“Let me get the shade pulled,” Christina said, as though reading her thoughts. “Sometimes I forget how hot it feels when you’re pregnant.”
“You mean, you have a baby?” That would explain a lot, like the way Christina had always seemed so relaxed.
A slow smile spread across the younger woman’s face and her eyes turned teary. “I did. Last year I gave birth to a baby girl. Seven pounds, two ounces, and the most perfect head of soft, fuzzy hair I ever saw.” She cast a glance out the window as she slowly let down the shade. “But as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t keep her. I knew I was making the right decision.”
“I’m sorry.” Kaitlyn wished she had something to fiddle with to keep her stupid nerves in check.
“Don’t be.” Christina’s face brightened. “Sometimes giving a baby up for adoption is the most loving thing a mother can do. I was only seventeen at the time, and I knew I couldn’t care for a baby, no matter how much support I had. The father didn’t want to have anything to do with us, and I needed to finish high school. I wish I’d known about New Heights back then, but I probably still would’ve made the same decision.”
Christina was even younger than she appeared. Kaitlyn palmed her shoulder. “It looks like you’re doing a great job helping people who’re having a hard time.”
“I’m still new, but it really feels like I’m doing something that matters, even though I mostly answer phones and set appointments.”
“Honestly, you made me comfortable the first time I came in. That means a lot—you know, first impressions and all.”
“Good to hear.” The teen’s grin widened. “Anyhoo, I think you’re supposed to start by sorting all the stuff in here.” She motioned around the piles of clothing, diapers, baby trinkets, blankets, and other assorted contraptions that Kaitlyn couldn’t begin to identify. “Last week one of the department stores donated a bunch of racks and plastic hangers, so now we’ll have more room to hang clothes.”
“So I need to hang and sort?”
“I think so. I’ll let Marissa explain when she’s finished with her client. She’ll have a better idea what she wants done.” The phone in the living room rang. “I’ll leave you to it. Let me know if you have any questions.”
Kaitlyn perused the stacks. Evidently someone had attempted to sort and organize the piles of donations, but the mountain of clothing remained. She picked up a pair of enormous faded denim overalls with stretchy elastic at the sides. Was this what she’d be wearing in a few months? She’d never been overly particular about fashion, but wow, this wasn’t what she’d expected at all. She grabbed a plastic hanger and hung the item on a rack in the corner.
Next she picked up a tiny hat and booties set and marveled at the size. Could a human be that small at birth? It was hard to imagine. As an only child, she had zero experience with babies or kids of any size. She placed the set to the side until she could figure out what to do since those obviously wouldn’t go on a rack.
While she worked, Christina’s story buzzed through her head. Adoption. Maybe that was the solution to her problem—though she hesitated to think of the tiny life inside her as a problem, per se. Since Colin hadn’t returned her calls or texts, and she hadn’t bothered to try again in the last week, the hope she had in him was fading. Fast.
But somehow she had to confront him. He at least deserved to know what he was really giving up. It wasn’t just about her, and it wasn’t just about him. It was about the tiny life nestled inside her that they had made together.
Kaitlyn steadied her nerves as she stepped out of her car and popped a few coins into the metered parking. Her mission wouldn’t take but a few minutes. The quicker she got it over with, the quicker she could start making decisions for the future. If Colin wanted to be part of it, fine. If not … well, she could handle it, especially now that she had help from Marissa and the people at New Heights.
The campus was eerily quiet with only the occasional summer student strolling by, nose to smartphone, and a few hotshot guys tossing a football on the grassy square, swearing and carrying on like kings of the world.
No wonder she’d been attracted to an older man. He’d been a welcome relief from the usual crowd—selfish and immature, eyes on the weekend instead of planning a life. She and Colin had never gotten that far, but they would have if he hadn’t gotten cold feet because of his stupid job.
She worked the rim of her silver keychain—a gift from Colin—between nervous fingers as she stood in the shadow of the brick building. Angry bees swarmed inside her gut and made her second-guess having shared enchiladas with Marissa at lunch. She placed her hand on her stomach and willed it to settle.
Everything would be better in a few minutes.
She’d tell Colin and he’d come to his senses—or not—and life would carry on.
A sharp intake of air propelled her through the front doors. So what if she was there? She had every right to be since she was a student, or at least she would be when she reenrolled after she had the baby and got back into life.
The air-conditioning sputtered overhead inside the building that smelled like musty old pages from a stack of books. The smell of education, as she’d come to think of it. She turned to her left and climbed the red-tiled stairs that curved toward the biology department, each step stronger than the last.
A doddering, sweater-vested man ambled down, barely giving her a passing glance. She recognized him as another biology professor, aka Colin’s coworker. Colin would be livid if he saw them anywhere near the same vicinity.
She bit her lip and forged ahead, hand gripping the wooden banister. It was Colin’s own fault for not calling her back. If they were still officially together, she’d be more careful, but he didn’t have the right to tell her where she should and shouldn’t be.
At the top of the landing, she caught her breath. The glass double doors separated her from the office area. It was her last chance to bail.
