In the Heart of Forever (A Heart Story)

by Jo-Anna Walker

  Rave’s eyes snapped to his. “I attempted to strangle him, alright? And I would have kept going until his head popped off. But Jesse stopped me.”

  Ren’s eyes bored into Rave’s, his skin turning a shade of red. Ren rose to his feet and paced angrily across my living room.

  I rubbed my thumb against Rave’s hand and he turned to me. “I wish I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

  Chapter 29

  Rave

  “Rave,” Ren said firmly.

  “Yeah,” I answered, but kept my eyes on Jesse. She couldn’t possibly have meant that she wished she wouldn’t have stopped me. She was way too nice and kind to think that.

  “Rave,” Ren repeated.

  “What?” I snapped, turning to him.

  His brows narrowed his features hardening. “Get fucking dressed. You and I need to take a drive.”

  “Like hell, we do,” I glared at him.

  “I won’t ask you again, Rave,” his voice lowered. He was furious with me. Probably at the fact that I put myself in that same position again. Lovely.

  “Ren, I called the police.” It was probably about time that I told him everything anyways.

  “You did what?” Ren asked, his eyes widening. Okay, wasn’t really the reaction I was going for.

  “Rave?” Jesse grabbed my arm as I sat up. I slowly turned to her. “I’ll be fine.”

  My eyes widened. “No. I’m not leaving you alone.”

  “She’s right,” Ren agreed. What the hell was going on? Was the whole world against me trying to protect the one that I loved?

  My head whipped to his. “Are you both crazy?”

  She gripped my arm and ran her hand up and down it slowly. “Rave, I’ll be fine. He won’t find me here.”

  I grabbed Jesse’s wrists, kneeling in front of her on the bed. “No. I’m not leaving you fucking alone.”

  “Rave,” Ren called my name.

  “Ren, give us a minute, will you?” I bit out.

  “He doesn’t have to leave,” Jesse whispered.

  I heard the squeak of the recliner. I didn’t want to do this in front of him but if I had to, I would. “Please baby, you can’t mean it.”

  Her eyes filled with tears and she reached up, stroking my face. “You can’t be by my side twenty four seven. I’ll be fine.”

  I kissed her palm. “We can leave the city.”

  Ren scoffed behind me but I ignored him. I really really hated him right now.

  “Rave, you’re only eighteen.” She sighed. “I’m seventeen. I’ll be eighteen in a couple of weeks also but what are we going to do in another city? We’re way too young. And besides, you have your tattoo shop.”

  “Not until I’m twenty one,” I countered.

  “Rave, it doesn’t make sense for you to leave,” Jesse said, interrupting my thoughts.

  My blood rang in my ears and I rose to my feet, grabbing Jesse’s hand. I tugged her out into the hall and wrapped my arms around her. “Fine, we’ll stay here for now but I’m not leaving you by yourself when that monster is still free.”

  She returned the embrace, her warm body pressed up against mine. “I have Officer Pike’s card if I need help. I’ll be fine.”

  I held her at arm’s length and shook my head. I knew she’d be safe in the hands of the cop but if something happened and I wasn’t here to stop it, I would never forgive myself.

  ***

  “What happened, Rave?”

  “Nothing,” I bit out. I stared out the window and waited for the lecture. My stomach burned with unease that that we were leaving Jesse alone.

  Ren started up the car and sighed. “I called the cop that gave her the business card and they said that Allan wouldn’t probably be out until tonight. Something about losing paperwork.”

  My heart felt lighter at that revelation. Maybe Allan being a big time lawyer wouldn’t help him after all.

  “Now talk to me.”

  “Nothing to say.”

  “Bullshit,” Ren snapped.

  I glared at him but didn’t respond.

  “I think it’s a good thing that you left her there. Give you guys some time apart even if it’s just for a couple of hours.” Ren didn’t seem happy at that thought.

  My eyes snapped to his, anger seeping through my bones. “Excuse me?”

