In the Heart of Forever (A Heart Story)

by Jo-Anna Walker

  She grabbed her bag and started flinging clothes from her dresser into it. She reached the picture of her and her mom on her nightstand and froze. “Don’t come back.”

  My eyes widened. “What do you mean?” Her mood swings were really starting to piss me off.

  She spun on me. “Do I have to spell it out for you? I’m leaving. After I talk to the police, go to the hospital, whatever, I’m gone. Out of here.”

  What had gotten into her? “What’s wrong with you?”

  “You waited a month to come to me. Why? Why tonight?” Her eyes filled with tears and she turned back to her nightstand.

  I frowned, confused. “I was going to drop off the guitar. I didn’t even want to come over with how much of a bitch you’ve been lately. I had at least hoped that we could be friends but you didn’t even seem to want that.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Hearing those words again from her made something inside me snap. I stormed up to her and grabbed her shoulders, spinning her towards me.

  Her eyes widened and she looked up at me with horror.

  I wanted to yell at her. That was my goal when I had taken those steps towards her but seeing her ripped dress, made me crush her to me instead. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, ignoring the fight she attempted at first.

  Her body stiffened.

  “Jesse, God, I’m so sorry.”

  “Let go of me, Rave.” She pushed at my waist, trying to get me to release her.

  “No.”

  “Rave, please...” Her voice cracked.

  “Jesse, what’s happened with us?”

  She pushed against me. “I can’t deal with that now. You don’t need me. I’m better off alone.”

  I held her at arm’s length as fury tore through me. “Are you fucking stupid?” I didn’t let her go until she kneed me in the balls. Fire and pain erupted from my groin, making me gasp for air. “Jesse, what the hell?” I croaked out.

  She shoved past me and I heard her leave the room for a moment.

  I doubled over, trying to catch my breath. Whatever possessed her to knee me? The pain tore through me and I had to swallow several times to keep from puking.

  A moment later, she walked back over to the dresser, throwing more things into her bag.

  “Jesse,” I said gruffly.

  She turned to me, her eyes dark with fury. “Don’t. Just…” She took a deep breath. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t try to make me feel better. Just don’t. You’re not my knight on a black steed. I don’t get to have one of those.” She walked up to me and grabbed the picture of her mother off of the dresser. She sighed, running her thumb over the glass.

  I didn’t know the whole situation with her mom. That was a very touchy subject with Jesse. We both had skeletons and dark secrets and neither of us were willing to share them…yet.

  I took a step towards her and grimaced as the pain in my crotch simmered slowly. I placed my hands on her shoulders and kissed her head. “Bring the picture with you.”

  She shrugged out of my touch and shoved the picture in her bag. “I’m going to go see my mom and then leave the city. I’ll hitch a ride somewhere. Anywhere but here is better.”

  “Jesse, please.” I grabbed her chin, lifting her head. A minty scent washed up from her, filling my nostrils. I lowered my head and covered her mouth with mine.

  A moment later, her tense body relaxed under my touch. She opened her mouth and moaned.

  I let my tongue slip in between her lips, finding hers instantly.

  Her hands grabbed my waist, pulling me against her. I took a breath and let her go.

  “Rave.” The sound of her breathing my name almost made me lose control.

  I kissed the corner of her mouth. “Not here, baby.” My voice came out husky.

  She looked up at me, panting. “You don’t want me?”

  I rolled my eyes and released myself from her. I paced her room, trying to cool off.

  She huffed and hopped off her dresser. She came up to me, running her hands over my abs. “Rave, come on, please.”

  Oh God. Hearing her beg just about did me in. I grabbed her wrists. “No. We need to deal with the police and get you to the hospital.”

  She huffed. “I’m not going.”

  “Jesse, Allan almost…the police are going to want to make sure you’re okay and it’s evidence.”

  “What if they don’t take Allan away?” Her eyes filled with fear, looked up at me.