Colin poked his head out of his office and her nerves buzzed. She stood, frozen, as he said something to the student worker manning the desk. He glanced her direction and his face turned to stone.
Anger muscled over fear inside her. Kaitlyn raised her eyebrow in a challenge and remained in place. Let him come to her.
Colin’s cheeks reddened. His gaze skipped over her as he resumed talking to the student worker. Just as hope deflated in Kaitlyn’s chest, Colin hustled toward the door and silently motioned for her to step back.
She angled out of view and backed down the staircase just enough to stay out of the student worker’s line of sight.
Colin closed the door and joined her. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, his tone husky and raw. He peered around the curve of the staircase to ensure their privacy. “I told you before—”
“If you had returned my calls, I wouldn’t have come.” She ground her teeth and met his threatening gaze.
“There’s no reason for us to talk.” His hand sliced through the air for emphasis.
“You have no idea.” She swallowed. Tears bit her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She didn’t want to soften his heart with tears, which in her mind equaled manipulation. She wanted him to feel the same rush of emotions for her that she felt for him. It had to be buried inside him … somewhere. “Can we talk?” She searched the depth of his eyes for the old Colin. The one who lavished attention on her and told her she meant the world to him. The one who made up silly sonnets that made her both laugh and cry. “Please.”
He looked away, his eyes darting between her, the staircase, and the office behind him. The lines around his eyes lost their hard edge, and he rubbed the bridge of his nose as though stalling until he could figure out what to say. His conflicted expression filled her with courage.
“I’m not a student anymore,” she blurted. It was easier than saying the rest of the truth, and maybe it gave her a shot with him. After all, that’s why he said they couldn’t be together. Maybe now they could have a relationship out in the o
pen, and she could win him back without resorting to telling him about the baby first. If that was the only reason he came back to her, she’d never know if he really had feelings for her—or if he was only there because of his sense of duty.
Surprise darkened his features, but he said nothing.
“That’s good news, right?” Her voice sounded feeble, even to her. She stopped before she said anything that would come across as begging.
“I trust you made a choice that’s in your best interest. I don’t understand it, but I—good luck.” His neck bobbed with a hard swallow.
“Maybe you can reconsider, you know …”
He shook his head. “I told you where I stand.”
The truth smacked her. “Does that mean that everything you said was a lie?” His words came rushing back to her. The sweet words of encouragement and consideration that made her feel like more than just an undergrad, more than just another face in the crowd. He really saw her and made her feel like a competent woman who could literally do anything. Those few brief months had changed her entire image of herself, and now it was disintegrating like the last moments of a remembered dream.
The tightness around his eyes returned. “I can’t talk about this here—”
“Then let’s go somewhere—”
He held up a hand to silence her. “I can’t talk anywhere.” He threw a glance over his shoulder at the office and lowered his voice. “My feelings were real, but it’s over. Over. I won’t change my mind.” He backed up the staircase. “But I wish you the best. Really. You have a great life ahead, and one day you’ll forget all about me.”
“Dr. Kimball.” An older man leaned out of the office doors and scanned the stairway. Kaitlyn had been so preoccupied she hadn’t noticed him coming, but immediately she knew her conversation with Colin was over—along with whatever chance she thought she had.
“Be right there.” The tips of Colin’s ears turned red, and his eyes skipped between her and the older man. “Hope things turn out okay for you,” he stuttered in her general direction. He turned his back and jogged up the rest of the stairs before Kaitlyn could respond.
A single tear trekked down her cheek as she whispered a solemn goodbye.
Colin
“Hope things turn out okay for you.” Was that the best he could do?
Colin was grateful for Dr. Crank’s interruption. Hopefully the department chair hadn’t overheard Kaitlyn, as it would doom him to failure. He’d been so foolish to get involved, and now all this sneaking around was the price he had to pay.
“Did you get my memo?” Dr. Crank’s jowls shook the faster he walked. He ushered Colin into his office and shut the door with a decisive thud.
“I’m sorry. Did I miss a meeting?” Colin tried to control the tremble in his voice, but the adrenaline from the encounter with Kaitlyn still thrummed through his veins.
Dr. Crank tilted his head, eyebrows drawn. “No.” He paused, his hand still on the doorknob. “Is something wrong?”
“With me? No—she was just concerned about her final grade.”
“Who?”
Colin’s stomach cratered. One slipup would ruin him. “The girl—never mind. What did you want to see me about?”
Dr. Crank studied Colin’s face for seconds that seemed more like hours before turning away and taking a seat behind his desk. He motioned for Colin to follow suit. “I wanted to congratulate you, but it seems you have a lot more going on than I thought.”
“I don’t understand.” Colin shot up a silent prayer to whatever god might be listening. How much did his boss know? If he’d overheard even a smidgen of the conversation with Kaitlyn, Colin would be ruined. He’d been so careful to keep watch while they were talking. He drew a fortifying breath and sat tall.
Dr. Crank offered an almost imperceptible shake of his head. “This,” he said, holding a phone message aloft, “is the reason I called you in.”
Colin leaned closer to inspect the tiny writing. “What is it?”
