Needing Her

by Annabelle Love

  “What’s her name?” Stiffening at the question, I sucked in as much breath as I could, and Anthony eased his arms around me with a frown. “Your sister wouldn’t tell me.”

  “Her name is Antonya.” Smiling as his brows furrowed deeply, heat rushed to fill my cheeks as I stepped back. “I thought it was pretty… classic.”

  “You named her after me?” Awe-struck shock laced Anthony’s voice, and his brows furrowed deeply even as a ghost of a smile curved his mouth. “It is pretty… Antonya.”

  “So… how was she with you?” Posing the question as I slid past him, I briefly closed my eyes and rolled my shoulders to relieve some tension. My sister wasn’t anywhere to be found, but I knew she was upstairs with the babies.

  Heading into the kitchen, my stiff strides carried me to the baby monitor on the counter while Anthony followed close behind. His presence caused the fine hairs on my back to stand up, and I gazed at the crisp picture on the monitor before he answered.

  “She was perfect. I… I wasn’t expecting her to be so good on the car ride over… since she doesn’t know me.” Clearing his throat roughly, Anthony fell into an uncomfortable silence, and my chest tightened as I slowly turned around. “Is there anything you need?”

  “No.” Biting down on my bottom lip absently, I leaned back against the counter as Anthony’s expression blanked out. “But, I was thinking… if you want to come over, you can.”

  “Yeah… yeah, I want to.” Answering quickly, Anthony nodded firmly while the light flared in his eyes, and I smiled at the warm feeling that wiggled into my chest. Twisting to look at the baby monitor again, I leaned against the granite countertop to prop my chin in my hand. Coming up behind me, he draped himself over me like a blanket of warmth and muscle, and my eyelids fluttered when he kissed under my ear. “Thank you, Hailey.”

  Humming softly, I watched my sister rock Tommy while Antonya snoozed in the crib, and hope blossomed in my chest.

  Even if Anthony couldn’t stand to look at me, he would make the effort for his daughter. He stepped up without even thinking about it, and I could almost taste how badly he wanted to try as it clung to the roof of my mouth. The relief that thickened my blood was so intense it seeped from my pores, and I leaned back slightly to duck my head.

  Chapter 11

  Hailey

  Dumping my armful onto the couch, I reached to thread my fingers through my hair, and Anthony set Antonya’s car seat on the coffee table with a low grunt. Twisting to watch him drop heavily onto the sofa, my body thrummed with anxiety while he rocked her gently even though she was out like a light.

  “I’m gonna go heat up some leftover lasagna… do you want any?” In the waning light of early evening, I watched Anthony try to drag his eyes away from Antonya, but he couldn’t. Smiling as he reached into her car seat to touch her little, balled up fist, my heart squeezed at this precious moment before I edged around the couch and towards the kitchen.

  Tiredness weighed down my arms as I pulled out a medium-sized pan of lasagna I’d made two nights ago. My stomach growled in anticipation, and I licked my lips as I peeled back the cellophane. Of the many things I’d learned the past five weeks, this was the most important.

  Always have leftovers, because there’s no guarantee I’ll have the energy to cook.

  Leaning against the counter as the microwave hummed softly, I stared blankly at the tiles stretching across the floor under furrowed brows. Anthony was in my house—well, my apartment—and I still couldn’t come to grips with everything that had happened today. He’d appeared out of nowhere, and now there was no possible way he’d leave; if nothing else, that was a certainty.

  He was in love at first sight.

  At least he wasn’t in love with me.

  The thought pulled at the edges of my mouth, and I tilted my head back to stare at the popcorn ceiling.

  I couldn’t handle that… not now. Maybe not ever.

  Anthony was different, now—I could sense it from the moment I noticed him at the Speakeasy.

  Or, maybe he wasn’t different… this was the rest of him that I hadn’t seen before.

  “Here.” Balancing two plates in either of my hands, I licked my lips as my stomach twisted in impatience. Anthony finally managed to tear his eyes off Antonya; even though she was asleep, he was completely absorbed in her. Surprise slithered into my veins when he looked up at me, and he took one plate smoothly before I sat next to him. Snatching the remote off the coffee table, I waited for the television mounted on the wall to flicker to life in an awkward silence.

