In the Heart of Forever (A Heart Story)

by Jo-Anna Walker

  She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I mean, after…everything with Allan…”

  “Hey, look at me.” I grabbed her cheeks in my hands and kissed her lips.

  Her eyes opened slowly and she moved to her knees between my legs.

  “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. I love you, Jesse. You may not believe me, but I do. I know we’re young but I know how I feel.” God, how could she think that I wouldn’t want her?

  “I…I…feel…” she stammered.

  I ran my hands up and down her arms, I prayed…hoped that we could finally be happy. “What?”

  Her cheeks reddened. “I feel dirty and I thought maybe you wouldn’t want me after…” She swallowed.

  Fury and rage flew through my body, shattering my bones. Hatred poured into my soul like molten lava. I could kill him for making her feel this way. The guilt written all over her face made me want to squeeze Allan’s neck until it snapped.

  She cupped my cheek in her palm, running a thumb over my bottom lip and surprisingly, that small touch, calmed me. “Rave?”

  I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to ease my racing heart. I really needed to get control of my temper. “I need a moment,” I snarled.

  “Okay.” Jesse’s voice filled with thick emotion. She thought I was mad at her.

  I felt her move and a moment later, the sink in the bathroom started running. I opened my eyes and followed her into the washroom. She was washing her face. Our eyes met in the mirror and something broke behind her gaze. She was letting me back in. Slowly but she was finally allowing me into her world. When she finished cleaning herself up, she turned to leave the bathroom.

  I grabbed her hand, spinning her to me. She gasped, placing her hands on my chest. Our hips touched and I backed her up until we reached the door. “Don’t ever think that I wouldn’t want you.”

  I pinched her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, running a hand down her backside to her bare thigh.

  “Ok, but—”

  I sucked her lip into my mouth and licked my way in between her lips. She moaned and grabbed onto my waist, pulling me against her. “Rave,” she breathed.

  I released her mouth. “Can’t you feel how much I want you?” I pushed against her.

  Her eyes widened as I ground my hips against her. Jesse’s lips parted, little bursts of air escaping her kiss swollen lips.

  “How hard it is for me to hold back?” I asked, kissing her jaw.

  “Don’t hold back,” she begged and wrapped her hands around my neck. “Make love to me.”

  I leaned my forehead against hers and continued to slowly torture myself by rubbing against her pelvis. “God baby, I…”

  “Please, Rave. Help me erase it.” She grabbed onto my jeans and started undoing my belt making my heart speed up. God, I’ve never been so nervous in my life. Even though I had been with her before, something had changed in the last month. Jesse did this to me. I wanted everything perfect for her every time but sometimes passion and my desire for her took over.

  “Please, Rave. Help me forget,” she pleaded.

  This was not the quiet Jesse that I first met that day in the library. When she dropped her cell phone unknowingly and I handed it back to her, it took everything in me not to throw her up against the stack of books and kiss the hell out of her.

  She didn’t even know it, but she was dangerous. With one dark look from her, I was putty in her hands. Was that love?

  I heard my zipper being lowered, snapping me out of my thoughts. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at her.

  Her big brown eyes were shadowed with desire. Before I knew what was happening, a warm hand reached into my jeans and wrapped around me. I groaned at the soft contact. “Jesse.”

  My body and brain battled with love and desire for her. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Was it too soon? As much as I loved her and I did, in fact, love her…it was no puppy dog bullshit…did I want to take it this quickly after everything with Allan?

  “I…Rave…I can’t…please. I need you.”

  The hardest thing I’d ever done was pulling her hand off of me. But after what had happened with her stepfather, she needed some time, even if it was just one night. I wouldn’t be that guy. Most guys wouldn’t even hesitate but, Ren taught me better. The trust she had felt for me and probably all men was no longer there. I could see it in her eyes. She needed to trust me. Right now, she didn’t. Not completely. I didn’t want her to regret anything and yeah it would feel good during, but the after affects is what scared the shit out of me.

