The Long Awaited Lord

by Deborah Wilson

  He’d done so much for her.

  She followed him to the small table in the kitchen and sat across from him. He held his cup in his grasp. His hands were so large that it all but vanished in his hold. There was a pinch in his brow as he stared down into the empty cup. He’d already drained it.

  “More?” she asked.

  He looked up. “I can get it.”

  She held out her hand and he reluctantly slid her the cup. His hand retreated before their fingers could touch. Once his glass was full, she sat once more.

  She watched him drink. She recalled the night Edmond was born and the way she and Leo had sat in the kitchen. She remembered how hungry she’d been and how rudely she’d devoured the large portions of food that Leo had brought to her. She recalled the story he’d shared about his mother and her lack of strength to stand up to his father. Had anyone ever stood up for him?

  He was protecting her, but who was protecting him?

  “Where did you go after you left?” she asked.

  “To see Wess. He was playing for the Countess of Goldbloom. I gave him your music.”

  She grinned. “I’d like to see him play one day.”

  “Thank you for the soup.” He wore a frown and didn’t look very grateful. “It was good.”

  “Would you like more?”

  He looked up and she could tell by his visage that the time for small talk was over. “First, I want you to know that you’re not in danger. Secondly, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to save your reputation, but… there isn’t one. I’m sorry.” He looked pensive. “If you stay in Oxford, you will suffer the shame of what has happened. It is unlikely you’ll marry and if you do, it will be to a man beneath your station. Your son will also suffer the cruelty of other children. Wealth will help, but I can assure you his peers will think him beneath them.”

  It was one thing for the ton to attack her, but she didn’t want that for her son. “How can you be sure that children would treat him unfairly?”

  “Have you ever met a bastard?”

  She shook her head. “Have you?”

  “Wess’ best mate is a bastard and wealthier than most of the men I know, including myself. According to Wess, George’s life isn’t easy, but most gentlemen would never dare to say anything to his face. Their family’s money is likely tied in his bank.” His gaze was studious. “I’m sorry, but unless you decide to become someone else completely and move very far away, there is no getting around this.”

  Madison’s heart raced and pain bit into her chest. If her parents helped, they’d have money, but Edmond didn’t own a bank. But if she changed who she was, Edmond could be free of the scorn of others. “You can give us new names?”

  He nodded. “You could move south, past London, or farther north. I’d help you.”

  “Can I think about it for a while?”

  He nodded. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

  Some of the pain eased. She wasn’t completely alone. “At least I’m no longer in danger.” Her life would be hard. People were not kind to women who lacked virtue. She wondered how this would affect her parents or her father’s standing in the eyes of his peers.

  Her mother could very well suffer. And suddenly, her good mood vanished once again. What had she and Judd been thinking? She’d been selfish to go after him, to fall for him. She’d loved him so much.

  “I wish he were here,” she whispered. “Everything would have been far easier if he were alive.”

  Leo didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to ask who ‘he’ was.

  She bit the inside of her lip. “It was so easy not to think about these things when I was with Judd,” Madison said. “All that mattered was being together.”

  “I imagined that was how it went,” Leo said. “Love can be blinding, or so I’ve been told…”

  “I love no one.” She remembered him saying those words to her. He sounded so convinced that Madison doubted that would ever change.

  Leo asked, “Do you still love him?”

  “I’ll always love him,” she said “But I spent the last few months separating myself from feeling anything. Since Edmond’s birth, I’ve felt everything and it’s not easy sorting it all out. However, sometimes I wonder…”

  “What?” Leo’s gaze was very attentive. He seemed to have abandoned the thoughts that had been roaming through his own mind to focus on her.

  “I wonder if he really loved me or if he was simply alone and I was available.”

  “He loved you.” He sounded sure. “I read the letter.”

  “He was grieving and alone…” And according to Matthew, he’d been harboring a great secret. He’d killed Matthew’s father. That was still hard to believe.

  “He loved you,” Leo said again. “Trust me, I saw the man’s portrait when I went to his home. He wouldn’t have had to go to such lengths to get a woman in his bed. With his title, wealth, and looks, there would have been little reason for him to lie to get a woman to sleep with him. That’s simply the truth.”

  Madison’s stomach turned. “I suppose you’re right. But then, why not marry me?”

  Leo leaned back and his expression became one she was used to. He was assessing the situation and calculating its outcome. He was so intelligent.

  She thought about the day he’d taken over her father’s class and how brilliantly he’d delivered his lesson. Now that she was no longer upset with him, she could admit that his shrewd behavior was very charming. Madison rubbed her hands together underneath the table and tried to ignore the pulsing between her thighs.

  His eyes had lost their focus but in a blink, it returned. “Maybe Judd was trying to protect you. He was in danger, after all. Matthew said he didn’t know where Judd was going the night he died. Do you?”

  Madison swallowed and nodded. “But don’t ask me where.” She cut off Leo’s question. “I don’t know what Judd was involved in, and I don’t want you involved in it either.”

  “I’m already involved, most likely.” Leo leaned an arm on the table. “I didn’t come to Oxford to rescue you. There is another reason for my presence, which you already know.”