  The 6:30pm News filled the room, but it became white noise in the background when Anthony spoke up.

  “Thanks, Hailey.” Casting him a sidelong glance as I twirled my fork absently, I cocked my head in silent question before he sighed heavily. “I came here originally to check on one of the brokerage companies my father gave me after his heart attack. The money didn’t add up, I guess. I usually leave that crap to the CEOs, but my father insisted I make the trip.”

  “I didn’t want any of this in the first place, but my father needed to ‘lower his stress considerably’ or he’d have another heart attack—a worse one. Ever since then, he’s been ordering me around like I’m his fu—”

  Catching himself, Anthony’s eyes flew to Antonya, and he cleared his throat roughly. Affection warmed my chest despite the heavy topic, and I shoved my forkful beyond my teeth while he continued.

  “—his assistant. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s the only explanation I have. I can’t stand it when he does sh— stuff… like that… and it’s only gotten worse over the years.”

  “Why don’t you just appropriate them?” Leaning back as I posed my question out loud, I settled into the cushions and swallowed my bite. “Or tell him to take them back if he wants to run them messenger verbatim?”

  “I can’t, he needs to sign off on it, and he won’t because he’s a greedy control freak. He won’t take them back, either, citing his health. Honestly, though, I think he gets more stressed about me than he ever did about them. I’m at the point where I am seriously considering just walking away.”

  Humming softly, I chewed my bite quickly as Anthony pushed his lasagna around with a deep frown. “I never wanted any of this. I wanted to be in real estate, you know… not tromping around in a $2,000 suit telling people stuff I have no interest in and know very little about.”

  “My dad hates me.” My declaration twisted my face into a sneer, and Anthony’s gaze bored into my cheek as I stabbed a chunk of my food with more force than was necessary. “He hates that I was a girl. My parents didn’t know until I was born, but he hoped almost fanatically that I would be a boy. When I wasn’t—and when my three sisters were all sisters and my mom got her tubes tied—he got progressively worse. He’d beat the crap out of me… I mean, there were valid reasons, he never did it just because… but it was never something so bad that he had to go there. Like, I got suspended in 8th grade for punching this girl that pulled Marissa’s hair so hard she took a chunk out, so my dad punched me hard enough to give me a concussion. I lost sight in my right eye and had a black and blue for, like, a month.”

  “No one ever called CPS or anything?” Disgust mingled with shock in Anthony’s voice, and I shook my head.

  It took me a long time to come to terms with everything my father did to me; not to say that I forgave him, but I didn’t put energy into being angry about it. There was no changing it now, and I wasn’t going to waste years and thousands of dollars of therapy for something I couldn’t change.

  “That’s just how it was. I took it because I was afraid that if I didn’t, he’d do more than just scream at my sisters. Looking back on it now, I’m not so ignorant that I don’t recognize that my dad treating me that way was why I work so hard. I got my promotion—real job security—and I never have to put up with anyone just because he can give me something I can’t get myself.”

  “… That’s a lot darker than I was expecting�
� You came out so good, you know, Hailey?” Smiling grimly beyond my mouthful, I swallowed roughly with a curt nod and trained my gaze on the television. The weatherwoman was going on about the rest of the week, but I couldn’t really focus on it for more than a few, quick seconds.

  “I mean, it’s not worse than what you’re going through. At least my dad only hit me, he didn’t wage psychological warfare on me… which is exactly what your dad is doing, Anthony. If this was ten months ago, I would’ve expected you to tell him to screw himself and appropriate without his consent and force him to take it all back. You know, like, put all that dominating nature of yours to uses that don’t involve ruining my favorite pair of panties or making me lose my voice for two days.” Spewing out the words in an inappropriate attempt to lighten the atmosphere, I tensed when Anthony choked loudly on his bite.

  Using some superhuman effort I didn’t know I had to keep my eyes on the television screen, I bristled under my clothes at the absolutely smoldering glare he shot me. “That’s why I never liked D—it always stretches beyond the bedroom, and I don’t want that.”

