Nameless

by Claire Kent

  Wondered again how she’d ever believed this man was cold and heartless—when the heat, the emotion, leashed beneath his polished surface was threatening to scorch her into ashes.

  It would consume her. All of her. All of her strongholds. Until there was nothing left.

  She wanted the fire, but she didn’t want to be consumed.

  “Seth, I do love you. I do.”

  “Good.” He reached out and cupped her face with one hand.

  She leaned into it briefly and then pulled it down and twisted her hand with his. “But I don’t think we should move too fast.”

  “I said we don’t have to rush anything.”

  “I know. But are you sure? Are you sure that’s okay? I don’t want to lead you on or—”

  “Erin, you’ve never led me on. Admitting love doesn’t necessarily mean we’re together for the rest of our lives. I’m not stupid, you know.”

  “I know. So you’re sure you’re fine if we just take it day by day?”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m not ready to move in with you or any—”

  He arched an eyebrow in an expression that was both adorable and obnoxious. “Have you heard me even ask you to move in?”

  “And I’m not ready for a commitment. Is that all right?”

  “Yes,” he began, stretching the word out longer than normal. “But we’d be together for real, right? We’d commit to at least not dating anyone else?”

  She stiffened. “Of course.”

  “Good.” He smiled, the momentary tension in his shoulder softening. “Then I’m perfectly happy taking it day by day.”

  She squeezed his hand, relaxing at last as she saw that he meant it.

  Maybe this didn’t have to consume her after all. She could love him and still have enough of her strongholds to be safe.

  “Because I want to be with you but I don’t want to—”

  “Erin, stop.” He reached over for her and pulled her onto his lap until she was straddling his hips. “There’s no pressure. No guilt. Just hearing you say you love me is better than anything I could ever imagine, and you’re dragging me down from my high with all of this angsting. Can we please just enjoy what we have?”

  “Sounds good to me.” She laughed warmly and kissed him. Started rubbing her body against his, a deep pressure building up inside her—centered in her heart and between her legs.

  The panic had subsided behind her defenses. She was fine. This was fine.

  She was allowed to love him this way.

  Smiling against his lips, she asked, “So, does this mean we can have a lot more sex?”

  “I certainly hope so,” he replied, one hand moving up to her breast. “I’ve been rather deprived on that level recently.”

  “So have I,” Erin agreed, stroking down his chest and belly until she found his groin. Discovered he was starting to harden. “Twice in six months.”

  Seth grunted and leaned his head back against the sofa, watching her with deep, tender eyes. “Four times in nine months,” he added. “Hopefully, now we can start making up for lost time.”

  “Definitely.” Erin was growing more and more aroused, just from gazing down at his hot, relaxed form. “So should we do it on the couch? And I get to be on top?”

  He smiled. “If you want.”

  She rubbed herself against his hard groin, and she had pushed off his jacket and was just starting to unbutton his shirt when she heard a sound that was most unwelcome.

  Mackenzie started to wail from the nursery.

  Erin slumped against him and grew still, listening intently. “Please, pumpkin. Not now. Please not now.”

  Mackenzie kept squalling.

  “Should we check on her?” Seth asked, his voice slightly stiff.

  “Let’s wait for a minute. Sometimes she’ll settle down and fall back to sleep.”

  They waited, Erin still straddling Seth and his hands still cupping her ass.

  But the baby’s cries didn’t get any softer. In fact, they became more intense until Erin recognized them as anguish.

  Every instinct in her body screamed at her to go to her daughter, so Erin untangled herself from Seth. “Poor thing. I better check on her.”

  She stumbled the first few steps, still totally caught up in their previous embrace. Glancing back at his slouching form, she murmured, “If I’d known we were going to...to get together this evening, I would have gotten a babysitter.”

  ***

  Mackenzie had a very bad case of diarrhea.

  It was a few hours later when they were finally able to put her back to bed—after having cleaned up quite a mess and a couple more messes that followed, comforted her, and made sure she wasn’t still sick.

  Erin told Seth he could go on home afterwards, but he wouldn’t leave. So she showered first. Then, while he showered, she turned out most of the lights in her bedroom and crawled into bed, feeling both restless and almost at peace. Unable to fully process everything that had happened—the trauma, the admission of love, a very sick baby—Erin lay in a kind of stupor, just on the edge of sleep.

  A few minutes later, Seth came into the dark bedroom. Erin was on her side, facing the opposite direction, but she heard him approach the bed. Then felt the mattress shift as he got under the covers beside her.

  He rolled over until he was spooning her from behind, one of his arms draped over her.

  She grabbed his forearm and hugged it against her chest. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he replied, a smile in his voice.

  “I’m not sure I’m up for sex tonight,” she said reluctantly. “I was, but after Mackenzie, and all the diapers, and—”

  “It’s okay.” His bare chest was warm against the back of her shoulders. “We can just sleep if you’d like.”

  Pressing a kiss into his palm, Erin felt another wash of guilt and worry. Began, “Seth, are you sure it’s all right that I’m not ready—”

  “Stop,” he said curtly. “This is what I want. You are what I want.”

  Erin released a long breath. “I want you too.”

