Yearning Devotion

by Rachael Orman

  Chapter 18

  McKayla got curious and started looking online for more information about the guy who had approached her about modeling. She searched his name to find he was one of the biggest model agents for a huge modeling agency out of New York. Could she model? Did she have what it would take? She thought maybe it wouldn’t be all that different than what she already did. She kept her body conditioned and she kept up with fashion anyway because of Gwen. She wanted to try, she wanted to start making peace with the demons of her past, if Gwen could make the effort, then she was going to as well. The next day she called and made her initial appointment with him.

  For the next couple weeks Gwen was so busy trying to make up for the time she had missed at school that she went to school early and came home late. McKayla didn’t get to see Gwen a whole lot but when she did, she could tell there was a big difference in Gwen though. She seemed happy when she did see her and she was leaving little love notes around the apartment for McKayla to find so even though they weren’t spending a lot of time together, they were ok. She knew Gwen was ok. Meanwhile, she’d been making progress in her so called modeling career. The agent had set her up to get some professional photos done once he had seen some of the photos she’d brought with her and had her walk the runway in the office. She had been scheduled for six go sees and already been to three additional ones.

  Three weeks after the night Gwen had her breakdown, McKayla was sitting on the couch nibbling on yogurt at 3pm when Gwen came through the front door. She looked over her shoulder at her. “Well, look who is home early.”

  “Well, I have some news!” Gwen dropped everything in her arms and moved quickly to sit on the couch next to McKayla. McKayla set her yogurt down on the table looking curiously at Gwen.

  “Spill it!” McKayla said as Gwen grabbed both her hands.

  “I have an offer. An offer I don’t think I can say no to. However, I know you might be upset if I take it.” Gwen spoke quickly, the words tumbling out like she’d been circling them around in her head over and over on the way home.

  “Um… Ok. What is this offer?” McKayla was nervous but tried to be excited because it was obvious Gwen was. Gwen looked down and bit her lip before meeting her eyes again.

  “I’ve been offered a contract to work as an assistant to a fashion designer. It would give me all the work place training I need. Not to mention I’d get a lot of information. The pay is great too. This is just the opportunity I need. The experience would help make up for the lack of schooling and the pay would make it so I can save up and start my line once the contract is over.” Gwen tried to calm herself and speak slower so McKayla would understand. She took a breath, “But I would have to drop out of school. There would be too many demands for me to stay in school.”

  McKayla tried to understand what she was having thrown at her. “So if you take the job, you will have to quit school, but you’ll make enough money to launch your own label once you are done?”

  “Yes. It is a year contract. And after a year I will have the opportunity to continue as an assistant or break away and do my own thing. I plan to break away so that I can get my own designs and name out.” Gwen was beaming.

  Last week she’d cleaned out her purse and stumbled upon the card for the agent for MHKR that her teacher had given her months ago. She had completely forgotten about it with all the drama that had followed shortly after she had been given the card. She had called and made an appointment to see if they were still interested. She hadn’t seen McKayla enough to tell her about the upcoming appointment. If she was honest, she’d been afraid to get even her own hopes up, let alone tell McKayla about it only to later have to tell her she’d failed. But it had gone well.

  Part of her dream was so close to coming true, she could feel it just barely touching her imaginary dream fingertips. Sure, she’d wanted to finish her schooling before this happened but now she didn’t know if she even needed to. This was the job that she was in school to get. If she took the position and did well at it, she wouldn’t even need the degree. Plus, once she started her own line, it really wouldn’t matter whether she had a degree or not. In the fashion industry, people got a degree to have the skills to get a job then you either got hired to work under a large company designing your line under them or you broke away completely to have your own line to sell out of a small shop.

  Gwen had never gone to regular grade school like most kids. She didn’t graduate high school with her friends, she got her GED when she was in her 20s. Going to college for a degree had been a milestone she’d been shooting for, something ‘normal’ that she could accomplish and yet here she was contemplating dropping out. It was a hard decision for her to make. She needed to know that she had McKayla’s support 100% or she wouldn’t do it.

  “Gwen!!! Of course I think this is a great idea.” McKayla yelled jumping up from the couch, pulling Gwen into a tight hug. “You need to follow what your gut tells you is right! Plus, it looks like I might be making a go of this whole modeling thing.”

  “Well, then let’s get ready to go out. We are going to celebrate since you don’t have to work!” Gwen kissed her hard and grabbed her ass before turning to head into the bathroom.

  McKayla slipped into a strapless skin tight white dress and white 3 inch heels with ribbons that criss crossed a few times around her calves stopping just below her knees. Gwen put on a bright blue cross front tank dress that showed off her curves and black peep toe 4 inch heels. Both left their hair down and put on heavy club going makeup before leaving.

  Once they arrived at the nightclub they’d decided on, they both ordered a drink before finding a table.

  “Here’s to the future!” Gwen shouted a bit louder than she’d intended. She couldn’t help it, she was excited! McKayla wrinkled her nose at her and smiled. They clinked glasses together before taking a sip and looking around the club. One of her favorite dance songs came on and Gwen was out of her seat pulling McKayla by the hand to the dance floor. “Oh yes, we are dancing!”

