Almost Doesn't Count

by Angela Winters

  Being a lawyer, Billie’s phone was always vibrating with a new e-mail or call, but she had no intention of picking it up during the date. Robert, on the other hand, was not going to pass up one message or one call. He always politely apologized before checking the phone and was as brief as he could be, but Billie was not impressed.

  Even less impressive was Robert’s incessant name-dropping. He was one of those DC elites who only cared about who you knew and what school you went to. He’d gone to Columbia and Brown, so he was Ivy League through and through. He seemed disappointed that she wasn’t as socially active as he was or didn’t seem as impressed with the names of the rich and powerful he knew. She picked up on a senator and a congressman or two, but Billie was probably one of the few people in DC who didn’t worship at the altar of politics.

  They were able to discuss some mutual friends. He had heard of Justin and Sherise and had met Justin at some finance events. He remembered Sherise being his beautiful wife, but hadn’t known that it was Sherise at that club the evening they had met. He’d heard of them as an up-and-coming power couple. Billie would have to tell Sherise this. She would be happy to know that her name was still on the tongues of the DC elite.

  Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, he also knew about her ex-husband, Porter. He was one of the most promising financial lawyers in DC, and this was Robert’s world. He’d never met Porter, but had heard his name bantered about often. The one time Billie was grateful for Robert’s ringing phone was when he asked her how she and Porter got along these days. Before she could nicely tell him it was none of his business and she didn’t want to talk about her asshole ex-husband, his phone rang and the topic was never brought up again.

  It was while he was on the phone that time that Billie realized what she was doing. She was having dinner with a near clone of her ex-husband. Robert had come from humble beginnings but had left behind everything he’d known to go after the almighty dollar and social status. She wasn’t hating on him for it, but it made her question her own motives. Had she been initially attracted to him because he was similar to Porter? She knew in her heart that she was over her ex-husband. She had been for a long time, even before she’d stopped sleeping with him. But was her interest in going out with Robert a way for her subconscious to draw her back in?

  It was silly, she thought. It was just a date, and as long as he kept taking his calls, returning his text messages, and name-dropping, there probably wouldn’t be a second. She had done what she’d promised Erica and Sherise. She was getting back out there and she would do it again. It just wasn’t likely to be with a clone of her ex-husband.

  It wasn’t all a loss. The meal was delicious and she was thoroughly enjoying the dessert. She was grateful to have someone to have dinner with besides Erica and Sherise for once.

  Then, just when she had pretty much written Robert off, he seemed to turn a sharp corner.

  “You are striking, you know,” he said, as if he was suddenly realizing it.

  Focused on her food, Billie’s head shot up and she looked at him. He had been in the middle of a story about how he’d gotten his most recent promotion when he’d stopped midsentence to say that. Looking into his eyes, Billie couldn’t help but notice that his expression seemed different.

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “I have to apologize,” he added. “I go on and on. It’s my job to talk and talk. I schmooze people constantly. You know. You’re a lawyer. You’re always talking when you’re with people. But you seem to know how to turn it off when you’re supposed to.”

  “It’s not easy, I know.” She wiped at the edges of her mouth with her napkin.

  “Can you teach me?” he asked.

  His eyes held a humble expression, letting her know he was aware that he had not impressed her with all his power talk, and she had to smile. So he wasn’t a complete loss.

  “How would I go about doing that?” she asked.

  “With patience, I hope.” He leaned across the table.

  “That is not my strong point,” she replied. “But I can start by telling you to turn your phone off.”

  “It’s on vibrate.” He looked down at it as it sat next to his plate.

  “Off,” she said firmly.

  She watched as he seemed to cringe, but his expression softened and he smiled as he reached down and turned off his phone.

  “Put it away,” she ordered kindly.

  He took the phone and slid it down the table, placing it in his jacket pocket.

  “Lesson one is over,” she said. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  “That was rough,” he said in almost a sigh. “But I’m not dropping this class. I like you, Billie, and it’s not just because you look banging in that dress. You’ve made a success of your life, but you still seem real.”

  A success? She almost wanted to laugh at that. She had been divorced at twenty-nine and had to leave her dream career to pay off debt. But it could be worse, much worse. Where she was from taught her that. Considering where many people expected her to end up, she was doing amazingly well.

  “What do you define as real?” she asked.

  Robert didn’t seem sure how to answer that. He was silent for some time.

  “I don’t know,” he finally said slowly. “It’s not a thing that can be defined in words. It’s a vibe. It’s a feel. And it’s something I’m starting to think you couldn’t pick up from me.”

  “I think you could be real, Robert,” she assured him. “I just need to know who you really are. Is there more to you than your job and your networking skills? What do you really enjoy?”

  Robert shrugged and embarrassingly said, “Work. I love work. I’m sorry, but I love the deal, the chase . . . the close. What about you?”

  Billie’s first thought went to her pro bono case. It was one of the only fulfilling things in her life. She smiled, thinking of the next time she would be working on the case. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, she realized that she was looking forward not just to working on the case, but seeing Ricky again. What was the matter with her? That was so out of the question.

