For the Love of Logan

by Chase Connor

“They’re just fine, sir.”

  “Good.” He nodded again.

  The three of us grew silent again as Cooper and I focused on our homework and Mr. Weissman watched us. The way that he watched us was unnerving. It was like he suspected us of waiting for him to leave so that we could smoke, or do drugs, or drink alcohol as soon as he left the house. It didn’t matter that every time he came home on Sunday nights Cooper was already in bed and I had gone home. He was a parent. They always suspected kids were up to something if they were left in groups of two or more.

  “Well, I guess I’ll go pick up Cheryl.” Mr. Weissman slammed the rest of his water and set the glass in the drying rack next to the sink. “You gentlemen have a good evening.”

  “Mmhm.” Cooper responded for us. “I expect you to be home at a reasonable hour, young man.”

  “I’ll be home by curfew, dad.” Mr. Weissman leaned down and kissed the top of Cooper’s head as he walked by.

  “Have fun and give Cheryl a hug for me.” Cooper said. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too, son.”

  Then Mr. Weissman was gone—and I was jealous of my friend again. He had someone who loved him and thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. He also had a father he had an amazing relationship with—and he didn’t have the typical teenage personality where he made excuses for it. He loved his father and his father loved him. His father knew he was gay and didn’t give one single shit about it. I hadn’t even been able to come out to my own father yet—my mom was the only person in my family who knew that I was gay.

  Everything about my friendship with Cooper was confusing and frustrating and depressing. Sure, a lot of the time it was also nice and comforting and we laughed a lot. But sometimes I got angry. Or sad. Or downright depressed. I couldn’t have Cooper. I didn’t have a boyfriend of my own. I wasn’t as smart or as kind or as warm or as…everything…as him. He was effortlessly perfect. And he had an amazing home life. Everything about him made my heart ache.

  “You know, a lot of people dismiss me because I’m smart.” Cooper said suddenly.

  “Huh?”

  “No one really encourages me or tells me ‘you can do it!’ because they just assume that I will ‘do it’.” He sighed. “I was thinking about the other day, in psychology, when you said that you were tired of people getting up your ass about your grades and always checking in on you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, people dismiss me because they think I’m just a freaky genius—an idiot savant or something.” Cooper looked up at me. “My hard work never gets acknowledged. I put in at least thirty hours a week studying and doing homework. Sometimes more. But I’m just a genius, right? No reason to encourage me or give me credit for my hard work. It’s always ‘you’re so smart, Coop’ or ‘everything just comes so easy for you, Coop’. It’s exhausting, Logan.”

  I just stared at him.

  “Maybe you’re a solid B student, broseph.” Cooper said. “But you work just as hard as me. If not harder. You don’t give up. And I think you should be really fucking proud of that.”

  I smiled and looked down. Sometimes, I swore that Cooper could read my mind and know exactly what to say.

  “And you’re a good person.” He said. “People don’t give you enough credit. That’s something we have in common. You work really hard and never give up and the teachers should acknowledge that. You’re an amazing guy, Logan.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled at him. “You’re going to be an amazing teacher one day, Cooper.”

  He shrugged and gave a goofy grin.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I mean it.” I stated fiercely. “You’ve helped me so much. You’ll be a freaking amazing teacher.”

  He shrugged again. “I was thinking maybe neurology might be cool. It’s an interesting subject and it is kind of cool how the human brain, muscles, spinal cord, nerves, and muscles work. I could do that for a living. Help people in a different way.”

  “Why are you saying this?” I was suddenly angry with my friend.

  “Maybe teaching is kind of a dumb idea.” Cooper sighed. “Dad thinks that I should do something else. We were talking yesterday at breakfast and he thought that neurology was a great idea—and Mrs. Haywood said with all of the schools that have accepted me I could easily get into a degree plan geared towards neurology and prepare me for medical school and…”

  “You are so fucking stupid sometimes, Cooper.” I growled, shocked at my own words.