  “The Circle.”

  “I missed dinner with Mr. Collins. I’ll have to make it up to him. Matthew thinks The Circle started at the school.”

  “You’ve pulled Matthew into this? Are you working with him?” The very idea made her chest burn. She didn’t want the man dead, but she didn’t relish the thought of her rescuer being close to her enemy.

  And Matthew was the enemy.

  ∫ ∫ ∫

  3 3

  * * *

  Rage burned in Madison’s belly. Matthew would forever be her enemy.

  “He’s letting you go,” Leo said slowly, as though reading her mind. “Tomorrow, the papers in Oxford will read that you and Matthew were never married. He took you in to protect you and the baby. Your child is Judd’s, and he wanted to protect you from the killer—”

  She scoffed. “Protect me? He tormented me for months, and I’d never done anything to deserve it.”

  “He’s hurting, and I think he feels bad about it.”

  Her eyes widened. “You’re taking his side? He tried to take my baby!”

  “Madison.” His voice remained calm. “You’ve won. He’s alone. He’s lost everything.”

  She stood and walked away. “I nearly lost everything and if he comes near me again, he will lose everything.”

  “Madison.”

  She turned and was startled to find him right behind her. His hand was out, as though he meant to touch her. She stilled and readied herself for his hand. She wanted it.

  But then he let it fall. “I know it is going to take some time, but you should think about forgiving him. People make mistakes.”

  People did make mistakes, but what Matthew did went beyond a mistake. “He’s revolting. He nearly took my son. Why do I need to forgive him?”

  “Never mind that for the moment. I need to know that you are g
oing to go along with our plan,” Leo said. “You’ll need to convince people that Matthew was only trying to help.”

  Matthew would become the hero in this tale when that was far from the truth. He’d kept her from her family. He’d done everything he could to make her life miserable. It was nothing short of a miracle that her son survived the womb.

  It was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn’t jumped from her second-floor window. She thanked God that she’d been strong enough to quiet the voices that whispered for her to end it all. To give up.

  She couldn’t forgive Matthew. Not now, at least. She was certain forgiveness was what God wanted, but… She straightened. Her feelings didn’t matter at the moment. “I’ll go along with the story. I’ll do anything to keep my baby.”

  His features calmed. “I thought you would.”

  She turned away and pulled in a breath shaky breath. Her emotions had been battering at her for the last hour. She needed to rest. “I didn’t know if you’d ever come back, but I had a room prepared for you just in case.”

  When he didn’t respond, she looked to him. “You are staying here, aren’t you?”

  “I hadn’t planned to, no. I bought this place for you. I was going to rent a room from the inn close to town.”

  She shook her head. “That’s a waste of good coin. Besides, it would look strange to Mrs. Wilson for my own brother to be sleeping elsewhere.”

  “But I’m not your brother anymore,” he said. “We don’t have to lie.”

  Heat grazed her skin, and she had to stop her hand from fanning herself. “Well, you have a room here either way.”

  “It’s my room?” he asked in surprise. “Or do you mean a guest room?”

  She didn’t understand his confusion. “What guest would I have brought here? I was hiding from the world. Only Mrs. Wilson and Mr. Trim have seen me and they live next door. They wouldn’t need a room. The room is yours. I even decorated it, though it isn’t much. Mr. Trim knew a couple who were getting rid of things and bought a cart of their belongings over for me to pick and sort through.”

  He still looked perplexed. “I’ll go get my bag. I wish to see it.”

  Not understanding why he was making much ado about a room, she shook her head and waited for him to return. His carpetbag was the same one Edmond had slept in when they’d left Matthew. She led the way and then opened the door. The lamp lit in an instant.

  It was a basic room done in white, creams, and deep green.

  “I found a few sheets of music. They had some old frames, but the paintings were ruined so I put the music in the frames. I thought you’d like that. I know you can’t read music, but a few of the pieces are Bach.”

  He’d dropped the bag in one of the empty corners a second ago. He stood staring at one of the framed music sheets. He reached out and touched the frame before turning to look at the rest of the room.

  Madison crossed her arms as her pulse rushed. “Do you like it?” Now she was making much ado about the situation. It was just a room.

  Finally, he turned to her. “I do. Thank you.”

  She sighed and the tension in her shoulders eased “Shall you be braving whatever breakfast I make in the morning or will you be eating elsewhere?”

  He chuckled. “I’m sure whatever you make will be excellent.”

  Her skin prickled. She grabbed one side of the doorframe with both hands. “That’s intimidating.”

  “It shouldn’t be.” He approached her and leaned a hand on the same side of the doorframe just above hers. “You’ve shown great tenacity and have surprised me more than anyone else has managed to. I’m starting to think there’s nothing you can’t do, Madison.”

  Why did her name always sound like a purr from his mouth?

  She was such a wanton. One night with Judd and she’d become hooked on physical pleasure. The need had been great throughout her pregnancy. She kept her gaze low so that Leo wouldn’t see it in her eyes.

  “We’ll eat and then we’ll go talk to your parents,” Leo said.

  She lifted her chin even as her heart stopped. “I can see them tomorrow?”