  Ren met my glare head on, not backing down to my temper. “You need to chill the fuck out. Do you want her to end up like Emilia?”

  My jaw clenched and I looked away. “Jesse isn’t sick.”

  “That doesn’t matter and you know it. All it takes is one traumatic event for someone to snap. You know that, too,” Ren said, his voice gruff.

  “I can’t…if something happened again…I need to go get her.” Tears filled my eyes, making my eyelids burn. “What if he finds her? What if he rapes her again…or worse?”

  Ren gasped. “I didn’t know. Fuck.” He sighed and a moment later, a heavy hand landed on my shoulder. “Rave, I understand you want to help her but what happened to Emilia…”

  “Stop.” I shrugged out of his grip.

  “I know you feel drawn to her because she has stepfather issues just like Emilia,” Ren said softly.

  “Stop. God, Ren, she’s not our sister…it’s different,” I begged, clenching my fists at my sides.

  “Doesn’t matter. You know it’s true,” he pressed.

  “But I didn’t know any of this when I first met her.” I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. I fought past the tears, feeling like a pussy for getting so emotional over a girl.

  “You can see the pain in her eyes. The wide-eyed frightened deer caught in headlights look.” His hand squeezed my shoulder.

  “I don’t…”

  Ren took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for what I would say. “You need to stop feeling guilty.”

  My head snapped up. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  His features hardened as he stared out at the road before us. “You still feel guilty over not saving Emilia.”

  Confusion coursed through me. “What the fu—”

  “You are probably going to hate me for saying this, but I’ve known you’ve felt that way all along.” He ran a hand over his slightly bald head.

  “I don’t—”

  “Shut up. You, dumbass…” he pointed at me. “have been holding guilt for far too long over Emilia. That you didn’t believe her when she originally told you that Jim was…” His jaw tensed. “…raping her.”

  My eyes widened. “How did you know that?”

  Ren rolled his eyes and tapped his temple. “You think you’re the only one who feels guilty?” His voice cracked.

  “Ren, I…”

  He shook his head. “The difference between you and I is I know it’s not my fault. Yes, I may feel guilty but I’m not letting it destroy my life. You won’t even let anyone in except for Jesse but then, she doesn’t know everything does she?”

  I looked away. “No.”

  “And she shouldn’t. You’re all about protecting others but what about you, Rave?” His voice softened. “You need to protect yourself. What if something happens where you hurt her stepfather again or worse this time?”

  I turned to him. “Nothing will happen if I get her out of here.”

  “She’s a seventeen year old girl,” he snapped, sitting forward. “You can’t expect her to leave with you when she hasn’t even known you for that long, dude.”

  “But…God, I feel like such a girl.” I sighed, leaning back against the tub.

  Ren laughed. “You’re in love. Big difference.”

  I huffed. I was in love. Well if this was what love was then I didn’t want it. Being in love with someone who didn’t love you back sucked.

  “Rave.”

  I turned to him. “You want to know what happened? Fine. Last night she came on to me. I stopped her at first but then it kept going. I couldn’t control it. As much as I didn’t think she was ready…”

  “You slept
with her before didn’t you?” Ren asked, gripping the steering wheel tight.

  My heat beat hard against my chest, my breathing ragged. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but yes.” I shoved a hand through my hair. “I need some air,” I told him, opening the door to the car. I needed to get back to Jesse. The shorter amount of time she spent alone, the better. Even if she didn’t spend the rest of her life with me, as long as she was safe, I could live with that. As much as it would kill me and probably destroy me by not being with her, I wouldn’t force her to love me back.

  “I don’t fucking think so.” Ren shot out of the car and headed around to my door, blocking my path from taking any further steps.

  “Ren, you’ll move if you know what’s good for you.” My eyebrows narrowed, my fists clenching.

  He took a step towards me, shoving his face in mine. “Do it. Take me down like you did our stepfather.”

  I met his hard stare head on and pushed him. “Fuck you, Ren. You know why I did it.”

