

  “Not talking about me, so I’m going to ignore that. You made one bad choice. You need to let that shit go. It’s old baggage.”

  His brother was right, even though he had no room to talk, either. Jimmy’s heart had been shattered during college and he’d been single since. Tired of doubting himself, Ryan blew an exasperated breath. “So, you think I should’ve invited her along?”

  “Damn, grow some nuts.” Jimmy glanced at him. “On second thought, here, have some of mine.” Jimmy tilted the bag of almonds toward him.

  Ryan pushed the paper sack away. “You’re an ass.”

  “Yeah, but I’m right.”

  “I should call her, invite her to dinner tonight.” Ryan grabbed his phone. “Go play with your nephew. Give me a little privacy.”

  “’Bout time.” Jimmy clapped Ryan on the shoulder and headed for Jacob.

  As he looked for Maiya’s number, Ryan’s cell rang in his hand. He cringed when he saw the caller ID. Tammy’s parents.

  “Hello, Bernice.”

  “Hello, Ryan. I’m surprised you picked up this time. I seem to only get your voicemail these days.”

  Getting up, Ryan strode over to the edge of the enclosed area. Not answering was preferable. He dreaded these conversations. “I’ve been a little busy lately.”

  Bernice let out a very unladylike snort. “That’s always your answer.”

  “Is there something you needed?”

  “It’s been a while since we’ve seen Jacob. I’d like to set up a visit.”

  “Fine. When were you thinking of coming?”

  “Robert and I were thinking Jacob should come here to visit this time.”

 
When Ryan obtained custody of Jacob, he’d had to fight Tammy’s parents to hold on to it after Tammy passed. The entire process had been an ordeal from hell. Every bit of his life, past and present, had been dragged out into the open. But he’d fought them tooth and nail and won.

  In the end, they were granted visitation. Two weeks a year, but the agreement was they had to come to him. Ryan accepted the arrangement, however, he figured at some point they’d try to change the terms. He just didn’t think they’d try so soon. Drawing in a deep breath, he sought for a calm tone. “That’s not the visitation agreement, Bernice.”

  “He’s getting bigger, Ryan. He should be able to come and spend time here with us.”

  “He’s five, Bernice. Five.”

  “I know how old he is. Look, I really don’t want to have to take this back to court.” Her threatening words came through the receiver in a clipped tone.

  “You won’t win. And if I remember correctly, the last court venture about broke the bank for you two. You sure you want to go through all that again?”

  “We’ll do what’s necessary. We have the right to see our grandson.” Bernice exhaled. “I don’t want to fight about this.”

  “Of course you have the right to see your grandson.” Ryan gripped one of the fence posts. “Two weeks a year. Here. Where he lives. Not out of state.”

  “We’re not the enemy.”

  Ryan clenched the phone in his hand. “Really? You could’ve fooled me.”

  “We love him, you know.” Her voice quivered.

  “Look. I’m not willing to send him two states away for a week. Not yet.”

  “When? When will you be willing?” Bernice whined.

  “I don’t know. However, if I am, I’ll let you know. Until then, you’re welcome to take me back to court.” He disconnected the call.

  Ryan stuffed his phone back in his pocket and braced his hands on the fencing. His heart thundered in his ears and an ache started behind his eyes. If he’d had his way, they never would’ve been near Jacob again. Tammy’s parents kept his son a secret from him and because of it, Jacob endured a year of neglect and God only knew what else. It was unforgiveable.

  “What was that all about?” Jimmy asked when Ryan returned to the bench.

  “I’ll tell you later.”

  “You and Maiya have a fight or something?”

  “Nah, nothing like that. I’ll call her in a little bit.”

  Jacob looked over from one of the goats. “I’m hungry, Daddy.”

  “Me too, little man. Let’s go grab some lunch.” Jimmy stood and tossed the empty bag of almonds in the trashcan.

  “We need to wash our hands first.” Ryan took Jacob’s hand and followed his brother from the area, agitation still bubbling in his gut. Bernice had to be out of her mind to think he’d let his five-year-old child leave the state. As if he’d ever trust them again.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  After stopping at the grocery store to purchase a bottle of wine for her and Ryan and a bottle of chocolate milk for Jacob, Maiya waited on the porch in front of Ryan’s door and drew in a deep breath. Sweet lord. Get. A. Grip. Nervous energy radiated from her limbs and she clenched her free hand in a fist.

  In the morning he’d been all tongue tied about the zoo and as a result she’d been convinced he hadn’t wanted her around his son. Now, she was joining him and Jacob for dinner. Once again, the man surprised her. Putting the bag down next to her, Maiya shook out her hands to relieve some tension and rang the doorbell. Shifting her weight from foot to foot, she waited.

  Jimmy opened the door with a grin the size of a freight train. “Why hellooo, Mzzz Maiya. You’re looking especially pretty this evening.” He leaned against the doorframe.

  She smiled, shaking her head. The man had way too much sexy packed into one body and, yet, it did nothing for her. “Hello, Jimmy. Thank you.” She grabbed the bag at her feet. “Very nice to see you again.”

  “Ooh, you brought goodies? Here, let me take that.” Jimmy pulled the sack from her hand. Stepping aside, he waved her past. “Come on in.”

  “Thanks. It smells delicious in here. He cooked?”

