The Hard Way

by Katie Ashley

  My heart jolted a little in my chest. Damn. She was worried about how I was doing with my grief—so much so she’d risked being embarrassed or annihilated by the A-Crowd just to check on me. She started to turn away, but I grabbed her arm. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Maddie raised her eyebrows in surprise, but then she smiled. “Okay.”

  Without a word to the guys, I grabbed my books and followed Maddie out of the cafeteria.

  “What about you?” I asked, as we headed through the double doors. “I mean, how are you doing?”

  She shrugged. “I’m okay, I guess.” Her big dark eyes widened. “Oh Noah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even be talking about how I feel. I had so little time with Jake, and the two of you were best friends since you were kids.” She rubbed my arm tenderly, causing the hairs on my arm to rise. “I bet you’re really lost without him,” she said.

  Damn, she’d really hit the nail on the head. I hated to admit that without Jake around, I did feel lost—like I didn’t know who I was anymore. Having those type of feelings running around in my head made me feel like a total pussy. The world I’d known had shattered around me in an instant, and now everything seemed so surreal. People went on doing exactly what they’d done before while I tip-toed through this new reality.

  Once again, the dull ache in my chest radiated at the thoughts of Jake. “Yeah, I am,” I murmured.

  Maddie smiled sadly at me. “I can’t even imagine how much you miss him, Noah. I wish there was something I could do—”

  “No, it’s okay. Just being here and talking about him—that helps me,” I answered.

  The bell rang shrilly over our heads. “Well, I guess I better go. It was good seeing you,” Maddie said.

  “Yeah, same here.”

  “Bye,” she said.

  “Bye,” I murmured.

  As she walked away, it once again hit me like a ton of bricks or a swift kick to the balls. I’d been through most of the girls in Jake’s phone and zilch. When I’d gotten to Maddie’s number, I’d skipped over it. Why? Because wasn’t she just the preacher’s goody daughter who was merely a friend and a tutor? But then I thought about what she’d said at the cemetery, and the things he’d confided in her—things he’d never told me when he was shitfaced or sober.

  The more I thought about it, the more some of the pieces starting coming together. The more the pieces started coming together, the more I felt like a giant dumbass for not seeing it before. I made a mental note to rule out any form of detective work in my future since I was pretty suckasstastic at it.

  Maddie could be her. The more I allowed myself to think it, the less I wanted it to be true. Something within me didn’t want Maddie to be Jake’s or most of all that Jake was Maddie’s.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  It had been a hell of a week. To get my mind off of Jake, his harem of women, and Maddie, I decided to go to a party at Presley Patterson’s house. I knew it was probably a mistake, but at the same time, I was ready for a little refreshment to take my mind off things.

  By the time I got there, the party was in full swing. Presley lived in one of the nicer houses on the shitty side of town. The rumor was many years ago Presley’s mom had a fling with Elvis Presley right before he died. Then she’d made her rounds during the 80’s being a groupie for most of the heavy metal bands—the bigger the hair the better. But I guess she never lost her love for Elvis because when Presley was born, she named her after him.

  I found most of “the crowd” at the party. I wasn’t too surprised to find a game of practically naked Twister going on. Presley’s parties were notoriously risqué, even for our crowd. “What’s up, Noah!” Blaine called to me, his voice muffled from underneath a couple of girls stripped to their bra and panties.

  “Hey, Blaine,” I replied. I looked around the room. “Where’s the beer?”

  “Kitchen,” he mumbled.

  I called hello to some of the other party goers as I made my way down to the hall. In the kitchen, I found the mother-load with two coolers of Budweiser. Before I knew it, I’d guzzled three beers. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect than the one I desired. I got a raging pain in my head like someone was stabbing me with an ice pick behind my right eye. The insane thumping of the party music only made it worse. I couldn’t focus on any of the conversations, and I certainly couldn’t get into a curvy freshman who was chatting me up while trying to feel me up.

