Bard to the Bone

by Cid Banks

  The lack of more intense attack spells was disappointing. Why weren’t there options for blasting lightning or shooting fireballs?

  Still, there were plenty of intriguing options. Bending light would allow me to travel the world unseen. Hell, maybe I could use it for stealing. No, that was a terrible idea. The last time I stole something, I’d ended up with half the city lusting for my blood.

  Distantly, I heard the door open. Heavy footfalls shook the floor as a deep voice boomed. “Good morning!”

  “Oh, it’s you!” A woman in an apron dusted her hands before greeting the warrior. “Here you go, lad.”

  “Many thanks.” He accepted a paper bag weighted with fresh pastries. “How are you?”

  I tensed as I noticed the shield slung over his back. He didn’t look like anyone from the Dark Horse, but I couldn’t dawdle here. Pick a spell and leave.

  Wolfing down the bread, I read detailed descriptions of spell options. Spells required MP to use, and MP would slowly regenerate after casting spells.

  Restoration: Level 1

  Casting MP: 5

  Target: Any Living Being

  Magic School: Light

  Channel divine power to close and heal wounds. Restores 12 HP. Base chance of 25% to cure Bleed, Burn, and Poison. Healing scores based on Willpower.

  Of the two healing spells, this one appealed to me more. I barely survived my last battle, and I didn’t fancy losing my damn mind from dying.

  Was a healing spell the smartest choice?

  I’d escape the game in a few days. Avoiding all combat was essential, and a healing spell wouldn’t help me with that. Restoration would be useful if I wanted to progress in the game, but I didn’t care about leveling up. All I wanted was the quickest and safest ticket out of here.

  Commune: Level 1

  Casting MP: 4

  Target: Self

  Magic School: Natural

  Understand and communicate with animals for 25 minutes. Applies only to living and polymorphed animals. Spell duration based on Willpower.

  Talking to animals would be awesome, no doubt. There were probably all kinds of quests hidden in dialogue with animals. Could I convince a sea creature to let me hitch a ride to the Ancient Isle? Maybe, but that was a huge maybe. I couldn’t take the risk.

  Mind: Level 1

  Casting MP: 7

  Target: Any Living Being

  Magic School: Illusion

  Alter a being’s mind to change their opinions. Charisma +50% to effect Charmed, Seduced, and Deceived for 10 minutes. Spell duration and power based on Willpower.

  If I can’t fight, I should focus on other skills. My high charisma score already gave me the ability to talk myself out of trouble. I was already effective at changing people’s opinions. Adding a spell that essentially gave me the same ability didn’t make sense.

  Teleport: Level 1

  Casting MP: 4

  Target: Self

  Magic School: Illusion

  Magically teleport a short distance. Can only teleport to a location within the caster’s sight and within 15 yards. Teleport distance based on Willpower.

  My heart skipped as I read, magically teleport, but my spirits sank a moment later. The spell only worked across short distances. Popping to another island or continent was a no-go. But it would help me avoid combat.

  If I’d had this spell, I could’ve zipped out of the horde of boglins. It definitely would’ve helped me escape The Dark Horse. With this spell, I’d never be cornered again. No more running until my lungs screamed.

  This would save my ass.

  It also didn’t cost too much mana. I had 10MP. I could teleport twice and still have some left over. It was the smart choice, so I selected Teleport and gained a new magical ability.

  Satisfied, I finished the loaf. I wiped crumbs from my lap and studied the soldiers outside. The warrior had joined them outside and was passing out croissants.

  I left the bakery, using the side door. I walked into an alleyway with clotheslines hanging overhead. The street was windowless and empty. Perfect for practicing my new spell.

  How do I cast?

  Naomi had shot electricity from her hands, but I wasn’t sure how to direct my mana. I stared at a patch of rock several feet away.

  “Teleport.”

  My vision swam. Suddenly, I stood on a rock. My balance tipped, and I stumbled.

  Holy shit, it worked.

