Bittersweet Moments

by Bowie, Emily

  We break for him to pull his shirt off, and I do nothing to hide the fact that I like looking at him. My fingers trace his defined lines, loving how his torso shudders under my small touches.

  His lips go to my jaw, toward my collarbone, while his fingers twist at my nipple through my lace bra. His body’s warmth at my front is a striking contrast from the coolness of the wall, making my senses crisscross everywhere.

  “Take off your pants,” he growls at me as I feel his hold slowly loosen so that my feet touch the ground. We both pull our pants off, his boxers coming off at the same time.

  When my hands reach for my panties, his stop mine, and he gives me a slow shake of his head.

  His thick shaft stands tall between us, and all I want to do is taste it. Dropping to my knees, I grasp hold of his cock, squeezing it while I dip my head under to taste one of his balls. I give it a small lick, moving up the shaft till my tongue swirls around his tip.

  His knees bend as he tries to hold in his deep groan. Taking his whole cock into my mouth I suck on it while my tongue dances around it. I love the feeling of his hands digging into my hair, trying not to control my movements. I know he wants to, causing me to suck harder, wanting him to lose that control with me.

  “Fuck, Raya, I’m going to wreck you like you have me tonight.”

  My cheeks are hollowed as I try to make him dive over the edge. Just as I feel him losing his control, he frees himself, pulling me up.

  “Bend over,” he commands, pushing my front over my bed. “Slide your legs apart for me.” His fingers play with me. They travel between my breast, around my belly button, and over my lace panties. There is no doubt he can feel how wet I am. Giving head turns me on, and the way he’s commanding me right now has the same effect. I’m putty in his hands.

  Moving my panties to the side like he did before, he darts his talented tongue over my flesh, touching just the tip of my clit. He does this multiple times, teasing me.

  “Do you like these panties?” he whispers into my ear as he pushes two fingers into me.

  “Yes,” I pant.

  “Wrong answer.” My panties are ripped from my body in one smooth tear.

  He continues to work my clit while his fingers find that perfect spot inside me. How did I ever go five years without sex? This is fucking amazing.

  “Do you trust me?” His deep voice is muffled against me.

  His fingers pull the wetness from my pulsing sex toward the back. Everything is feeling so right, so good.

  “Raya?” His tongue lashes harder on my clit while his fingers leave me to place a fast slap to my ass. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.” I grind back down on him. He could have asked me anything and I would have answered yes. His fingers enter me again, filling me while his tongue begins to travel past the digits.

  His hands pull at my cheeks, spreading them before his tongue is pleasuring my puckered hole.

  My body stills, never feeling that before.

  “Relax, tell me you trust me,” he says again.

  This time, I am forced to think about his question. The twirling thing he’s doing is nice, very nice, once I get over my own self-consciousness.

  “Yes,” I confirm again.

  “Good girl.” His fingers leave me, and I feel the cold air where his tongue was. Then his hand is back, playing with me, his fingers slipping into my pussy then out over my clit, causing my sensitive nub to dance, while another finger rubs around my rosebud until I feel a slight bit of pressure. I gasp at the shock of its entrance before I feel fingers gliding over my clit in circles, taking my mind off his other hand momentarily.

  I would be lying if I said I didn’t want this; it all feels incredible. At this point, I would let him do anything he wanted to my body. All I care about is that I get the orgasm I’m chasing. It’s almost there, and I want it bad. I know what’s coming, liking that it’s another first for us.

  I can feel him brace himself against me, his dick pressing to my tight outer ring. It’s new, exciting, and the anticipation is killing me. He pushes slightly so that just the tip enters. A surprised “Oh” leaves me at the foreignness of its feeling.

  His fingers start working me again, and this time, feeling a little braver, I push back onto him, his cock entering deeper. There is no pain; it’s not unpleasant, just different. Slowly, I set the pace, knowing this is all about me.

