Almost Doesn't Count

by Angela Winters

  The waiter returned to the table with their appetizer and took their lunch order before leaving again.

  “You’re scared,” Sherise said. “I get it. I can see it just looking at you now. You’re avoiding eye contact with me just talking about it.”

  “I’m not scared,” Billie said, making sure to look her in the face as she said it. “This is a new thing. I just don’t know yet.”

  “And don’t let that discourage you,” Sherise said. “Too many sisters are single because they want to be floating in the air around fireworks and rainbows the first time they meet a guy. If I felt that way, I wouldn’t have married Justin.”

  Sherise knew the second she met Justin he was the husband type. Before him, she had gone for the super-sexy, dangerous type. She had wanted the guy who couldn’t be tamed so she could say she tamed him. She had wanted the guy that sucked all the air out of the room and made every other woman green with envy. But she knew marrying that man would be a disaster. So she gave the handsome, but not too overwhelming, reliable-type Justin a chance.

  “And you wouldn’t have gotten this little blessing,” Billie said as she looked down at Cady.

  Sherise smiled nervously. “Exactly. Although I have a feeling she might be the only blessing we ever have.”

  “I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to have a baby,” Billie said. “And what about adoption?”

  “It’s a possibility,” Sherise said, “but we’ve only been at it for six months and we haven’t really been at it much lately.”

  “Go see a psychiatrist,” Billie urged. “What’s your problem with that? Just go see one.”

  “I don’t need to.” Sherise grabbed a piece of prosciutto and stuffed it in her mouth. “I know what they’ll say. My lack of sexual desire is because of my lack of career fulfillment. I’m just not happy without a career.”

  “But is your marriage gonna be strong with you having one?”

  “What happened between me and Jonah didn’t happen because I had a career.”

  Billie’s expression was strained. “That isn’t true and you know it. It was exactly why it happened.”

  This was true, but Sherise didn’t want to admit it. She was used to using her beauty to get the attention of men and using that to her career advantage. She knew that getting to lead the project that partnered her department with Jonah’s program was key to getting the position of director of communications, which was held by her outgoing boss.

  She had some competition in the form of Toni Williams, but as with other office rivals, Sherise had done away with her hastily. However, while she jockeyed for position close to Jonah, she found herself strongly attracted to the very powerful, very demanding man. He was also very attracted to her and pursued her aggressively. His pursuit included promises and connections that would enhance not only her career but her social standing, which, in a city like DC, meant everything.

  “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” Sherise asked, exasperated.

  Billie covered both of Cady’s ears. “Just tell him. Do it tonight. Make him one of your incredible dinners and tell him that you’re unhappy and you can’t see any way of you all being a happy family without you having some kind of a career.”

  “I can’t tonight,” she said. “He’ll be too exhausted. He hates doing anything on the nights he comes home from traveling.”

  “Traveling?” Billie asked.

  “He’s been in Philadelphia for the last three days,” Sherise said.

  “For what?”

  “For your firm. Some lobbyist conference.”

  Billie frowned, a little confused. Even though the lobbyist arm of the firm had practically no interaction with the legal arm, Justin had enough influence to get her an interview when she asked. The two of them rarely ever saw each other at work because their divisions didn’t interact.

  After chewing that last of her food, Billie said, “Every week we get an e-mail telling us if anyone in our firm is speaking or being published anywhere. I feel like I would have remembered if Justin had been on that list.”

  Sherise’s antenna went up. Until that very moment, she had all but forgotten about thinking she’d seen Justin outside Blue Duck Tavern the other day. “But your e-mail is just for the lawyers, right?”

  “No, it’s for every division.” Billie shrugged. “Maybe I just skipped over it.”

  “But did you know about the conference?” she asked.

  “I’m sure I read it,” Billie said. “I just don’t think I would have forgotten his name. Although obviously, I did.”

  Sherise pressed her lips together as she watched an oblivious Billie pretend to eat Cady’s little hand as Cady screeched in delightful fear.

  So now what? Was she supposed to question him as to whether or not he was at the conference or hanging out in West End? Was she supposed to first try to find out on her own if he was in Philadelphia? Did he speak at that conference? She couldn’t deny that she had some doubt, but of course Billie could be right. She’d just overlooked his name on that list. Sherise wondered if she should try to get her hand on that list. This was ridiculous, wasn’t it? She was talking about Justin.

  Sherise just knew she wasn’t going to let this go, she just didn’t know what she was supposed to do.

  Billie was thinking too much. She had to stop it. As she walked down the street to her apartment building next to Robert, she tried to remember what Sherise told her. Explosions and fireworks didn’t have to come right away.

  She had enjoyed evening drinks with Robert. They spoke more about sports, something he’d said was his hobby on their first date. She was impressed that Robert was able to focus on something other than work even though she didn’t know very much about sports.

  The bar they met at was only four blocks from her apartment, so Robert offered to walk her home and catch a cab from her place. Being walked home by a handsome man was something she hadn’t experienced in a while, so Billie appreciated it. But during the walk, it was nagging at her that she still wasn’t sure if she really liked him. Why not? He checked most of the boxes that any single professional woman in DC could and should want, but for some reason, Billie spent most of the night thinking about getting home and relaxing in bed with a glass of red wine . . . alone.