  6MP

  I stepped backward, focusing on the side entrance to the bakery. I studied the brass handle as I thought, Teleport. My vision rushed forward. The door enlarged within a split-second. My head slammed into the brass handle. Pain split my skull.

  I staggered, rubbing my head.

  2MP

  14HP

  Fuck, I’d lost a point of health. This was disorienting. I hadn’t expected to fly into the damn thing, but at least it was a success. Magic was easy. I didn’t have to say anything. Thinking the word was enough, and my body reappeared facing the same direction.

  The willpower popup mentioned that my MP was regenerating. Made sense. I waited a few minutes until my MP was 4 and then scouted my next location to teleport.

  A horse whickered, drawing my attention to the soldiers in front of the bakery. They loaded saddlebags while a tall warrior who looked straight out of a GQ magazine exchanged gold with a merchant. He attempted to give the money back and slumped as the warrior patted his shoulder. Nodding, the merchant pocketed the gold. The warrior gave him a handkerchief, which he used to wipe his blotchy face. He gripped the neck hairs of his horse and paused. The warrior caught my gaze.

  Shit, did he recognize me?

  No matter. I had enough MP to zip out of here. I focused on the archway leading to the docks. It was clear across the square.

  Teleport.

  Once again, my vision swam forward with that nauseating current. This time, I slammed into something solid. A body.

  Two gauntleted hands shoved my chest. I sprawled back, staggering as the world swam in a confusing blur. Why wasn’t I across the square?

  Shit, I’d teleported into the soldiers because my chosen destination was too far. I forgot about the distance limitation. Like an idiot, I’d jumped into their midst.

  They jumped back, armor clanking as they reached for their swords.

  I held up my hands. “Sorry! Made a mistake.”

  “That was no mistake.” A purple-haired woman shoved my chest. “Explain yourself, spy.”

  Her fierce gaze burned behind lavender strands as she grabbed her sword’s hilt.

  “Hold,” commanded a deep voice, the same one from the bakery. “Let him explain himself.”

  Reluctantly, the woman released her grip. “Cedric, he was watching us.”

  Cedric was in his late forties and wore a thick mustache reminiscent of Timothy Dalton, my favorite Bond actor. Short salt-and-pepper hair covered his head. His dark eyes glittered with savage laughter.

  Two identical bowmen with trimmed beards stood together, wearing leather armor. One of them spoke. “Doesn’t he look familiar?”

  “I recognize him.” A smile beamed on his brother’s face. “He took a pass at Cutthroat Conrad’s daughter. She’s pretty, I guess. Bit of a brat for my taste.”

  Crap. They knew about the bounty. “Look, I didn’t intend to seduce her. All I did was play a song.”

  “That’s not what Conrad said.” The other twin unveiled the composite drawing of my face. “He is a sexual deviant.”

  “That’s a lie.” Frustration built in my chest. “It was a total misunderstanding. I played a song, and she kissed me. Now he wants my damn head on a spike.”

  Cedric stroked his mustache. “Well, he’s offering a good price.”

  I gaped at them. “I’m innocent!”

  They laughed.

  “You can’t seriously believe this.” My hands shook with rage. “You call him Cutthroat, for God’s sake.”

  “I’m not a fan of the Cutthroat.
” A frown flickered over Cedric’ face. “But we need to fill our war coffers.”

  Panicking, I opened his character information menu.

  Cedric Klautzer

  Level 9 Templar

  Feudal Rank 1: Captain of Rebellion against The Storm King

  HP: 62/62

  Strength: 13 Reflex: 5 Willpower: 6 Charisma: 9

  Traits: Handsome, Gregarious, [unknown], [unknown]

  Relationship: [unknown]

  They were part of the rebellion.

  “He’s not innocent,” the woman snarled. “He’s been watching us all morning. We should end him before he reports our location.”

  “Whoa, I wasn’t spying.” I faced Cedric, who seemed to be the leader of the group. “Look, I was testing out a spell and overshot the distance. People make mistakes.”

  “Liar,” she seethed. “Don’t listen to him—”

  Cedric lifted a hand, silencing her. “That’ll do, Faris. Our new acquaintance brings up a good point. Conrad isn’t trustworthy.”

