The Album: What happens when you fall in love with a rock star? (Cruise Control Book 1)

by Sian Ceinwen

  Ariana frowned and headed towards the staff kitchen; she heard snippets of conversations as she passed people and was sure she heard someone say her name.

  Everyone seemed to be looking at her, too. She wondered what Charlotte had told everyone and realized in shock that she’d been so ensconced in her sorrow that she hadn’t responded to her friend’s messages.

  She put her lunch in the fridge and headed to her desk. Ariana came to a halt as she entered their cubicle and saw Charlotte sitting there chatting to Gabriel, who was relaxing in Ariana’s chair by the window.

  He looked up and saw her, raising a hand to Charlotte to indicate that he needed her to stop talking.

  “Ari, can we please talk?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, “I only just got in, and I’m supposed to be working.”

  “I spoke to Charles a short while ago,” Gabriel informed her, “and he said that we could take all the time we needed whenever you got in.”

  “Wow,” Ariana was surprised.

  “Okay, I might have agreed to purchase my next property through your agency,” he grinned at her.

  This was completely surreal. Gabriel was here with her at her work, and her boss was apparently totally chill with her taking time out to talk to him.

  “So, can we talk?” Gabriel asked again.

  “Here?” Ariana asked, uncomfortable at the idea.

  “I thought we could probably go for a walk or something.”

  “Sure,” Ariana replied, stunned.

  “It was lovely meeting you again, Charlotte,” Gabriel said as they left the cubicle.

  They walked back out of the building the way Ariana had just come in. The whispers had intensified, and Ariana realized that this was obviously why everyone had been talking about her. It wasn’t anything Charlotte had said at all; it just wasn’t every day that a rock star turns up at your office to see one of your co-workers.

  Once they were outside, they made their way in relative silence to a park nearby and walked along the path by a lake.

  “So,” Gabriel said.

  “So,” she replied.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” he told her.

  “You and me both. It’s…odd. How do you know where I work?”

  “Charlotte told me on Friday. She doesn’t have your address, or I would’ve gone there. Why did you leave, Ari?”

  “I’m sorry for doing that. I was in shock, I hadn’t seen anyone for two years, and suddenly there you all were,” Ariana shrugged.

  “Not on Friday, why did you leave me?”

  “Oh. It’s so hard to say, Gabe. I guess, at the core of it, I was overwhelmed by everything. It all just seemed too much, and I was spiraling, and it felt like I was dragging you down with me.”

  “You do know that I never would’ve chosen that option, right?”

  “Me leaving?” She stalled for time while pondering the question.

  “Yeah. There were so many other ways that we could’ve handled it. So many other options, but you chose to leave, and I had no say in the matter. That hurt, Ari. So badly.”

  She looked out across the lake as they walked, processing what he was saying. Of course, there had been other ways to handle it. She knew that now, but at the time, it was the only way she had been able to see through it all.

  “I know that now. I do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I had done it all differently, Gabe.”

  “Did you even get any of the messages I sent you?” He asked her.

  “I did, eventually. The day you left the last message. I almost called you back, but then you said that you were going to let me go, and I thought it was better for everyone that I just let you move on.”

  He stopped walking and turned to look at her.

  “You thought that I could forget about you that easily?” He frowned.

  “Yes, well, no, but I thought that it would be easier for you if I didn’t contact you again.”

  He sighed, then took her hand in his and walked over to a nearby bench before sitting down. She sat down next to him, their hands still linked.

  “I counted the days, Ari. I counted the days for a long, long time. Every day that we were apart, it was like a prison sentence.”

  “But you didn’t count them forever, did you, Gabe?”

  “No,” he admitted, “not forever, but for long enough.”

  He lifted their intertwined hands and studied them, as though drinking in the sight of them together, again. He rubbed up and down her hand with his thumb.

  “I’ve missed this. Being with you. Nothing has ever felt as right as that.”

  Ariana reveled in his admission. She felt exactly the same. Here, being with him, it was complete perfection. It was right where she wanted to be—by his side.

  “I’ve missed it, too,” she confessed.

  He smiled at her and let go of her hand. She looked him in the eyes for the first time since they’d sat down. Gabriel seemed reserved, as though he was holding back from her. He sighed and looked away from her gaze.

  “So, you’re a real estate agent, huh?”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  “How do you like it?”

  “I actually really love it,” she smiled at him, “at first, it was just a job, something to do to earn money and to take my mind off, well, off you.”

  “But then?”

  “Then, I found that it was something I’m good at, and so I worked hard, got better at my job, and became one of the top agents at the agency,” Ariana grinned at him.

  “That’s pretty cool, Ari. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “How’s your writing going?”

  She hadn’t been able to look at her writing after they broke up. It was full of memories too painful for her to bear, so she’d moved the documents to a folder buried deep in her computer’s folder structure and not looked at it since. Even the act of writing creatively held such a close association in her mind to her time with him that she’d stopped that completely as well.

  “I haven’t written anything since the day I left,” she admitted.

  “That’s a shame; you really have a gift for it.”

