The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

by Jennifer Hoopes

  “Sofie?”

  She turned a blurry gaze toward the man who stood patiently waiting for her to do something. Say something.

  “It’s so much,” she confessed.

  He wrapped her and Tyler up in a gentle hug. “I can only imagine what you’re feeling. But you’re strong.” He kissed her forehead. “And you have people here to help.”

  She pulled away, the comfort of his words too much. “Maybe I’ll take that water now.”

  He saluted and opened the door. Pausing, he met her gaze. “You know you and Tyler are welcome to move in with me. An extra set of hands is always a help.”

  Then he was gone, leaving her more confused than she’d ever been.

  …

  “So how are you feeling?”

  Sofie sipped her tea and eyed her sister over the rim. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

  Emily looked at her as if she were crazy. “Umm, because you just gave birth in a blizzard, two weeks early, in a town you traveled across the country to without the baby’s father?”

  “Well, when you put it like that.”

  Emily laughed and laid her nephew down in the Pack ’n Play. “Let me know when you feel like shopping.”

  Sofie ignored the guilt needling her chest. She’d accepted the Pack ’n Play and car seat as gifts from Emily and Shelby, but she knew she would have to get all the other stuff. She had a few clothes and bottles and necessities, but a nursery and swing and all the other things were beyond her at the moment. It was all stuff she should have gotten earlier and hadn’t. Now the guilt about that had her paralyzed in making decisions.

  “I will. Soon, definitely.”

  “I’m sure Dan would take you, too.”

  Sofie didn’t miss the gleam in her sister’s eyes. In fact, she hadn’t missed any of the gleams and sparkles any time she and Dan had been in public together since Tyler’s birth. It was a fairytale, they whispered. Him delivering Tyler in the middle of the storm. Her a single mom. Every look and whisper pricked at her and her independence. She didn’t want a white knight, no matter how handsome he happened to be. She wanted to stand on her own two feet.

  “It’s not his job.”

  Emily stared. “Of course it isn’t, but he would do it just the same.”

  She didn’t have the energy to argue with Emily. Quite frankly, she didn’t have energy period.

  Emily settled beside her and grabbed hold of her hand. “I think it’s time you told me.”

  “Told you what?”

  “Why you left Brent.”

  Sofie slid her hand away and stared at the teapot in the center of the coffee table. “Did you paint that?”

  “Stop changing the subject.”

  “There’s not much to tell. We’re divorced. He has no rights to Tyler.”

  “Then tell me why you lied about my wedding.”

  Damn. Way to punch her in the gut. She’d wanted to be with Emily that day. Hated with all her being that she’d missed such a joyous moment after all the tragedy in Emily’s life.

  “Because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want the questions, the speculation to mar your special day. I didn’t want you to know.”

  “That you were pregnant or that you were going through a divorce?”

  Both. Sofie nodded.

  “I’m your sister. I always have your back.”

  “I know. It’s part of the reason I came out here.”

  “Part?”

  “Well, that, and it put about three thousand miles between me and that bastard.”

  Emily’s eyes widened. “Did he hurt you?”

  Sofie shook her head, tears threatening to fall. Darn hormones. “Not physically.”

  Emily wrapped her up in a warm hug. “God, why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You had enough on your plate.”

  Emily pushed back and gripped her shoulders. “I will always have room on my plate for you.”

  Then it all came tumbling out. Everything from her belief in Brent changing his mind about wanting children over the years, to the control wrenched away little by little with clothes and money and friends, to the unexpected, on-birth-control pregnancy and his awful solution.

  “I lied at first and made plans. Kept up the charade. Filed the paperwork. And when he was served, I hit him with the parental rights. I offered to not make a peep so his ‘reputation’ was intact. He couldn’t sign the papers fast enough. Everything became official a week before I arrived here.”

  They cried for who knew how long, until Tyler’s whimpering broke them apart. Sofie eased up off the sofa, pushing through the aches and pains, and went to her little man.

  “Sof?”

  She looked from her son to her sister.

  “You don’t have to do this all alone.”

  Yes, I do. Relying on Dan and this town was all too easy, and they were making it even easier. It was time for her to walk the walk of all her talk. Stand up and make choices. Starting with…

  “Can I move in with you?”

  Emily dropped the towel she was folding.

  “Just temporarily, until I can find an apartment.”

  Emily nodded slowly, the question written all over her face. Sofie wasn’t going to answer it. She didn’t know why the urge came on so strong, but she was going with it. Now she just needed to figure out how to explain that to Dan. Her first instinct when he’d asked her to move in was to accept. Oh, how she had wanted to say yes. He was safe and strong and helpful, and she knew living with him would be easy.

  But as crazy hard as it might be, she needed to do this on her own.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Need some help?”

  Sofie let Dan’s voice wash over her and warm her from the inside out despite the winter chill. She soaked it all in, then squared her shoulders and faced him. “I’m good, but thanks for the offer.”

  His eyes traveled from her to the car and her luggage and back. His eyes widened, and he frowned. “You’re leaving?”

  She shut the trunk, shoving down the guilt eating at her. “No. Just moving in with Emily and Adam for a bit ’til I can find my own place.”