  Then she just lay with Seth and wondered how the universe had given her this.

  It wasn’t perfect. Wasn’t a fairytale or some sappy, romantic story. She still felt a glimmer of panic whenever she thought about what loving this man might mean, how much of herself she would have to give up.

  But this was still good. Seemed right. Made her happy.

  And evidently made Seth happy too.

  She felt him shifting behind her. Felt his bare legs sliding against hers.

  Then felt something different in the heat of his body—something tense and coiled.

  Started to wonder if he had any clothes on.

  “Are you naked?” she inquired, reaching down under the covers so she could feel at his hip.

  He was. Naked. She felt the flesh of his firm ass beneath her fingers.

  “I didn’t have anything to wear to bed,” he explained smoothly, an edge of amusement in his voice.

  “What about your underwear?”

  “I didn’t think about that.”

  Erin huffed. “Well, I hope you don’t think your nakedness is going to seduce me. I’m exhausted and kind of in a daze.”

  “Perfectly all right. I wouldn’t dream of seducing you with my nakedness. I’m tired too.”

  Shifting her hips, Erin rubbed her butt against Seth’s groin. “It doesn’t feel like all of you is tired.”

  “Involuntary physical response,” Seth explained matter-of-factly. “Just ignore it.”

  Erin couldn’t ignore it. She kept shifting restlessly, feeling his erection pushing against her.

  And she was starting to wonder if she even wanted to ignore it.

  If only she wasn’t quite so tired and drained.

  “Well,” she relented, feeling a tight pressure develop between her legs as she kept feeling Seth’s cock—now at the juncture where her thighs met her ass. “Maybe I’m a little bit in the mood. But, seriou
sly, I don’t have much energy. If we do anything, it can’t be wild and sexy.”

  “Nothing wild and sexy,” Seth replied agreeably, his hand sliding up to cup one of her breasts. “You won’t even have to move.”

  Erin snorted in amusement. “Sounds hot.” She was sort of rocking back against him now, an arousal building up at her center as she felt his body behind her, as she felt his skillful fingers on her nipple.

  “Believe me,” Seth murmured huskily, his voice as sensual as a caress. “It will be.”

  Erin felt a tingling thrill at his words and moaned softly as she moved her head against the pillow. Her thighs kept rubbing together, and she started rocking back rhythmically into the little pushes Seth was making against her ass.

  He bent his neck so he could nuzzle the side of her throat, his mouth warm and wet and delicious. His lips found her pulse and he sucked on it, his tongue fluttering in a way that made Erin groan and arch back against him.

  Then Seth’s hands started moving more purposefully, stroking over her breasts, her belly, her hips, her thighs—teasing her into a pulsing arousal.

  Her eyes were still blurry, her eyelids heavy and tired. And her mind was in a hot kind of exhausted daze, her body moving purely on instinct.

  It wasn’t long before Seth slid his hand between her legs, nudging at her pussy. Found it wet and swollen—more than ready for him.

  Without speaking, he rolled away from her briefly and opened the drawer to her nightstand. Found the condoms she kept there.

  Erin rolled over onto her back and waited.

  It was silent in the room, except the mingled texture of their breathing, when Seth moved over her, easing her thighs apart to make room for him.

  Slid his cock inside, the hard substance of it stroking her inner flesh.

  Erin released a husky moan of pleasure and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her hips gave a few involuntary pumps up against his pelvis, longing for friction to ease the throbbing ache at her center.

  Then Seth started to thrust into her, his motion steady and constant. He hadn’t started as slowly as normal, but he wasn’t out of control either. His cock slid in and out of her clinging pussy with a satisfying cadence.

  His breathing accelerated, became faster and louder above her.

  Erin gasped as a feeling deepened in her chest. Recognized it as love.

  She tightened her fingers on the back of his neck. Felt her hips pumping in time with his thrusts, despite her fatigue.

  Overwhelmed with the sensations of being filled and surrounded by Seth, Erin kept her eyes opened, wanting to share this with him, wanting to witness his pleasure.

  He leaned down until he could meet her lips. Kissed her deeply. Clumsily. Their tongues tangled as their mouths moved against each other’s, the rhythm of the kiss somehow matching the rhythm of their motion.

  The kiss broke off, leaving both of them gasping desperately. Seth began to grunt softly, pulling one of her thighs up to give him better penetration.

  Her emotions were even stronger than her physical sensations. She arched with the pleasure of it.

  She wasn’t going to come, though.

  She could have rubbed her clit and probably gotten there, but she didn’t have the energy.

  She didn’t care about coming. Just wanted to be close to him.

  Seth’s breath was hot and damp against her skin, and his cock was driving into her—not forcefully, but powerfully.

  She gazed up at him. Saw the deep, hot intensity in his eyes.

  Knew what it meant.

  Knew he must see the same thing in her eyes, as she was flooded by feelings of possessiveness and tenderness.

  “Seth,” she breathed. Had nothing else she could say, but knew she didn’t have to. Knew he’d understand.

  “Can you come, baby?”

  “No. You come.” When he looked like he would argue, she tightened her inner muscles around his cock. “Come, Seth.”

