Nameless

by Claire Kent

  With a sigh of relief, Erin ran to the master bathroom before Seth changed his mind. She was out of the bathroom in less than ten minutes. Heard Stella’s voice, so she came out to the main hallway in her bathrobe.

  “Hi,” she said in relief, as Stella caught up Mackenzie in a big hug. “We’re a mess this morning. Sorry. And Mackenzie’s blanket is in the washing machine.”

  Stella nodded, greeted her cheerfully, and efficiently began picking up a couple of toys, which the toddler had pulled into the hall this morning.

  Seth glanced at his watch again. “I’m going to get going then.” His words were addressed to Erin, and he held her eyes with a significant look.

  “Okay. Thanks for staying late.”

  Seth returned her nod and went into his office to get his stuff together. When he came back into the hall, he scooped up Mackenzie, who’d been sitting on the floor playing with her socks. “Goodbye, Mackenzie,” Seth murmured. “I’ll see you this evening.”

  “Dada,” Mackenzie responded, grinning as Seth kissed her on the cheek. “Bye bye.”

  When he put her down, she gave his shin a big hug.

  After she’d released him, Seth looked back over at Erin. “I’ll be back before dinner tonight.”

  She walked to the door with him. Before he reached for the doorknob, Seth leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “I love you.”

  Erin sighed. Patted him on the chest, her hand stroking over his ridiculously expensive suit. “Yeah,” she replied, returning his kiss, tugging on his lower lip with both of hers. “I love you too.”

  Seth started to open the door. Then he paused. Looked back at her. "You know, I never want to take anything away from you."

  Meeting his deep gaze, she nodded.

  "I want you to have anything you want, anything that’s in my power to give you.” He sounded slightly stiff, which was to be expected, since he was expressing something very intimate. And not in the bedroom, where it was easier for him, but on a random morning on the way to work.

  Erin nodded again, her expression softening a little.

  “We’ll talk about the rest of this tonight,” Seth concluded, stepping out the door.

  “Yeah,” Erin agreed resignedly. “I can’t wait.”

  She looked at the closed door after he’d departed. Felt exhausted and confused and like she really didn’t want to start her day.

  She loved Seth. Really loved him. Wanted to spend her life with him and was so glad they were a family now.

  But getting together with the handsome prince—even if you genuinely loved him—was rather more complicated than the stories would have one believe.

  * * *

  “What about this one?” Liz asked, holding up a designer snakeskin bag.

  “Gorgeous, but too expensive.”

  When Liz started to object, Erin gave her a narrow-eyed look.

  “All right. Fine. So you’re really thinking of quitting your job?”

  “Yeah,” Erin admitted, drifting slowly through the accessory section of the department store and idly inspecting various items they passed. She felt a familiar sinking of her stomach, the shift in mood almost nauseating. “I can’t stand it now. And I can’t keep leaving Mackenzie every morning for a job that’s basically crap—not when I don’t have to for financial reasons.”

  “So you won’t work at all? I didn’t think you’d ever want to do that again.”

  Erin hated this. Hated feeling a loss that was almost like grief—for a job, a career, that had never been her dream in the first place.

  She swallowed hard over the ache. “I don’t. I don’t want to. But I can’t get a good job as a judicial assistant in Atlanta—not with Seth trying so many cases here. They’ll always think it’s a conflict of interest. And I’m not trained for anything else except basic clerical work, which I really don’t want to do. So I guess I’ll just give up my job.” Her voice broke on the last word.

  For just a moment, Liz’s face was almost torn with sympathy and understanding. “Damn,” she whispered, turning away briefly. Then she managed to smile. “I bet you’ll enjoy staying home more than you think. Some women would kill to be able to stay home with their kids.”

  “I know. And that makes me feel like a selfish, spoiled whiner for making such a big deal about this. Maybe I will end up enjoying staying at home. And it’s not forever. I’m sure I can find something I’d like to do eventually. I just need to look around. Think about it some more.”