  “You really know how to change the subject, Hailey, jeez…” Rasping his response, Anthony set his plate on the coffee table to face me fully, and I couldn’t avoid his gaze any longer. The intensity I’d first noticed was there in full force, tightening my breasts and causing my abdomen to clench. “I am sorry—I’m sorry your dad treated you like that. I’m sorry I treated you like that. I pr—”

  Whatever promise Anthony was about to make stopped short, and his eyes flickered to my chest to widen. Furrowing my brows, I frowned before glancing down, and heat billowed up my neck at the large wet spots that seeped through my shirt. The gravity of the moment was lost as an embarrassed giggle burst from my throat, and he sucked in a sharp breath before jerking his head to the side.

  “Do you want to watch?” The question flew from my lips without any thought, and Anthony stiffened as I silently cursed myself. Not like I can take it back, though. “It’s about that time. You gave her a bottle three and a half hours ago, right?”

  “Yeah, I did… is… is that normal?” Cautious curiosity laced Anthony’s tone, and I laughed a real laugh. The surprise in his eyes seeped away as they narrowed, a frown dragging down the corners of his mouth. “Forgive me for not having any experience here—I’m not a damn dog, you know.”

  “I know—” Waving my hand weakly, I leaned to set my plate on the table and push myself to my bare feet. “I’m sorry. Yes, it is normal. Antonya is only 5 weeks old, so I make a ton more than she actually needs.”

  As if on cue, Antonya started whimpering and fussing, and Anthony frown instantly smoothed. Carefully shuffling past him to her car seat, I unbuckled my daughter with steady hands, and pleasant surprise rocked through me when he scooted to the far end of the sofa. Seating myself easily, I held her to my chest before pulling up my shirt and unclasping the specialty bra I’d gotten from Tracy. All the while, Anthony’s eyes never left me, carefully following each movement, until they settled on her when she clamped onto my nipple.

  The familiar ache of Antonya’s suckling pulled at my tender flesh, and I winced as I leaned back against the couch cushions. Slowly shuffling closer, Anthony slipped his pinky finger into her little palm, and his rough skin gyrated against my breast in a whisper of a touch.

  “She’s so beautiful.” Closing my eyes as drowsiness fogged my mind, I leaned my head back while Anthony’s mumble flowed down the side of my neck. “I wish I was there—I wish I saw how beautiful she was.”

  “Marissa videoed the last two hours of my labor. I’ll pull it out for you when I’m done.”

  Chapter 12

  Anthony

  “So… I’ll see you after work, okay?” Holding Antonya to my chest, I nodded firmly as Hailey stood in the doorway of her sister’s house dripping in awkwardness. Reaching to caress Antonya’s head, she smiled before slowly backing out and shutting the door behind her. The tink of her bracelet rang in the silence left in her wake, and I inhaled a deep breath and held it before a shuffling behind me caught my attention.

  Kelly was the youngest of the four of them, and she watched me with unbridled curiosity as she quietly folded laundry on the coffee table just beyond the sofa. Clearing my throat roughly, I watched through narrowed eyes as she blushed furiously before opening her mouth.

  “Sorry… none of us thought this would ever happen. It’s just… like… how often do you hear about a one-night stand ending like this, you know? You don’t even doubt that she’s yours or anything.”

  My brows shot up at that in surprise, and I glanced at the tiny creature in my arms to find her staring dazedly up at me. Antonya’s soft blue, almost grey eyes sparkled, and she gurgled as she sucked on her fist.

  This wasn’t the end. It was the beginning.

  “It never occurred to me that she might not be mine… so, you know what happened, then?” After everything Hailey revealed to me the night before, I already knew that her bond with her sisters was strong. I wasn’t surprised when Kelly nodded firmly, and I wandered around the couch as she shrugged slightly underneath her thin t-shirt.

  There was no fucking way that Antonya wasn’t mine, and I pursed my lips into a thin line even as Kelly’s parted.

  “I mean, I don’t begrudge you or anything, Anthony. H was very adamant about not telling you. It’s not your fault… I just never expected you to step up without any questions at all. It says a lot about you, you know? That even though you and H don’t know each other, you’re making an effort for the baby. I don’t think I believed her about you.”

