Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  “One can always hope, huh?” Jessie smiled.

  “What are you going to do about Gabe?”

  “Avoid him like the plague,” Jessie answered without a moment’s hesitation.

  “But you’re crazy about him. I can tell you are.”

  “I’ve survived this long without a man; it won’t hurt me to walk away from this one now.”

  “Don’t you ever wish for another life? Have you ever even thought about going back to school or getting a new job or running away to suburbia and raising a couple of kids?” Harmony’s speech was an impassioned one, full of all the zeal and innocence of youth.

  “I took some classes at the community college once—botany. I wanted to try my hand at landscape design. It’s actually why I picked the flat across the street from the Garden Center. But Spence made me quit after a semester. I think he worried I’d get it in my head to leave or something.”

  “He sucks.”

  “Yes, he does. But I don’t think I’d even know what to do with a family and all that crap. I wouldn’t know how to act.”

  “I bet you’d figure it out. You’re a good person.”

  Jessie didn’t bother answering that one. She just patted Harmony’s hand and went to get a bubble bath. Her face was throbbing and Jessie wondered if maybe Spence had broken her cheekbone this time. She wouldn’t be working for a few nights now. As much as she wanted to go listen to Danny play—his lively Irish folk music would inevitably lift her mood—she should probably hide from the world for a couple of days.

  A glance in the mirror confirmed her suspicion; one whole side of her face was swelling. She frowned and sank back into the bubbles. After her bath she’d ask Harmony to fix her up with some takeout so she could pile up on the couch, stuff her face, and watch sappy movies on Lifetime. Spence could just live with less income this week. Served him right.

  True to her resolve, she didn’t step out of her apartment before Saturday night. Spence had shown up to scream at her, but backed off when he saw her puffy face. Since the blow hadn’t been reciprocated, his suspicions seemed to be ebbing. Now he would feel slightly remorseful for his actions and would be looking for a way to make it up to her.

  She did change her mind about watching Lifetime when she fell asleep on the couch the first evening and spent a restless night dreaming about Gabe. The second night she relegated herself to mindless reality shows, only to be haunted by Gabe again in her sleep. It was frustrating her to no end that she couldn’t seem to get him out of her head. The growing need to see him only strengthened her resolve to not.

  She was tired and unsettled by the time she finally returned to work on Saturday night. So it really shouldn’t have surprised her when the very first car she got in turned out to belong to a cop.

  She cursed herself mentally for being stupid the entire ride to the police station. It wasn’t the first time she’d been picked up, but it was the first time in the past decade. She held her head high amid the disdainful looks that so easily dismissed her humanity.

  The cop who brought her in dumped her in an interrogation room and left. She was grateful to be alone. Even if there was someone behind the mirror, she could pretend they weren’t there. She wanted to hide her face in her hands, to close her eyes and will this rotten world away. Instead, she sat ramrod straight and waited for the show to begin.

  Given the fact that Gabe was a cop, she really shouldn’t have been surprised when he burst through the door. Maybe it wasn’t surprise so much as a shock to the system. Either way, it left her looking like a deer in headlights for the briefest of moments before she recovered her calm demeanor.

  It took him a little longer to control the waves of emotions crashing over him. It was hard to say who the rage on his face was aimed at. Maybe it would help Jessie get over her ridiculous crush if it was geared towards her. All the same, she wasn’t sure she could survive that.

  “Are you okay?” he strode towards her.

  “Fine, thank you,” she gave a barely perceptible head nod.

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know me, Jessie. I’ve been worried out of my mind about you.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone here would be happy to hear that I do know you,” she reminded him.

  “To hell with them.”

  “You don’t really mean that. Not really.”

  “How do you know what I mean?”

  “Jessie Jones,” a voice full of authority broke into their conversation. “We’ve wanted to talk to you for some time now.”

  “So talk,” she motioned for him to sit down as if she were inviting him to share a spot of tea at her table.