  “Billie?” he asked, as if noticing he was losing her.

  “Hobbies,” she said suddenly and nervously. Anything to make her stop thinking of Ricky.

  “You love hobbies?” he asked, seeming confused.

  “No.” Billie giggled awkwardly, still feeling weird about thinking about Ricky. “I just mean . . . We’ll talk about me later. We’re starting lesson two now. You tell me your hobbies that have absolutely nothing to do with work.”

  Robert frowned as if this was one of the most difficult questions anyone could ask.

  “I’m gonna have to think hard about this one, because I used to have hobbies that I gave up because work didn’t allow for them. If I can think of one, is that what we can do on our second date?”

  Billie rolled her eyes flirtatiously. “Let’s take this one question at a time.”

  5

  “That depends,” Erica said into the phone she was cradling in her neck as she typed into her computer the e-mail addresses of all the people who would receive the press release she had been asked to send out.

  “Depends on what?” Billie, on the other end of the call, asked. “He reminds me of Porter. Done and done.”

  “Not done and done,” Erica corrected. She kept her voice as low as possible even though there was no one around her desk at work at the moment.

  Billie had just told her about her date last night with Robert and was trying to get some feedback.

  “It depends on how he reminds you of Porter,” Erica continued. “In a good way or in a he’s-a-materialistic-power-whore-who-would-cheat-on-you-with-a-twenty-three-year- old-blonde way.”

  “He had some redeeming qualities,” Billie said. “But I think it would be leading him on if I went out with him again.”

  “So, I take it there was no kiss?” Erica asked.

  “We hugged.”

  Erica was a
bout to give her opinion of that when she noticed Jenna walk into her section of the room straight toward her. She had a look of determination on her face.

  “I have to call you back,” she quickly said to Billie as she hung up and placed the phone on her desk.

  “Hello, Jenna,” she said kindly.

  Jenna, Jonah Dolan’s assistant and gatekeeper at the Pentagon, was a fiercely loyal taskmaster. Working under her for the short time she did pushed Erica very hard. She had nothing against Jenna, but had been grateful to get away from her.

  For a while, after Erica had left Jonah’s team, he would send Jenna with peace offerings in an attempt to use her as a messenger, but after Erica turned her away a few times, she hadn’t seen much of Jenna.

  Jenna approached her desk, looking around the place.

  “You seem to be doing well here.” The hefty brunette in her mid-fifties seemed neither pleased nor displeased.

  Erica nodded. “What brings you over here?”

  “Jonah,” she said, then noticing Erica’s reaction, added, “and it’s not what you think. He didn’t send me.”

  “What is it?” Erica had enough to deal with trying to figure out how to handle Nate and reuniting with Terrell. She didn’t need Jonah bothering her again.

  “You do know he is being considered for secretary of defense?” Jenna asked.

  “Everyone knows that.” Erica pointed to the press release sent around the Pentagon on her desk. Jonah was just one step closer to the White House.

  When she’d read the news, she had to laugh. Her father could be president of the United States one day. What a joke.

  “Is that what you came here for?”

  “No,” Jenna said flatly. “I came here to tell you his father died yesterday.”

  Erica was speechless for a second. She didn’t know what to say. She was sad to hear that as she would have been had she heard anyone she’d known had lost his or her father. She understood the pain of losing a parent. Before she’d known Jonah was her father, they had briefly bonded over the loss of their mothers, whom they both loved very much. Afterward, Jonah had told Erica that she reminded him of his mother.

  “He lost his battle with pancreatic cancer,” she added after a few moments.

  “I don’t know what I’m expected to say,” Erica offered finally.

  “He was your grandfather,” Jenna said.

  Erica’s eyes widened with shock at Jenna’s words. “How?”

  “He told me,” Jenna said. “After you threatened to quit and all his efforts to find you a job elsewhere and his peace offerings, I had thought . . .”

  “You’d thought he’d been sexually harassing me?”

  Jenna nodded. “While you were working with us, I was a little unnerved by the gifts he gave you and his desire to get you to like him. I didn’t ask questions. But then he was so upset when you threatened to quit, I demanded he tell me what was going on or I would quit.”

  Erica wondered how long Jonah expected to keep her a secret if people kept finding out.

  “I’m not going to go more into it than that,” Jenna said definitively. “I just came here to tell you that his father is dead, if you care.”

  “Am I supposed to?” Erica asked. “Does he even? I got the distinct impression he hated his father.”

  “Your father is your father,” Jenna said, not trying to hide the double meaning of her words. “He still loved him. Besides, I think he’s mourning more that he’s an orphan now than anything.”

  “What does he want from me?” Erica asked.

  “Nothing. I told you he didn’t send me, but he’s told me more than once that he wished he could see you, talk to you, in the past couple of days. I thought you might be interested in calling him.”

  Erica sat back in her seat. “Or maybe I should drop by his house and pay my respects. That sounds better. I’ll just show up and introduce myself to everyone as his daughter and show how I’ve come to comfort my daddy.”

  Jenna knew Erica was referring to Jonah’s desire to keep his relationship with Erica a secret for the sake of his career and family, but she didn’t let it show.