  “They will for tonight. You’ll be safe, baby.” I pressed my lips to her forehead, letting them linger.

  “Thank you.” She walked me to the stairs and took a step. Her foot slipped and she nearly fell.

  It was like my life flashed before my eyes, except it was Jesse I was losing. It happened so quickly, I didn’t even have to think about it. I grabbed onto her arm, spinning her towards me.

  She cried out, bumping into me. Our breaths were ragged as we clung onto each other. “Oh God, Rave,” she gasped.

  “It’s ok. You’re safe.” Holy shit. I ran my hands down her back and held her to me as tightly as I could.

  “You…” She looked up at me, her big eyes glassy. “You saved me.”

  I kissed her plump lips. “Of course. I wouldn’t even hesitate.”

  She latched onto my chest and sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Shhh…we can talk about this later. Be careful going down these stairs.”

  She half giggled half sighed. “Yeah, no kidding.”

  I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her hard. Her almost falling down the stairs made me realize that I needed to fight harder to hold onto her. I would make her see that she was perfect for me. That we were meant for each other.

  I probably should have left, knowing what I did could get me into trouble but I needed to be there for Jesse. To make sure that everything was okay. If I had it my way, I would never leave her again.

  We left the house and waited on the porch. I saw lights heading down the street. A breath left me on a whoosh that I didn’t even know I was holding. Now that the police and ambulance were there, I knew she would be safe. Since Allan was a lawyer, who knew how long he would be in jail for.

  Chapter 26

  Jesse

  The EMS worker flashed his little light in both of my eyes trying to blind me. “I’m fine. Can I go back inside now?”

  “We still need to ask you some questions and you need to go to the hospital,” Officer Pike told me. He was young. Maybe in his late thirties but the lines on his face clearly stated this cop had seen his share of atrocities.

  I sighed and placed both of my hands in my lap. Rave wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we both sat in the back of the ambulance waiting for the interrogation.

  Allan was still passed out cold when he was taken away by another ambulance. Who knew Rave could hit someone so hard. Allan was much bigger, but it didn’t even seem to faze Rave.

  “Jesse.”

  I looked up into Officer Pike’s green eyes. Eyes that had reminded me of Rave’s. Rave had protected me. Stopped Allan from continuing his abuse and stopped me from falling down the stairs like my mother had years before.

  “Has Allan raped you before?” Officer Pike’s eyes turned cold.

  I swallowed a couple of times. “Yes. Only once.”

  He didn’t bother asking me why I didn’t go to the police sooner. I wouldn’t have answered him anyways because I didn’t know why. According to Allan I deserved it. Did I? At first I thought I did. Maybe I did something so wrong that he felt he had to punish me but after everything with Rave, I knew that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t deserve any of this.

  “Jesse, none of this is your fault,” Officer Pike told me. Oh God, not him, too.

  Tears welled in my eyes but I couldn’t speak. My tongue was frozen and no words would form on my lips.

  Rave kissed my head. “I’m here, baby.”

  I needed him to hold me, make me feel better. Erase the pain and m
emory of Allan touching me. Violating me. It happened weeks ago but would I ever forget it?

  “We’re gonna hold off for the night but…” Officer Pike’s eyes searched my face. “Is there anywhere you can stay?”

  I nodded.

  He smiled lightly. “Good. Now, who pulled him off of you?”

  My stomach dropped slightly and I looked up at Rave. “I pushed him off of me.”

  “And you knocked him out, too?”

  “I knocked him out, officer,” Rave answered.

  My eyes widened. With Rave’s rep, he could get in trouble. “Rave.”

  Officer Pike nodded. “Self-defence, I see.”

  “Yes,” Rave and I replied at the same time.

  “Okay. I’ll call you if I have any further questions.” Officer Pike handed me his card. “You call me if you need anything. You hear me?”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  ***

  After the cops left, the ambulance took Rave and I to the hospital. Having a rape kit done on me even though it didn’t happen, made the memories of that morning come crashing into my head like it was happening all over again.