  With my head pounding, I snuck into Presley’s bedroom. I quickly scanned the room for any couples using it to hook up. Fortunately for me, the coast was clear. I was well acquainted with Presley’s room since it’s where I’d lost my virginity to Presley’s cousin at a New Year’s party sophomore year. Jake had reacted like a proud father—thumping me on the back and congratulating me. Of course always the player, he’d lost his when we were in the eighth grade to one of Jonathan’s ex-girlfriends.

  I rummaged in Presley’s medicine cabinet for some Advil, Tylenol, anything. Finally, I found some next to a bottle of Midol. Popping pills and chasing them with beer is never a good idea, but I did it anyway. I was willing to do anything—including cutting my head off— to be rid of the pain.

  I didn’t bother turning on the lights. Being in the dark was better on my head. I eased down on the bed and draped my arm over my eyes. Just as I was about to dose off, I heard a noise next to the door.

  “Noah? Noah, are you in here?” a voice whispered.

  “Yeah,” I moaned.

  Light from the hallway momentarily flooded the room as someone entered. They closed the door behind them. I didn’t know who it was until the lamp beside the bed flicked on.

  It was Presley.

  “Hey,” she said, with a crooked grin.

  “Hey.”

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “My head hurts like hell,” I groaned.

  Presley sat down beside me. “Oh, you poor baby. I’m so sorry.”

  The next thing I knew her lips were on mine. I jerked away. “Presley, what the—”

  “Shh, Noah. Let me make you feel better,” she whispered, as she pushed me back against the bed. Since my headache was almost gone and she was an incredible kisser, I gave in, and we made out for a few minutes. My hand traveled up her shirt when I finally released her lips, desperate for air.

  As I gasped and panted, she grinned seductively at me. “I’ve got a secret.”

  “Yeah, so?”

  Her breath was hot over my earlobe. “I’m not wearing any underwear,” she whispered, as she crisscrossed her legs.

  “Um, yeah, good for you.”

  Her hand trailed up my calf to my thigh. Uh, oh, this wasn’t good.

  “You’ve got a secret too, don’t you?” she asked.

  “No, I’m wearing boxers as a matter of fact.”

  Presley rolled her eyes playfully at my response. “No silly. I mean, you’ve got a secret about Jake.”

  My eyes widened. How the hell did she know about that?

  Suddenly, her hand was inching further up my thigh. “Wonder what color boxer shorts you have on?”

  I silently willed that traitorous part of me to be still, but it wasn’t hearing anything about it—especially after Presley’s fingers found my zipper.

  “Look, you’re drunk, and we really shouldn’t be doing anything,” I protested.

  Her head shook wildly back and forth. “I haven’t had a drop to drink. I swear. I just…” When she nibbled her bottom lip, my erection jumped in my pants. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight.” Her hand was inside my jeans now. Fuck me. I had a freight train running through my head, and a wildfire burning in my crotch. But with just one sniffle from Presley, my hard-on began to wither. When I gazed up at her, tears sparkled in her dark blue eyes. “Noah, I don’t know what to do without Jake, and I need to be with someone who loved him like I did.”

  At her words, a shudder ran through me. Just the thought that she wanted a connection to Jake through screwing me was
like a douse of prickly ice water crashing over me. What the hell was I doing? Presley was Jake’s girl—at least one of his girls. More importantly, she was the last girl he had been with before he gave up sex. Now here I was being the ultimate backstabbing douche by making out with her and getting a partial hand-job.

  I knocked Presley’s hand away. “Stop it.”

  Her blonde brows rose in shock. “Don’t you want me?”

  Running my hand through my already disheveled hair, I grunted. “Of course I want you. You just brought me from half-mast to raging hard-on.” I shook my head. “But don’t you realize how incredibly fucked up this is? You were Jake’s…girl, and I’m his best friend. We can’t screw each other to make our grief go away.”

