The Past Between Us

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “Thanks,” he said, pulling the files together in a neat pile. “But let’s just get out of here. We have some miles to cover.”

  “Where are we going?” she asked, a bit fearfully. He supposed trust went both ways.

  “We’re going to pay a visit to your old friends Barbara and Winifred.”

  She looked distressed as she said, “Do we have to? I can’t pay them back yet.”

  “We have to follow the trail you were on, only this time, we’ve got better resources at our disposal.”

  “So why go back then?” she asked, almost desperately.

  He sympathized, really he did, but the trail led back to those women so that’s where they were going. She’d have to tough it out, no matter how unpleasant the encounter was. But he softened a little at the misery in her eyes. “Don’t worry. You can stay in the car. I don’t need them reporting back to whoever gave them the money that you’re asking questions.”

  Relief flooded her gaze and for a second he thought he saw tears glittering. “Thanks,” she said in a small voice. “I’m just not ready to see them yet.”

  “I know. But I’m not doing it only for you,” he admitted. “Anything I can do to keep from losing my job for aiding and abetting a suspect is good with me.”

  She smiled. “Well, then I guess it’s a win-win.”

  “In this instance…yeah, I guess it is. Grab your stuff. Let’s hit the road.”

  CASSI FELT A MILD TWINGE of guilt for the fact that when she’d split with Tommy’s car she’d also hijacked his cell phone and now he was forced to use a disposable. She supposed there was little she could do to change what had gone down so she let it be. But when she continued to feel a twinge here and there, she wondered if she was feeling more than simple guilt over the phone. He was helping her, something she hadn’t expected, and he might possibly lose his job over it. She wanted to be free of this mess, but there was a possibility that nothing might come of their investigation and she didn’t like the idea of Tommy going down in flames with her.

  “I didn’t ask you to do this,” she blurted, unable to keep her thoughts private.

  Tommy glanced at her before returning his gaze to the road. “I know.”

  “Then why are you?” she asked.

  He didn’t have an immediate answer. Maybe he didn’t know himself. The thought wasn’t a comfort. She ought to ditch him as soon as possible, if only to protect him. Of course, he wouldn’t see it as such. He was all about being the big, bad protector. That strong silent thing that was ingrained in him from birth most likely, which, given his childhood, was probably a defensive mechanism.

  “Cassi, I want to believe that you’re innocent. Up until last night I was fairly certain you were lying, but now I know, at the very least something fishy is going on with this Lionel character. Did he commit murder? I don’t know. Maybe he’s just a douche and you’re still a thief. But if there’s a chance to prove otherwise? I can’t walk away from it.”

  Her throat ached. It seemed a small thing, but right now, it was huge. “Thank you,” she said in a voice strangled by emotion. “It means a lot that you believe me.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” he muttered and her joy dimmed as the reality of the situation hit her in the face. He wasn’t doing this for her, per se; he was doing it to ease his conscience. Still, beggars couldn’t be choosers, she supposed, so she nodded in understanding. Her disappointment must’ve been evident for he softened a bit as he said, “Well, I don’t like the idea of someone purposefully trying to hurt you, Cassi. If that’s the case I will do everything in my power to nail him to the wall. That’s a promise.”

  Cassi caught a glimmer of her old Tommy, the one who had once been her rock and source of strength, and her breath hitched in her throat for the bittersweet glimpse. Why hadn’t she swallowed her pride and called him the minute she’d gotten into trouble? He wouldn’t have turned her away, not then.

  “I’ve been clean and sober for three years now,” she revealed, the need to clear her reputation in Tommy’s eyes achingly important at that moment. She needed him to know that she’d changed, that she wasn’t the foolish, selfish and messed-up girl who’d kicked him out of her life so many years ago. She could still see the disgust written all over his face from their last contact.

  His mouth tightened as the memory washed over him, as well. “That was a long time ago, Cassi…” he started, but she didn’t want to let it go. It was important for her to get this out.

  “I made a lot of mistakes. I got caught up in the lifestyle of the people I thought were my friends. I should’ve listened to you in the first place. They were never my friends—you were my true friend—and I wish things hadn’t changed between us.”

  Silence filled the space between them until Tommy said, “We can’t alter the past. It is what it is. You’re not the same girl I used to know and you never will be. It’s no one’s fault…just how things turned out.”

  Hot tears burned behind her eyes but she nodded stiffly. “Of course. I know that. I just wanted you to know that I don’t mess with drugs any longer. It felt important to mention, that’s all.”

  He gave her a subtle incline of his head to indicate he acknowledged her but he kept any further comment to himself and Cassi was glad. She’d bared a bit of her soul to him and he’d reacted with cold indifference. It hurt more than she wanted to admit because she knew to admit it meant Tommy still owned a piece of her, even after all these years.

  And that seemed pathetic given the fact that he didn’t seem to want her any longer.

  TOMMY FOCUSED ON THE DRIVE as they ate up the miles to Virginia but inside his head was a war zone.

  Memories best left underground were clawing to the surface and he didn’t seem to have control over how they behaved.