  McKayla just laughed. She’d missed this playful fun side of Gwen. They spent the next hour on the dance floor grinding and dancing with just about anyone who came near. Gwen signaled to McKayla that she was going to get a drink. McKayla followed her off the dance floor. Both had a fine sheen of sweat coating their face and body. Gwen patted her face with a napkin from their table.

  “Whew, now that is what I call a good time.” Gwen plopped down into her chair, careful to keep her short skirt down and not flash anyone as she did it. She used both hands to push all her hair over her shoulders, twisting one hand to pull it into a makeshift ponytail before letting it go again.

  “Man, I feel so old. It’s been so long since we’ve just gone out for a night of dancing.” McKayla was doing similar actions with her hair getting it off her sticky shoulders. She patted her chest with a napkin picking up the little beads of sweat that had gathered.

  “No kidding. I think we need to make more time to get out. Away from our hidey hole and relax. Plus, now I won’t have to work out tomorrow!” After resting for a while, they returned to the dance floor together.

  Later that night as Gwen and McKayla are dancing together to a slow song. They kiss tenderly to Maxwell’s ‘This Woman’s Work’.

  “You know how much I love you? I really can never tell you how much I’m grateful to have you in my life. You always put up with me good, bad and other.” Gwen spoke softly into McKayla’s ear as her hand gingerly ran down her back. “Before you, I never thought I could love anyone. I didn’t know what love was, but you’ve shown me just how wonderful love is. And I’m so incredibly thankful every single day that I have you in my life, as my support, as my grip on reality. I know that I will never be worthy of such a gift but I cherish it.”

  “I know baby. We were meant to be together. We are perfect for each other.” McKayla pulled back to look into her eyes. “Our love is forever. It’s not conventional, but when have either of us cared what other people t
hought. I love you because you are what I need in a soul mate and your soul perfectly matches my own.”

  The two of them continued to dance slowly lovingly touching each other. It’d been such a hard life for them and now things were starting to turn for the better, finally. Gwen ran her fingers over McKayla’s cheek with a small smile on her face as a tear escaped down Gwen’s cheek. This was what life was about. Being in the arms of the one you loved. The one who stood and held you up when your life was falling apart around you. The one who loved you for all your faults and bad decisions. The one that loved you for who you were.