  My mouth fell open when embarrassment tinged Presley’s cheeks pink. I don’t think I’d ever seen her blush in my life. “Yes Noah, I know.” She jerked her chin up to stare sadly at me. “I’m perfectly aware how incredibly fucked up I am without Jake. I don’t sleep. I barely eat, even though I know I should. I’m so scared and alone. I need some way to deal with it, and this—” she motioned to the bed and our rumpled clothes. “This is all I know to do to make things better—to feel anything with someone.”

  Mascara blackened tears ran down her cheeks, and her shoulders began to rise and fall with her sobs. That familiar suffocating feeling crept on me, but I fought like hell not to let it overcome me. Reaching over, I handed Presley the box of tissues off her nightstand. After she’d wiped her eyes and blown her nose, she stared intently at me. “Have you heard that there’s some big secret going around about something Jake had in his room?”

  Uh, oh. “Well, yeah, maybe.”

  Presley’s brows rose in surprise. “Do you know what it is?”

  “I was there when it was found.”

  She gasped. “What is it?”

  “Nothing much,” I lied.

  “Please tell me. I promise, it’ll be our little secret.”

  Trying to keep her from riding my ass, I teased, “Like your lack of underwear?”

  She laughed. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that to you earlier. But hey, me not wearing panties isn’t that huge a secret, but sure, we can say we’ll keep it between us.”

  My mind whirled with thoughts. I knew I probably shouldn’t tell Presley, but at the same time, it was probably the quickest way to find out if she was the one. “Um, they found a ring,” I admitted.

  Presley stared at me in disbelief. “A ring? What kind of ring?”

  “Just a ring,” I replied.

  “Come on, Noah. You can tell me what kind of ring it was.”

  I sighed. “It was an engagement ring, okay? A one carat engagement ring.”

  What she said next floored me. “That’s it?”

  “That’s it?” I repeated dumbly. I shook my head. “Yeah, that’s it. Did you expect something else? Like a car or a yacht?”

  She laughed nervously. “No, I wasn’t thinking that.” She shrugged. “Do you know who it’s for?”

  “Nope.”

  “Hmm.”

  I drew in a breath. “So did you guys have like a song or something?”

  “Huh?”

  “Like a song that meant something to you.”

  When she nodded, my heart surged in my chest. This was it.

  “It was Crash by Dave Matthews.”

  I exhaled like a deflated balloon. “Are you sure?”

  Presley laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure. We played it every time we…were together.”

  “I see.”

  She shifted on the bed and stared down at her manicured nails. “Noah, I really want to thank you for putting the brakes on us tonight and for comforting me.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. That’s what friends are for.”

  Presley smiled. “And since you were such a good friend to Jake and now to me, there’s something I want to tell you.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, I-uh, it’s—” she began when the bedroom door flung open and Blaine and a freshman girl fell inside.

  Blaine stared at us with eyes swimming in booze. “Whoops! I thought this room was free.” He glanced at the two of us before wiggling his eyebrows at me.

  I stood up. “Yeah, I was just leaving.”

  “Hey, no need to rush. We can all party together,” Blaine argued.

  “No, man, I don’t think so.” I turned to look at Presley. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Yeah, catch you later.”

  As I started to the car, I realized that I’d learned two things that night....Presley wasn't the girl, and after learning about Crash and their sex habits, I would be forever scarred from Dave Matthews.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  After my escapade on Friday night, I spent most of Saturday partially hung-over and in a shitty mood. Luckily, Mom was on call, so I had the house to myself. With everything that had been going on with the headache that was the investigation into her, I hadn’t had time to focus on my personal life, or more importantly, the specter of Greg. Mom and I skirted around the issue—especially after the couch incident. I could tell she was still mortified because whenever she would glance at my wounded eyebrow, she’d blush.

  Things were tense between us in many ways. Some days she cooked breakfast for me, and we made small talk over pancakes or French Toast. She always tip-toed on eggshells around the subject of Jake, but eventually she always brought him up. I could tell Mom was worried to death about me. There were the sleepless nights, sheets drenched in sweat, and dark circles under my eyes from the nightmares that she pretended not to notice to let me save face.

