Yearning Devotion

by Rachael Orman

Before she even had a chance to push it back, a memory surfaced through the slightly drunken fuzz in her mind.

  He’d been stupid enough to think she was so complacent as to not notice the pocket knife he dropped on the counter when he emptied his pockets after entering. The keys to the door were there also, but she knew she would never get out the door before he caught her.

  He fucked her on the tiny bed before demanding she make him food then do the dishes. Once she was done he told her to get undressed, he was horny again. “Need to get himself another piece of her sweet ass,” he told her. She hadn’t moved fast enough for him. He grabbed her hair and slammed her face into the wall, twice, hard. It broke her nose, again. It barely even stung but she whimpered once, just loud enough for him to think she was suffering. Blood gushed out of her nose but she pushed her hips back against him. She needed to get him distracted.

  He laughed at her. He spoke into her ear as he pulled back on her hair, “You like the way I fuck you. You dirty little girl. You want it so bad, you don’t even care that you’re bleeding everywhere.”

  He reached down to flip open the button on his jeans and pull himself out. The hold in her hair eased as his attention shifted to getting his pants undone. That was when she slipped the knife out of her shorts. She flipped out the knife with her nail before turning quickly. She brought the knife up and stabbed it as hard as she could into the side of his neck before yanking it towards his other ear. She knew if this didn’t work, they would kill her. There was no doubt in her mind about that. She had to make it work or she’d die trying.

  When he slumped down to the floor, blood had sprayed everywhere, now it was making puddle that was spreading across the floor. She quickly moved to the kitchen. She threw the knife on the floor and grabbed his keys before running to the front door.

  She struggled with the keys. The blood covering her hands was sticky and slippery as she tried to get the key in the door. She had to get out of there. Sometimes they visited her alone, sometimes minutes or hours passed before the other arrived, she couldn’t take the chance and waste time. She grabbed his large coat that was right next to the door, slipping it on to cover her blood soaked clothes as she stepped outside. She ran as far and hard as her bare feet would carry her.

  Gwen came out of her memory with a gasp. It was the one memory she had managed to push deep, deep within herself and not think about. Oddly, the killing didn’t bother her. It was the sheer terror she felt at the time that was so strong that it still made her shake now. But she had finally escaped. She would never have to go back.

  Realizing her glass was empty, she ordered another.

  She had been pregnant; she knew that for sure now. She never gotten the chance to find out how far along she had been. She miscarried a week later. The baby was the reason she finally got the courage to leave her captors, and she lost it, left alone in the world again. Losing the baby had been incredibly hard for her to get over. She wouldn’t have had a way to care for it but she would’ve finally had someone in this world that loved her.

  The other homeless people she had been hanging out with had kept her alive and sane. They helped her get other clothes to wear. They never asked questions, not too many anyway, they all had things they didn’t want to talk about too. She’d never explained many of the details to McKayla. She’d given as little of the details as she could to keep McKayla from pressing for more information. It was easier to just shove them down deep and try her hardest to pretend that it never happened.

  Sitting there drinking yet another glass of whiskey, she decided it was time to come clean. She’d been so thankful she didn’t have to tell Cole anything about herself and yet she had yet to tell the love of her life a lot of those details. She left her glass half full on the bar, paid her tab and went to the office.

  She pushed through the doors to Finest Companions and quickly gathered her things in a duffle bag she had in the bottom of her space. She shoved all her items except her expensive dresses in the bag. The dresses got put into a garment bag. It took less than 15 minutes to clean out her space then she headed back out onto the street. She’d stuffed her final pay in the duffle bag, better not to be carrying that kind of cash in her pockets.

  This was it. Gwen had decided after seeing how completely unaffected Cole had been while she’d been reliving every horrible moment of her life because he’d shattered the carefully constructed world she lived in, it was time to move on. She grabbed all of her items and left behind this part of her life.

  Chapter 16

  Gwen returned to the apartment expecting to find McKayla. But she wasn’t there. Gwen showered and even though she still had a good amount of alcohol in her system, she felt alive, awake, it was time for a change and it was happening now. She went about cleaning the apartment, the kitchen, picking up all the dirty clothes and putting them in the hamper for her to wash the next day. She sat on the couch to cool down. She was sweating like crazy. She closed her eyes as the fan blew cool air on her.