  He began to sit—then realized he’d just handed control over to her and jumped back up with a scowl. Gabe looked away too late to hide his smirk.

  “What are you laughing at? You had a week and couldn’t bring her in—it took Thompson one night. I wonder… is there a reason for that?”

  “Absolutely,” Jessie jumped in before Gabe could. “I’m not feeling all that well tonight. It has my brain a little fuzzy.”

  “Very funny,” the man snarled. Jessie knew who this man was without introduction; his reputation on the streets preceded him. Detective Brunner was a cliché—from the waistline that had seen one donut too many to the cocky attitude that probably masked all kinds of inadequacies. “Gabe, you don’t want this one. Lord only knows what crawls on her.”

  Gabe took a step towards Brunner, only to still at the calm in Jessie’s voice when she spoke.

  “I’m a lot cleaner than your wife.”

  “What do you know about my wife?” Brunner laughed at the thought.

  “Her name is Riley. She’s a petite little redhead, although, from what I hear, that’s not natural. Trust me—I’ve heard all about her… and that girl has stuff Ajax won’t take off.”

  Jessie was fairly certain it was words coming out of Brunner’s mouth, but all she could make out was angry sputtering. Gabe stopped laughing long enough to grab Brunner when he lunged for Jessie.

  Outwardly, she didn’t flinch. Inside, she was really glad for Gabe’s quick reflexes. He was growling something in Brunner’s ear as he dragged him out the door. Jessie could guess what it was. Of course, his chivalry was probably getting her in trouble again as it was prone to doing.

  “Jessie, as much as I enjoyed that, you aren’t helping yourself here.”

  “I didn’t take Thompson’s money.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “It’s sitting on his dashboard. I’m never the first one to break the law. Go check it out. Then you can either charge me with a crime or let me go.”

  “Jessie, I wish you’d listen to reason.”

  “I’m not sure what you think you can accomplish by keeping me here,” she sat back and folded her arms across her chest.

  “He hurt you again,” Gabe lowered his voice to a strained whisper, resting his face in his hands as if to shield himself from the truth.

  “I told you to leave him alone; you’d just make it worse.”

  “What are you talking about?” he looked up at her, his eyes speaking of great pain.

  “He did this to draw out whoever vindicated me.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he shook his head.

  “You didn’t punch Spence?”

  “I’d like to draw and quarter him, but no—I didn’t lay a hand on him. I figured he’d just take it out on you.”

  “Oh,” Jessie wasn’t sure if she was disappointed about that or not.

  “Hey, if you want me to beat the bastard to a bloody pulp, I’ll gladly do it.”

  “No, no. That’s okay. I wonder who hit him.”

  “If you find out, tell him thanks for me.”

  “Or her. It could have been a girl.”

  “Have any ideas?

  “No. Harmony hates him, but I can’t see her doing that.”

  “Hey Detective Adams,” a young uniform poked his head in the door. “Can I talk to you fo
r a minute?”

  “Be right back,” he told Jessie.

  She had a pretty good idea what the kid was telling Gabe. Sure enough, he came back with a bit of a grin on his face.

  “Looks like you’re right. No money changed hands. You’re free to go.”

  “Great. Good seeing you,” she jumped to her feet, ready to bolt.

  “Not so fast,” he snagged her hand before she could dart away. “I was kind of hoping you would stick around long enough for us to work something out. If you help us, then we can help you start a new life.”

  “Sure. Sounds peachy. And what happens when Spence catches me? My face can’t take much more of him being pissed at me.”

  “I’ll protect you.”

  “Sure you will, sugar,” she ached to believe him.

  “Trust me… please.”

  She didn’t have confidence in her ability to answer so she tore her gaze away from his and pulled free. She managed to hold herself together until she was on the Metro bus and the police station was shrinking in the distance.

  Then she did something she hadn’t done since she was small child—she cried.

