The Way of a Seducer

by Hans Comyn

  ON BEAUTY

  Life is not about collecting toys.

  Life is about the people you meet and the memories you make.

  Life is about the beauty you have seen.

  the landscapes that take your breath away

  the song that sings to you

  the woman you fell in love with

  the joy you share with others

  the bliss on your own face

  Magic may be rare,

  but beauty is everywhere.

  Believe in beauty,

  let it move you,

  and always move towards it.

  ON WOMEN

  Trying to understand women is like staring into a starry night.

  A man without a clue on how to look will experience only confusion,

  whereas an astronomer will see perfectly clear.

  The most brilliant way of all, though, is to behold Her beauty.

  ON CURIOSITY

  Are you curious about your life, or are you judgmental of it?

  Does your desire to be surprised prevail over your need to know?

  Are you in awe for the mystery of this magical world,

  bearing witness to its beauty,

  or are you trying to figure things out?

  Do you desperately seek the answers to your questions,

  or can you enjoy raising the issue and sharing your experiences, inclusive of others?

  Are you frustrated for not getting it,

  or do you realize you are exactly where you need to be, sitting in the question?

  Are you enthusiastic about your journey in the land of women,

  or do you attempt to take care of it once and for all?

  Do you strategize how to get past women’s walls,

  or do you share your curiosity, confusion and joy with her, reveling in the encounter?

  Are you able to stay present and hold space?

  Are you intent on taking, sharing, or giving?

  Do you criticize the women in your life, or do you have empathy for them?

  How prepared are you to alter the assumptions you have about them right now?

  Do you waste your words on women who are not ready to listen, or do you save your light for where it is invited?

  Have you labeled these words by now, filing them under ‘like’, ‘dislike’... or can you allow them to raise new questions?

  Curiosity cures and is contagious.

  Choose curiosity and it begets more curiosity.

  Dare to love, dare to care, dare to be curious.

  ON EMPATHY

  To love is to suspend judgment.

  Seduction, romance in marriage, eroticism and friendship, fidelity or loyalty, commitment versus freedom…

  The relational and love issues we think, talk and write about have no transparency - they are not made of clearly delineated matters of fact. They are issues that affect us, matters of concern we want to explore and discuss.

  Each topic generates an amazing pattern of emotions and disruptions, of confusion and misunderstandings. Each thing triggers new opportunities to passionately differ and dispute.

  Yet, each discord also offers a chance to strengthen your affinity to the other.

  We all share the desire to be heard, seen, felt,

  and we are probably more akin to each other by that longing than by any other set of desires, beliefs, values, opinions, attitudes or principles.

  We all crave empathy across the table.

  We yearn for that shared experience.

  And so each dialogue spawns new ways of connecting and achieving closure without having to agree on much else.

  When you allow the other the space for personal expression.

  When you are willing to understand, committed to connection.

  When you are ready to listen, without judgment.

  When you are à l’écoute.

  That commitment to connection is the crux of our relationships.

  Without empathy, all is lost.

  With empathy, anything is possible.

  Trying to find your way in love is like walking through a dark forest.

  It feels better to hold someone’s hand,

  even though you still have no clue where you are going.

  ON QUESTIONS

  While the answer is the weapon of choice either side of a dispute,

  questions conceive a middle ground where two parties meet.

  When the answer is overpowering, domineering, and short-circuiting the political process of making choices,

  questions favor closure for all.

  Where the answer makes all concerned lose in a self-righteous attempt to defeat the other,

  questions allow for a win-win.

  The answer is boring and disconnects, while questions are inter-esting, connecting humans with each other.

  People do not gather around the answer; they gather around concerns.

  The answer, then, is none of your concern.

  Can you explore the ineffable without offering the answer?

  ON TRUTH

  Never let the truth get in the way of a good seduction.

  Les faits sont faits.

  Facts are as fabricated as artifacts,

  there is no truth that is not human made,

  and a man who prides himself on telling the truth is about to be exposed.

  The truth is a metaphor in disrepair,

  drained of its sensuous power,

  and to tell the truth is an affliction, a rhetorical hatchet disguised as virtue,

  that destroys both connection and seduction.