  “I know.” Cooper wasn’t offended and didn’t even try to defend himself.

  I’d never seen my friend so defeated.

  “Your dad didn’t mean it.” I stated fiercely. “And Mrs. Haywood doesn’t have the first clue about who you are as a person. You’d make one of the best teachers ever.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Cooper nodded. “Let’s just drop it.”

  “No, we’re not going to drop it.” I snarled. “Your dad didn’t really mean it, you big idiot. He told you that so you wouldn’t have a job that doesn’t have a salary to match how important it is. He wants you to have an elite career and make big bucks. That’s what that’s all about.”

  “He sees me going to Dextrus with all the rich, white kids—and he worries.” Cooper leveled me with his eyes. “He’s tired of seeing the way people treat me because I’m not like them and I’m only there because my dad teaches there. If it weren’t for my grades, I’d be treated like pond scum around that place. He wants me to go have an amazing life.”

  “Being rich isn’t everything, Cooper, and…”

  “You’ve never been poor, Logan.” Cooper stopped me. “Okay. Maybe dad and I aren’t poor—but around the assholes at Dextrus, we may as well be living in a cardboard box or under a bridge. Dad’s probably right. I should look into neurology. Do something incredible.”

  “Teaching young minds isn’t incredible?” I spat. “Especially when you’re so amazing at teaching things to others?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  I was suddenly so angry with Cooper that I just couldn’t look at him any longer.

  “Look, I gotta go.” I shook my head, trying to keep myself from saying something hurtful about how stupid this whole thing was. “I just…I wanna go home.”

  “You don’t want to study for chem?” Cooper frowned at me as I started harriedly picking up my notebooks and books, shoving them in my bag.

  “Not tonight.” I snapped. “I’ll study at home.”

  “Okay.” Cooper chewed at his lip as I shoved everything in my bag haphazardly and swung my bag over my shoulder. “See you in class tomorrow, bromo.”

  “Bye, friend-o.” My words were laced with venom.

  Cooper didn’t even flinch. He knew what was going on, so he wasn’t offended or hurt. Cooper always understood everything.

  “Be careful!” He shouted out right before the front door closed behind me.

  Alex was walking up the driveway as I was leaving the house. I looked down and walked towards my car, not wanting to speak to that asshole. I hoped that Mr. Weissman did break his knees with a ball peen hammer. Or at least call him a “dick” to his face. Those thoughts made me mad at myself. Alex was an okay guy. And he was a great boyfriend to Cooper. Maybe he had too much energy and his humor was a little abrasive at times—but he was a good guy. But…he had a great guy like Cooper. And I was in a mood. So, right then, I allowed myself to hate him.

  “Where are you goin’, mister?” Alex laughed when he saw me.

  “We’re done studying.” I replied sharply.

  “Oh.” Alex frowned. “Everything okay?”

  I was going to ignore him and keep walking, but I found myself turning to him angrily.

  “Cooper would be an amazing teacher!”

  I sounded like a crazy person.

  Alex beamed. “I know. He was so excited when he got his acceptance letter from UCLA. Apparently, they’re ranked number one in the U.S. for education majors, and we’ll be going to
the same school, and…”

  “Well, the dumbass says he’s going to be a neurologist now!” I spat.

  Alex just looked at me.

  “He’s giving up on being a teacher!”

  “Why do you know this and I don’t?” Alex’s eyes turned into slits.

  “He just told me!”

  “I mean…why did he tell you first?” Alex snarled.

  “Oh, my God.” I threw my hands up. “Who cares who he told first?! He’s giving up on his dream!”

  “Because I’m his boyfriend!”

  “That’s your takeaway from all of this?!”

  I rolled my eyes and stomped to my car. Alex glared at me as I threw myself into the driver’s seat, started up my car and buzzed away. I drive a Prius. That’s an accurate description. When I got home, instead of pulling out my chemistry notebook and studying, I just stripped down, threw myself into bed, threw the covers over my head, and willed myself to sleep until it was time to get up for school. Who cared if I failed the test? Everything about my life was just fucked up lately. My emotions. My plans. My sex life. Everything. I just wanted to escape for as long as possible—and sleep was the best way to do that.