  Chapter Five

  Spence took some convincing that she’d managed to get in and out of the police station without giving anything away or learning anything in turn. Jessie couldn’t bring herself to settle back into her routine just yet, so she bought herself a couple of nights off so she could go watch a movie by herself.

  The second night she stood in line for a free seat at the outdoor theater in Forest Park. Going to the Muny seemed like something a normal person would do with a night off. Normalcy was something she craved more and more with each passing day.

  It was the first time Jessie had ever seen Jesus Christ Superstar, and she was instantly and completely drawn in. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was Mary Magdalene, but she barely blinked the entire show.

  The music was still wrapped around her like a warm blanket as she rode the bus home that night. The next day after her workout, she scoured Cherokee Street until she found a vinyl of the soundtrack.

  Maybe she was no Mary Magdalene and Gabe wasn’t, well, Christ, but he was good and Jessie could identify with the yearning and the confusion in Mary’s voice.

  It was Jessie’s night off for real, so she grabbed herself a bottle of wine at the Cherokee Market and spent her evening submerged in a bubble bath, drinking cheap wine straight from the bottle and listening to Andrew Lloyd Weber over and over again. All in all, it was a pretty good night.

  The next evening she told herself she couldn’t avoid work forever, so she donned the outfit she’d intended for her date with Gabe and hit the streets with Harmony. Spence had stopped giving them rides, but had made it clear they were to stay on this side of the river.

  They usually didn’t have to look further than the casinos for a gig. This night, Jessie had a customer the second her feet hit the pavement.

  “Excuse me, ma’am…” a nervous kid cleared his throat.

  “Ma’am?” Jessie arched an eyebrow. “That’s a first.”

  “Would… would you possibly be available for the evening?”

  “The whole evening? You sure you don’t want to start off with twenty minutes?” she shouldn’t be talking herself out of money, but something in her took pity on the kid. He seemed terribly nervous.

  “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

  Jessie felt bad; maybe she’d hurt his feelings. She tried to amend things. “I’m game for the evening, too, sugar. I just didn’t want to take all your money.”

  “No, it’s okay.”

  “So, do you have somewhere in particular you want to go or do you need directions?” Jessie asked as she slid into the passenger side of his Ford Taurus.

  “The parking lot on the corner of MLK and First will be fine, kid,” a voice came from the back seat.

  “Damn it Gabe,” Jessie jumped even as she recognized the voice. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

  “Well, you didn’t leave me much choice,” he grabbed her by the arm and tugged her down towards him.

  “Oh dear,” the kid gulped as Jessie’s face nearly landed in his lap.

  “Are you looking to take over Spence’s job?” she hissed at Gabe.

  “Easy there, kid,” Gabe chuckled at the boy. “I just needed to get Jessie here close enough to talk.”

  “We were talking just fine as we were,” she pointed out.

  “Then maybe I just wanted you closer.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Jeffrey here is going to pull into the garage and we’re going to get in my Plymouth. I’ll tell you the rest then.”

  “You’re a real jerk, you know that,” she glowered at him.

  “You might have mentioned that once or twice before,” he leaned up and kissed her on the nose. “I missed you.”

  “It’s hard to take you seriously while you’re laying in this kid’s back floorboard, you know that?”

  “It worked, didn’t it?”

  “I hate you.”

  “Aw, thanks honey,” he grinned devilishly and she rolled her eyes.

  It was useless trying to reason with him when he was in this mood. She didn’t even try to talk to him again until they were seated upright in his car. Jessie had no sooner opened her mouth to speak when he was pulling her head into his lap.

  “Dang it Gabe, knock it off,” she shoved at him.

  “Calm down darlin’,” he swatted away the hands that were swatting at him. “I don’t want anyone to see you in the car. It’s just until we get out of the city.”