  “Gwen?” McKayla’s soft voice woke Gwen. Gwen blinked her eyes a few times. She must have fallen asleep. McKayla was kneeling on the floor next to where she was sitting on the couch.

  “Hi.” Gwen smiled largely at McKayla, taking her beautiful face in her hands and pulling her forward for a soft kiss.

  “Hi.” McKayla said raising an eyebrow, obviously confused at this sudden change in Gwen. She’d noticed the clean apartment, which Gwen hadn’t cared about in weeks.

  “We need to talk.” Gwen pulled her onto the couch next to her. McKayla laid back on the arm of the couch while Gwen put her head on her chest and wrapped her arm and leg over her.

  “Ok. Gwen, I’m ready to listen. Let it out.” McKayla softly ran her hand over Gwen’s hair.

  “Please let me finish it. You are going to want to interrupt but please let me just get it all out.” McKayla just nodded and continued to rub Gwen’s hair and back. Gwen took a deep breath before softly blowing it out. She told McKayla everything.

  Gwen told McKayla how she’d been 17 when she’d escaped, no longer the preteen that she’d been when captured. When she’d lost the pregnancy, she’d been in a homeless shelter eating dinner. She’d gone into a severe depression. After not pulling out of it for weeks, her friends had nudged her into going to the rape survival meetings, where she’d met McKayla. That first meeting had changed her entire life. She told her how meeting the incredibly beautiful blonde had shifted her whole world, made her see that there was still beauty in this world. How’d she learned there were people out there that understood what she had gone through and was going through.

  She finally told McKayla all about her time in captivity and the gruesome acts and violations her captors had done to her. She told her about how she’d finally escaped.

  Gwen didn’t look up once the words were done tumbling from her mouth. She doubted she had worded it right. She doubted she could ever use words to describe just how dirty and horrible things had been or at the end of her story, just how wonderful and fresh it had been to set her eyes on McKayla. She didn’t think she could ever put into words just how those beautiful blue eyes had pierced her to her soul without even meaning to. The way the soul within McKayla spoke to her in a way that nothing ever had before.

  After a few breaths and giving McKayla a chance to process her story, she pulled back and looked up at the face of the woman she loved. McKayla had tears running in thick streams down her face.

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? We’ve been together for 10 years and you haven’t told me half of this!” McKayla said obviously still trying to process everything Gwen had told her.

  “It was just easier to keep it to myself. It is still easier but I think it was time that I just let you know the whole story and let you decide if you can be with a murderer. I’ve been raped, tortured, and homeless. I’ve miscarried far too many babies.” Gwen sobbed. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. She reached up and realized that she had tears ro
lling quickly down her cheeks. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cried and now the tears were coming so fast she couldn’t stop them. McKayla pulled her down to her chest again as soft keening cries escaped her lips. Gwen didn’t know how long the two of them laid on the couch together. She cried more tears than she thought humanly possible. But she actually felt lighter now than she had in a long, long time. She felt like she had cried out part of the horrors she’d carried inside her for so long.

  Gwen slipped over McKayla’s body as she stood up next to the couch. Looking down at McKayla, whose dark blue eyes reflected the same pain Gwen had, Gwen realized that this confession had been just as hard for McKayla. She held out a hand, which McKayla used to stand up. Gwen linked their fingers and led her to the bathroom.

  “Shower with me.” Gwen said quietly, afraid that McKayla might reject her, even if she knew the thought was ridiculous she couldn’t help but fear the possibility. McKayla put her finger under Gwen’s chin and lifted it until she met her eyes.

  “Yes, Gwen, I want to shower with you. I want to take you to bed and make sweet passionate love with you. I want to show you what a wonderful person you really are.” McKayla said with such firm convicted tone that made tears spring to Gwen’s eyes again. Apparently once she started crying, it was going to be hard to stop from crying again.

