The Hard Way

by Katie Ashley

  The very thought of never seeing her smile again or being with her sent a slow ache raging through my chest. This time I didn’t fight the tears that burned and scorched my throat. Instead, I gave into them and actually fucking cried. I sobbed like a pansy until I wore my ass out and finally went to sleep.

  Wonderful aromas wafting up the stairs woke me up at a little after six. No surprise that Mom had cooked my favorite meal, one of Grammy’s recipes for chicken casserole. I went downstairs of my own volition before she could come back and beg me to come down. Greg and Mom didn’t press me to talk at dinner. They rattled on about work and about the wedding pictures that had just come back. It was only when they started talking baby names that my head jerked up from my plate. Mom was still desperately hoping to name the baby Emma, but so far, Greg, a Friends fanatic, thought that was copying Ross and Rachel’s baby.

  Tonight, however, he’d come up with a compromise. “What if we named her Emma Madelyn—you know, Madelyn after my mother? We could even do Madelyn Emma and call her Maddy Em or something cutesy like that.”

  An uncomfortable silence hung over the table. Mom’s fork clattered on her plate as she shot Greg a look. When he realized he’d hit a sore subject with the name, he hung his head. “I’m sorry, Noah. I completely forgot about Maddie’s name.”

  I thought about what the old me would have done. I would’ve probably yelled at Greg for being an unthinking bastard and stormed off from the table. But as much as I hated to admit it, I was changed. So, I scooted my chair out from the table and stood up. “I think Madelyn is a really pretty name,” I said sincerely.

  Then I took my plate to the sink. I walked calmly out of the kitchen—no huffing or exasperated eye rolls—leaving Mom and Greg in shock at the table.

  A few minutes later, Mom rapped on my door. “Noah?” she questioned.

  “Hmm,” I murmured.

  She cracked open the door and peered tentatively inside. “Sweetie, Greg and I were going to make ice cream sundaes. Would you like one?”

  Poor Mom, still trying to feed my heartache with sweets just like she had when I was a child. I remembered the day that Jake duct taped me to the chair, we went for ice cream for a week. Of course, it also made me think about Maddie and the night we went to Baskin Robbins, and my stomach cramped.

  I smiled. “No thanks, Mom.”

  “Okay, well, we’re gonna be downstairs watching a movie if you change your mind.”

  “Sure.”

  Mom closed the door, and I heard her padding down the hall. My chest ached. I missed Maddie, and I missed Jake. More than anything, I wished I could talk to him. He would understand me. Hell, he might even have a few words of wisdom for me in the situation I found myself in. But I couldn’t talk to Jake. So I tried to think of the next best thing.

  I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through the numbers. I selected one and then listened to it dialing. He answered on the third ring.

  “Hey Dad, it’s me. Can we talk?”

  It was after nine when I hung up with my dad. We talked about so much that by the time I got off the phone, my head hurt. It wasn’t all good stuff either. I came clean about a lot of things as did he. But it was nice being able to reach out to him. With my head pounding, I went downstairs to get some pain medicine out of Mom’s goody-bag.

  Mom and Greg were on the infamous couch in the living room. Fortunately, this time they weren’t in a compromising position. Mom was leaned back against Greg with a bowl full of popcorn balanced on her belly. The romantic sap in me thought the scene was kinda sweet.

  When they noticed me, they both smiled. “Hi, sweetie,” Mom said.

  “Hey. I’ve kinda got a headache, and I wanted to get some medicine out of your bag.”

  “Here, I’ll get it for you,” Mom insisted.

  “No, that’s okay.”

  Mom wouldn’t hear any of it. She was off the couch in an instant—well as fast as she could with her growing belly. Back in the kitchen, she fixed me some water and then handed me two pills.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  When I started to go back upstairs, she grabbed by arm. “Come watch a movie with us, Noah,” she pleaded. I don’t know who was more upset—me or Mom.

  “Okay,” I reluctantly agreed.

  Her eyes lit up, and she practically dragged me into the living room. I eased down in the chair and propped my feet up on the ottoman. “What are we watching?”

  “Say Anything. A classic from the 80’s,” Greg answered.

  “Well, the 80’s were more Greg’s generation than mine since he’s older than me,” Mom joked with a wink.

  Greg laughed as he wrapped his arms around Mom. “Yeah, by a measly three years!”

  She smiled while snuggling closer to him. “That’s true.”

  “Hey Noah, want some popcorn?” Greg asked.

  “Yeah, sure,” I said, as he passed the bowl over to me.

  We settled down as the opening credits appeared. It didn’t take me long to both like and hate the movie. For one, it was about a kinda slacker guy who fell in love with the goody Valedictorian—ring any bells?

  I was practically in tears when the girl broke up with the guy—much in the same way Maddie had said good-bye earlier today. When the guy, Lloyd, did his epic feat to win her back, I was on the edge of my seat. He stood outside her window all night playing Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes—a song that meant something to both of them. Not only was I impressed that he was able to hoist that massive boom box over his head most of the night, but I also felt empowered.

  Mom interrupted my moment. “Oh, pause it a second, honey. I’ve got to pee, again,” she groaned as she hopped off the couch.