  His face twisted as his pelvis jerked against her. Then he came.

  Erin felt his climax pulse through him. Heard him choke on a strangled exclamation. Saw his expression transform before he buried his face in her neck.

  He clung to her trembling body. And she clung to him.

  Didn’t want to let him go, even when he tried to pull up to withdraw his softening cock and take care of the condom.

  She let him go, of course, and lay shuddering in damp exhaustion until he returned to the bed and turned her onto her side so he could spoon her. His body was hot, relaxed, almost pliant behind her.

  Erin darted her head back to give him a quick kiss on the chin, her sense of irony returning in the wake of all the intensity of the evening. “Well, it was very nice, but I had to move a little.”

  Seth chuckled. “Very sorry. I’ll try to do better next time.”

  Hugging his forearm against her chest—since it was the only part of his body she could hug in this position—Erin was suddenly overwhelmed with tenderness, with affection.

  She slanted a warm, teasing look back at him. “You know what?”

  “What?” Seth murmured, pressing a few little kisses into the part of her face he could reach.

  “I think I love you.”

  Seth chuckled warmly again and mumbled against her skin. “Same here.”

  Despite her tender feelings, Erin recognized that he hadn’t actually voiced the words.

  He never had. Not once.

  She somehow understood. He had his strongholds too—and one of his was keeping himself from being vulnerable.

  He loved her too, but he was holding a little bit back.

  It was okay. It made it safer for her—since she wanted to hold a little back too.

  They’d always understood each other.

  “You know what I think,” he said.

  She made a humming sound in response, since she wasn’t feeling energetic enough to say more.

  “You call yourself a cynic—”

  “A realist.”

  “A realist,” he corrected, “But you’re really a romantic.”

  She stiffened indignantly. “I am not.”

  “Sure you are. Why else would you think that saying you loved me meant everything had to be wrapped up in a pretty bow?”

  She pondered that enigma for a long time. Part of her admitted he might have a point, but she wasn’t about to say it out loud. “I’m not a romantic.”

  “If you say so.” There was a smile in his voice.

  “Don’t be smug.”

  Seth settled her more snugly against him. Said in a drowsy voice, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “You might be a romantic too, you know.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  Erin was feeling drowsy too, but she couldn’t help but laugh. Couldn’t wait to go to sleep. Couldn’t believe that Seth was in bed with her and that it wasn’t just one in a series of random fucks. He’d be there in the morning. For her. For Mackenzie. For both of them.

  And Erin could be there for him too. She was actually allowed to be.

  Seth was right.

  What they had was real.

  And it didn’t matter that it wasn’t all the way.

  Nineteen

  “My personal life is not your business, Marcus,” Erin said into the phone.

  “I wasn’t trying to pry. Just trying to be a friend.”

  Her ex-husband had called her up for no apparent reason while she was sitting on a park bench on her lunch hour. They talked every couple of months, but this was the second time he’d called in two weeks.

  Erin was quite sure they’d never be friends, but she tried to be mature and reasonable in order to maintain a civil relationship.

  So she didn’t snap his head off the way she wanted. “Yes, Seth and I are dating.”

  “Is it serious?”

  Her relationship with Seth since her admission of feelings last month felt serious—felt more serious every day. But that fact made Erin nervous someti
mes, made her feel trapped in something she wasn’t ready for, so she wasn’t going to discuss it with Marcus. “It’s too early to tell.”

  “I’m surprised you’re going out with him.”

  “Why?” She immediately felt defensive at his skeptical tone.

  “You have a problem with men with strong personalities.”

  “It’s not a strong personality I have a problem with,” she replied, forcing herself to keep her tone calm. “It’s a man who pursues his own will at the expense of mine.”

  “And he doesn’t?”

  “No,” she said, shifting restlessly on the bench. “He doesn’t.”

  “Okay. I’m just surprised. From what I know about Thomas, he’s like me in a number of ways.”

  She was silent for a few moments. Then, “I don’t know what to say to that. And I need to get going anyway.”

  “That’s fine. We’ll talk soon.”

  When she disconnected the call, Erin stared down at her smartphone for a long time.

  The sandwich she’d eaten for lunch churned in her stomach as she processed the conversation.

  There were similarities between Marcus and Seth, and only a fool would deny them. But she didn’t think the way she was with Seth was anything like she’d been with Marcus.

  Yes, perhaps she’d given up small parts of her independence to be with Seth, but that was an inevitable part of being in any relationship.

  She’d made no commitment. She still had her apartment. She still had her job—although it wasn’t one she liked anymore.

  Seth wasn’t Marcus, and he genuinely cared about her.

  Marcus was just trying to manipulate her. He probably didn’t like that she was moving on with another man, and he was playing on her insecurities—the way he always had.

  Erin threw away the trash from her lunch and glanced at her watch. She’d been moved to the office of the Clerk of Court, and her job wasn’t anything like what it had been before. She was basically a glorified receptionist now. While it was work that needed to be done and it paid the same amount as she’d gotten before, she didn’t enjoy it nearly as much.

  She still had a half-hour left of her lunch break, and she felt no compulsion to get back to work earlier than she absolutely had to.