  Everything you believe to be true is true, but there is no single truth that matters.

  Let’s not kill the romance in the name of truth.

  More than seeking the truth, be true to yourself and the other.

  Sincerity is a virtue, and a seducer’s sincerity is with seduction.

  ON TRUST

  No seduction should be deterred by the truth,

  but a seducer never plays with a woman’s heart.

  What matters most here is that she trusts your word and to never betray that trust.

  This is also the place of honesty.

  Honesty is not simply laying out the truth or a one-sided decision to speak your truth.

  Honesty is a relational approach, much more about not hiding your intentions and not being afraid to express your truth, than about bluntly speaking it.

  In the pursuit of money, we abandoned beauty.

  In the name of truth, we forgot the story.

  In our zeal to be open, we stopped seducing.

  If beauty is of any value next to truth,

  then your ability to seduce matters as much as your honesty.

  ON THE ART OF SEDUCTION

  I see three phases in a life devoted to the art of seduction.

  Three stages in becoming a masterful seducer.

  The three stages differ from each other by the seducer’s focus and his intention when he encounters Her. Each phase can also be distinguished by the questions pondered.

  In the beginning, a man looks to conquer that girl because he thinks she will provide him with something he misses. He attempts to please her in order to get from her what he thinks he needs.

  He mulls over the question ‘Does she like me?’, and his behavior is rooted in scarcity and anxiety.

  His focus is on her, but his intention is to take something from her for himself.

  In this initial phase, it may look like he cares about her, but every persuasion is really about him.

  A man in this early phase can hardly be called a seducer, as he contributes to the bad reputation of this sacred art.

  In the middle stage, a man turns his focus inward. Instead of fixating on getting with her, he concentrates on his own growth, and women become secondary to the expression of himself.

  When a man directs some of that self-reflection to the art of seduction, he seeks to understand how he can grow as a seducer. He shifts his
attention from skills and techniques - trying to say and do the things that work - to expanding his seductive traits and becoming his most captivating self.

  He asks himself ‘What do I want?’, ‘How can I become a better seducer?’,

  ‘Does this girl help me thrive?’… ‘Do I like her?’. His anxiety ebbs away as he experiences more abundance, and he grows in self-acceptance and love.

  In other words, the seducer shifts his focus from her to himself, but it remains his intention to get from her what he wants, or thinks he needs.

  A man in this intermediate phase can be called a seducer, as he attracts the women that are good for him, and he shares memorable experiences with them.

  There is a third stage however - the most magnificent of all - but nearly all of us are too self-absorbed to ever attain this level. We never tap into our full seductive prowess.

  In this last phase, the seducer shifts his intention and focus outward, toward Her and the seduction at play. He discovers the beauty and power of self-effacing attentiveness and cultivates himself in order to be at the service of the seduction.

  When a seducer loves himself enough, he gains the strength to look outward and give.

  He gets a sense of the ancient dance of seduction and how to adjust his steps to each woman that accepts his invitation. He moves from taking, then sharing, to giving, and seduction becomes his way to practice love.

  As in the initial phase, the seducer focuses on her, but no longer out of scarcity and anxiety, but from a place of abundance and love.

  In this final phase, a man wonders ‘What can I do to make Her shine?’, and ‘What is my role in this seduction?’... ‘How can I be of service to You?’.

  Artistic seduction does not feed off the insecurities of the other; it provides pleasure and makes the partner radiate.

  In his pursuit of mastery, this man is able to seduce more and more women, much like an adroit dancer who makes each of his partners look like a star, even if they have never danced before.

  This ultimate stage is the stage of beauty. The seducer no longer looks at seduction as a finite piece of knowledge to be completed but as the infinite accretion of experiences with beauty.

  He has no thoughts of pride but with gratitude and delight he looks for mystery, he looks to be enchanted, to be seduced... he seeks beauty.

  This man knows the Way of a Seducer to the end.

  If your goal is only to get with girls, to take from women, then whatever you can take or get away with, loses meaning as soon as you get it. However, when you seek to get women, to become a seducer and to give the gift of seduction, you enter a realm of ever-increasing gratification.

  ON YOUR WAY

  Seduction is initially an exercise in self-expression, and the Way of a Seducer is in carving your own, authentic approach to meeting, connecting, and relating to women.