  She must not have been convincing because Liz said, “You don’t have to quit, Erin. No one is making you do it. Seth wouldn’t want you to if it’s so hard. If it hurts so much, then don’t give it up.”

  “But I’d be holding onto it for the wrong reasons. It’s my last stronghold. I had so many of them, so many parts of my life that I didn’t want to give anyone else a claim to. I thought they kept me safe. I thought they made me…free. But they didn’t. Not really. And I have to let this one go too.” Despite her best efforts, a tear streamed down Erin’s cheek before she could stop it.

  “Are you sure? Seth wouldn’t want you to—”

  “I’m sure. I’m absolutely sure. Holding on was just hurting me—and everyone I love. Please don’t hint to Seth that this is still so hard for me. He’d blame himself. And I don’t want him to do that.”

  Liz’s expression was uncharacteristically quiet. “I’m sorry it’s so hard.”

  Erin gave a half-shrug. “It’s just the way love works. It takes everything, consumes everything.”

  “Yeah. Maybe so. But if it’s returned, if it’s real, shouldn’t it also give it back?”

  ***

  Erin felt ridiculously nervous as she turned to look at Seth over her shoulder. “This is crazy. Why did you get me a present?”

  He stood behind her, casual in a long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. “It’s not really a present. Just a surprise.”

  “Whatever you want to call it—I’d like to see it now.” Erin shifted from foot to foot with her hand on the door that led into the sun room. It was really just a section of the apartment’s great room, but it was set off by windows on three sides and there were decorative foldaway doors that were almost never used that were presently closing it off.

  Mackenzie was at their feet. She’d been playing with the new stuffed bunny Seth had brought home for her after his trip last weekend, but now it lay forgotten on the floor of the hall. She must be infected by their excitement because she was doing a clumsy little jig now and banging excitedly on the door with the palms of her hands.

  “In,” she declared, staring up at her parents. “In!”

  “See,” Erin said, “It’s two against one. You have to let us in.”

  “All right.” Strangely, Seth looked almost self-conscious. “Here you go.”

  He opened the doors, and Erin stepped in, blinking when she saw the room didn’t look the way it was supposed to.

  Mackenzie burst into the room after her, stopping abruptly as she stared around at the changes, her eyes landing delightedly on the low shelves in the corner that held some of the toddler’s toys. Mackenzie squealed in excitement and scampered over there to exult in her treasures.

  Instead of the sleek furnishings and expensive art that used to be here, there was a soft, simple rug, a comfortable, cushy sofa, and a desk against the far wall.

  Erin looked around in confusion. “You redecorated?”

  “Just the basics. Liz helped, since I wasn’t exactly sure what you’d want.”

  “But why?”

  “So you could feel more at home. We can change any of this, if you want. And we can do the rest of the apartment together.”

  She almost melted at his stiff face—half-hopeful and half-sheepish. “You didn’t have to do that. You had it all decorated to impress.”

  He’d never talked much about it, but she knew the apartment had been a symbol of his having really made it, just as his grandfather had told him. It was why she’d never asked to redec
orate herself.

  “It’s just an apartment, Erin.”

  “Yeah, but I know you really—”

  “Do you have any idea how little I care about how the place is furnished. I want you to be happy. And comfortable. So we can fix it up together.”

  She went over to kiss him, sighing as he wrapped his arms around her. As she was pulling away, her eyes landed on the desk. Some of her books were on the desk, as well as her laptop.

  She shot him an inquiring look.

  When he just gave a slight shrug, she went to inspect the desk more closely. When she saw a particular textbook, she sucked in a breath and turned back to him.

  It was one of her law school textbooks.

  “It’s just a symbol,” Seth explained. “Like the room. You don’t have to use it.”

  “A symbol of what?”

  “That you can do anything you want. That I’ll make sure we work it out. That you can go back to law school, if you want.”

  She covered her mouth with one hand. “Seth, that’s so sweet. But I couldn’t…it’s too late—”

  “It’s not too late. Why would it be too late?”