  She whimpered, knowing that I wouldn’t give in and took a step back. Her cheeks were flushed with passion and anger. She shoved past me and stormed into the living room, grabbing her bag. She roughly pulled her clothes out of it and stood with her back to me, every so often, wiping her face.

  Great, I made her cry…again. She may hate me but she would thank me later. I just had to keep telling myself that.

  Knowing I was in the room, she stripped completely. She didn’t even hesitate. “I know you’re watching me.”

  My cheeks heated and I looked away from her naked form. It’s not like I hadn’t seen anything before but it felt wrong since we weren’t…I didn’t even know what we were. Confusion tore through me. “Yeah well, you kind of make it hard not to.”

  She scoffed. “Please.”

  Oh she was angry alright. I sighed, scrubbing my face with my hand. I had said it once and I’ll say it again, this girl was going to be the death of me. Distracting myself, I walked into the kitchen when my phone rang. I frowned when I saw that it was Ren. “Hey bro, what’s up?”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at home. We had a situation,” I answered, leaning against the kitchen counter. I watched as Jesse crawled into my bed in just a tank top and panties. My body stirred. It was going to be a long night.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Ren, I don’t want to talk about it over the phone but I think I might need a lawyer,” I told him.

  “Fuck, Rave. What the hell happened?”

  I didn’t answer right away. “Can you stop by tomorrow, Ren?”

  “What happened? Are you alright?” He asked, his voice filling with concern.

  I sighed. “Yeah I’m fine.” For now. The kid’s ass I kicked at school a couple weeks back, didn’t even approach me. It had made me nervous at first since he threatened to call the cops on me but that never happened. I was more concerned about almost squeezing the life out of Allan tonight.

  There was a pause on the other end. “What did you do, Rave?”

  He knew me well. “Just come over tomorrow.”

  Ren huffed. “God, you and your fucking temper. I’ll see you tomorrow. Try and stay out of trouble for the rest of the night, alright?”

  My eyes flicked back to Jesse lying on my bed half naked. Yeah, that was going to be hard to do.

  Chapter 28

  Jesse

  I hummed to myself as I strummed the strings on my guitar. I felt Rave approach me and sighed when he wrapped his body around mine. “Was that Ren?”

  “Yes.”

  I moved to put the guitar away when he stopped me. He strummed the strings and recognizing the song, I pressed the notes.

  He hummed in my ear, making my heart skip a beat.

  We continued to play together when words started leaving his lips. His deep melodic voice washed over me as he sang the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. He wrapped his other arm around my middle, holding me against him as he continued to serenade me. “Sing with me, baby.”

  My heart gave a start and I took a deep breath, finishing the song with him.

  He kissed my neck and grabbed the guitar from my hands.

  “I had no idea you could sing.” I crawled under the covers and watched him put the instrument away.

  “I can’t.”

  I rolled my eyes and held the covers up for him so he could crawl in beside me.
“Yes you can. You have a beautiful voice.”

  His cheeks flushed as he crawled onto the bed.

  I frowned. “Rave. You can’t sleep in your clothes.”

  He stared at the ceiling. “Yes I can.”

  “Rave.” I faced him and placed an arm over his chest.

  Rave looked at me and took a deep breath. He looked torn into deciding what his body wanted and what his brain told him to do.

  I just wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted to forget everything that had happened over the past month. I needed him. Even if it meant playing my guitar, just being with him helped erase the memories of my nightmare.

  “Rave, I…”

  He cleared his throat and shot up off the bed. “Jesse, we can’t do this.”

  “Rave.”

  He grabbed a blanket and a pillow and threw them on the floor.

  “What are you doing?” I demanded.

  “I want you too much,” he mumbled.

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” My heart thudded.

  “It’s not… shit.” I watched as Rave ran a hand through his hair while he paced his living room.