  I argued that it didn’t happen again but the nurses said it was just a precaution.

  For the past month, I’d been walking around like I was dead. Not caring about anything or anyone and especially not myself. I wasn’t sure what had happened to make me change my mind. Maybe it was kissing Rave again or having him hold me or the fact that I almost fell down the stairs.

  It was like my life flashed through my eyes and seeing it play out that way, made me realize I had to fight. I would go visit my mother and leave the city. I wanted to be with Rave but I needed to apologize for all the crap I said to him first.

  I fingered the strings on my guitar and sighed when warm arms wrapped around my middle. Rave leaned his chin on my shoulder and watched me play. I sighed and placed the guitar back in its case.

  He had taken me back to Allan’s to grab my things. A moment of hesitation fluttered through me as we drove away from the house that I had lived in for the past several years. Would I be back? What if Allan found me at Rave’s? No, he doesn’t know where he lives. He wouldn’t be able to find him. Would he?

  I wasn’t sure if Allan was spending the night in the hospital or jail but being away from him, made a sense of peace wash over me.

  “Baby, are you alright?”

  My heart fluttered at the concern in his voice. “Yes. Being with you is helping.”

  Even after all the hurtful things I said to him, he was there. He was my knight in shining armor and I loved him. How was I going to fix this?

  Chapter 27

  Rave

  Jesse curled herself into the corner of the seat as we drove back to my place. Getting her out of that hell lifted my spirits, at least for the night. How long it would last who could say. Allan was a lawyer. From the nice house and car, probably a big timer that overcharges. Guys like that could schmooze their way out of anything. Could find anyone they wanted. He’d probably find her too, but I didn’t care. I’d fight him. I would do anything for Jesse. I just hoped the cops would keep him in jail for at least the night.

  “Rave.” A small hand landed on my knee.

  I looked down at Jesse, the anger deep inside me diminished at the look on her beautiful face. I wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her towards me.

  She sighed, leaning against me as we neared my place.

  I ran a hand down her arm getting lost in my thoughts. I didn’t know what we going to do. Could we go back to school? Go on like nothing happened? Jesse had been doing it for the past month. Allan only raped her once but it was once too many.

  The thought of leaving again for doing something stupid…I swallowed hard. I wouldn’t leave Jesse. If I got thrown into jail for hitting Allan or strangling him, then fine. I would deal with my mistakes but I would do it all over again for her. I didn’t regret any of it. Except for one thing: Allan lived.

  I parked behind my apartment building and turned to Jesse. I lifted her hand to my lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. “It’ll be fine, Jesse.”

  She nodded.

  If I only I could convince myself of that. I couldn’t expect her to come with me if I did leave. I didn’t even know where I was going to go. My stomach clenched with uneasiness as I tried to figure out my next move. I wish we had more time. I got out of the car and walked around to her door as she stepped out of the vehicle. I grabbed her bag and the guitar and took her hand, leading her to my apartment.

  I unlocked the main door and we headed down the hall to my place. The smell of alcohol and smoke filled my nostrils, making me gag.

  “Rave?”

  I turned to Jesse. Her skin was pale, turning a shade of green. “Hold on, Jesse.”

  She started taking deep breaths, her skin turning ashen. I unlocked my door once we reached it and threw it open for her. She stumbled inside and walked quickly to the bathroom.

  As I closed the door behind me and placed her bag on the floor as the sounds of her emptying her stomach, carried through my small apartment.

  I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. I walked into the bathroom and found Jesse lying on the floor, holding her stomach and sighed with sympathy, placing the glass on the counter. “Jesse.”

  She opened her eyes. “Yeah?”

  “Drink this. It’ll make you feel better.” I handed her the glass.