  “No,” he pushed me back. “I don’t.”

  Almost stumbling, I gathered my footing and held my ground.

  He continued, taking another step towards me until I backed against the car. “I don’t know why you did it. What I do know is that you have a temper and because of Jesse, you’ll let your temper take over again.”

  “That won’t happen,” I argued.

  “It won’t? Then tell me Rave, why was Jesse here this morning? Remember what you almost did to her stepfather?”

  I took a deep breath and told him everything. About the fight at school, the rumors, the party and…Allan.

  Ren sighed, running a hand over his head. “Rave, you need—”

  “Stop, I’m not done,” I said, firmly. Ren shut up and motioned for me to continue. “When I…” The memory of Allan lying on top of Jesse, ripping at her clothes, shoving his hips in between her legs, made my blood boil with outrage. My hands clenched into fists and I shook with fury.

  Ren took a step towards me.

  “When I got into the house, Allan…he…” I took a deep breath. “I walked in last night on Allan attacking Jesse. I had heard that she was going to another party and I wanted to drop off a present I got for her. Luckily I got there when I did.” It’s not like I was able to stop the first time but at least last night I did. “He was on top of her. Her clothes were ripped. He was…that fucker!” My stomach churned.

  “Rave.” Ren came up to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Take a deep breath.”

  I breathed deep through my nose and let it out in a whoosh. “He was going to rape her again.”

  Ren growled. “Did he…?”

  I shook my head. “I stopped him.”

  “What did you do?” Ren asked, even though he already knew the answer.

  “I dove at him. It was like I was seeing myself do it. I couldn’t control myself, Ren.” I fell to my knees and placed my head in my hands. “I would have killed him if Jesse wouldn’t have stopped me. She stopped it. She saved him. Why? Why would she save that monster?”

  Ren knelt in front of me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “She was saving you.”

  Chapter 30

  Rave

  My mouth dropped. She was saving me? I didn’t need saving. I didn’t need protecting. Jesse had been so helpless, how could she have saved me?

  “You have a temper, Rave. I know that and Jesse obviously knows it. She was protecting you. From yourself.” he asked, repeating the question that just bounced around in my head.

  I looked up at him. “Why? I’m the one that should be protecting her. I…”

  “It’s not always about you, Rave.” Ren held me at arm’s length. “Listen, as much as I think you should stay away from her, I don’t want to see her hurt and I definitely don’t want a replay of what happened years ago.”

  Chewing my bottom lip, I looked away. “I never thought…”

  “That’s your problem. You don’t think. You act first, and never bother to ask questions later. You’ve always been like that. I can see that you love her. She’s a good kid. I just worry for you. You’re my brother. You come first. You and Emilia both. You’re my world. If anything happened to either of you…” Ren’s voice drifted off.

  “But…”

  “No. Stop. You have to quit thinking about just yourself.” He poked me roughly in the chest. “If something happened to you because of your fucking temper…” He took a deep breath. “Mom may not care what happens to you, but I do. You hear me, Rave? You’re my brother. I need you and Emilia needs you.”

  Grinding my teeth together, I rose to my feet. “Why would Emilia need me? Look at what I did to her.” I struggled to catch my breath as the guilty memories consumed me.

  Ren pushed me, his face turning a deep shade of red. “Damn your fucking pity party. Grab your shit, we’re leaving.”

  ***

  “Why the hell did you bring me here?” I asked Ren as panic fluttered in my stomach. I couldn’t be here. There was no way. It was too soon.

  “Calm down,” Ren said as he parked the car.

  I turned back to the large building in front of us. West Crew Mental Health Facility stared down at me in big, mocking letters. “Please, Ren. I can’t be here.” My palms became sweaty and I wiped them on my jeans. Oh God, not here. Anywhere but here.

  “It’ll be fine, Rave and yes, you do need to be here. I have to show you something.”

  Ren walked around to my door and opened it slowly. “I’m not going in there,” I seethed.