  “Sure did. You know the way to the kitchen, I assume. He’s back there chef-ing it up for you.”

  “You’re staying too, right?”

  “Actually, I’m not. Was just hanging around until you got here.”

  She walked into the kitchen and found Ryan in front of the stove stirring a big pot of something.

  Setting the spoon down, he walked straight to her. “Hey, baby.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her right on the lips. Maiya stiffened, her eyes going wide, trying to scan the room for where Jacob was.

  Ryan chuckled. “Relax, babe.”

  “Nice choice.” Jimmy held up the bottle of merlot she’d picked. “Damn and chocolate milk too? Hey, Ry, this must be for you.” Jimmy lobbed the small container of milk to Ryan.

  Turning, Ryan caught the bottle against his chest.

  Maiya gasped but then laughed. “You two are like a couple of kids.” She sat at the table. “Where’s Jacob?”

  “Psshaw. Your point?” Ryan grabbed a cup with a lid and straw. Setting the cup down, he filled it with the milk. “He’s in the family room. And I happen to take great pride in my juvenile behavior.”

  Jimmy opened the bottle of wine she’d brought and set it on the counter. “Head’s up!” Jimmy shot the cork at Ryan’s head.

  Ryan ducked and the cork whizzed by him. “Better pick that up, you delinquent.” He faced the family room and hollered for his son. “Jacob, come here.”

  Maiya’s nervous tension eased watching the banter between Ryan and his brother.

  Jacob came running in, but stopped short when he saw Maiya, his little mouth curving into huge smile.

  She smiled back. “Hi, Jacob.”

  Jacob giggled and ran to his father; a sweet blush colored his cheeks. This kid couldn’t be any cuter.

  “Hey, little man, don’t be rude. Say hello to Maiya.”

  “It’s okay, Ryan. He’s just being a little shy.”

  “I don’t hafta call her Miss anymore?”

  Ryan chuckled. “I think just Maiya is fine from now on.”

  “’Kay.” Jacob nodded with wide eyes.

  Maiya raised her brows. Apparently, something had changed and Ryan had decided he’d had enough of the formalities. Interesting. Maybe he’d clue her in later.

  Jimmy leaned a hip against the counter. “She brought you a present, little dude. You need to let her know you appreciate it.”

  “You gots me a present?” Jacob’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning.

  “Got me a present,” Ryan corrected.

  Jacob’s little brow furrowed. “Daddy.”

  “Well? Don’t look like that. Here.” Ryan handed Jacob the plastic cup. “It’s your present.”

  “I brought you your very own chocolate milk. You like chocolate, right?” Shifting in her seat, Maiya tucked her hands under her legs and sat on them.

  Jacob took a long sip from the straw and then came running toward her. “I love chocolate milk.” Jacob hugged her. “Thank you, Maiya.”

  The hug both delighted and shocked her. She raised her hand, offering a high five. “Cool beans. You’re welcome.”

  Jacob slapped her palm and ran off to the family room.

  “Be careful not to spill,” Ryan called after him and then went back to the stove.

  “Whelp, looks like it’s time for me to go.” Jimmy walked over to her and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Have a nice dinner, Red.”

  Another surprise. These people sure were affectionate. It stunned her into silence, and she reminded herself to close her mouth in case it was gaping open.

  “Hey, now.” Ryan crossed his arms with an expression on hi
s face resembling something like a cross between appreciation and…jealousy?

  Could he be jealous of his brother? That was for sure a warning in his tone. Holy hell. He was jealous. She couldn’t help but smile and her face heated with what she knew was a rare, honest to God blush.

  Jimmy let out a sharp laugh and clapped his brother on the back. “No worries, Ry. I know she’s your girl, even if you haven’t admitted it to yourself yet.”

  Ryan gaped at him for a moment before he shook his head and extended his arms to his sides in an are-you-insane gesture before moving back to the stove.

  “Yes, sir, I did just say that out loud. Heading to Mom’s. I’ll shoot you a call tomorrow.” With that, Jimmy left the kitchen.

  “My brother’s an ass.” Ryan stirred the contents of the pot. “I hope you like spaghetti.”

  Getting up from her seat, Maiya walked to him. She placed her hand on his shoulder. “Is it true?”

  Ryan tensed and stilled his movement of the spoon. Setting it aside, he turned around and then placed his palm against her cheek. “I don’t know. Is it?”

  Maiya closed her eyes and leaned into the warmth of his touch. “I don’t know what to think.”

  He slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her close. “I know when I’m not with you, I can’t stop thinking about you,” he whispered, and his lips grazed hers.

  “But?” Her heartbeat quickened, becoming a loud throb pulsing in her ears.

  Soft and slow, Ryan kissed her; taking little sips from her lips. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she pressed herself against his hard body. Tingles pulsed along Maiya’s spine and her heart skipped a few beats. She was utterly defenseless and laid bare when he was tender like this with her.

  He pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. “There is no but.”

  “Ryan.” She cringed at how whiny she sounded. “We need to talk.”

  “After dinner, and after Jacob goes to sleep.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Taste my sauce. I have to try and impress my Italian girl.”

  She smiled. “Okay.” He spooned up a bit of sauce for her to taste. Blowing on the edge, she closed her lips over the end. Still holding the spoon, he kept his eyes on her mouth when she licked the sauce from her lips. “Mmm. I think it’s better than mine.”