  He knew she was hurt by his reaction but he couldn’t help himself. Perhaps he was still angry at how she’d kicked him to the curb so easily. Maybe his wounded pride was in control at the moment and he was looking for payback. If that were the case he had nothing to be proud of, as Mama Jo would say. He glanced at Cassi and found her with her eyes shut, her head turned away from him. He couldn’t walk away—so what if his reasoning was muddied? He was under no obligation to help her. He wasn’t a defense attorney; it wasn’t his job to ascertain guilt or innocence. Hell, he should’ve brought her in without getting into this mess but he’d barreled past that exit and now he had no choice but to see it through.

  If he lost his job over this…he damn well deserved it.

  SIX HOURS LATER THEY pulled into Virginia Beach, the salty air causing Cassi to sigh as she remembered a few good times spent with her toes buried in the sand, watching tourists and their families and pretending that she wasn’t who she was. It was easy to smile when you pushed away reality.

  But the beach was cold and the tourists were long gone, just like the sun for the day. It was nearing the dinner hour and her stomach was clanging the bell but she didn’t have much cash on her so she tried to forget about it. She always kept a water bottle in her pack for that very purpose. You could go a long way without food but not very far dehydrated. She took a long swig just as Tommy pulled into a hotel parking lot. It was nicer than the last place. A lot nicer.

  “What are we doing?” she asked.

  “Getting a place to stay for the night.”

  She glanced around. “It’s a little fancy, don’t you think?”

  “With tourist season over, the rooms will be cheaper no matter where we go. So we might as well stay someplace that doesn’t smell like stale beer and old carpet. Right?”

  That made sense. Sort of. “Well, it’s on your dime. I can’t afford this kind of place.”

  “Don’t worry. I got you covered.”

  She gazed at the beautiful, historic hotel and knew without a doubt that their room would have a built-in fireplace, a four-poster bed with a sumptuous goose-down comforter and sheets with a thread count of five hundred. There was probably a mini-fridge
with lots of tasty goodies and turn-down service. Back in the day, this would’ve been her norm. Before her life fell apart she didn’t realize that hotels came below a five-star rating. Now, she knew that some hotels would have to reach to attain one star.

  He turned and made quick work of taking off the cuff he’d left dangling on her wrist like an oversize bangle and said, “C’mon, let’s get checked in.”

  For a brief moment she hesitated, contemplating for a wild, crazy, almost-desperate moment making a run for it. She didn’t want to go into that beautiful hotel and remember all the things that she’d once taken for granted. But then, the pull of luxury, the idea of sinking into a king-size tub and soaking for an hour or two was too much to ignore. Good gravy…she couldn’t resist.

  “You coming?” he asked, eyeing her intently, watching as her internal struggle raged. She sensed his tension, knowing that he seemed to know what she was thinking and was waiting for her next move. Trust is a leap of faith, she told herself. Put one foot in front of the other and take that chance….

  “Yeah…” she said. She met his stare with a tentative smile. “And try to get a room with a view. I love the ocean at night.”

  Time to leap…

  HE MAY HAVE GONE A LITTLE overboard with the room, Thomas realized with a subtle burn in his cheeks. But the price was right, he argued with himself as he let them in.

  But to call it a room was misleading. It was a suite.

  The bed was a massive four-poster California King with crisp white-and-navy-blue bedding and plump pillows cascading in a decadent pile. It wasn’t something he’d normally shell out a ton of coin for, but one look at Cassi’s face and he knew he would’ve paid anything.

  “Oh, it’s gorgeous,” she breathed. Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away so he wouldn’t see, but he had. She wiped at her eyes and then turned to him, announcing in a watery voice, “I’m hungry. Let’s order in.”

  “Good idea,” he agreed, though food wasn’t exactly where his head was at. He grabbed the local menus and started perusing. “What sounds good to you?”

  “Whatever,” she answered, moving to the sliding-glass door, where a view of the darkened seascape met the eye. She opened the door and slipped out to the small terrace. The wind kissed her face, lifting her hair and sending a draft curling through the room. He watched as she leaned into the brisk air, head tilted back, as if the air was cleansing her somehow, and he found a smile forming on his lips. Realizing he was holding the phone but hadn’t ordered, he quickly dialed and placed an order for two cheeseburgers.

  She returned just as he was hanging up. “How’s the view?” he asked, and she smiled.

  “It’s amazing. You can see the white sea foam hitting the rocks but that’s about it. But that’s okay. I remember what it looks like. This is a beautiful place,” she said, watching him with a tiny smile.

  He warmed in the face of her appreciation. She was wrong…this place paled in comparison to her. But he couldn’t very well admit that to her under the current circumstances. “Food should be here in about a half hour,” he said brusquely, moving away so he could focus.

  Sensing the change in him, she pointed to the bathroom. “I bet there’s a fabulous tub in the bathroom. Mind if I check it out?”

  “Be my guest,” he said, but then held up a finger. “Hold on, let me check it out.” She frowned in confusion but when he double-checked the exits her happiness faded a little. He was sorry for that but he had to cover his ass. “All clear. Windows are bolted. No one getting in or out.”

  She gave him a dark look as she moved past him. “Good to know,” she said and then closed the door behind her.