  My question must’ve been written on my face, and Kelly smiled sheepishly as she carefully folded a men’s button down against her chest. “That you’re overwhelmingly intense. Even last night—I felt it all the way upstairs. Everyone noticed at the Speakeasy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen H back down like that with anyone… even our dad, she never just let him in her space like that.”

  “She told me about him.” My simple declaration earned me a wide-eyed, incredulous stare from a jaw-drop-shock expression, and Kelly nearly dropped the shirt as I frowned. “What?”

  “N- nothing—” Stuttering slightly, she shook her head even as she continued her explanation. “It’s just that H never tells anyone that kind of stuff. She doesn’t want them to pity her and do stuff for her they wouldn’t normally do. I’m surprised she told you. Our parents are a very sore subject for her. Mom doesn’t even know she was pregnant.”

  “… Hailey said you had a copy of her labor, can I watch it?” Changing the subject before I entered territory I couldn’t escape, I held my breath until Kelly nodded firmly. The atmosphere lightened considerably, and I sat down on the sofa amid the piles of folded clothes to lean back and cross my legs. “Did you all do videos, or just her?”

  “We all did—Marissa’s husband did it during her first pregnancy because she denied the epidural and he wanted to remind her to take it next time. But then, next time came, and she didn’t make it to the hospital. The same thing happened with Tracy’s second baby. Marissa’s on number three now, and Tracy, Hailey and I gave birth in the same month. So, it kind of turned into a roadshow, since H and I were the only ones to deliver in the hospital.”

  Rambling slightly as she sauntered to the entertainment center at the back of the living room, Kelly flicked through the DVD sleeves before pausing to glance back at me. “It’s not easy to watch. Hailey was having a terrible time.”

  “I want to watch it.” Conviction branded my heart, and Kelly shrugged again before picking up one of the sleeves to pop it open.

  “If you say so.” Turning on the television, she navigated to the DVD player as I leaned forward in my seat, clenching my thighs together to cradle Antonya in my lap. Her small, fast heartbeat reverberated up my spine, and her entire body from shoulders to hips could fit under my palm. “I’m gonna go put this away.”

  Filling the basket on the coffee table with folded cl
othes, Kelly hoisted it onto her hip to make her way towards the stairs, but my eyes were glued to the television as it glowed bright blue.

  “—kay! Okay! The recorder is on, smile, H!” The cheerful, strained, feminine voice that echoed from the speakers sent stiffness down my spine, and Hailey’s furious, tear-stained face flashed on the screen. Two nurses held her up on either side while she walked, and her expression twisted in pain as she gnashed her tightly clenched teeth.

  “Get that fucking thing out of my fa-a-a-ah! Fa- f- fuck!” Crumpling like wet paper, Hailey’s high-pitched scream rattled my bones, and the blood drained from my cheeks even as hers glowed a purplish-red. “Oh my God! Oh my God—Oh my God!”

  “It’s okay, it’s okay, H. You’re almost there. Only one more centimeter.” The camera lens flew to a man that took the nurse’s place supporting Hailey’s left side, but she pushed him away roughly with a harsh grunt.

  “It’s not okay! I hate you! Get out, Mark!” Hailey started sobbing uncontrollably, and this man, Mark, slipped back under her arm without any hesitation. Sweat dripped in torrents from every part of her body, and his side was soaked almost immediately. My heart twisted painfully, and I ground my teeth hard as I rubbed Antonya’s belly subconsciously. “Fuck- fuck- Ah- ah-h! Fuck!”

  Hailey limped slowly around in a circle, stopping every other step as a contraction ripped through her. Agony seared my chest, and I couldn’t breathe as I watched her nearly fall to her knees.

  That was what this was—agony for her to go through, and agony for me that I wasn’t there.

  “Get her out of me! Please! It hurts so bad!” Goosebumps washed my skin as ice froze my veins, and Hailey’s whimpering, wretched cries came in desperate gasps.

  “Just a little more, H. See, here comes the doctor, now.” The video swung to the door as a white-clad, older woman and a nurse came striding confidently into the room. “She’s gonna check, and it’ll all be over before you know it.”