  “You have to forgive me,” Robert said, “but I’m about to mention something that relates to work.”

  Billie laughed. “It’s okay. You did very well tonight, so I’ll allow it.”

  He paused, turning to her with an excited look on his face. “I’ll allow it? That sounded like sexy lawyer talk.”

  “Unintentional.” She flirtatiously slapped at his arm and could feel a muscle or two under there. Don’t give up on him yet, she urged herself.

  “Okay,” he continued. “Well, we have the Lyle McBride annual fund-raiser happening at the Four Seasons in a week. It’s a big, big deal in the finance world.”

  “I know,” Billie said. “He was like a banking titan and the event raises funds for prostate cancer, which he died from.”

  “You do know.”

  “Everyone who is anyone in the finance world in DC is there,” Billie said, repeating the phrase she’d heard her ex say several times.

  “You’ve been there?”

  “This is my place,” she said as they reached her building. “I used to go with my ex-husband all the time.”

  He nodded. “I remember seeing him there last year. That was my first year. But I didn’t see . . .”

  “No,” Billie said. “You probably saw a twenty-something blonde.”

  Robert’s expression made it obvious he wished he’d never brought it up.

  Billie placed a gentle hand on his arm. “It’s okay. No big deal. I’m over it.”

  “So,” he said slowly, “you probably don’t want to go this year.”

  “Are you asking me?” she asked.

  He seemed apprehensive. “I was going to, but if you don’t want to run into your ex.”

&nbs
p; “That’s unavoidable.” Billie opened the front door of the building with her key card. “We’re both DC lawyers. We run into each other at events.”

  Robert held the door open for her. “Well, look, Billie, I would love for you to go with me.”

  Billie fought every bone in her body that told her to decline. She wasn’t going to let Porter interfere with her life anymore. Robert was being considerate and sweet.

  “I would love to go,” she answered quickly as they reached the second floor.

  “Good.” Robert said it as more of a sigh than anything else.

  “This is me.” Billie stopped in front of her door and turned to Robert. “You seem so nervous. I thought we had a good time.”

  “You may not know this,” he said, “but whenever your ex’s name comes up, you get this look on your face like you’d rather be somewhere else.”

  Billie’s cheeks felt hot. “I didn’t notice. I’m sorry. We don’t get along very well and everyone likes to talk about him.”

  There was an awkward moment of silence as Billie tried to get over her quick embarrassment. She had been so preoccupied with wondering whether or not she wanted Robert, she didn’t think that all this time, she might be turning him off.

  Without thinking, she reached out and placed her hand behind his neck. Pulling him toward her and leaning his face down, she kissed him smack on the lips. He reacted immediately and wrapped his arms around her, leaning lower so she wouldn’t have to strain so much to meet him.

  Billie found the kiss nice, even nicer when he started kissing her back. He was strong and his grip on her was firm, but not too tight. She wasn’t feeling any fire, but it was nice to kiss someone and not feel like she was ruining her life in the process.

  Crash.

  Billie stopped and pulled away. Looking into Robert’s eyes, she wondered if she was hearing things, but he had a frown on his face as well. He looked at the door to her apartment.

  Billie swung around to her door just as she heard more sounds inside. She felt her stomach tightening as she looked down at the lock. Nothing seemed broken in. She reached for the door, but Robert pulled her back.

  “Are you crazy?” he whispered. “Give me your keys. You stay here.”

  He turned the lock and slowly opened the door.

  “Hello?” he asked. “Who’s in here?”

  “Who are you?” the babyish-sounding female voice asked from inside.

  “For Christ’s sake!” Recognizing the voice immediately, Billie walked past Robert inside her apartment.

  Tara Hass, her former stepdaughter, now fifteen, was standing in the middle of the kitchen about twenty yards from the door, holding a pot in one hand and a box of macaroni and cheese in the other. She was wearing a cute purple maxi dress, and her long, jet-black hair was in a ponytail. The confused look on her face at seeing Robert turned to a smile once she saw Billie.

  “Hey, girl!”

  “Tara! What are you doing here?” She turned to Robert. “It’s okay. I know her.”

  Robert closed the door behind them and with a smile said, “She doesn’t look too threatening.”

  “Robert, this is Tara Hass, who is not supposed to be here. Tara, this is Robert Frask.”

  The second Tara seemed to realize she had interrupted a date, a sly little smile formed at the edges of her lips. She looked Robert up and down and raised her eyebrows as she turned to Billie.

  “What have we here?” she asked, walking toward them.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Tara.” Robert held his hand out to shake hers. “Hass? You—”

  “Don’t mention him,” Tara said with disgust as she shook his hand. “I hate him.”

  “Oh, here we go,” Billie said.

  Porter loved his daughter immensely, and even though he had used Tara as a tool to keep Billie in his life after they separated, she didn’t doubt he would do anything for his daughter. But the two didn’t get along and they hadn’t for a while, since Billie left.