  CASSI SIGHED QUIETLY, resting her head on the door. The weight of his distrust was heavier than she imagined. Their history was both a comfort and a hindrance. She didn’t want to be back in Virginia Beach and she didn’t want Tommy mixed up in her mess. But even as the temptation to bolt was there, the yearning to stay was equally strong. There was something else bubbling between them besides the nostalgia of a former friendship.

  It was deeper and stronger, and growing far more intense. She wanted him. And she was certain he wanted her. But to take that step would change things irrevocably between them and she was fairly certain neither of them were ready for the questions it would provoke.

  Moving to the tub, she started the water and then perused the selection of bath salts offered. She selected the chamomile and white tea blend, hoping for a calming effect. Once the tub was full and the room clouded with steam, she slipped into the water with a groan of pure delight.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed the simple pleasure of a bath. Most places she stayed only had showers, if she were lucky, and those with bathtubs were often caked with so much grime she bypassed them completely.

  Her muscles, which had felt permanently tensed, started to loosen and another sigh escaped her lips, only this time it was pure contentment.

  She pushed away any thought that didn’t involve enjoying the moment, and that included her turbulent feelings about her warden/former best friend.

  THOMAS TRIED TO KEEP his thoughts on the straight and narrow. But it wasn’t easy. He’d made a major error in judgment coming to a place where you’d typically bring a lover for a long weekend.

  But it was as if he couldn’t help himself. The places she’d been staying…her apartment, and then the hotel room…they were dives. And he could tell by the way she didn’t even notice her surroundings that she’d become accustomed to living so poorly.

  Cassi—born a princess and spoiled within an inch of her life living like a two-dollar hooker—it did something to him.

  In school, everyone had wanted to be Cassi’s friend because of her money, but she’d approached him, drawing him into her life with a pure act of kindness that you wouldn’t expect from someone so accustomed to privilege.

  He’d been twelve. She’d been ten and a half. He was new to the school and to his foster mother, Mama Jo. He remembered the day so clearly it hardly seemed possible that it was more than a handful of years ago.

  He’d been at Asbury Park, dry-eyed but broken inside. Asbury Park was the invisible line that separated the rich from the poor. Of course, he hadn’t known that, being new and all; he’d just wanted to be alone and Mama Jo had suggested he “go get some air” and “come back with a better attitude.”

  He didn’t know what to think of the small black woman, so different from his own mother, who’d been buried along the rest of his family, and he was pretty lost in his new surroundings.

  Cassie had appeared, wearing a pretty pink dress with a brand-new camera slung around her neck and her hair in springy, white curls. Her features were fine-boned and delicate; even as a young girl she’d been quite beautiful, though at that time he hadn’t been looking for anything aside from solitude.

  He hadn’t invited her to sit with him. In fact, he may have scowled and told her to go away—he couldn’t remember. But she seemed to see beyond his prickly exterior as she sat next to him, chatting away.

  That’s how it’d started. One act of kindness.

  He sighed. He might’ve fallen in love with her that day. Too bad he never had the balls to tell her.

  Not even after they’d kissed. And certainly not after he watched guy after guy come into her life and he’d remained on the sidelines as the friend and confidant.

  And now she was in the other room, naked and wet.

  He shook his head and shoved to his feet a bit too quickly when the soft knock at the door signaled the food had arrived.

  He paid the deliveryman and gave him a good tip. He hadn’t been all that hungry but the smell was reviving his appetite. “Grub’s on,” he called out, knowing Cassi would appear quickly. She’d always been a slave to her stomach, which is why he’d been surprised to see how thin she’d become.

  The sound of the water draining brought a smile to his lips. A minute later she appeared, hair piled in a messy b
un on her head, folded into a thick, white terry cloth robe, courtesy of the hotel.

  He glanced down at his burger and then back to her. She looked good enough to eat herself. “Don’t let it get cold,” he advised, right before taking a huge bite of his burger.

  She took a seat on the small love seat beside him and, tucking her feet under her, she lifted her burger and took a healthy bite. “Good stuff,” she murmured, savoring it. “Been a long time since I’ve had decent food.”

  “I’ll bet,” he said around the bite in his mouth. He wiped up with a napkin before saying, “I remembered that you don’t like onions.”

  She nodded with a brief smile full of gratitude. “It’s perfect,” she said.

  “So I’m curious…” he said between bites. “When you came up with your false identity in New York you made Trinity Moon a vegan. I happen to know for a fact that you love meat.”

  “Yeah, exactly,” she said, her cheeks full. She chewed and swallowed, grinning. “I try to make my identities as real as possible—that way I don’t slip up. Trinity didn’t believe in eating anything with a face. At first it was hard to give up meat but after a while I stopped craving it. I did get very pale, though.”

  He laughed. “That’s quite a sacrifice for your identity.”

  “Hey, pretending to be someone you’re not is serious business. It’s like an acting job but there’s no director wrapping the set after a long day.”

  He sobered. “I guess.” Then he said, “Maybe when this is all over you could go to Hollywood, get an acting job, seeing as you’ve had all this experience pretending to be someone else.”

  “No, thanks. When this is all over, I don’t want to be anyone but myself for a change.”