  God, he was just making this worse. At first I was worried that he wouldn’t want me and when he showed me that he clearly did want me, he didn’t act on it. My emotions felt like they were being torn to hell. I was so confused. Maybe this was a bad idea. I needed to leave this city and let him move on with his life. Being here, this close to him, it wouldn’t work.

  I hopped off of the bed and walked up to him, stopping him midstep. “Rave, I’m sorry. I just...maybe I’m just sick of all the shit that’s been going on in my life. I just want to feel…I want to feel alive. I miss you.” I took a step towards him until we were mere inches apart. “I need you, Rave. Please.”

  He slammed his head back against the wall and took deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut like he was in pain.

  “Rave,” I whispered, placing my hands on his stomach, my fingers caressing over his abs.

  Rave’s breath hitched when I ran them under his shirt. Light touches smoothed over the contours of his abs and up to his chest.

  “Rave, please,” I begged.

  His hands clenched into fists.

  “Rave. I’m so sorry,” I whispered, leaning my head against his chest. Tears welled in my eyes at my desperate cry for help. I just wanted to feel him again.

  Rave ran his hand through the hair at the back of my nape and then it was like something snapped in the current around us. He tugged my head back and stopped a moment, his deep green eyes boring into mine.

  I panted, waiting for his next move.

  He crashed his mouth to mine, forcing his tongue in between my lips. He spun me, pushing me up against the wall, and ran a hand down to my hips. He lifted me, wrapping my legs around him and shoved against me.

  A moan escaped my lips at the rough impact. I kissed him with everything in me and squeezed my thighs tightly around him, curling my fingers around his neck. The warmth of his body against me erased the memories of my nightmare.

  Rave ran a hand up my side, under my tank top until he reached my breast. His thumb grazed over my nipple, making me arch against him.

  “Rave,” I breathed against his lips.

  He grabbed the hem of the thin cotton and broke our kiss, lifting the shirt off of me, leaving me in just my panties.

  My chest rose and fell as he stared at me. His lips were red and swollen.

  He ran his knuckles lightly down the middle of my chest to my stomach and sighed.

  I fisted his shirt in my hands and lifted it, pulling it off of him. A part of me was surprised that he had actually allowed it. Turmoil danced in his vision and it broke my heart. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held onto him, no longer caring at that point if we made love or not. I just needed him to hold me.

  Rave ran his hands down my back, cupping my ass. “Baby, I…” His voice was deep and filled with arousal.

  I grabbed his face in my hands and covered his mouth with mine, licking my way in between his lips. He groaned and pushed me hard against the wall. His hands went to the sides of my panties and tugged, the fabric ripping at the seams.

  My heart jumped nervously in my chest. Even though this wasn’t new territory for us, it had been awhile.

  My fingers grazed through the hair at the back of his nape, lightly tugging and pulling, deepening the kiss. Our naked torsos pressed up against the other, ignited a fire that I had never felt.

  We had been broken up for over a month but the attraction was stronger than ever. The raw and animalistic passion between us brewed like a heavy storm. Was this normal at such a young age?

  Rave released my mouth, trailing kisses down my jaw to my neck, his hot breath scorching my skin. His fingers dug into the flesh of my backside and the sound of a zipper being lowered, sent shivers over my body.

  I wrapped my hands around his neck, my skin tingling when he pulled out a condom.

  He opened the tinfoil package with his teeth, placed a hard kiss on my lips and reached between us.

  I gasped when he lowered me onto him, digging my fingers into the muscles of his shoulders. My nails scratched and bit at his skin as ecstasy rolled through my body. Feeling him again, replaced all of the nightmares in my mind.

  He kissed back up to my jaw and I turned my head, our mouths instantly finding each other. “Jesse,” Rave whispered against my lips.

  Our bodies were slick with a sheen of sweat as Rave continued thrusting, deeper and harder. His hands massaged and kneaded my skin, gently but with an edge of need. He lifted me a moment later from the wall and brought me to his bed.