  “Neither is this spy,” Faris argued.

  “I will not put my sword through a man without just cause.” A thoughtful expression descended over Cedric. “Nor will I murder him for running afoul of the Cutthroat.”

  Faris groaned. “We can’t just let him go, Cedric.”

  “Hmm. The rebellion needs recruits. We could use a bard.” A grin widened under his mustache. “How about it?”

  Quest Available: The Rebel Cause

  Join the rebels on their mission as they struggle to overthrow the tyrannical king!

  Reward: 40 experience, Improved relationship with Rebellion against The Storm King

  Damn it.

  They were roping me into a quest I didn’t want. What was the alternative? Get frog-marched to Conrad, where he’d make good on his promise to geld me.

  No thanks. “You want me to join you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why? I’m only level three.”

  “We have big plans,” Cedric said mysteriously. “Come with us, and I can promise you a place to sleep, food, and plenty of mead.”

  I hesitated. That sounded great, but it came with a pretty big catch. All I had to do was sign up for a war. No biggie.

  I didn’t want to do this, but going at it alone was proving to be impossible. This sucked. Every choice I made was forced down my throat.

  Sighing, I nodded.

  “Excellent.” Cedric’ smile broadened as I accepted his offer. “You’re exactly what we need. Welcome to the rebellion.”

  Nine

  We left immediately. They ushered me onto a horse, and we rode north for a couple of days into endless fields of dancing grass called the Golden Highlands. The violet sky transitioned to a brilliant cobalt. Juxtaposed against the shimmering gold fields, it was beautiful.

  The change of scenery was nice, even if I was approaching a war I had no intention of fighting. Apparently, independent rebellions were forming across the world against some tyrant king. Cedric’s faction had been fighting his regime for a year. Since the Storm King had seized power, the kingdom had gone to shit. Villages were razed. Families were torn apart. The economy was in the shitter. NPCs were starving.

  Whoop-de-fucking-doo. Another sliver of world-building in a land I longed to escape.

  Wagons overflowing with produce passed us. The farmers tipped their caps to Cedric, who struck an imposing figure in his full suit of armor. During the ride, the rebels gabbed about Cedric’s rise to leader of the rebellion. The Storm King’s bannermen had murdered his family. Their deaths fueled his lust for revenge. If there was an award for most generic warrior backstory, Cedric would’ve won.

  One thing confused me—the feudal rank on his character page. How did that fit into this game? Maybe it was an advanced leveling system that only applied to leaders and politicians.

  I dug into the Gamepedia for an answer but came up empty. It only updated with information as I developed skills and discovered new places.

  What about Faris?

  Faris

  Level 7 Duelist

  HP: 38/38

  Strength: 8 Reflex: 10 Willpower: 5 Charisma: 2

  Traits: [unknown], [secret], [secret]

  Relationship: [unknown]

  Well, that told me nothing. I dug through the Gamepedia and read the description for secret traits. Apparently, some characters could hide their traits from all but the most charismatic viewers. It came at a cost, though. More secretive characters appeared standoffish and had lowered charisma. Each secret trait carried a penalty of -1 charisma that became -2, -3, and so on. Made sense. Considering Faris’s charisma was 5, that meant most NPCs reacted to her like a 2.

  Closing her character menu, I researched my musical powers. I needed to know more about them, especially if a quest event was imminent. I didn’t want to accidentally seduce anyone else’s daughter.

  The game must’ve assumed she was my target because I looked at her. I’d only had two choices then—seduction or mocking. The game must’ve assumed the Journey hit was an attempt to seduce. I opened the detailed information panel.

  Song of Seduction - This romantic ballad inspires lustful thoughts in those who hear it.

  Greatly increases romantic relationship with attracted characters.

  Chance to successfully Seduce +100%

  After researching through the Gamepedia, I realized all songs worked similarly. Each provided a buff or effect to all targets within hearing radius. No MP cost or time limit was associated with songs, but they required me to use an instrument. Most were two-handed, which prevented me from using a weapon at the same time.