  “I have all day.” He leaned on the door and waited. “Unlimited visiting hours.”

  Sighing, I crossed my arms and huffed. There was no way I was going into that building. He couldn’t make me and I wouldn’t let him. Knowing our sister was in there ate at my soul. I put her there. Because of me, she had spent most of her young life caged behind those walls like an animal. She hated me. I didn’t believe her when she had asked for my help and look where she ended up.

  A lump formed in my throat, my eyes burning from unshed tears. “Ren, I can’t. Please don’t make me go in there.”

  “I’m sorry but you need to see something.” Ren stood firm and waited.

  What was so important that he had to bring me here, of all places? How could he do this to me?

  What good could possibly come out of this?

  “Rave.”

  “Fine,” I snapped. There was no point just sitting there since Ren wouldn’t give in and drive me home. Stepping out of the car, I stood there, staring up at the cracked brick façade of the aging building. It was one of the best in the State.

  “I sent Emilia here, you know,” Ren said quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  “You? I thought mom…”

  Ren scoffed. “Yeah, like that would happen. She was so fixed on her love for Jim, she was blinded by it all. She had no idea what her husband was doing to her daughter. When we told her to the point where she finally listened and believed us, she blamed…” He paused.

  “Yeah, I know. She said that to my face. She said I was exactly like our real father.” I kicked at a rock as we stopped at the top of the stairs.

  “At least you don’t look like him. How many times did I have to hear her growl at me ‘I can’t stand to look at you, you’re just like him.” Ren said sadly.

  “I miss dad,” I confessed. We never talked about our real father. He died when we were really young but I remembered everything about him. He loved us. I inherited the temper from him, though he would’ve never hurt any of us.

  Ren nodded. “I miss him too, but there’s nothing we can do about that.”

  My brother didn’t like dwelling on the past. That’s why this was hard for him to deal with. It’s like our past kept sneaking up on us. The things I did, the shit that happened with Emilia and now the whole thing with Jesse. It brought back so many painful memories.

  He clapped a hand on my shoulder and led me to the entrance of the
building. We both took a deep breath and entered through the double doors. They creaked and clanged as they shut behind us.

  I walked into the building and let out a whoosh of breath. It didn’t smell like a hospital or even look like a hospital. Hope flared in me that Emilia was actually being treated well here.

  The walls were white and the floors were a shiny grey tile, resembling some sort of marble. It looked kinda fancy, for a hospital.

  “Hey Ren. It’s been awhile.” A female voice drew my attention and I turned to our visitor.

  A pretty woman approached us. She had dark red hair, piled high in a messy bun on top of her head. Her skin was pale, showcasing freckles and a small diamond stud in her nose, glittered in the light.

  “Hey Abigail.” Ren smiled brightly and pointed to me. “This is my brother. Rave, this is Abigail Scott. Emilia’s roommate and best friend.”

  My eyes widened. She was a patient?

  Abigail laughed. “I think you need to explain, Ren. He’s looking at me like I have two heads.” She leaned forward. A hint of flowery perfume invaded my nostrils. “I’m not a patient here, hun.”

  I frowned. “But I thought—”

  She giggled and grabbed my hand, a look of sympathy washed over her face. “But first, I just want to tell you that it’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard great things about you. You truly are inspiring.”

  My jaw dropped. I was inspiring? Me? “You sure you’re not a patient here?”

  Ren smacked me on the arm but Abigail burst out laughing. “Some days I think so. Now Ren, go take your brother to Emilia.” She turned and headed down the hall, still laughing at what I had said.

  “Way to play it cool.” Ren smacked me again.

  “Ow, what? She’s obviously losing it. I’m inspiring?” I said, rubbing my arm.

  Ren shook his head and walked down the hall in the opposite direction. “Follow me.”

  I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets, following him. I didn’t know where we were going but panic and anxiety flared in my stomach. So many questions ran through my head. I didn’t know how she would react to seeing me but I knew it wouldn’t be good. “Ren, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”