Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  Jessie wasn’t sure she was in the mood for a beer until she took a sip of the large draft set in front of her and decided immediately it was the best she’d ever had. So was the fried chicken sandwich and french fries she had for dinner. She could practically feel the calories attaching themselves to her hips as she ate, but she didn’t care. It was decadently amazing.

  Between the enormous beer, the sheer number of calories consumed, and the easy conversation, Jessie felt a little dazed by the time she stood stretching in the parking lot, waiting for Gabe to unlock her door.

  She had no idea where he was taking her as he hopped back on Highway 44, but she didn’t really care. The sun was shining and it was a perfect 82 degrees, so they took the top off the Jeep and turned the music up. Miles of blacktop flew by beneath, taking the couple further and further from all that stood between them.

  Jessie leaned back in the seat, watching the lush green hills pass by. Warmth radiated from her neck where Gabe’s free hand rested lightly when he could spare it. She’d begun to wonder if he’d forgotten her request to stop for clothes when he pulled into a large outlet mall.

  “We used to get our school clothes here when I was a kid. My mom swore by the place. Sorry, it’s all I could think of,” he offered a little helplessly.

  “No, it’s perfect,” she straightened and stretched the kinks out of her back.

  Gabe was a saint, walking patiently through each store with her as she scoured sales racks. As soon as Jessie settled on her first purchase, she went to the restroom to change.

  “What you had on was fine,” Gabe pointed out to her when she emerged in a new outfit.

  “People were staring at me.”

  “Honey, people would stare at you in a gunny sack. You’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” Jessie flushed, looking anywhere but at him.

  She happened to disagree with him about the reason for the stares. She felt much less self-conscious now that she was wearing a plain gray t-shirt and a pair of denim capris. Three stores later, she had a sufficient wardrobe for the week, along with some tennis shoes and a leather bag to use as a suitcase. Gabe watched her with amusement as she bent over in the parking lot to transfer her clothes from the large plastic bags to her new satchel.

  Two minutes after they climbed back in the car, he was pulling into a gas station, pronouncing it the last chance to use the bathroom or grab a fountain soda. Although Jessie took him up on both offers, she assumed he meant last chance until they reached their destination.

  But when he took a back road instead of getting on the highway, Jessie wondered if maybe he’d meant it was literally the last chance in the foreseeable future. They wound through what was surely wild country. It was lush and beautiful; there was a certain rugged air to the place. Red and black cattle dotted most of the fields. They passed so many horses Jessie wondered if they were an acceptable mode of transportation in this part of the state.

  It couldn’t have been more different from her world. Funny, she hadn’t thought Gabe looked out of place when she’d met him. But he seemed to fit here. There was an ease about him already.

  “Where are we going?” she asked for the first time.

  “Nope, sorry darlin’—it’s a surprise.”

  She pouted a bit at that but let it go when it occurred to her that a trip like this had certain obligations that came with it. Ironically, that was suddenly making her nervous. It was idiotic, really. The ice cream man didn’t get nervous if someone asked him for a scoop of ice cream off the clock. It was as simple as that, she told herself as she watched fields and woods slip past her window.

  For the first time since she’d met Gabe, she tried to put her finger on the pull he had over her. She’d believed Harmony when her feelings had been declared a crush, but she hadn’t really stopped to think about it. The truth was—he was more of a curiosity than anything. Sure, when he touched her she didn’t want him to stop. There was something reassuring about him that made her feel warm… and valued.

  But a normal woman in a normal relationship would at some point want to make love with the man in her life. The closer that inevitability came, the more it felt like just another deal for Jessie.

  “What has you so worked up over there?”

  She hadn’t realized her expression was so transparent. Her brow furrowed as she tried to think of something to say. She finally gave up and settled on the truth.

  “I’ve never done this before.”

  “What?”

  “This,” she emphasized the word, hoping she wouldn’t have to spell it out for him.

  “Gone for a ride down a country road?”

  She sighed heavily. Surely he was toying with her. He hadn’t seemed overly obtuse before.

  “Stop it,” she snapped. “I’m a little nervous, okay? I’ve never done this because I wanted to before… there. Are you happy now?”

  “Whoa, whoa… what brought this on?” he pulled the Jeep off the road onto the grass, putting it into park and turning to face her.

  “Are you just supposed to pull over like this? There’s no shoulder.”

  “It’s fine Jess; don’t change the subject.”

  “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You’re right,” he nodded in agreement. “Stewing over it makes so much more sense.”

  “You are such a jerk.”

  “There’s my girl,” he grinned, reaching out to tap the end of her nose playfully.

  She shook her head and batted his hand away, her eyes seeking something to focus on that would alleviate her humiliation.

  “Hey, look at me.”

  She stubbornly refused, her jaw jutting defiantly.

  “We’re not moving until you do.”

  Jessie could almost hear the clock ticking away the seconds as they sat there, each stubbornly refusing to budge. Finally she turned to look at him, one eyebrow arched as if to say “this had better be good.”

  “I’m glad you told me, but Jessie that’s not why I brought you down here.”