  He smiled at her, and they fell into silence again. Ariana looked out over the lake. Had too much time passed for them to be together? More to the point, would he ever be able to forgive her for what she’d done?

  “Do you hate me, Gabe?”

  She asked this quietly, surprising herself with the question that she’d asked him so many times before. She had thought that she was more certain of herself these days, but even now, she found herself terrified of his answer.

  “Hate you? How could I hate you, Ari?”

  “That song was pretty harsh,” she cringed at the memory of the lyrics, “Charlotte said that you announce it that way every night.”

  “Ah, Hurts Like Hell,” he looked chagrined as she nodded, “Well, yeah, I was really angry at you for a while. Announcing it that way…I was still really angry at the start of the tour. We were in Chicago, and I said it the first night of the tour. The fans loved it, though, and I wound up doing it every night. I might have been really angry in those early days, but I don’t think I ever really hated you, though.”

  “You don’t think you hated me?” She bit her lip, feeling stupid for how insecure she felt.

  “Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, sweetheart. I was hurting so badly, and I couldn’t love you anymore because it was tearing me apart. Hate was the feeling that got me through that burning anger.”

  She looked shocked at what he was saying.

  “I don’t think this is coming out right. I thought I hated you at the time, but in hindsight, I can see that I never really stopped loving you. I just couldn’t let myself feel that, so I pretended to myself that it was hate that I was feeling instead.”

  “I think I understand,” she replied, “it’s not like you wouldn’t have had every reason to hate me anyway,” she shrugged
as nonchalantly as she could.

  “I’m not going to respond to that, Ari. There is no good outcome from that conversation,” he reached his arm around her shoulders and gave her a hug to ease the harshness of his words.

  Ariana’s breath caught. Being in his arms caused a thousand memories to flood over her in a wave. She wished that she could stay here forever, but before she even had time to truly enjoy the feeling, he removed his arm again.

  “I’m sorry for the song,” he smiled at her.

  “It’s okay; it’s actually a pretty good song,” she smiled back at him.

  “I hope it didn’t hurt you too much.”

  “Well, let’s just say that I won’t be adding it to my daily playlist or anything, but there were other things that hurt me worse on Friday night.”

  “Like what?” He asked her, seeming genuinely interested in her answer.

  “Mostly regret,” she said, “a lot of regrets. Wishing that I could go back in the past and change things that I’d done.”

  “I can’t lie. I know exactly what you mean.”

  They both sighed in unison and then laughed together at the joint reaction before falling silent once again. Ariana closed her eyes to block out the sight of him and listened to the sound of Gabriel’s breathing next to her. He was so close, but so far. So much had happened between them that couldn’t be changed.

  “Can I ask you a question, Gabe?”

  “Always, Ari.”

  “If you could go back in time and never meet me, would you do it?”

  “Of course not,” he shook his head and frowned.

  “Even though it would mean that none of this pain and drama would ever have happened?”

  “Sure, those things wouldn’t have happened, but neither would the good things. I would trade a thousand awful nights for one more Washington, DC.”

  She shivered at his words, remembering that night.

  “That night was one of the best nights of my life,” she confessed.

  “Mine, too, but there were so many more than that, Ari. Each one of them was worth that much to me, and I wouldn’t trade them away for anything.”

  It was almost too much to bear. She had hurt them both so badly. Even now, when she felt stronger in herself, far more sure of herself as a person and confident about the things that she wanted from life, she had still run away from him on Friday night.

  “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. It wasn’t fair to you, and I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for that.”

  “I accept your apology,” he said sincerely.

  “I should’ve given you a chance to talk, more of an explanation at the time. Cutting you out completely and refusing to talk to you wasn’t okay.”

  “It’s fine, you can’t change the past, and I’ve accepted your apology. Don’t beat yourself up about it,” he smiled at her.

  She looked over at him. She had done a lot of soul-searching over the last two years and had thought that she had come to peace with not having him in her life, but he was here with her again.

  Being with him always felt so utterly right, and it was as though no time had passed between them. She still felt that incredible magnetic pull towards him, her fears of life in the public eye seemed childish compared to what it had been like to live her life without him in it.

  “I’m not over you, Gabe,” she told him.

  He sighed deeply and looked her in the eyes, “I’m seeing someone, Ari.”

  Her heart shattered again in that instant. Of course, he was, he was a rock star, and she’d dumped him, what could she expect?

  “I’m not telling you that to hurt you. I waited, Ari. I waited longer than anyone thought I would wait, and when I finally came to the conclusion that you were gone from my life forever, I started seeing someone. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t blame you,” she choked out, “I should probably get back to work, though.”

  She clung on to the first excuse she could think of to get away from this conversation that had suddenly gone so horribly wrong. They walked in silence back to her office.

  “Bye, Gabriel,” she mumbled, not looking him in the eye.

  “Bye, Ariana. Thank you so much for talking to me today. I can’t tell you how much I needed it.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She turned to leave, and he caught her hand. He pulled her back to face him and stepped forward. He placed one of his hands around her waist, holding her tightly against him and lifted her chin up with the other. Immediately, her heart began to race as the effect he had on her took hold.