  Once he heard the bathroom door close, Greg whistled at me. “Hey Noah, Maggie told me what happened with Maddie.”

  “Yeah,” I said tentatively, silently praying he wasn’t trying to get all fatherly on me.

  “Well, I, uh…” He glanced down at his hands. “I just wanted you to know there’s a six pack of beer hidden behind my golf clubs in the garage—you know in case you were thirsty later.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at his suggestion and the fact he was whipped enough to be hiding booze from Mom. Giving him a genuine grin, I replied, “Thanks, Greg. I appreciate that.”

  He nodded. “No problem.”

  When Mom came back from the bathroom, I winked at Greg. “Yeah, I think I’ll go outside for a while—you know, get a little fresh air.”

  Before Mom could argue that the movie wasn’t over, Greg piped up. “That sounds like a good idea, Noah. You take as much time as you need.”

  I nodded as I headed into the kitchen. As I flipped the light on in the garage, I had to admit Greg was pretty cool. It was almost laughable he feared Mom enough that he was hiding his beer. Despite the fact Mom was half-Irish, she hated alcohol in the house. Her Southern Baptist roots from Grammy’s side must have won out on that one.

  I found the beer just as he said it would be. I grabbed up three bottles and headed for the swing in the back yard. I downed the first one in three long gulps. The second one I sipped slowly—as I gathered my thoughts and tried to figure out what the hell had gone wrong. Finally, on the third one, the scene from the movie flashed before my eyes, and I knew what I had to do.

  I had to get Maddie back.

  But more than that, I had to do something—something epic if I was going to win her love and trust again. I tossed the beer bottles over the fence and raced inside the house for the phone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Mom remained quiet the entire ride to the airport the next morning. I knew she wasn’t thrilled about my trip, even though she’d known about it forever.

  “Sweetie, are you sure you’re up for this?” she finally asked.

  “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

  She nodded. “I just wish you weren’t going to be gone so long.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s really not that long, Mom.”
<
br />   “I know, I know.”

  But she still didn’t look convinced. Greg eyed me in the rear view mirror before turning to my mom. “He’ll be fine, Maggie. Noah’s a responsible young man, and he’s not going to go to a foreign country and go wild. You’ve done an amazing job raising him.”

  When he glanced back at me again, I grinned. Yeah, Greg was turning out not to be a tool at all. I was glad Mom had him, and I was pretty sure he was going to make a great dad for my little sister.

  We headed off the interstate and towards the South Terminal of Hartsfield-Jackson Airport. After we inched up to a spot, Greg hopped out and helped upload my suitcases.

  Mom eyed them. “You sure are taking a lot with you for just two weeks.”

  I glanced at Greg. He nodded and then got back into the car. I drew in a deep breath. “I’m not going to Rio anymore, Mom.”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to Costa Rica,” I admitted.

  “But what’s in Costa Rica?”

  “Mission work…and Maddie.”

  Mom gasped. “You’re going after her, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, after the movie last night and what an ass I’d been, I figured I needed a grand gesture, so I called her dad and got all her flight information. He really helped me out.”

  Tears sprung in Mom’s eyes, but she smiled. “I think that’s wonderful, sweetie.”

  “Even though it means I’m going to be gone a month?”

  She nodded. “Even if you were going to be gone six months.” She reached out and touched my cheek. “I want you to be happy, and I know she makes you happy.”

  Wow, I hadn’t expected that. It must’ve been the pregnancy hormones, and I decided I needed to thank my sister someday for saving me a lot of airport grief.

  I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She pulled me into her arms, squeezing me so tightly to her that I felt her baby bump. “Mom, I can’t breathe,” I joked.

  As she released me, she kissed me on the cheek. “Call me every day, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “I don’t care how expensive it is. I’ll pay.” She wagged her finger at me. “I’ll want to hear all about the work you’re doing and how you’re getting along.”

  “Okay.” I ducked my head to keep Mom from ruffling my hair. I didn’t even dare to glance around for fear of who all had seen me being an utter and complete Mama’s Boy.

  She kissed me one last time, and then she turned and got into the car. Greg gave me a thumbs-up sigh. I smiled. Then I waved and watched their taillights fade in the distance.

  With a determined step, I walked into the airport. I made it through check-in and security fine. It was only when I started to the concourse that my heart started racing uncontrollably. By the time I reached the gate, I had broken out in a nervous sweat. I scanned the crowd for Maddie. They were already boarding, so she must have already gotten on the plane. As I waited in line, I tapped my foot anxiously. What if Maddie still hated me for what I’d done and said? What if she refused to even hear me out? I mean, this whole plan was batshit crazy, but part of it hinged on her forgiveness and acceptance. It would blow being stuck in a foreign land with my tail firmly between my legs.

  Pushing those thoughts from my mind, I took a deep breath and started towards the plane. Once I boarded, I walked down the aisle, searching for my seat. My heart skidded to a stop and restarted when I got to it.

  There was Maddie.

  I would’ve loved to have said it was fate, but in truth, Pastor Dan had given me her flight details the night before along with promising not to say a word.