  “It’s so much work and time and stress. And with trying to take care of Mackenzie—”

  “That’s the point. That’s what I mean when I say we’ll work it out. I’ve already talked to them at work. If I need to take time off, I’ll do it. If I need to make adjustments to my schedule, I’ll do it. If I need to do more to help you, I’ll do it. Anything. I’ll do it.” He raised a hand to cup her face. “I’ll do anything in my power to make you happy.”

  Her face twisted with emotion until her cheek muscles ached.

  “You don’t have to go back to law school, of course. I’m not trying to put any pressure on you. You can find another job if you’d rather. Or stay at home like you were planning. You can do anything you want.”

  “Let me think about it.”

  He nodded and they stared at each other for a long time. She could see that he’d told her the truth.

  Love had overthrown his strongholds too—taking everything, consuming everything.

  And now he was giving it back.

  She was desperately trying to find something to say that would even come close to capturing her love for him when Mackenzie came running over.

  “Mac! Mac!” she babbled ecstatically, pointing over to the corner with all of her toys and books.

  “That’s right,” Erin told her. “Those are all yours. All Mackenzie’s.”

  Mackenzie squealed in excitement and stumbled back to start pulling out a basket that held her oversized blocks.

  Seth pulled Erin all the way toward him, until she was pressed up against the front of his body. As he gazed down on her, his eyes smoldered with a familiar and breathtaking combination of tenderness, passion, and irony. “So you like your present?” he asked again, his voice thicker than it had been.

  She twined her arms around his neck. “I love it. I love you. Did you know that?”

  “I did.” He leaned down to press a soft kiss onto her lips, sliding his mouth against hers deliciously. “I love you too,” he murmured against her mouth.

  Erin could feel flutters of feeling. She pressed herself into the hard, warm strength of his body.

  “Kss,” Mackenzie exclaimed, extending the hiss of the last consonant and interrupting their embrace. She’d come back over to them and was now tugging on the leg of Seth’s trousers.

  “Yes,” he replied seriously, pulling back from Erin a little. “I was kissing your mommy.”

  Mackenzie kept tugging on his leg. “Kss.” This time, she puffed out her cheeks and held up her mouth toward him, in the silliest, demanding expression.

  Seth chuckled and knelt down beside her. “Did you want a kiss too?” He leaned over and gave her a kiss, which made his daughter giggle and hug herself in excitement.

  She then demanded a kiss from Erin as well, and when she’d gotten that, she scampered around the room screaming happily—alternating between her toys, the ottoman for one of the chairs that she evidently decided was hers, and the glass doors onto the wide balcony.

  “Do you think she even knows why she should be excited?” Erin asked wryly, glancing over at Seth and wishing for Mackenzie's naptime—since kissing Seth earlier had given her some very particular ideas.

  Seth shook his head. “Of course not, but she knows that we’re excited.”

  After a lingering look at Seth, Erin decided that sadly it was too early to put Mackenzie down for her nap yet. So she shook herself off and said, “Pumpkin? Did you want to watch a movie on our new couch?”

  Mackenzie definitely understood the word “movie.” Erin tried not to let her daughter watch too much TV yet, so the activity remained something special. Mackenzie adored watching the half-hour, toddler shows that were ostensibly supposed to teach as well as entertain.

  Mackenzie squealed again in delight at this unexpected treat and planted herself squarely in the middle of the floor, her eyes fixed up on the blank TV screen.

  Seth scooped her up. “We’ll be more comfortable on the couch,” he suggested, carrying her over and setting her up beside him in the middle of the sofa.

  All three of them watched one of Mackenzie’s little shows, and Erin waited impatiently for naptime, during which she was hoping to spend some quality time with Seth alone. It was the first weekend in a month that Seth had been home in the middle of the day on a Saturday, and Erin was planning to take advantage of it—in every possible way.

  Mackenzie watched the television mesmerized, while she ate some crackers Erin brought over for her and drank juice from one of her sippy cups.