  “His wife, Juliet, would love that, don’t you think?” Erica asked sarcastically.

  “I’m not a part of that, so please don’t try to make me,” Jenna responded.

  Erica straightened up, knowing she had been wrong to do that. It just made her angry.

  “Well, I’m not really a part of it either,” Erica said. “Jonah decided I wasn’t going to be a part of it publicly and I’ve decided I’m not going to be a part of it privately.”

  Jenna looked at a small piece of paper in her hand for a second before placing it on the desk in front of her.

  “This is his private cell number in case you’ve lost it.”

  “I haven’t lost it,” Erica said, ignoring the paper.

  “The choice is yours.” Jenna gave her one last emotionless glance before turning and walking away.

  Erica sat there for a few minutes after Jenna had left, unsure of what to do. Of course there was a part of her that wanted to feel sorry for Jonah. All her life she had wished she’d had a father, one who cared about her, spent time with her, showed her complete devotion. She envied little girls who had been blessed with that relationship.

  She believed Jonah when he’d told her that he hadn’t known her mother was pregnant. They hadn’t been in a real relationship. It was a summer flirtation that ended when he left for the military. He had moved on with his life, married a wealthy woman with connections, and never looked back.

  It was by chance that he’d found out Erica was his daughter, but from that moment on he’d had a chance to be honest with her and he chose instead to lie to her and deceive her. That, coupled with the threats he made to Terrell and Sherise once they’d found out, set his image in stone for Erica. When she realized that he wanted to be her father, but only in secret, she knew she would never want anything to do with him. That was that.

  So why was her hand reaching for that sheet of paper on the desk? Was she stupid? She quickly pulled her hand away. She didn’t need this. She had enough on her plate. Jonah had done well in his life to this point without her. He could handle this without her as well.

  “It’s about time you got here,” Sherise said as Billie finally joined her at their lunch table at Café Milano, a restaurant near Billie’s office.

  “I’m sorry.” Billie placed her purse on the table, but before she sat down, she reached for Cady and picked her up out of her baby stroller. “How is my baby?”

  Part of Sherise envied Billie’s hurried state. She remembered being a busy career woman and usually being the one who showed up late. But these days, she had all the time in the world.

  Billie kissed a giggly Cady on both her cheeks, just loving every bit of it.

  “You love you some Auntie Billie?” Sherise asked, smiling proudly.

  Billie sat down with Cady in her lap. “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, little girl. I can’t believe it, but she’s grown in even this short time.”

  “Like a weed, girl. But I love it. Gives me an excuse to buy her new clothes all the time.”

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” Billie said. She reached out with her free hand and grabbed a menu. “Just crazy as always. Have you ordered?”

  “I ordered the prosciutto di parma appetizer for both of us.” Sherise watched as Billie kissed the top of Cady’s head while perusing the menu. “You are such a natural.”

  Billie smiled. She thought she would make a great mother one day. She had been hoping to start a family just before finding out that Porter was cheating on her. Her life should be so different right now. Fuck Porter!

  “Hopefully, if things go well with Robert,” Sherise said. “This time next year, you could be engaged and—”

  “Stop,” Billie interrupted. “We haven’t even had a second date.”

  “But you’re planning to?” Sherise asked.

  “We’re meetin
g for drinks this evening. Happy?”

  Sherise frowned. “Drinks? After you’ve had dinner? That’s a backtrack. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Billie said. “He’s got a big client lunch today and I have to work late, so we decided to just have a couple of drinks and head out.”

  Sherise was not pleased. Despite the fiasco that was Porter, she trusted Billie’s ability to identify a suitable date. Unlike Erica, Billie had good taste in men and didn’t seem to have an allergy to the more aggressive, ambitious, and successful type. The second she’d known Billie was going to dinner with Robert, she made her calls and did her research. He had a lot of potential, and with Porter’s hold over Billie squashed, now was the time to strike for her girl. She hoped Billie knew that. If not, Sherise was going to let her know.

  “This is bullshit,” Sherise said. “I know it’s been a while since you dated, but you know better than that. From dinner to drinks? You’re putting him right in the friend zone.”

  Billie laughed, bouncing Cady on her lap. “Don’t push me, Sherise. I will cut you off from information on this boy.”

  Sherise made a smacking sound with her lips. “Please, girl. You know I’ll find out anything I need to find out whether you tell me or not. My concern is only out of love.”

  Billie knew that was true. She never doubted Sherise’s or Erica’s love for her, but things had been a little rough between her and Sherise for a while. Six months ago, she’d found out that Sherise had cheated on Justin with Jonah Dolan. Still sore from the destruction of her own marriage due to infidelity, things were tense between the two of them. They put their issues aside to help Erica through the shock of finding out that Jonah was her father, but tensions remained between them for a while.

  Billie appreciated that Sherise had quit her job to focus on her family, because she knew how big a deal that was for Sherise. It was a small step along the path of their relationship, but as time passed, her anger went away. In the end, she couldn’t stay angry with Sherise or Erica. It was impossible. They were her girls, her sisters, and nothing between them was unforgiveable.