  Chapter 4

  Dextrus Academy was a clusterfuck on Monday morning. Every side of the courtyard was being set up with tables and banners and all manner of regalia was being hung for college week. The lowerclassmen were already being courted by major colleges all over the country—and even some that no one really gave a damn about. Before school, during lunch, and for an hour after school, anyone looking for information about colleges could stop by any of the tables, speak to representatives from the colleges, get brochures, packets, and learn more about the colleges.

  I still wanted to be in a bad mood after getting mad at Cooper the previous night, but seeing all of the colleges setting up gave me hope. I hadn’t decided on a college yet—I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go—so, maybe I’d stop by a few tables myself. For the first time since I had started at Dextrus, I found myself not scanning the courtyard for Cooper when I first got to school. In fact, I didn’t look for any of my friends. Instead, I checked out what tables were being set up by which colleges, then made my way to my first class.

  Instead of worrying about not having a boyfriend or anything to do with my personal life, I just focused on the lesson being presented. I took notes, actually understood a lot of it, and felt pretty good when it was time to go to second period. When I got to AP Chemistry, I slid into my seat at the table Cooper and I shared and began to pull out my notebook and textbook. My notebook was nowhere to be found, which was irritating, because I couldn’t go over any notes before the rest. I just shrugged to myself and stuffed everything back into my bag and stowed it under the table.

  Cooper came breezing into chemistry and hopped up onto the stool next to me. He leaned over, bumping his shoulder against mine, then gave me a smile. I rolled my eyes but smiled back, glad to see my friend.

  “You still loooooove me?” Cooper cooed.

  “Of course.” I chuckled.

  “Good.” Cooper grinned. “I love you, too, bromigo.”

  “How was American Lit?” I changed the subject.

  “Hessman hates me.” Cooper shrugged. “Why are all of the literature professors here so tightly wound?”

  I laughed.

  “You’re really not still mad at me?” Cooper made googly eyes at me and stuck out his lower lip as he leaned towards me comically.

  “I could never stay mad at you.” I pushed him away. “Even if you are a giant douchebag.”

  He chuckled.

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” Cooper winked.

  Dr. Sanders began his short little lecture about what we would be studying during the week and then the tests got passed around. Cooper gave me a wink and we began taking our tests. Immediately, I realized that I actually knew most of the answers to the questions on the tests, and the ones I wasn’t sure of immediately, I was pretty sure I figured out. When the test was over, I realized that I might have actually done decently, even without studying. If every day turned out like this Monday, I was going to enjoy the rest of my school year.

  Mr. Weissman’s class was fun—even though he still didn’t like my opinions about Hemingway and The Sun Also Rises. Political Science flew by again and lunch was great like always. Of course, Alex was still in a pissy mood all throughout lunch. Obviously, he was still sore about the fact that Cooper had told me something before he had told his own boyfriend. I just did my best to ignore his sour expressions and grumbling as I ate and Cooper and I talked with Martin, A.J., and Caden. I ended up giving A.J. half of my lunch because he was making me laugh so hard I couldn’t eat anyway. Cooper had to whisper to Alex that he was being a douchebag a few times—but not in those exact words.

  I spent the second part of lunch going around the tables set up by representative students from colleges and universities, seeing what all there was to offer. All of the major colleges and Ivy League schools were represented—and I avoided all of those. There was no way I’d get into one of those schools, especially so late in the game—even if I had the grades and extracurriculars. However, I picked up a few brochures for local community colleges and state universities. When my eyes landed on the Montpelier College of Fine Arts, something inside of me drew me to the table. More than likely it was the hot guy standing behind the table passing out information and talking to anyone that happened by, but I wanted to believe it was something else.

  “Hi, there.” He beamed at me as I approached, his brilliant smile beckoning me closer.

  “Hi.” I smiled back.