  “So it hasn’t crossed your mind?”

  “Well I didn’t say that… but whether we do or we don’t, I brought you here so we could be together with nothing standing between us. I just want to be near you. I want to hear you laugh and I want to know that you aren’t looking over your shoulder or watching the clock. I want to lose myself in you.”

  “Oh.”

  “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  “No.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Start driving again.”

  “And then you’ll believe me?” he seemed doubtful.

  “No, but I really am uncomfortable sitting on the side of the road like this.”

  “Fine,” he sighed, putting the car into gear as he spoke. “I’m declaring this a sex-free trip then.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “If that’s what it takes.”

  “You’re bluffing.”

  “Am not.”

  “Fine,” Jessie folded her arms and regarded him coolly. “It’s a sex-free trip.”

  “I’m glad we’ve got that worked out,” he seemed to be convincing himself of that more than her. “Now we can enjoy ourselves.”

  Jessie couldn’t contain the bubble of laughter that burst out. There was something very endearing about how unsettled he now seemed.

  “What?”

  “I don’t know,” she laughed even harder.

  Gabe cut a few side glances her way that said he wasn’t amused before a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. She giggled even harder and after a moment his rich laughter joined hers. It washed over and through her, warming her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and reminding her why she placed herself in this precarious position in the first place.

  Her laughter stopped abruptly when she read the sign posted at the edge of the property he appeared to be turning onto.

  Honey Branch Cave. Outdoor Weddings. Outdoor Picnics. Ho
sta Gardens. Hosta Sales.

  “It sure is a long way to drive for a picnic,” she teased nervously.

  “I didn’t bring a picnic… I’m sorry, should I have?”

  “Are we buying hostas?” she asked hopefully.

  “No, we’re not buying hostas,” he was smiling, obviously enjoying her discomfort.

  Her mind raced. It was ludicrous to think he’d brought her here to marry her. Did he think that would convince her to leave Spence? Was this some weird act of chivalry? She wanted to climb the door like a feral cat.

  “You can relax. I didn’t bring you here to spring a wedding on you, either.”

  “Oh thank God,” she breathed a sigh of relief.

  “That hurt.”

  Jessie didn’t answer; she was too taken with their surroundings. At the end of the bumpy gravel road they emerged in an empty parking lot surrounded by wooded gardens.

  “It’s beautiful,” she breathed the words.

  “You haven’t seen the best part,” he assured her as he turned the Jeep up a path Jessie wasn’t entirely sure he was supposed to be driving on. “I think you’ll like this.”

  He parked in front of an honest-to-God log cabin before hopping out to grab their bags. It was small with a sharply-angled tin roof, and it looked like it had been built at least a hundred years before. It had a covered porch with a swing hanging from it and a lone window on the front of the house.

  With a boyish grin, he led her through the door. The interior was as tiny as it appeared from the outside. There was a bed to the left and a fireplace to the right and not much else.

  “The kitchen back there is new. It was added on after the cabin was moved to this spot.”

  “The cabin was moved?” Jessie had never seen such a tiny kitchen. She was relieved to see running water, though.

  “It used to stand by itself further back in the woods. You know, the last family to live here had 11 kids?”

  “Did they stack them on top of each other?” Jessie couldn’t envision 13 people sleeping in such a tiny space, let alone functioning.

  “It was a very different way of life,” he acknowledged.

  “Wow. No television.”

  “Sorry, no T.V.,” he agreed.

  “I wish I’d known that before I agreed to this no sex thing.”

  Chapter Seven

  Jessie could tell by Gabe’s expression he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh or not. She certainly wasn’t going to help him figure it out. She buried her nose in the bouquet of wildflowers sitting on the kitchen counter.

  “They’re beautiful.”

  “I’m glad you like them,” he seemed to want to cross the distance between them but instead leaned against the doorframe.

  She wanted to go to him but smiled and folded her arms across her chest.

  “Right,” he rubbed the back of his neck with a rueful grin.

  “This is a neat place,” she looked for a way to break the awkward moment. “How’d you hear about it?”

  “It’s kind of a convoluted story,” he either didn’t know where to start or was hesitant to head into that territory.

  Jessie realized her head was bobbing and she couldn’t really say why. She had no idea what they were supposed to do next.

  “Come on,” he grabbed a flashlight and tossed it to Jessie.

  “Stop throwing things at me,” she held her arms up defensively, causing the flashlight to bounce off her and fall to the floor.

  “Generally people catch things tossed at them.”

  “Do I look athletic?”

  Gabe opened his mouth to answer but thought better of it. He shook his head and handed her his flashlight before retrieving the fallen one.

  “Just stay close to me.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Can we explore the gardens?”

  “Later. I think you’ll like this.”

  Jessie didn’t argue, allowing Gabe to lead her out the cabin’s side door, her hand safely ensconced in his.

  “Oh, I almost forgot the pencil,” he let go of her hand to dart back inside.

  “I suppose you aren’t going to tell me what that’s for, either,” she asked when he’d rejoined her.