  “Oh.” He scuffed his boot on the ground, snow shifting to both sides. “You know—”

  She silenced him with her finger. “I know, and thank you.” She kissed his cheek and hurried into the car before he could turn those puppy-dog eyes on her. As she drove away from Sky Lake, she chanted over and over. It’s for the best, it’s for the best. It’s not like she wouldn’t see him. She didn’t want to stop seeing him. She just couldn’t let his easygoing nature slide under her control anymore.

  She pulled up to Emily’s cabin, and Adam stepped out onto the porch and waved. She liked her brother-in-law. Not just because he seemed to be a great guy, but because he worshiped Emily, and Emily deserved to be worshiped. One day maybe she, too, would be worshiped.

  You just left a guy who would worship you.

  She shook her head and undid her seatbelt. Dan didn’t worship her, and she hadn’t left him. They had a nice connection, one she would like to explore. But at a safe distance.

  Another cowboy joined Adam on the porch, and she recognized him as his brother, Levi.

  She climbed out slowly as they both came down the steps, boot heels ringing out.

  “Brought some help.”

  She smiled. “I’m afraid there’s not much to do.”

  They grabbed her meager belongings while she undid Tyler’s car seat.

  “Em set you up in the guest room. She’s teaching a class, but she said she’ll be home for dinner.”

  She let her gratitude show, despite the queasiness in her stomach. Thinking beyond one choice at a time was hard, as it had been her norm for so long. Moving in with Emily hadn’t quite translated in her mind as to moving with
a couple. Which meant there would be times when her sister wouldn’t be there, but her brother-in-law and his friends or family might.

  Following the two cowboys up the steps, she paused to catch her breath and let some of the pain subside. She’d refused any pain pills, as she was trying to nurse, but damn did some areas hurt.

  Levi and Adam put her bags on a simple, full-size bed. Tyler’s Pack ‘n Play was beside it, and a stuffed bear sat in the rocking chair across the room.

  Levi grinned at her. “Every little boy should have a teddy bear. Especially one wearing boots.”

  She glanced at the paws, and sure enough, a pair of blue cowboy boots covered the bottom ones.

  “Thank you, Levi. That was really sweet.”

  He nodded and left her and Adam alone.

  “He thinks of you like a sister. So don’t worry.”

  She looked at Adam until his meaning sank in. “Oh, I wasn’t, but thanks for telling me, just the same.”

  “I’ll let you get settled. We’re cooking buffalo steaks tonight. You’re not a vegetarian, are you?”

  She shook her head.

  “Great. Holler if you need anything.”

  He limped out of the room, and guilt sent her collapsing on the bed. He’d been injured recently, and here he was waiting on her in his house. Lord, she needed to find a place of her own as soon as possible.

  Laughter bounced around the walls of the cabin as Sofie attempted to swallow a bite of steak. It wasn’t that it was bad or dry or anything. It was the feeling of being the odd man out. Of not belonging. Being forced into this camaraderie had turned the deliciously tender meat into cotton.

  Levi did another impression, and the impromptu dinner party erupted once again. Sofie forced her lips into a smile, all the while wondering if it was too much for Tyler, who was resting in the Pack ’n Play a few feet away.

  “Best thing I did was keep it noisy for Melanie,” Peyton, Emily’s neighbor and dear friend, said.

  Sofie nodded, hoping the advice would end there. She had no doubt Peyton meant well, but she would figure things out on her own.

  “She could sleep anywhere, including during late-afternoon roundup, when the thundering hoofs about made you sick.”

  “Thanks for the tip.”

  Peyton smiled. “I’m surprised Dan didn’t come.”

  Sofie choked and reached for her glass. She hadn’t known Dan was invited, but now she knew he’d declined. Had she hurt him that badly by leaving, or in true Dan fashion, was he needed somewhere else? A small part of her knew it was the former. As close as they’d become, he wouldn’t have missed time with her and Tyler.

  She was saved from any type of response by her son wailing at the top of his lungs. She jumped from her seat before anyone could offer to help. Emily met her gaze and asked all the questions without words. Sofie ignored her and picked up her son, keeping her back to the party. The walls of the cabin seemed closer, the sounds muffled and taking over even simple thought. My God, she’d been here less than a handful of hours, and already she felt stifled.

  “Cards tomorrow, right?” she heard Peyton ask, and Emily and Adam responded affirmatively. Couple time. Here. Great.

  “Sofie, you want to join us?”

  She shook her head and walked to the patio doors. She could just make out the creek beyond the sloping yard. It was too cold to go out, but man, she wished she could put some space between her and the suffocating, well-meaning crowd behind her.

  She could see their reflections distorted in the glass. Emily had stood to clear the plates, and Adam dropped a kiss on her barely visible stomach. To the side of them, she could see Ryder whispering something in Peyton’s ear, causing her to giggle and slap his arm.

  Suddenly she had to be anywhere but surrounded by these happy couples in love, married with families. It was pulling the oxygen from the room, making her light-headed. She’d been a part of that couple once. Or so she’d thought. Now she distrusted any of it, even if her heart and intuition said these couples were the real deal. How could she ever trust herself to make the right choices if she second-guessed every single one of them?