  She heaved a sigh but stopped smacking him. Without the distraction of a fight, she was keenly aware of the firmness of his thigh under her head and the heat radiating from him. He absentmindedly stroked her cheek with his thumb as he hummed along with the radio.

  As much as she hated to admit it, any resolutions to steer clear of him skittered right out of her mind along with the rest of rational thought when he did that. She couldn’t formulate the first thought that didn’t have anything to do with the longing that was snaking its way through her.

  “We’re here,” he announced as he swung the behemoth into a parking space. Jessie sheepishly sat up; she hadn’t intended to lie on his leg the whole way there.

  “I don’t know that Nick’s is such a good idea,” she frowned when she recognized the little Irish Pub. “A lot of industry people hang out here.”

  “But not at this time of night. And if we get inside before the game ends, we can get $2 nachos.”

  “Oh, well, that’s worth risking my life for.”

  “No one will recognize you… here… wear this,” he reached into his back seat and grabbed a cowboy hat, which he plopped on her head.

  “Do I want to know where you got this?” she pulled the hat off to study it. It wasn’t the cliché ten-gallon kind you normally saw. It was dark brown suede and looked like it might actually have been worn by somebody wrangling a cow or something.

  “There are all kinds of things you don’t know about me,” he winked. “Come on. We’ll miss our nachos.”

  With a look that said she didn’t believe him for a second that this was a good idea, she jammed the hat back on her head and followed him across the street into the unassuming corner pub.

  “There’s our guy—right over there,” he grabbed her hand when she would have backed out the door and tugged her towards a booth at the back of the room.

  “You didn’t tell me we were meeting someone else,” she whispered fiercely in his ear.

  “We never got around to talking,” he gave her a look that was both charming and innocent at once.

  “Thanks for meeting us, Carter,” Gabe shook the man’s hand as Jessie slid in the seat warily.

  “Glad to do it,” Carter smiled.

  Jessie knew she must look like a frightened wild animal, but she couldn’t help it. Every warning bell in her head was going off full tilt. Gabe seemed to be trying to silently tell her
it was okay. Maybe that’s just what she wanted to see in his eyes.

  “Carter here is the Captain of our Organized Crimes unit… he’s my boss,” Gabe explained. Jessie went to bolt but he was in her way and wouldn’t budge.

  Her eyes accused him of betrayal.

  “Just hear what he has to say. If you want to take off when he’s done talking, then I’ll even drive you home,” Gabe whispered against her ear, his warm breath both soothing and sending chills down her spine. She sought his eyes with hers, trying to see the truth in them.

  “Don’t make me regret this,” she sighed and settled back down.

  Jessie took comfort in the gentle pressure of his leg against hers beneath the table. She took a deep breath and looked Captain Carter in the eye. “Organized Crimes, huh? Spence really stepped in it this time.”

  “Did you know he was involved with a local family?” Carter asked.

  “No, but I did wonder where he came up with the cash for the Mercedes. He’s never been so flush before. What’s he running for them? Drugs or girls?”

  “I’m not really at liberty to answer that,” Carter coughed uncomfortably.

  “Girls, huh. So I guess you want me to keep my eyes open for newbies… or are they just passing through?”

  “How do you know it’s girls?”

  “I watched your facial expressions,” Jessie shrugged and turned her attention to Gabe. “Are you going to get us those nachos? I want a beer while you’re at it.”

  “Sure thing,” he motioned for the waitress. The look of pride on his face made Jessie feel warm inside.

  She took in her surroundings while he ordered. A fairly steady stream of college kids filed by, obviously headed for the stairs. There was a certain Irish punk feel to the place. One of the bartenders was a big, brawny guy with well-tattooed forearms and a large tat on the back of his bald head. The other bartender was a cute but gruff-looking girl with short reddish-brown hair tucked under a brown flat cap. There was a kitschy, eclectic mix of stuff above the bar that included a cross, a soccer ball, a piggy bank and a golf bag—along with a lot of others she couldn’t quite make out.