  “God, I love you.” Gwen grabbed McKayla around the shoulders a bit rougher than she meant to, pulling her close. She pressed her forehead to McKayla’s as her hands ran down her arms and back up to her shoulders. She reached up and pulled the ponytail out of McKayla’s hair, letting her long hair fall down around both of them as Gwen kissed her neck.

  McKayla’s hands were in Gwen’s hair, holding her close as she tilted her neck giving her more skin to kiss. Gwen walked around McKayla so she was standing behind her. She grabbed McKayla’s hands and placed them on the counter so she was looking at herself in the mirror. She pressed her knee between McKayla’s as she shoved all McKayla’s hair over one shoulder so she could still kiss McKayla’s neck. She bit down on McKayla’s earlobe as she reached around and grabbed both her breasts. McKayla turned her head to kiss her over her shoulder.

  Gwen stepped back to quickly pull McKayla’s top off before pressing back against her. She massaged her breast while staring into her eyes in the mirror. McKayla bit down on her lower lip when she moved her eyes to watch Gwen’s hands on her breasts. One of Gwen’s hands slowly slid down from McKayla’s breast to slip into the front of her jeans. But her hand got caught causing her to growl in frustration. She yanked her hand out before using both hands to roughly tear at the button on the jeans and unzipping them.

  She slid her hand under McKayla’s panties and into the sweet slick juices that awaited her. McKayla let out a whimper at the caress. Gwen massaged a breast while her fingers circled McKayla’s clit. McKayla grasped the counter as her knees grew weak and she moaned. She bit her lip again and pressed her head back against Gwen’s shoulder.

  Gwen looked down over McKayla’s beautiful body to watch her own hand pleasuring McKayla. When she pinched hard down on McKayla’s nipple, she cried out. McKayla could feel her orgasm growing close, her hips were starting to move in sync with Gwen’s fingers. Gwen bit down on her neck, sucking on her neck as McKayla’s orgasm rushed through her. She locked her knees and leaned back against Gwen so she stayed standing as waves of pleasure rocked her.

  McKayla turned in her arms once the sweet waves of her orgasm passed. She pressed back on Gwen’s shoulders till she was pressed against the bathroom door. She slid her lips against Gwen’s. At first it was a soft tender kiss but it quickly became deep and passionate. McKayla slid her tongue along Gwen’s as her fingers unbuttoned Gwen’s jeans.

  She pulled back from the kiss to kiss down Gwen’s chest, then belly as she kneeled before Gwen. She looked up into Gwen’s eyes as she pulled down her jeans and helped her step from them. She took off her panties next, taking her time to slowly slide them down her legs. She slipped two fingers through Gwen’s slit finding she was more than ready. McKayla leaned forward and sucked her clit into her mouth as she shoved two fingers deep into her.

  Gwen spread her legs more and threw her head back against the door. A moan slipped out of her lips as she grabbed a handful of McKayla’s hair. McKayla’s fingers moved slowly in and out as her tongue followed a slow teasing flicking motion over her clit. She took her time sliding in and out, flicking and circling her clit, slowly pushing Gwen closer and closer to the edge. Gwen could feel it coming from a long way off, her orgasm slowly crawled up her legs before exploding hard and fast out from her core. She locked her knees but she couldn’t hold herself up and ended up sliding down the door.

  Once she recovered, she laughed. Both her and McKayla were sprawled on the ground in the bathroom, both half dressed.

  “Mmm, now that’s how I like to see you.” McKayla laughed with her. She pulled Gwen into an embrace and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Although hearing about her past had been hard and upsetting that Gwen had kept so many secrets from her. She’d known about the rape and the beatings but there had been so many other things Gwen had kept to herself. They would get stronger from this. McKayla would find a way to deal with anything as long as Gwen was with her. She noticed Gwen was smiling at her. “What?”

  “I love you. That’s all. I love the way you look at me. The way you make me feel just by using your eyes.” Gwen said smiling for the first time in a long time. She was still hurting inside from Cole, but she having shared so many secrets with McKayla, she felt like the thing with Cole was such a small thing now. She’d never have to see him again anyway. He knew nothing about her and she had everything she needed right now here in her arms.