  It’s Brax showing me that I have all the control in this. Arching my back, I take him farther till it starts to feel good. He pushes himself in and out slowly, matching my body’s rhythm.

  Oh, man, the sensation is overwhelming, so much more intense than anything I’ve felt before. The pleasure builds with each stroke, his fingers still working their magic on me. I can feel the desire wanting to be ripped from me; it’s just out of my reach. He pushes in and out, and with each slow thrust, I arch back into him, wanting what he’s introduced me to.

  Suddenly, I feel my climax breaking apart my body. I fall onto the bed, muffling my scream with my pillow, my hips still grinding onto his fingers. I have no other thoughts as I steal every drop of this orgasm.

  Kissing my shoulder, Brax pulls out just as I feel warm silk ropes hit my back. I’m speechless and out of breath. All I can think about is how Brax officially owns me. Holy fuck. I’ve never had an orgasm like that before. I think Brax is ruining me for the future. I can’t see how it will ever get better than this right now.

  Before I realize he’s left the room, a warm cloth is running up and down my back. This man has pushed me over an edge there is no climbing back up from.

  CHAPTER 34

  I can’t sleep. I try to memorize everything about today. But in amongst that, the fact that I turned my phone off starts to weasel its way into my mind. I don’t take days off, or leave, making myself unavailable for people to get a hold of me.

  Heading to get my phone, I notice what must be Nate’s room is still empty. The house is dark except for a few small nightlights along the walls that lead my way down the stairs. Turning my phone on, it lights up the dark room. Hundreds of missed calls and text messages bring my phone to life.

  What the hell?

  All of them are from my family. Immediately, I call Kellen, wondering what is going on.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he asks, sounding wide-awake.

  “What’s going on?” My heart rate has spiked, already thinking the worst.

  “I just spent the last six hours trying to round up animals. Our horses got out and were running wild. Shay was the one to call and tell me that your horse was in her front yard. Then I get a call saying your cattle from the property down the street are walking down the road like they own the place.”

  My hand goes up to scrub down my face. Fuck.

  “Were you able to handle everything?” I ask, praying he says yes.

  “For the most part. But you’re still missing half a dozen cattle. Where are you?”

  “I came to see Raya.” I lower myself to the couch, leaning back, unsure what I should be doing. I feel torn. He’s silent on the other end, not commenting.

  “Do you need me?” I hate to ask, since I’d rather do it myself. Kellen is the lucky one. No matter the shit he gets himself into, he always manages to get out of it. Maybe that luck will rub off if he helps me out.

  I hear him blowing out a breath of air. “I will need you by tomorrow night, to make sure we got every animal. But I’m able to mend up the fences. The whole family has been helping, even Dad.”

  I feel a bit like an asshole now. The whole reason I took over the ranch was because of Dad’s declining health. It started off with high blood pressure, but now he has arthritis in his feet and hands. If he does too much work, it will lay him up for a week.

  “I’ll be home by lunch.” Honestly, I’m not sure if I can keep that promise. “I’ll see you then.”

  I end the call at the same time I feel Raya’s warm hands massaging my now tense shoulders. As I tilt my head back, she
bends down, placing a kiss on my lips.

  “One of our herds escaped my new property and our horses got out,” I tell her as she comes around the couch to sit on my lap.

  “Has that ever happened before?” she questions. I can see she wants to ask if I will be leaving but doesn’t.

  Wrapping both arms around her, I answer, “No. I just checked everything where the cattle are because I was worried that maybe a post or two may have been too run down. Kellen didn’t say it, but I think someone let them out. I was just there the other day.”

  “I’m sorry I—”

  I put my pointer finger to her lips, making her words fade away. “There is nothing for you to be sorry about. My family is there fixing it up. It’s what we do; we help each other. They don’t need me right now.”

  I see the doubt in her eyes, but she nods anyhow. Bringing her face up with two fingers under her chin, I stare into her eyes, hoping she sees my commitment to her and Madden. Just when I think I might be convincing her, Nate walks through the door, pulling both of our attention to him.