  Chapter 19

  ~~~Over A Year Later~~~

  Gwen was super excited and nervous! She was preparing for her first New York Fashion Week. She’d spent a year working for MHKR under Victoria Kidd, one of their designers. Gwen had learned a lot from her. The tips and ideas she’d learned were invaluable. During her contracted time, Victoria had started to ask more and more for Gwen to help. When she’d first started, she only helped prepare items for Victoria, but as time went on Victoria started to let Gwen use her own ideas and creativity on some of the projects.

  When it had come to the end of her contract, Victoria had even helped her get the contacts needed to so that she could possibly show in New York Fashion Week. Gwen had impressed them and here she was about to debut. This was what she’d worked so hard for. She spent nearly every waking moment for the last week getting her models hired, putting final touches on her outfits, and making sure that everything was ready. It was the day before the big event. She was as ready as ever and yet butterflies batted around in her stomach.

  McKayla bounced up to her wearing only a pair of thigh high boots and a short dress that slipped off one shoulder. Gwen grimaced at her, “Aren’t you cold?”

  “Aren’t you hot?” McKayla came back instantly, winking and wiggling her eyebrows. While it was February in New York and freezing outside, McKayla rarely layered up. She said it was against the rules of fashion. Gwen however was more sensible in not wanting to freeze all the time. She was wearing a pair of black leggings, black ankle boots and a tight blue mid-thigh length knit sweater with a cowl neck that hung down almost to her navel revealing the black turtleneck under it.

  “No, I’m sensible.” Gwen said to McKayla. She had hired McKayla as her lead model for the show since McKayla was now one of the biggest up and coming models and refused to walk for anyone but Gwen at the show.

  Gwen designed only evening gowns right now. She had worn so many over the years so she had a taste for what she found comfortable or what she liked together. Her line of evening gown line was called ‘Yearning Devotion’.

  “You are so boring sometimes.” McKayla rolled her eyes even as she smiled.

  Gwen had spent the whole day working on final small alterations and double checking to make sure all the shoes and jewelry were ready to go for the fast paced show. She flipped through the hair designs and make up for each girl in the show while McKayla was talking about some celebrities she’d seen.

  Gwen tuned her out for the most part. McKayla was star struck every time she saw a celebrity and gabbed nonstop about all their successes, failures, who they were dating or not dating or rumored to be dating. Gwen didn’t particularly care for it. They were just people in the lime light and most had egos so big she didn’t want anything to do with them anyway. She met quite a few of them over the year she had been helping behind the scenes at shows with Victoria.

  “Come on, let’s go get some dinner before it gets too late. Nothing else you can do here tonight anyway. You’ll just be driving yourself crazy going through it all over and over.” McKayla grabbed the images from her hands and put them down on the counter where they were kept.

  “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.” Gwen looped her arm through McKayla’s and the pair left the venue. They were met with a blast of cold air exiting into the New York cold. Thankfully, they were able to grab a cab quickly and it was blissfully warm inside it. Gwen raised her eye brow at McKayla. “Where to?”

  “To Tribeca Grill please.” McKayla told the cabbie. They settled back into the cab, huddling close. Gwen put her head on McKayla’s shoulder and rubbed her fingers up and down McKayla’s forearm as she stared out the windshield. McKayla seemed so cool, calm and collected while Gwen had a million thoughts at once running through her head. She was trying to take in some of that calm from McKayla.

  Before long the cab pulled up at the swank restaurant. McKayla paid the driver and they climbed out. Wrapping their arms behind the others back, they walked to the door. They ate there at least once a week and had gotten to know the staff so they didn’t need reservations like most did. The hostess escorted them along the row of tables lining the back wall to one of the only tables that was empty in the entire restaurant.

  They sat across from each other. McKayla never wanted to miss an opportunity for a possible celebrity sighting so she faced out towards the room while Gwen had her back to it. They both ordered the salmon and a bottle of wine to share. They ate quietly, chatting over light topics. Gwen’s head was still on the show and all the details. She had been like this for over a week so McKayla was used to having to carry the conversation for the most part. After the meal, which Gwen had mostly just pushed around with her fork, McKayla excused herself to go to the restroom before they headed home. Gwen sat there twirling her glass of wine on the table, watching as the wine swirled around then settled and then she’d spin it the other way.

  McKayla bumped the table hard as she sat back down. Gwen looked sharply up at her in surprise. McKayla spoke softly and urgently, “You’ll never guess who is here.”

  “I don’t even know where to start guessing.” Gwen said, not even glancing around. She didn’t even know who most celebrities were anyway. That was McKayla’s thing and she had too many other things on her mind to really even put up the front of caring.

  “On my way back from the bathroom, I saw a face from long ago.” McKayla said looking up. Gwen watched as complete surprise washed over her face.

  That got Gwen’s full attention, “Who?”

  Gwen whipped her head around to see who had surprised McKayla. She hadn’t seen him in over a year. And now here Cole was, walking towards them with a look of purpose on his face. He hadn’t noticed her yet, he was still watching McKayla. He had on a breath taking tuxedo. Gwen’s breath caught. She had never been able to fully push the memories of him from her mind and she still thought of him every single day. She’d like to say she’d moved on, but she didn’t think that would ever be possible. That didn’t mean she wanted to see him again. He broke her heart and she’d be damned if she could ever forgive him for that. She stood to leave before he noticed her, but as soon as she made a move, his eyes latched onto hers. They stood there staring at each other, a few tables separating them. Gwen broke his gaze first and moved to push past him to leave.

  “Gwen.” Cole almost whispered. He reached for her arm but she shoved it away before his hand made contact.

  “Don’t.” Gwen tried to squeeze past him, but he was too broad and she either had to wait till he moved out of the way or climb over one of the tables on either side of the aisle, both of which were occupied. She refused to meet his eyes again, so she kept her eyes on his bowtie. Pushing at his shoulder with her hand, she spoke softly, “Cole, please. I’m not doing this here.”

  “Gwen, I need to speak to you. I can’t take it anymore. Please, we need to talk.” Cole put his hands on her shoulders before slipping them down her arms until they hit her elbows. He pulled her against him. Her whole body stiffened as she was surrounded by his scent. She tried to stop herself, but she couldn’t. She took a deep breath, sucking his incredible scent into her lungs. Her eyes immediately filled with tears at the sweet memories of him that came along with the scent. She shoved him back, hard. He hadn’t expected it and stepped back with one foot, which gave Gwen the space she needed. She was out of the restaurant as fast as she could go. She didn’t care
if people stared, she couldn’t be near him. It hurt too much. McKayla was busting out the door seconds later. The pair slipped into a cab and went home.

  McKayla helped her push the memories of Cole back and they fell asleep in each other’s arms shortly thereafter.

  Chapter 20

  “Let’s go get some fresh air before the craziness starts,” McKayla pulled Gwen by the arm out the door after she finished her final model fitting. They walked hand in hand down the street. Gwen was a bundle of nerves. She hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words to anyone that didn’t have to do with the show all day. It was just two hours before the show and the perfect time for them to slip off for a few minutes. Gwen had been going since very early in the morning. She wanted the show to go off perfect. Not to mention she’d thrown herself even more so into work since the appearance of Cole the night before. Anything to push those memories back.

  Why had he decided to show back up in her life again on that night of all the nights he could’ve? She hadn’t heard from him or seen him in so long. As badly as she wanted to see him, it still hurt her deep down to see that handsome face, those green eyes that had sucked her in and hurt her so badly.

  With all the stress she was under, in the last couple weeks, she lost at least 10lbs, but that worked in her favor being around all these stick thin models. She never wanted to be thin like when she had been held captive again so she purposefully stayed a more average size. She still kept her hair long but most of the time it was pulled back in a high ponytail so she could work without it getting in her way. She rarely wore makeup anymore as no one really cared what the designer looked like, just what the clothing looked like.