“I got a message from the editor of the Life Cycle Journal. He’s a friend of mine.”
“I had no idea.” Colin rummaged through his thoughts to pair the name with the many submissions he’d made over the last six months.
“You weren’t supposed to. What good would a publishing credit be if I’d just handed it to you through one of my connections?” A slow smile creased Dr. Crank’s face.
“You mean …”
“That’s precisely what I mean. Dr. Edmund McCallister said your analysis on the protein experiment you conducted is”—Dr. Crank slid on his bifocals and peered at the note—“masterful.”
“Masterful?”
“That’s the word he used. In fact, he said it’s the most insightful piece he’s read in a long time.”
A flash of joy shot through Colin, and his heart started to race for a whole different reason than before. “That’s great.” He swiped his palms on his slacks. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.” If only he could work out the bugs in his current research.
“I don’t have to tell you what an acceptance of this magnitude means for your chance at tenure.” He eyed Colin over the rims of his glasses, his voice taking a serious turn.
“I understand.”
Dr. Crank set down the message and folded his hands on his desk. “About the other thing.” He cleared his throat.
“Other thing?” Moisture beaded at Colin’s hairline.
“The girl.” Dr. Crank’s knowing eyes penetrated Colin’s defenses. “Be careful. You never know what some of these coeds are thinking. One misstep, one rumor, can destroy a career.”
“I—I understand.”
“Some of these kids are so eager for a grade or to get one-up on the teacher, you never know what they’ll do or say. Do you get my meaning?”
Colin nodded. “Absolutely.”
“We want everyone in our department squeaky clean. And since I’m the one who’s pulling for you, I need you to be nothing but a Boy Scout.”
Boy Scout, indeed.
If that’s what Dr. Crank wanted, that’s what he’d get. Now that Kaitlyn was out of the picture, it was smooth sailing from here on out. He might have been dishonorable in the past, but he refused to let it affect his future—both at work and at home. Relief swept over Colin as he realized how close he’d come to losing it all for something so foolish.
Thank goodness it was over.
CHAPTER 17
Marissa
Lord, have mercy.” My mother, Alina Moreau, patted her chest and issued an exaggerated sigh.
“It’s not that bad, Mom.” I wondered what the penalty was for lying in front of a church. Judging by the anxiety roiling in my stomach day and night, my marriage was, in fact, that bad. Mentioning our troubles had been a terrible idea.
Mom’s puffy white hair ruffled in the breeze. She waved to a group of elderly women who helped one another up the front steps of the church. “Let’s go for coffee when the service is over, and then we can talk more. What’s the name of that little shop?”
The last place I wanted to go was The Bean, not with Kaitlyn working. So far I’d managed not to spew my troubles on her when she herself was in desperate circumstances, and I didn’t want her to overhear my life story now. My personal garbage needed to stay personal. That way New Heights would continue to be a safe refuge for me during the day—the knowing looks of Tristan excluded.
“I need to get home early today.” I silently devised a way to tie up the bits of information I’d unraveled in the car. Mom didn’t need my troubles added to her worry-laden life.
“You know, if Colin started coming with you on Sundays it would help your marriage.”
Come to church with me? Getting him home for dinner was hard enough. Church was out of the question. I almost wished I’d told Mom that I needed to stay home because for once Colin was actually there, relaxing and listening to the Sunday talk shows.
Mom leaned closer. “A rough patch or two—perfe
ctly normal for married couples.”
Over half ended in divorce, but there was no use bringing that up when she was trying to make me feel better. I stalled, desperate to end the conversation before we entered the house of God.
Mom’s wizened eyes raked over me. “Hard times are to be expected. And don’t think that what happened to your father and I will happen to you. Our relationship was nothing like yours.”
She was right. Each relationship is unhappy in its own special way.
“Let’s not talk about it. I’ll be okay,” I said, as much to convince myself as my mother.
“Have you talked to Colin about how you feel?”
I couldn’t lie twice. Instead, I studied the cobblestone steps and the scuff on the tip of my shoe. “Not really. I mean, I think he knows.”
“Nothing is ever resolved by ignoring it.” Somehow Mom had become Tristan’s echo.
Though I’d already learned the hard way that pushing Colin would do more harm than good, I forced a smile of agreement. “He’s been really busy. He’s up for tenure.”
She leaned close, the smell of coffee coloring her breath. “It isn’t another woman, is it?”
I offered a slight shrug. What was I thinking, blabbing to Mom? Though she wasn’t argumentative, she was still tenacious and would wheedle me until I gave up all my secrets. How could I confess that I suspected his heart lay elsewhere, even when he was by my side every night?
I hadn’t peeked at his email again for any further signs of PinkBunny, and I hadn’t checked for texts, but I still noticed the flicker of fear in his eyes every time his cell phone chimed. I noticed the hard edge in his voice whenever I asked a question. I knew him—had always deeply known him—and his behavior wasn’t normal.
Only we were too far apart for me to come right out and say so.
“You need to confront the issue head-on—whatever it is.” Mom nodded her head, agreeing with herself.
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