  He scowls, looking at the two of us with a slight sway to his walk.

  “You’ve been drinking?” I nod my head up toward him.

  “None of your damn business.” A humorless laugh escapes him with a subtle eye roll.

  “You coming home drunk to my girl’s home is my business.” I refuse to back down to this man. I meant it to Raya when I said I would protect her. I’m a man of my word; I don’t back down.

  My words have Nate stopping in his tracks before turning in our direction. He looks between Raya and me, his gaze stopping on her. I hate that he searches her face, and I have no idea for what. I feel her wanting to stand up, but I hold onto her tighter, not allowing her to leave my lap.

  “Raya, we need to talk once he leaves.”

  I want to stand toe-to-toe with him, but I refrain, playing it cool. I relax deeper into the couch.

  “What makes you think I’m leaving?” I give him my cockiest grin, only for him to return it with one of his.

  “Goodnight, Raya.” His attention is back on her. I watch as she nods, giving him a sad smile. Neither one of us says a word as he retreats from us, going to his room.

  Slowly, her body turns into me so she can see my face. “Nate is not the enemy.” Her words are stern, her face soft as she bends down to give me a kiss on the cheek before she gets up to go back to bed.

  My stomach feels sick as it twists inside itself. I know in the morning when I do have to go and I ask her to come with me that she may not say yes.

  CHAPTER 35

  As soon as the sun rises, I’m up. I don’t think I had even two hours of sleep. I sit outside, drinking my coffee, knowing I have to go home.

  I hear the glass door from the kitchen slide open and Nate’s grumble when he notices it’s me outside.

  “I see you’re all packed to go.” His eyes look out into the yard as he drinks the coffee I made.

  I can feel my body tense, not liking that he’s around. “I’m going to see if Raya and Madden will come with me.”

  That catches his attention. I can see the way his jaw tenses as it grinds his back molars.

  Slowly, he turns to look at me. His face is hardened, a look I have never seen when Raya is around.

  “Brax, you need to leave and forget about Raya.”

  “Now why would I go and do that?” I eye him, not liking how my gut tells me he is bad for Raya.

  “She left her family so she could live a happy life, and that life will never be with you.” I can practically hear him seethe as he spits out those words.

  Not appreciating the power difference from him towering over me, I place my coffee mug down on the table and slowly stand up, making a show of it.

  “Raya is a big girl. She can determine what is best for herself and our son.”

  “Each time you kiss her, you show her what it could be like, and in the end, you will be ripping her apart. Sometimes, the ones we love the most are the ones we have to let go. Don’t be selfish.”

  I’m looking at Nate like he has lost his mind. “Stop talking in riddles. If you have a problem with me, come out and say it like a man.”

  He steps up to me, trying to intimidate me, and I don’t back down. Instead, I give him a smile that I know will rattle him. I’ve been dealing with dickheads my whole life; I know how to hold my ground. I’m not going to let some punk run me out of town. Raya is mine, and I plan to keep her.

  “I’m trying to protect both of you, but you’re just too stupid to know it. Fucking bumpkin.”

  My hand shakes as it wants to coil up and punch him in the face. “What, you plan on telling me you love her?” I half joke, trying to get into his head.

  Nate and I stand toe-to-toe, neither one of us willing to lose this battle with each other. “Raya never had trouble getting people to fall in love with her. It’s always been the case.”

  “Morning, boys.” Raya’s voice cuts through the testosterone invading her porch. Sidestepping Nate, we bump shoulders as I go to Raya and place a kiss on the corner of her lips. I allow myself to linger there for a moment, sweetening the kiss. Just as she’s always done, she melts into me, bringing our bodies closer together.

  When I pull away, I see her eyes questioning the two of us.

  “You need to go, don’t you?” It’s more a statement than a question. We both knew last night I would, even if we refused to believe it.