  Nobody can teach you your seductive ways. Nobody can pave the path for you, and you should never allow it. It is your way and yours alone. In every encounter with Her, search for yourself, by yourself.

  You have the right to make your own mistakes. In fact, it is your duty, so if it all ends up in the valley of tears, at least you know they are your own.

  Somebody else can inspire you to shape your own way, walk part of the path with you, but the quest for your own authentic approach to seduction is ultimately a very solitary one.

  Everybody dreams their own dream, and maybe no solitude is as profound as that of a seducer carving his way into the land of women, but only when he accepts that he is fundamentally alone, will he be able to seduce and be seduced.

  When a man is at peace with his unique solitude, he is able to learn from different ways, and be more and more in accord with himself.

  Then, through his encounters, he will find his seductive ways.

  He will come into his own.

  ON AUTHENTICITY

  Your authentic self is your attractive self,

  and no better occasion than the encounter with a beautiful woman for your authenticity to become apparent and be sculpted.

  It is in these encounters that you discover and create your authenticity.

  It is in this manner, that you carve your attractive self.

  Stage One

  Seduction as a practice in Self-expression

  ON YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

  Everything you believe to be true is true.

  Everything you believe to be true about your life, your past, your circumstances, this encounter, about That Woman… is true.

  It is all true, and it does not matter.

  What matters is what you want your life to look like.

  What matters is the world you choose to live in.

  You are not held down by your specific circumstances or commitments.

  Not by your past, your problems, lack of skill or confidence.

  What keeps you back is that you have chosen to disregard your most compelling urges to move forward anyway. You have forborne listening to your heart’s desire. You are not committed to what you want.

  So, what do you ache for?

  What is your supreme concern?

  What matters more than anything else?

  Allow the answer to pull you forward,

  and discover that where there’s a will, there’s a way.

  ON CHOICE

  Choose choice.

  To escape the clamp of your circumstances and beat the baton of luck,

  make a decision today that everything you do is the issue of your choice.

  A seducer does not simply float around in life,

  waiting and wishing to get lucky.

  He does not merely react.

  He does not whine, complain or seek pity.

  He does not blame others, call upon his commitments or his circumstances.

  He does not make excuses.

  He celebrates that he is ultimately and unequivocally in charge of his choice, and makes sure there is no discrepancy between what he wants to do and what he thinks he has to do.

  He chooses the world he lives in.

  ON DEATH

  Life is so short, you’ll be damned if you waste it playing small.

  Death is always at your door, and you would be remiss to act as if you are going to live forever. The clock is ticking…

  To accept and be mindful of your forthcoming death - not fearing it - will give you the impetus to move forward with immediacy, love and strength.

  You will let what does not matter truly… slide… away.

  If you were constantly cognizant of your pending death,

  would you not chase your dreams with all the fervor you can summon?

  Would you not go with all your might after what you love and let it kill you?

  Would you settle for good enough with your partner?

  Would you be afraid to go and talk to that girl?

  When wise to your imminent death, problems disappear. Circumstances stop holding you back. Excuses, you no longer make.

  Consider yourself every day as dead, find in it the answer to what you ache for, and let it beckon you. Let it seduce you in all respects.

  To find something worth dying for makes it magical to live.

  ON MEANING

  A man’s chance for salvation comes the day he finds relevance,

  the day he can attribute meaning to his life.

  Information is cheap, but meaning is priceless.

  The open sea awaits us all...

  ON PURITY OF MIND

  Purity of mind is all-powerful.

  Purity of mind grants you enthusiasm and builds the strength to carry you through hard times.

  Cultivate your will to power by purifying your mind.

  Most men lack in enthusiasm and strength because they are constantly distracted.

  They are scattered and lack in focus. Their mind is not pure.

  The first step to becoming good at anything is to become focused.

  The first step to becoming focused is to
minimize complications.

  Declutter your life.

  Stop doing what you do not love.

  Renounce the things that do not matter.

  Get rid of it all: the stuff, the toxic relations, the activities that have no relevance, the inhibiting thoughts.

  Purify.

  This requires your daily attention and grooming.