  He was slightly shorter than me. Black hair. Dark eyes. Fair skin. Lithe and lean, but toned and defined. Deep voice. He was wearing a polo and slacks, a belt, decent shoes…very clean cut. The whole thing was doing it for me. Something about a clean-cut guy, fantasizing about corrupting him, it’s all just a great visual.

  “Interested in the arts?” He asked cheerfully.

  “Can’t draw to save my life.” I laughed nervously.

  “Are you into film or design or writing?”

  “I like to write.” I shrugged.

  “Well, then maybe the MCFA would be a good fit for you.” He grinned, holding out a brochure. “Are you a junior, or…”

  “Senior.” I grimaced.

  “That’s okay.” He reassured me. “It’s not too late to apply. A lot of high school students don’t know what they want to study or where they want to study it until the last semester of high school.”

  “Really?”

  “Absolutely.” He nodded. “Even if MCFA isn’t the best option for you, you should take a packet and look it over. Maybe there’s a program that’s right for you, or at least it might give you an idea of what you want to do…”

  “Logan.” I held my hand out. “Logan Marshall.”

  “Jackson Brown.” He grimaced. “I know, I know. Everyone calls me Jay for that reason.”

  I laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, Jay.”

  I spent ten minutes standing there with Jay, listening to him tell me about MCFA, but mostly taking in his looks and sneaking peeks at his physique when his eyes weren’t on mine. By the time I left the MCFA table, I was absolutely convinced that maybe going to college for a writing degree was the best idea ever. I’d never written anything in my life, save for the letters mom advised me to write, an occasional email or social media post, and things required in classes. But…I did enjoy it. So, I hadn’t lied to Jay. When I rejoined my friends under the old Sugar Maple, I was feeling a lot better about life.

  Alex scowled at me as he told Cooper goodbye after lunch and rushed off to his fifth period class. I just shrugged it off as Cooper and I made our way to AP Psychology, his arm over my shoulders again, talking my ear off as we went. Psychology went by incredibly fast, as did my last two classes. For the first time in months, school wasn’t a miserable experience, with only Cooper making it marginally better. I wa
s actually starting to feel better about everything, which kind of irritated me because mom had told me to write my letter because it would make me feel better. And maybe that was the reason for my better mood. When parents are right, teenagers are required to be bitter about it.

  I was walking through Rouston Hall after last bell, planning to meet up with Cooper to walk to our cars like we always did. Everything about this day had been pretty good. Maybe I had an idea of where to go to college—or at least that I actually did want to go to college. My classes had been easier than normal, even if I was still going to have to do tons of studying. And I had changed my mood enough that I didn’t feel like lashing out at Cooper whenever he was nice to me. I spotted Cooper walking down the hall from the other end, and when we spotted each other, we smiled and picked up our pace. Other students were quickly dispersing, leaving the hall empty when we finally met in the middle.

  “I think I want to go to college.” I smiled widely when Cooper came to stand in front of me.

  “What!?” Cooper beamed. “What brought this about?”

  I looked around, making sure the hall truly was empty, before leaning in to whisper to him.

  “Cute guy at the MCFA table at lunch.” I snickered evilly. “I mean, okay, that’s kind of the wrong reason, but why question it, right?”

  “Horny bastard.” Cooper whispered back.

  “I know, I know.”

  “That’s still amazing.” Cooper was so excited for me. “Do you know what you want to major in yet or is this the early stages we’re talking about here?”

  “Early stages, but…maybe writing?” I shrugged, feeling so happy for myself.

  “Oh, Logan!” Cooper nearly leapt with happiness. “I’m so happy for you, man!”

  Cooper wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a hug, pulling me close. I put my arms around him and hugged him back, for once not feeling anything but very close friendship with Cooper. But then I felt Cooper being pulled away from me violently and before I could open my eyes, I was pushed against the wall, my back slamming into the row of lockers. My eyes flew open to see Alex bearing down on me, snarling and angrier than I had ever seen him.