  “Come with me. Madden could meet his grandparents and cousins.” Playing with a loose piece of hair, I twirl it before placing it behind her hair. “And we would get to spend more time together.”

  I hate that her eyes go to find Nate’s behind me. Nate has nothing to do with this. My neck muscles tighten, watching the indecision in her. She wants to, I can see it, but she feels loyal to Nate.

  “I’m sure he would be happy to have some downtime, right, Nate?” I turn my head, challenging him.

  Nate grunts, not giving me an answer. He says instead, “Don’t let him push you around, Raya. This is your decision. Don’t choose it based on my feelings.”

  What he says and what he means are two different things.

  “You’re going to be so busy fixing everything up for the next day or two,” she begins. Right then, I know Nate has won. He covers his smile well, and I hate him for it. “What about next weekend we come down?” Her voice sounds so hopeful I have to say yes—not that I would ever tell her no.

  “Any moment I get to spend with you, I will love,” I tell her, kissing her cheek.

  “Thank you.” She leans in so that her lips hover just above my earlobe. “I need to talk to Nate before I come down.” She looks at me, pleading for me to understand.

  I nod, trying to understand when I don’t. “Walk me out.” I try to keep my voice soft, but there is a harsher undercurrent than I would like.

  We walk into the house. I keep my hand on her back, not wanting to sever our connection. “Mind if I check on Madden one more time?”

  I hope she comes with me, but instead she tells me, “He would like that.”

  Walking up the stairs, I see my little boy is still fast asleep. It’s still early for him to be getting up. Going into his room, I place a small kiss on his forehead, staring at his perfect face. I will never get tired of looking at him. Right here, I promise I will make us a family like we should have been from the start.

  Getting into my car, I begin to feel a rift between Raya and me. We both seem a little more closed off. I try to push the feelings away, but it sits on my chest, refusing to budge.

  “This weekend?” I ask again.

  “You won’t be able to keep me away any longer.” Her hand goes to her lips and blows me a kiss. A kiss I wish I had felt instead of seen.

  Soon, I remind myself before I back out of her driveway, heading back to the mess that waits for me at home.

  *

  I watch Brax leave, and as soon as he’s out of sight, I feel the wet tears drip down m
y cheek. I try to wipe them away, but they keep coming. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I felt like I held the world in my hands just a couple hours ago.

  Brax leaving isn’t changing us, I try to reason with myself, to understand my own emotions.

  “Hey there, neighbor.”

  Closing my eyes, I count to three before I turn, still wearing my pajamas.

  “Hi.” I give him an awkward wave before running back into the house.

  Nate’s back is to me as he fills up another mug of coffee.

  “What was up with that out there?” I hiss, hoping not to wake up Madden.

  Placing his cup down, he steels his look. “Raya,” he sighs and looks to be trying to find the right words. “We go way back. You quickly became more than a job.”

  I have no idea where this is going. But I get it—he and I are family.

  “I can’t protect you when you’re with Brax. And that scares me.” For quite possibly the first time ever, I see a vulnerable side of Nate. This big, burly man whose whole life has been to protect me has begun to unravel with Brax reentering the picture.

  “That’s not your job anymore.”

  He lets out a sad chuckle. “Raya, you may think that, but I have never felt that way. Like we have said time and time again, we are family. You don’t stop protecting family. It’s not how I grew up, and it’s not who I am.”

  “But don’t you want a life of your own?” I ask a little confused. It was one of the reasons he agreed to this scheme in the first place.

  “Yes, but not if that means losing you.”

  Going up to him, I wrap my arms around his torso and hug him tight. “You won’t lose me. I’m like a fungus you can’t get rid of.” I try to lighten the mood, giving him a wide smile.

  “I’ll drop off you and Madden when you go. It will make me feel better,” Nate says into my hair as he sighs again, knowing he won’t be able to change my mind. I’m stubborn like that, once I get an idea in my head.