  “You’ll see soon enough.”

  Just out of the cabin was a path leading down a hill to what looked like the mouth of a cave. Sun filtered through the treetops. The air was muggy—apparently this region of Missouri hadn’t been granted the reprieve St. Louis had. Jessie had her doubts about hiking, but anything was better than the awkwardness of the cabin.

  A rickety iron gate swung loosely on its hinges at the mouth of the cave. Now that she was so close, she was certain it was a cave; presumably the namesake of this place. It was easy to overlook if you didn’t know it was there.

  Though Jessie acknowledged the outdoorsy thing was not her forte, it seemed reasonable to her that if there was an iron gate barring entrance to a black hole in the center of the earth, maybe it was best to heed the advice.

  Apparently this basic common sense was not as obvious as Jessie thought, because Gabe blithely stepped beyond the gate and threw the light switch on. The lever looked like something you’d see in a mad scientist’s lab; only it was connected to clear round light bulbs strung up like Christmas lights along the cave ceiling.

  The moment Jessie stepped out of the sun and into the realm of the cave she was instantly bathed in cool air. It felt like standing in front of an open refrigerator door.

  Gabe took her hand in his again, leading her across a wooden bridge to a narrow, gravel path. The light of the forest quickly faded behind them, leaving them completely dependent on the Christmas lights above and the flashlights Gabe had provided. Jessie was immensely grateful for the warmth of his hand.

  The walls were bumpy, damp and draped with minerals. Gabe stopped to shine the light around the room and at the ceiling so Jessie could see how it made the calcite deposits glow bright white.

  They left the first room and moved into a new area, this one with smooth walls. Just as Broadway Oyster Bar’s benches had been covered with signatures and artwork, the walls of the cave had captured a montage of human history. Jessie peered more closely at the writing, taking the time to read over 150 years of signatures.

  She wondered if it was even possible to read them all—they were everywhere. After a few minutes, they started walking again but this time more slowly as they read aloud to each other the names and dates that caught their interest.

  “Is that spray paint?” Jessie pointed to a particularly large signature that ran across the top of the wall.

  “It’s residue from an old carbide lantern. People used to hold it up the cave wall and write with it.”

  Jessie tried to soak it all in. She could almost see the ghosts of all the lives that came through this place.

  “Before the current owners took it over, this cave was a pretty popular spot,” Gabe explained as they entered a large room. He stopped and looked around as if this spot held a memory or two for him as well.

  “It’s amazing.”

  “Teachers used to bring their classes here on field trips. It’s been a date destination since the late 1800s. Jesse James used it as a hideout. During Prohibition, the owners brought a piano in here and turned this room into a local hot spot.”

  “They brought a piano where?”

  “Here. This is the piano room… look, you can see what’s left of the old piano up there.”

  “I think I can almost picture it,” she smiled a little at that. Something fluttered close to her head and she threw herself at Gabe.

  “That was an Eastern Pipistrelle,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Missouri’s smallest bat. You might see one or two males roosting alone in here, but we won’t disrupt the big nest at the back of the cave.”

  “That sounds like a good plan,” she was torn between trying to salvage her dignity and snuggling closer to Gabe. The heat of h
is embrace stood in stark contrast to the coolness of the cave. Everything in her wanted to tuck her head under his chin and just soak in the pleasure of his touch.

  But that didn’t seem conducive to a sex-free week, so she reluctantly pulled herself away and forged ahead. Offshoots promising other caverns to be explored dotted the way on either side of them. But they also looked small and dark and dirty and that was more dedication than Jessie felt at the moment.

  The next room they came to was dominated by a large white cross set in a natural clay shelf on the right. It felt huge and imposing in the enclosed space. Jessie couldn’t explain the emotions that washed over her at the sight of it, except maybe she’d spent a little too much time listening to the soundtrack of Jesus Christ Superstar. She couldn’t resist reaching up to reverently touch the white wood, feeling silly even as she did.

  “The KKK used to meet in this room. It’s part of the cave’s history most people aren’t so proud of.”

  “So this is a clan cross?” Jesse jumped back as if flames now lapped at the wood.

  “Most likely,” he admitted. “Sorry.”

  “How sad,” she frowned at the cross, off-handedly wondering how one symbol could mean so many different things to so many different people.

  “Is this the end of the cave?” Jessie pointed to what seemed to be a dead-end.

  “For most. There’s actually a shelf there that, if you were willing to crawl on your belly through the bats’ nest, would loop you back around to a waterfall on the other end of the property.”

  “Good to know,” she nodded, not sure what else to say.

  “Look over here… this is the crown jewel of the cave.”

  “What’s that?” she obligingly turned and followed the direction he was pointing. The inscription was simple, but it leapt out at her just the same. “Jesse James 1868” was carved into an overhang. She reached her fingers up warily to touch it. She knew little of the outlaw’s life, but it was cool to think he’d once stood exactly where she did now.

  “His actual signature is the big carbide one that sprawls over the entire overhang. A historian scrawled this in after she’d verified it.”