  “No.”

  Rave’s brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t lay me down.”

  He frowned as he sat on the bed.

  Holding onto his shoulders, I lifted myself and lowered back onto him, swirling my hips slowly.

  His eyes widened in understanding. “Oh…wow…”

  I smiled and kissed him. “I want to make you feel good.”

  ***

  I stirred awake the next morning to a hard thumping against Rave’s apartment door. He was sound asleep beside me and my heart thudded at the sight of him. Lying on his stomach with his arms under his pillow, the blanket hanging low on his hips. I leaned down and kissed his nape, running my hand down his back. “Rave.”

  He turned to me and smiled. “Morning.”

  My stomach flipped at the deep guttural sound of his morning voice. “Morning. There’s someone at your—”

  The hard knocking started again, waking Rave up completely.

  “Rave. Let me in.”

  Rave groaned. “It’s my brother.”

  I hopped off of the bed and quickly grabbed one of Rave’s t-shirts, pulling it on. I sat back on the bed as Rave forced himself off of it and I tried not to drool at the sight of his nakedness.

  He pulled on sweatpants, looked back at me to make sure I was decent and headed to the door. The thudding continued.

  “Hold on, asshole,” he said as he opened the door. “You better have breakfast man.”

  Ren stood there with a smug smile on his face as he held out a bag and a tray of coffees in front of him. Looking Rave up and down, he frowned. “Rave.”

  Rave sighed and let him in.

  Ren stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me sitting on Rave’s bed. My cheeks heated under his suspicious stare. “Uh…hi, Jesse.”

  “Hi Ren.” I pulled the covers up to my chin and tried to ignore the scrutiny of the two big guys in the very small apartment.

  Smacking him on the arm, Rave grabbed a coffee. “Ren, whatever you’re thinking, stop it.”

  “I wasn’t thinking anything.”

  Rave’s back stiffened. “Right.”

  “Are you sure…”

  Rave spun on him and met his stare head on. Only being a couple of inches shorter than his brother, he still took a step towards him, meeting him toe for
toe. “You better choose your next words wisely, brother.”

  My heart raced, watching the show down.

  Ren’s pierced brow rose and his eyes showed a hint of amusement. “Careful, little boy. I’m the one who taught you your skills.”

  “I hate you right now,” Rave grumbled.

  Clapping a hand on his shoulder, Ren turned towards me. “No, you don’t.” Ren grabbed one of the three cups in the tray he was holding and handed it to me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. Being under his hard stare made me uncomfortable, like he didn’t think I was good enough for his brother. Or did he know that I came with emotional baggage?

  Rave frowned. “Now, please tell me why you’re here so early?”

  Ren grabbed a coffee for himself and sat on the recliner. “You told me to come over. It wasn’t something to be discussed over the phone remember?”

  “Yeah, but couldn’t it have waited until maybe this afternoon?” Rave asked, stifling a yawn.

  “Why, did you have more important things to do?” he asked, looking between us both.

  Rave’s body tensed.

  I rolled my eyes and sat on the bed, leaning against the wall.

  “What happened with her stepfather?” Leave it to Ren to get right to the point.

  My head snapped to his. “What did you tell him?”

  “Nothing,” Rave answered, defensively.

  Searching his face, I sighed, knowing he wasn’t lying. As much as it probably killed him not to tell his brother what was going on since obviously it had brought up memories from his past, my heart swelled at the thought that he kept my secret.

  I looked back at Ren. “What do you want to know about my stepfather?”

  “I want to know what Rave did to him,” Ren answered, the amusement leaving his eyes.

  Rave sighed.

  “Rave?” I reached for his hand under the covers, curling our fingers together. Rave didn’t tell him anything that had happened yesterday?

  “I didn’t do anything that shouldn’t have been done a long time ago,” Rave said, finally.

  “What the hell did you do?” Ren asked again, anger coating his voice.