  “Coffee?”

  Startled, Sofie stumbled back, and Levi caught her by the arm and steadied her.

  “I’m so sorry. I thought you saw me.”

  “No. Daydreaming, I’m afraid.” More like nightmares, but she wasn’t going to share that with him.

  He released her and extended a coffee mug in her direction.

  “No, thank you. I think little man and I are going to call it a night.”

  She said her farewells and thank-yous and let Peyton and Emily snuggle Tyler, then escaped to her room. Setting Tyler into his car seat, she paced the small space. Three steps, pivot; three steps, pivot. The routine calmed her nerves, which had taken off faster than a horse at the racetrack. This wasn’t how she was supposed to feel, claustrophobic in her sister’s own home. She’d come to Wyoming to be with Emily. To start her new life.

  She loved Fly Creek, and Lord knew she needed a place to stay temporarily, but this…here, smack dab in couple central…wasn’t going to work. She’d made a horrible mistake.

  …

  Dan threw the towel in the dryer and slammed it shut. He’d bought all new ones since the birth, not just because of necessity, but because he thought Sofie might appreciate them. He’d actually believed she might take him up on his offer for a temporary place to stay. He’d been a fool. She wanted to do things on her terms, and he respected that. Why wouldn’t she stay at her sister’s? Emily was her family.

  ’Cause you assumed you two had started something.

  Yes, he did. You didn’t kiss a woman to within an inch of her life, help her give birth, and hold her newborn son without thinking there might be something worth exploring.

  Well, apparently, Dan did.

  He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with milk. He wanted a beer, but he didn’t have any, and he was too damn lazy to hit up anywhere that might have some. Of course, there had probably been beer at Emily and Adam’s, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say yes to the dinner invite. Regardless of what he thought of Sofie’s motives, the rejection had still hurt. He hadn’t wanted to bring that to a joyous occasion, so he’d declined.

  Good, but not good enough. The phrase scraped his heart and punctured his soul. Different story, same ending. He forced air into his lungs and rubbed a palm down his chest, hoping to release some of the burn.

  He grabbed his banjo from its stand beside the table and settled into the chair. Plucking a few strings, he let the vibrations ping back to his fingers. This was stupid. This wallowing self-pity. Christmas was in little more than a week. Maybe he should be making future plans, not bemoaning lost ones. Besides, she hadn’t acted like it was goodbye. He’d seen that awareness in her eyes. Clearly, she wasn’t giving him the brush-off. This was just a living situation. Nothing more.

  He played one of Shelby’s favorite songs, letting the familiar rhythm soothe his churning emotions.

  A knock at the door sounded at the end of the chorus.

  He glanced at the clock as he rose from the couch. Just after nine and pitch black. Who the heck could it be?

  Yanking open the door, he stared, shocked, at a bundled-up Sofie, Tyler equally covered in his little car seat. He hurried them in and shut the door against the winter air.

  “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

  She blinked up at him several times, working her mouth, but nothing coming out.

  He rubbed her cold shoulder. “Sofie, what happened?”

  “Can I stay here until I find a place?”

  The break in her voice kept him from asking any more questions. “Of course you can.”

  “Just till I find a place.”

  He nodded, knowing anything other than
acceptance wasn’t what she was looking for right now.

  She circled around his couch and collapsed, Tyler beside her, still buckled in his car seat.

  “Do you have stuff in your car?”

  Glassy eyes looked back at him, and she nodded.

  He hurried out and grabbed the Pack ’n Play off her back seat, along with Tyler’s diaper bag. He placed them on the porch and ran back to pop her trunk so he could grab the two duffels inside. He knew she had more, but they must have still been at Emily’s.

  “That was quick,” he muttered to himself while balancing everything and shouldering through his front door.

  She didn’t even turn. Instead, she seemed focused on his fire, although Tyler now lay in the crook of her arm.

  “I’ll take these upstairs.”

  No response. God, she had to be dead on her feet. Had she slept more than a handful of hours since Tyler’s birth? He wasn’t sure what was going on with her, but he hated the feeling of helplessness eating away at him. He wished he could do more for her. Putting her stuff in the room next to his, he checked the bathroom, then remembered all the towels were in the dryer.

  He came back down to find Sofie pacing with Tyler.

  She looked up at him with heartbreaking eyes. “I don’t know what he wants.” Something in her tone told him she wasn’t just speaking about her son.

  “May I?” He reached out with slow, steady movements, and she handed him over readily. Huge clue that she wasn’t operating on full anything.

  Tyler squirmed and wriggled, punctuating his movements with a burst of wails.

  “I just fed him before I left,” Sofie explained, collapsing back on the couch.

  “Diaper?”

  “Changed,” she mumbled on a yawn.

  “Binky?” Yes, okay, he might have read a few baby books.

  “I didn’t want to use them if I didn’t have to.”

  “Okay. Totally your call.”

  “It’s in the bag,” she said as she laid her cheek on her hand on the arm of the sofa.