  He nodded. “I imagine they’ll want you and the child—”

  “Edmond,” she said. “Edmond Leo.”

  He placed a hand on the doorframe and took a deep breath. His voice was different when he spoke again. Soft and strained. “I imagine they’ll want you to live with them, but take your time making your decision.”

  Madison nodded. It seemed like years had passed since she’d seen her family. She’d had to stop herself from thinking about them in order to keep her spirits up. Mrs. Wilson and even Mr. Trim had helped alleviate the pain and feeling of loneliness.

  And now Leo was here. She didn’t feel alone anymore.

  In fact, she felt her worries slipping away as she stared into his eyes. She had the most beautiful guardian angel. The cut of his cheekbones and deep-set eyes gave him a slightly sinister look. Yet his mouth looked soft, and she wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by him.

  Would he be gentle?

  Realizing she was staring at his mouth, she lifted her gaze.

  His eyes were dark. “I thought you didn’t see me like other men?”

  “I don’t,” she whispered. Uncertainty made her nervous. “It would be unfair to compare you with other men.”

  He leaned down until their noses were an inch from touching. “And what do you see when you look at me?”

  “Bad things,” she murmured. “Terribly bad things.” She knew what he was capable of and still, she wanted him. Maybe she wanted him more because of it. She was tired of being scared and Leo seemed more than able to keep those bad things away from her.

  He smiled and then dipped forward. She closed her eyes as he ran his nose against hers. The simple caress felt far more intimate than a kiss. But then his hand cupped the back of her neck and he kissed her.

  She placed her arms around his broad shoulders and slipped her fingers through his hair as the storm of his need broke over her. He groaned. He was not gentle.

  His kiss assaulted her mind and became controlled by his touch. She opened her mouth and his tongue plundered, seeking and finding the heart of her desire.

  He pulled his mouth away, looked into her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Go to your room.”

  Her mind worked to put meaning to his words. “What?”

  “What am I thinking? You just had a baby. You’re not ready for this. We shouldn’t do this at all.” He’d yet to release her.

  But he was right.

  She needed time... and they shouldn’t have started this.

  “Go to your room.”

  She couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if she didn’t do exactly as he said. She could go but leave the door unlocked, dare him to join her.

  Part of her wanted to be held, but she knew that was dangerous.

  Why was she so weak around men?

  But that wasn’t true. She’d never wanted Matthew. She’d thought she’d only ever want Judd.

  At the moment, she could barely remember what Judd looked like. Which was awful, considering she’d just given birth to his son.

  Leo was watching her face. “Whatever you’re thinking now, I want you to keep that in mind. You were right. I’m capable of bad things, Madison. I want you. A few weeks from now, I can offer you pleasure, but I could never be what you ultimately desire. I could never be Judd.”

  She didn’t want Judd, but she understood what he meant. He wasn’t offering her marriage.

  She wondered if the fact that she’d had a baby affected his desire for her. It should, shouldn’t it?

  He pulled away. “Good night.”

  She turned away and went to her room. She heard his door close and lock behind her. Was it to keep her out?

  Madison stepped into her room and saw her son asleep in the crib. Her thoughts immediately went to her parents. They’d be happy to see the baby. The scandal wouldn’t matter to them. She kne
w they loved her.

  She found comfort in that thought as she went to sleep.

  ∫ ∫ ∫

  3 4

  * * *

  “This is lovely.” Madison looked around the carriage. The interior was done in red silk. The brown leather was soft and most importantly, it was warm.

  “It’s being loaned to me from a friend,” Leo told her.

  Madison stopped rocking the baby and glared at him. “Not Matthew, I hope. I don’t know any other friends of yours in this area.” Her anger burned true.

  Though he knew he shouldn’t, he found Madison arousing when angry. Her dark brows were pulled together. Her nose was wrinkled. He liked her face. She had the look of a woman with deep cheekbones and a pouty mouth.

  That mouth that been soft underneath his last night.

  But Leo swore to himself that he wouldn’t touch her again. Their paths had crossed for a reason. He’d saved both her and Matthew from making a terrible mistake. Once this was over, they would go their separate ways.

  He doubted he’d ever see her again even if he chose to take the offer of a professorship at Oxford. If she remained, she’d be a social pariah. He wouldn’t have to worry about seeing her at parties or dinners.

  Hopefully, there would be people who didn’t care for society’s rules, people like Mrs. Wilson.

  Leo and Madison hadn’t read the paper that morning, but while Madison was in her room, Mrs. Wilson had come over and told them what it had contained.

  The old woman had narrowed her eyes at Leo and said, “I knew you weren’t her brother.” Then she’d dropped off a blue dress she’d made for Edmond, touched Leo’s cheek with a look of gratitude in her gaze, and left.

  He’d thought to ask Mrs. Wilson to bring the paper over, but he hadn’t wanted her walking in the cold again.

  Edmond was currently wearing Mrs. Wilson’s gift underneath his furs. He was handsomely prepared to meet his grandparents.

  Leo believed remaining with her parents would be Madison’s first choice. They were her family. He knew she had friends as well, but she could choose to leave.