  Song of Spirit - This empowering anthem fills those who hear it with energy and inspiration.

  Increases Reflex and Willpower of characters.

  Temporarily cancels the Cowardly, Shy, Lazy, and Calm traits.

  I was itching to try the song but didn’t want to risk pissing off the caravan. As soon as possible, I would test the Song of Spirit. It wasn’t clear when I’d get the opportunity, though.

  We arrived just as the sun dipped below the molten horizon. Cedric veered off-road, heading toward an encampment hidden in shadows. Sentries aimed their bows from the rocky cliffs as we rode inside. Guards at the perimeter saluted Cedric. Men helped unload his saddlebags before attending to any of us. Legs shaking, I slid off my horse and patted its muscular neck. It shook its head. Stable hands took the horses as I approached Cedric.

  Cedric jerked his head, indicating we should follow. “Come with me.”

  Faris bumped into my shoulder as she walked next to Cedric. We followed him through the bustling war camp. Soldiers gathered around fire-pits to roast skinned animals. They sparred with practice swords. Cedric paused to shake hands and smile, accepting a huge leg of cooked meat from a campfire. Everyone loved him, apparently.

  “After you, Faris.” Cedric swept his gauntlet toward an enormous, crimson tent.

  Templars in mismatched armor stood guard at the entrance. They parted the flaps, allowing us through the sparsely decorated room. It wasn’t much, even by a city boy’s perspective. Cedric’s quarters seemed to be part hunting lodge and part armory. Ragged animal furs lay on the floor, covering the dirt and grass. Weapons were attached to the tent walls. A modest dining table stood next to a straw mattress. Lights pulsed from the candelabra standing over the massive table. Wax dripped onto a map of the world. Wooden figurines painted in different colors were clustered in groups.

  Several men and women were already gathered around the table. They greeted Cedric in hushed tones.

  “Oh dear.” Cedric swept over them, surveying the movements of the enemy troops. “We are stretched thin. The Storm King’s army of sellswords keeps battering our forces in the north. This mission has to work. Our next mission will take us here, to Florian’s castle.”

  The sooner I completed the quest, the quicker I could leave. “Who’s that?”

  “A very, very rich man.” Cedric gestu
red at a crude drawing of a castle. “He’s holding a celebration for this year’s—ah! Hello, Amy.”

  “Oops!” A female warrior stepped into the tent, wearing a guilty expression. “Am I interrupting?”

  “Not at all.” Warmth filled Cedric’ voice. “James, this is Amy.”

  The petite beauty was too small for the weapon slung over her back, and her mood was way too chipper for the grim setting. Bright red hair with caramel highlights framed her wide grin. She tugged on the string holding up her ponytail and freed the glossy strands, which caught the light in brilliant shades of red.

  Amy’s beauty was more quirky than classic. High cheekbones. A heart-shaped face. Perky boobs. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks. Jade-green eyes danced with mischief as she caught my gaze. A tight steel cuirass interwoven with leather supported her breasts, leaving her midriff bare. Her shoulders were studded with lethal-looking spikes. A wide belt played on her hips, holding her skintight leather pants. They hung low and gripped her ass, leaving nothing to the imagination.

  It wasn’t practical, but it was hot. “Hey.”

  “This is James.” Cedric gestured toward me. “An eager recruit!”

  “Fresh meat for the fodder.” Amy chuckled, sliding her palm into mine. “Hello. I’m Amy.”

  I shook her hand, hoping she couldn’t feel the sweat. “Nice to meet you.”

  “He’s polite.” Amy appraised me, plucking the rags on my shoulder. “And he’ll be handsome with better clothes. This might work.”

  My mouth was dry. She’d called me handsome.

  Ice worked through my veins, freezing my throat shut. I struggled to break free of my paralysis. I would never get girls if I couldn’t engage in conversation. Practicing on NPCs would help. Hell, it might even get me laid.

  “Our charming friend made quite a show of standing up to Conrad in Marshtown.” A wry grin tugged at Cedric’ mustache.