  Billie had fallen in love with Tara quickly after they met. She started dating Porter in law school at Georgetown and found his love for the daughter he’d had as a teenager inspiring. He’d come from a bad neighborhood in Detroit and gotten a girlfriend pregnant. While she spiraled into drug use, refusing his offers for help, Porter took his daughter and left. He’d been raising her by himself for a very long time.

  Billie was the only real mother Tara had ever had, and Billie loved her like a daughter. The divorce put an awful strain on their relationship, especially when Porter tried to bring his former mistress-turned-girlfriend, Claire, into Tara’s life and their home. Billie had never adopted Tara, so she had no rights to see her once the marriage was over, but was finally able to convince Porter to let her be a part of Tara’s life. He knew he was in over his head dealing with a headstrong teenaged girl on his own.

  But since their last falling out, in which Billie had to threaten to give information she had on Porter to the DC Bar, possibly ruining his career, the real love of his life, just to get him to stop interfering with her personal life, things had been difficult. She was rarely allowed to spend time with Tara, and Tara was always angry with her for it.

  “What are you doing here, baby?” Billie asked. “It’s nine in the evening. I know Porter isn’t just letting you wander the streets.”

  “What would he know?” she asked. “He’s probably still at work.”

  “He doesn’t know you’re here?” Billie could just hear Porter blaming her for all of this somehow. “He thinks you’re at home?”

  “You have to help me,” Tara said. “It’s an emergency.”

  Knowing Tara and her penchant for drama, Billie was sure whatever it was actually was not an emergency at all. Regardless, she had to deal with this. She turned to Robert, who was already backing his way to the door.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, even though the date really wasn’t going to go any further than the kiss anyway.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I had a great time.”

  She walked him to the door and stood in the doorway as he stood outside. He really seemed like a great guy. Why wasn’t she more gaga over him?

  “I’ll call you?” he asked.

  She sensed that he was more apprehensive than before. No doubt seeing her ex-husband’s daughter at her apartment sent him a message that maybe Porter was still a big part of her life and always would be.

  “She’s a teenager,” Billie explained with a shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”

  He shrugged as if it didn’t matter before saying good night awkwardly, as if he wanted to kiss her again, but also didn’t.

  Closing the door behind her, Billie returned her attention to Tara, who was fervently trying to make something to eat.

  “You’re not blowing up my kitchen again.” Billie grabbed the pot from her and pushed the box of mac and cheese farther away on the table. “Now what are you doing here? I know you still have a curfew and it’s up in a half hour.”

  “I need someone to talk to.” Tara backed up against the counter and pushed herself on top of it. Sitting on the edge, she played with her hands over her lap. “You totally ignore me, Billie.”

  “That’s not true,” she said. “You know this is complicated. I’m not in the mood to get into this with you. When you do stuff like this, you only make it more difficult.”

  “Is that guy your boyfriend?” she asked. “Is he why you never talk to me anymore?”

  “Stop it,” Billie ordered harshly. “Guilt tripping me isn’t going to get you anywhere. I need to take you home now.”

  “Are you having sex with him?” she asked.

  Billie was shocked. “What in the hell? Why would you ask me that?”

  Tara suddenly looked regretful and shy. “I’m curious. Like how long did you date before you had sex with him? How long did you date my dad before you had sex with him?”

  Billie’s first instinct was to get on Tara for asking such an inappropriate question, but
fortunately she paused before letting it go. Looking at the embarrassed expression on the girl’s face, she realized what was going on.

  “Are you having sex, Tara?” she asked gingerly.

  Tara didn’t answer, only looked down at her hands.

  Billie moved over to her and placed her hand on her arm, rubbing it comfortingly. “You can talk to me, baby. We’ve talked about sex before.”

  “Don’t turn into an after-school special on me, please.”

  “I won’t.” Billie wasn’t sure how to handle this. She knew that Tara would have sex one day, but she was only fifteen. “But you need to tell me. Are you having sex? Are you thinking about it? Are you on the pill? Do you use condoms?”

  “Stop with the twenty questions,” Tara said, leaning her arm away from Billie.

  “Okay,” Billie said. “I won’t talk. I’ll just listen.”

  After a short pause that was killing Billie, Tara finally spoke up.

  “It’s Greg,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “He’s been talking about it a lot. He wants to do it.”

  Greg was Tara’s first real boyfriend. Billie had met him only once when she’d had lunch with Tara at the National Zoo and chaperoned their date, which was the only way Porter would let her go out with him. He seemed like a nice kid. Billie liked it that he seemed like a bit of a nerd. She thought it might make him a little safer than the wannabe hustlers going around high schools these days. It looked like she was wrong.

  “All that matters,” she said, “is what you want to do and what you’re ready for. Tara, you’re only fifteen. You’re too young to . . .”

  “I don’t want to lose him.” Tara was suddenly on the verge of tears.

  Billie was angry now. “Has he threatened to break up with you if you don’t have sex with him?”

  “No, but . . . What if I don’t? I mean, what am I supposed to do? I can’t talk to Dad. He doesn’t even listen to me when we’re in the same room together. He’s always working and you’re always working, and now you have a new boyfriend, so you’re just gonna . . .”