  “Hmm, well, I like looking at you especially when you are like this.” McKayla said playfully pinching a nipple. Gwen laughed and swatted at her hand.

  “You certainly have a way to change the mood.” Gwen smiled at her. She stood and helped McKayla to stand as well, before pulling her close again. She bit down softly on her bottom lip, “Let’s get that shower now.”

  Chapter 17

  “Today I had something interesting happen.” McKayla said as she wrapped a towel around her hair then one around her body. Gwen had wrapped a towel around her body and was using another one to squeeze out some moisture from her hair.

  “Oh yea?” Gwen turned and looked at her, dropping her hair towel on the counter while resting her hip on the ledge.

  “I had a modeling agent give me his card and ask me to come by his office.” McKayla said as she rubbed moisturizer into her face. Gwen grabbed the lotion and started rubbing some on her arms as she thought about what McKayla had said.

  “You gonna go meet him?” She asked after only a few seconds, moving to rub lotion on her legs.

  “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never really thought about it.” McKayla shrugged a bit. She reached up and pulled the towel from around her hair, her long blonde hair falling around her shoulders.

  “Come here.” Gwen sat on the counter and pushed out the little vanity stool that had been tucked under the counter with her foot. McKayla came and sat down between Gwen’s thighs on the backless chair, her back to Gwen. Gwen grabbed a brush and started carefully running it through McKayla’s wet hair. Gwen’s feet rested on either side of McKayla’s hips as she combed out her hair for her. “I think you’d be very good at it.”

  “Yeah?” McKayla didn’t sound so sure. She wrapped her arms around Gwen’s calves, hands resting on the top of Gwen’s feet. “I’m just not sure I’d even know what to do.”

  “You know more than you think you do. I bet it’ll come natural. Your body is sexy as hell. You have beautiful hair like a lot of models. Plus, you have the cutest damn smile.” Gwen said dragging the brush through McKayla’s hair. Gwen laughed a short laugh. “Look at us. Both of us growing up and moving on to bigger and better things in life.”

  “Well, I don’t know about all that. It’s jus
t an initial meeting, we will just have to wait and see where it goes.” McKayla said, still doubtful she could actually be successful.

  “I’m sure you’ll be great.” Gwen leaned forward and kissed her head before putting the brush down. McKayla stood up and tossed a smile over her shoulder before heading to the bedroom. Gwen followed so they could both get dressed. As she walked in the room, McKayla dropped her towel and sat on the edge of the bed to slip on the panties she had grabbed from the draw by the door. Gwen dropped her towel and moved to stand right in front of McKayla. “Oh no no... You aren’t getting dressed yet.”

  “Oh, I’m not?” McKayla looked up at her with a smile. Gwen pushed her shoulders back so she lay back on the bed. She motioned for McKayla to scoot back fully onto the bed and roll onto her stomach. Gwen put a knee on either side of McKayla’s and slowly crawled up the bed so that she was kneeling over McKayla’s body. She grabbed a bottle of lotion from the night stand and filled her palm with it. She picked up McKayla’s hand and took her time massaging and rubbing in the lotion on the one arm before moving to the other arm. She repeated the process with each leg before starting on her back.

  Gwen took her time massaging away all the tight knots in her back undoubtedly it was her fault most of them were there. She rubbed in the last of the lotion on her back before moving farther down her body. She quickly spread lotion over McKayla’s sides and butt before moving to sit next to her. “Roll over.” McKayla did as she was told. Gwen quickly rubbed lotion on her breasts and stomach. She wasn’t trying to make it sensual but just finished the relaxing massage. “I love you.” Gwen said before placing a soft kiss on McKayla’s slightly parted lips. This was the least she could do after putting McKayla through hell the last couple weeks.

  “Mmm. I suppose I’m allowed to get dressed now. Too bad I can’t feel my arms or legs so I guess I’ll just lay here for a while.” McKayla said with her eyes closed, her breathing slowing even more. “I love you too” She barely murmured. Gwen could tell she was falling asleep so she got up and made sure all the lights were off in the apartment and crawled into the bed still naked with her. She pulled up the covers, noting the big red numbers saying it was 7am. What a way to start a new day with a new outlook on life.