  She sat up slowly and reached for the glass, drinking it willingly. God, what she had been through tonight. Allan attacking her, almost falling down the stairs, being probed and prodded by the police. Even though we weren’t together, I wanted to protect her from all of the evil in the world. Avenge all of the wrongs that were done to her. The police would take care of Allan. They better or else I’d deal with him myself. Sitting on the floor behind her, I stretched out my legs.

  “Thank you,” she groaned, shaking her head and took a deep breath.

  “Come here.” I reached out, wrapping my arms around her, and leaned her back against me.

  “I don’t know what came over my stomach,” she whispered.

  “Stress.” I thought a moment and my stomach twisted with disgust. “Jesse, are you…”

  She turned to me. “Am I what?”

  I ran a hand down her back. I didn’t know how to ask. It was inappropriate but I needed to know. “Are you pregnant?”

  Her eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing.

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business but I…I just…” Damn, I was such an idiot.

  “No. I’m not.”

  My breath escaped on a whoosh. The fact that a baby could be brought into this world under those circumstances made me sick to my stomach. “I’m sorry, Jesse. I…”

  She turned back around and leaned against me. “I went on the pill after…after Allan…did what he did.”

  My blood boiled and I bit back a growl. “Did it happen after we…?”

  “Yes,” she said so quietly, I almost didn’t hear her.

  “God, baby. I’m so sorry.” I knew Allan was a sick bastard but I had no idea that he would go that far to hurt her. It was the situation with my sister all over again.

  “Don’t apologize for him. Isn’t that what you told me?” She grabbed my arms and pulled them tighter around her like I was her security blanket.

  My heart broke, anger resurfacing to my skin. “Yeah…” I bit out. Memories of Emelia came soaring back into my head. Jim is raping me, Rave. Please, you have to do something.

  I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her so I didn’t protect her. After I found out he actually did abuse her, I swore to myself I would never put trust into a person just because they had a fancy job title. With Allan it was different, though. I saw the evidence of the abuse in her eyes. I bit my inner cheek, tensing under her.

  “Rave?”

  I didn’t respond. What could I say? There was nothing that I could
do except be there for her.

  “Please, talk to me.”

  “When?” I croaked.

  She sighed, turning on her side. “The night before I broke up with you.”

  “I want to kill him.” And that was the truth.

  Her breath caught. “Let the police deal with him, Rave. It’s over now. It has to be. I’m not going back there.”

  Anger bubbled in my stomach as all of the nightmares from my childhood resurfaced. “How many times?” I cleared my throat.

  “Just once.” She didn’t cry. She probably shed so many tears already over the situation.

  Bile rose to my throat. Please God, let the police keep Allan in jail forever. I scoffed. You couldn’t be that lucky, Rave.

  Jesse rose to her feet and left the bathroom. She came back a moment later in shorts and tank top, holding her toothbrush. After she finished brushing the rancid taste of puke out of her mouth, she grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.

  I followed her into the living room and sat beside her as she grabbed her guitar. I took it from her and strummed a few notes, waiting for Jesse to tell me more.

  “Rave?” Her voice was small. She watched my fingers move along the strings.

  She was so beautiful, I could stare at her for hours.

  She pulled the guitar out of my hands, placing it on the bed beside us. She grabbed the hem of my shirt and ran her hand under it, grazing her soft fingers over my abs. My breath caught at the light contact. She chewed her bottom lip and unshed tears filled her eyes. “Do… you still…” She took a deep breath, letting the tears fall.

  I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs and kissed her lips lightly. “Deep breaths, Jesse.”

  Her beautiful brown eyes focused on mine. God, so much pain swam through them. A possessive growl erupted from the back of my throat. I wanted to kill every person that had hurt her. Her eyes widened and darkened with…hunger? I shook my head and swallowed past my anger, pulling her against me. “I’m sorry.”

  “Do you still want me?” she whispered.

  Did I just hear her right? I lifted her head. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course I still want you.”