  “If I had known,” he whispered while looking directly into her eyes, “that you would walk back into my life. I would’ve waited three more months.”

  He kissed her forehead tenderly and walked away from her. Ariana barely managed to hold it together until he was out of sight. Her heart felt battered and bruised; she cried heavily and soon was unable to catch her breath.

  Georgia came out from reception to see her. She took her inside, and Ariana tried desperately to calm down. Michelle got her a glass of water, and she tried her normal grounding techniques, but it was no use.

  “Go home, Ariana,” Georgia said, “we’ll tell Mister Wilson that you went home sick.”

  Michelle went to Ariana’s desk and got her bag so that she wouldn’t have to see anyone and brought it back to her so that she could go home.

  Ariana clutched her bag to her chest, thanked the two ladies for their kindness, and left the building. It was her own fault that Gabriel had moved on. There were so many things that she could’ve done differently that would’ve put them on a different path. Instead, she was going home to an empty apartment, and he was going home to his girlfriend.

  When Ariana arrived home, she dumped her bag on the kitchen table and wandered aimlessly through her apartment. She didn’t feel like eating; she didn’t feel like watching TV; she didn’t feel like reading a book; she just felt empty.

  “I’m seeing someone, Ari.”

  Gabriel’s words played over and over again in her head. It hurt so badly, but she couldn’t stop reliving that moment. Ariana reminded herself once again that she had left him, that she deserved this pain. There had been no reason other than her own insecurities and poor choices that had stopped them from being together.

  She wished more than anything that she could call him, beg him for his forgiveness, and ask if there was any chance that they would ever be together again, but she knew deep down that she wouldn’t do that. Ariana lay on her bed and gave in to the wracking sobs that came over her.

  It had been so amazing to sit with him today, to be there with him nearby. For that one beautiful moment, she had thought that maybe there was a chance for them. How stupid she had been to think that, though. He was just thinking about how to let her down gently.

  The chemistry between them was still there, though, surely he had felt it too. She closed her eyes and remembered his last words. She could practically feel his arm around her waist and see the intensity in his eyes as he spoke them.

  “If I had known that you would walk back into my life, I would’ve waited three more months.”

  What did that mean? Had he only been seeing this new person for three months? Surely life wouldn’t be so cruel as to close their window of opportunity to be together right before they crossed paths again?

  Ariana got up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and sighed deeply. She walked over to her desk and opened up her laptop. Once it had started up, she opened her browser and searched for “Gabriel Knight new girlfriend.” Within a few seconds, the page was full of links to gossip sites, and she clicked the first one that came up.

  WHO IS ELENA KASS? GABRIEL KNIGHT’S NEW GIRLFRIEND REVEALED

  Gabriel Knight stepped out at a movie premiere with Elena Kass for their first public appearance together since they were spotted two weeks ago getting cozy at an LA restaurant.

  Elena Kass is the daughter and heiress of Richard Kass,
well-known media magnate. She has also made a name for herself in the modeling world, having walked for some of the biggest fashion houses in New York fashion week this year.

  A source close to the couple says that they’re deeply in love and she’s already met his family.

  “Everyone loves her, and she gets along great with the band, which is really important to Gabriel. Rumor has it that they’re already talking about a wedding.”

  Elena is the first girl that Gabriel has been seen with in public since his split with a mystery woman named Ariel, who is said to be the basis of Cruise Control’s album Heart Wide Open. Here’s hoping that Elena treats him right!

  “Ugh.”

  That was all Ariana could manage on reading that apparently the press were still mentioning her relationship with Gabriel even two years on. She looked at the pictures of Gabriel and his girlfriend. There was no doubting that Elena was stunning, she was smiling brightly at the camera, and Ariana hated the stab of envy that she felt seeing how happy Gabriel looked standing there with his arm around her.

  He looked devastatingly handsome in a black tuxedo while Elena wore a red, strapless dress with a tight bodice and a floor-length skirt with a slit up the side. Her black hair was slicked back into a high ponytail. Together, they looked too beautiful to be allowed, and Ariana’s heart ached from knowing that this woman was everything she could never be for Gabriel.

  Even though she knew she probably shouldn’t, she clicked the “Gabriel Knight” tag at the bottom of the article and was rewarded with a page full of articles about him. Scrolling down, Ariana found the one from almost three months ago about the first time they were seen in public together.

  WHO IS GABRIEL KNIGHT’S NEW MYSTERY GIRL?

  Gabriel Knight, the lead singer of Cruise Control, was spotted at a well-known LA restaurant this evening with his arm around a raven-haired beauty. At the venue with the rest of the band, Gabriel and his new lady drew plenty of attention.

  They were spotted looking very intimate, even sneaking in a kiss or two over the course of the meal. Gabriel suffered a break up that was made very public when it became the basis of the band’s hugely popular Heart Wide Open album. From the looks of these photographs, maybe there’s a new album of love songs on the way!