  When the DVD was over, Erin asked, “Are you ready for your nap, Mackenzie?”

  Mackenzie screwed her face into a scowl. “No.”

  Erin nodded at her daughter soberly. “Okay. We can play for ten more minutes. Then it will be naptime.”

  Mackenzie half-crawled, half-toppled off the couch. Then she started wobbling around, trying to sing at the top of her lungs one of the songs from the DVD. She was obviously getting tired, and her excited high was about to wear out.

  She was going to need her nap very soon.

  Erin was hoping to get her to bed before the crabbiness she knew would follow such an overload of exuberance started to emerge.

  They talked and played with Mackenzie for nine more minutes, until Erin stood up and said to Seth, “I’m going to the bathroom. See if she’s done with her crackers. And then it will be naptime.” She looked over at Mackenzie significantly. “Naptime.”

  Mackenzie’s red face started to contort into another scowl.

  Erin left the room to go to the bathroom, fantasizing that Seth would have talked their daughter into peaceful submission before she returned.

  Naptime usually wasn't a problem. Mackenzie liked her little routine, and she liked making them happy. But today had included some unusual excitement—plus the added stimulation of Seth's having spent the day with them—so Mackenzie wasn't going to think her nap was as desirable as normal.

  No one liked to miss out on the fun.

  Erin didn’t hear any screaming as she made her way back to the family room a few minutes later. She hoped that was a good sign.

  Then she heard Seth’s clear voice, as she approached the doorway, “You said you were done with your crackers. So we need to put them up.”

  “No!”

  Erin sighed resignedly, preparing herself for the inevitable. Too much stimulation plus too much fatigue were the perfect conditions for a temper-fit.

  She paused in the doorway. Saw Seth leaning over in front of a very grumpy Mackenzie. His hand was extended for the plastic container of crackers she clung to stubbornly.

  “Mackenzie,” Seth said again—his voice calm and firm. “I didn’t ask you a question. It’s time to give me the crackers.”

  “No,” Mackenzie mumbled again, her face getting redder as her little body started to shake.r />
  Even from the doorway, Erin could see Seth let out a long breath. Then he murmured, “Mackenzie.” With an obvious warning in the one word, he reached for the container of crackers.

  Erin could see what was going to happen, even before it actually occurred. She could see the rebellious intention on her daughter’s face, could see conscious defiance in the set of her jaw. So she knew what was coming next, even before the toddler willfully flung the container on the floor at Seth’s feet, spilling the crackers out onto the floor.

  Mackenzie wasn’t crying or screaming, but her little chin was sticking out stubbornly—just like Erin’s always did.

  Erin was almost holding her breath now, felt like she was watching the most intense kind of movie, as she waited to see what would happen.

  Seth’s quiet expression didn’t change. He squatted down until he was on Mackenzie’s level. Picked up the empty container she had thrown down and set it neatly on the rug. “Pick up time.”

  Mackenzie stared at him with mulish eyes, but her mouth was starting to tremble now.

  “Pick up time. I’ll help,” Seth continued gravely. He put one cracker in the bowl, dropping it so that it made a loud plunk in the plastic container. Then he picked up another cracker, repeating the same gesture. “Mackenzie, pick up time.”

  For a moment, Erin thought Mackenzie was going to cave. Her little face relaxed a little as curiosity got the better of her in watching Seth drop the crackers in.

  But then she saw Erin standing in the doorway. She whimpered and started stumbling toward her. “Momma,” she mumbled pathetically. “Momma.” When she reached Erin, she clung to her leg.

  Erin squatted down to return her daughter’s hug briefly, but then she stood up. Took Mackenzie by the hand and led her back to Seth, who was still kneeling on the floor.

  Instead of snatching her baby up and squeezing her into another hug, which is what she really wanted to do, Erin released Mackenzie’s hand. “Your daddy said it was pick up time."

  Then Erin backed off. Looked at Seth, who was still watching Mackenzie quietly.