  Maddie glanced up from her iPad. Our eyes met, and she gasped so loud her entire body shuddered. With a wide-eyed expression, she jerked the buds from her ears and shot up from her seat, narrowly missing hitting her head. “Noah? What are you doing here?”

  “I’m going to Costa Rica to do missionary work. What does it look like,” I replied, hoisting my carry-on into the compartment above us.

  Maddie’s dark brows furrowed with confusion. “But I thought you were going to Rio with Alex and the other guys.”

  “Can’t a guy change his mind?”

  “But I don’t understand,” she murmured.

  I sighed. It was now or never time to explain my feelings. “Well, I’m not going to be as eloquent as you, Miss Valedictorian, but to put it bluntly and to quote Kelly Clarkson, my life would suck without you!”

  A hesitant smile crept on her lips. “Did you seriously just say that?”

  I laughed. “Sadly, I think I did. Don’t you know you bring out the hopeless romantic in me—give me a chance and I might be quoting from bad 80’s songs in a few minutes.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Cut to the chase, Noah. What are you really trying to say?”

  I brushed an errant strand of dark hair out of her face. “Maddie, there aren’t words that can fully express how sorry I am for the absolute ass I was yesterday. I don’t know what kind of ridiculousness came over me, but I’m very, very sorry. I know Jake loved you and you loved him, and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the fact you’re a natural born caregiver, and you’re always going to have this annoyingly, sweet need to take care of others.” When she started to protest, I put my finger over her lips. “But babe, I just need you to let go sometimes and give others a chance to take care of you. Most of all, I need you to let me take care of you.”

  “Um, okay,” she murmured.

  “I’m not finished.”

  “You aren’t?”

  I grinned. “No, I’m not.”

  “All right.”

  “There’s something else I need to say—something I should have said to you yesterday and even weeks before that.” Gently, I traced my thumb over her cheekbone. “Madeline Elizabeth Parker, I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with you.”

  Tears sparkled in Maddie’s dark eyes. “Noah—”

  I held up a hand to silence her. “Let me finish. I’ve been in love with you since the day I saw you after Jake died. You appeared to me like an angel, and in a way, you have been my angel. You are so beautiful sometimes that it stuns me, and it leaves me speechless. When you smile that smile that spreads across your face and brings out your dimples, it makes my heart melt.” I leaned in closer to where my breath brushed against her cheek. “You’ve been my beacon of light in my storm of grief, and I don’t know if I could live without you.”

  Maddie blinked a few times in disbelief. “Oh Noah, did you really just say all that?”

  “Yep.”

  “And you really mean it?”

  “Every single word.”

  Closing her eyes, she rubbed her cheek against my hand. “Do you know what it means to me to hear you say that? I’ve hoped and dreamed that you would, but to actually hear it off your lips…” She popped open her eyes and stared up at me. “It’s amazing.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that, too, because I want everything with you. But if you can’t forgive me for being such a monumental asshole, I’ll accept that, and we can just be friends. All I care about is being with you.”

  Before I could say anything else, her mouth was on mine. The warmth of her tongue slid my lips open, and neither one of us could enough of each other. The sound of someone clearing his throat broke our moment. Maddie pulled away and blushed.

  A balding man gave us an impatient look. “Now that you two have had your moment, do you think I might get by?”

  Maddie’s face flushed crimson all the way down her neck and onto her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, sir,” she said as apologetically as she could. She then flopped down in her seat and buried her face in her hands.

  “Hey,” I murmured, nudging her leg with mine. When she didn’t look up, I eased down beside her. “Come on, Mads. Don’t be embarrassed by a little PDA.”

  She tentatively raised her head and gave me a weak smile. “Sorry. Getting embarrassed is just one of my little quirks.”

  I laughed. “And I love all
your quirks.”

  She took my hand in hers. “I love you so much, Noah.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “No, I need you to understand that regardless of whatever feelings or infatuation I thought I had for Jake, it’s the real thing with you.”

  Her words caused my heartbeat to accelerate to a full gallop in my chest. The way she was looking at me also told me how much she meant her words, and I couldn’t stop myself. As the seatbelt sign came on, I leaned over and kissed her. It was quite a different experience from earlier, but it was wonderful all the same. She pulled away just as the plane started taxing down the runway and gave me a disapproving look.

  “What’s that look for?” I asked.

  She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment, which did nothing for my raging hormones. “While we’re being honest, I feel I need to tell you that just because I love you nothing else has really changed yet.”

  “It hasn’t?”

  “I mean, what I believe is still the same. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m going to automatically…”

  I shifted in my seat as my sex drive went down in flames. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re virginity is safe, I swear,” I said, making a Scout’s Honor pledge across my chest.

  “That and other things too.” She glanced around the cabin before lowering her voice. “It might be a while before I’m ready to…you know, polish your knob or things like that.”

  I snorted and rolled my eyes. “We’ve seriously got to work on your sexual lingo!”

  “Is that not what it’s called?”

  “Yeah, it is, but it just sounds so ridiculous coming out of your mouth. In fact, I think you might owe a quarter to the cuss can.”

  Her finger drew lazy lines along the back of my hand. “So you’re really going to be able to wait until I’m ready?”