  But there was also something else—a thickness hung heavy in the air—like something dark looming over the horizon with him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and to put it bluntly, I was freakin’ tired of playing Sherlock Holmes all the time.

  So instead of feeling like I had the fucking rug jerked out from under me, I should have been prepared for what happened on Wednesday afternoon. But I wasn’t. The moment I breezed through the garage door after work, heavenly aromas filled my nostrils. I gazed around the kitchen, and I saw something truly shocking. Not only was Mom home relatively early, but she was cooking.

  And not just that. She was taking bread out of the oven. Homemade bread. Oh, something was definitely going on.

  “Hey sweetie,” Mom said.

  “Hi,” I replied hesitatively. I glanced past her into the dining room where the table was set conspicuously for three. “What’s going on?” I asked.

  Mom laughed. “It’s called dinner, Noah.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I know that. It’s just you very rarely cook, least of all set the dining room table.”

  Mom didn’t answer me. Instead, she slipped on some oven mittens and grabbed the lasagna off the counter. I followed close on her heels into the dining room. “So, I’m gonna ask one more time. What the hell is going on?”

  She whirled around. “Language, Noah!”

  Geez, she sounded just like Maddie. I couldn’t catch a break. When Mom started back into the kitchen, I stepped in front of her. She sighed. “All right fine. I need to talk to you about something.”

  She ushered me into the living room. I side stepped the now infamous couch and plopped down into the chair.

  Mom stared at me before drawing in a deep breath. “Noah, Greg has asked me to marry him, and I’ve said yes.”

  The wind left my body in a long, exaggerated whoosh. Kinda like the time I fell off the monkey bars in first grade. Well, I didn’t actually fall. Jake pushed me off because I was taking too long to get across them, but that was another story. “Wait, what?”

  Mom fiddled with the hem of her skirt. “I’m engaged to Greg.”

  Christ Almighty, could this be happening at a worse time? “When did he ask you?”

  “A couple days ago.”

  My gaze flickered toward the ceiling as I tried taking a few calming breaths.

  “Noah?
”

  “Huh?”

  “There’s something else.”

  I met her gaze. “You mean something even better than you’re getting married?”

  She winced before lowering her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

  I tore out of the chair in an instant. “You’re what?”

  Peeking up at me through her eyelashes, she murmured, “You heard me.”

  Oh no. Oh, hell no. This couldn’t be happening. Wasn’t it bad enough she’d found another man? Now she was going to have another kid. I was practically being phased out of my own family.

  “When are you due?” I demanded.

  “October.”

  My eyes widened. “Bullshit! You’re that far along, and you didn’t think you should tell me?”

  “Yes, and I’m sorry,” she replied. She stood up and slowly stepped over to me. “Honey, I know you’re upset.”

  “Really? What makes you say that?” I snapped.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but at my age, I wanted to make sure everything was okay before I told you. Then just as I got the green-light out of my first trimester and with the Amnio, Jake got killed, and I didn’t want to spring it on you then.” When I refused to acknowledge her, she sighed exasperatedly. “Noah Andrew Sullivan, stop acting like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum and talk to me about what you’re feeling!”

  I snorted as I jerked my head up to glare at her. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry I’m being ‘childish’. It’s just I’m not really sure how to act when I get the fucking rug snatched out from under me!”

  “Nothing will change between you and me—”

  “Are you shitting me? Everything will change! How can you be so blind as to why I’m not thrilled at your news? Of course, after it’s just been the two of us all these years, I want you to bring a total stranger into our house and into our lives. What could be better? No wait, there’s more? Ah, you’re going to have another kid. Fabulous! Then you’ll have a whole new family. Even better, maybe it’ll be a boy, and then you won’t even need me!”

  My two-year-old tantrum had turned into an acid filled teenage rant. I truly felt shitty when Mom’s chin trembled. “The Amnio showed it’s a girl,” she said softly.