Love You So Hard

by Tara Lain

  She nodded and gave Jesse a big smile. “Good for you. She’s going to love you.”

  Jesse flashed those white teeth. “I hope so.”

  Craig pointed down the left hall. “C’mon. It’s down here.” He started walking. How the hell was this going to go? He’d been so excited about Jesse meeting his mom. Now everything seemed poisoned by his lie.

  Jesse stopped and pulled on Craig’s arm. “Craig, what’s wrong? Come on. Not getting that job can’t be so awful. There are so many more jobs. We’ll find the right one for you. Tomorrow, after my morning class, we’ll go look at the apartment and the car and everything will move ahead.” He ducked under Craig’s downturned eyes and smiled up at him. “Okay?”

  Craig nodded. Tell him. Tell him. “This is Mom’s room. Come in behind me so she sees me first. Sometimes she gets confused when she sees strangers.”

  “Okay.”

  Craig walked in and could hear Jesse’s flip-flops on the floor behind him. His mom sat in her easy chair, watching one of the endless stream of comedies. “Hi, Mom.”

  She looked up. For a second she did the brain search. Oh dear. She didn’t usually do that with him. “Hi, darling. Come in.” She sat forward in her chair, then looked at Jesse and stopped short. She stared at him wide-eyed and then at Craig. Then back to Jesse.

  Jesse knelt down but didn’t come too close. “Hello, Mrs. Elson. My name is Jesse. We’ve never met. I’m a friend of Craig’s.”

  How did he always know what to do?

  His mom gazed at Jesse’s pretty face for a moment, her eyes blank. Then they crinkled. “Craig, this is your young man!”

  How in the hell did she figure that out?

  “Uh, no, Mom, Jesse’s just a friend.”

  She frowned. Jesse looked at him with those big blue eyes. For a moment they looked shocked. Why?

  Jesse kind of shook himself, then sat on the floor a couple of feet from her. “He’s told me so many wonderful things about you, I asked him if I could meet you.”

  “Well, of course, dear. We’re going to be great friends. How did you meet?”

  “We met in a coffee shop. I noticed him right away because he was so good-looking.”

  What the hell? Am I even here? Craig sat on the edge of the small settee perpendicular to his mom’s chair.

  She was with it now. “He is good-looking, isn’t he? When he was born, I thought he’d look like his father, but I think he resembles me, don’t you?” She giggled.

  “Spitting image. He’s like you in so many ways. Such a brilliant businessman. I’m still a student, and I’m in awe of all the things he’s accomplished.” He glanced at Craig and grinned.

  She looked confused. “A student? Aren’t you a little young to be getting married?”

  Craig coughed and grabbed the arm of the chair.

  Jesse ignored him. “Well, I’m kind of mature for my age, and have you ever thought that Craig is kind of, you know, youthful? He still has some important things to realize about himself that I’ve already been through. So, he helps me and I help him. He inspires me too.”

  Help him. How did he help Jesse?

  His mom beamed. “Yes, I’m so proud of him. Like that wonderful new promotion he just got.”

  “Oh!” Those words stabbed him. “I didn’t get a promotion, Mom.”

  Her eyes widened. “You didn’t?”

  “They gave it to someone else.”

  “Oh.” She frowned. Her eyes darted around and then settled on the TV like someone had pulled a veil over her. Oh God, no. He loved having her with him for even a minute. He wanted to get back that liveliness. “Mom. I got a new job. An even better one.”

  “You did?” His mother turned back and smiled.

  “You did?” Jesse didn’t smile.

  Oh shit. He was trying to put his life together, and it was falling apart instead. He blew out his breath, then nodded at Jesse. Good, it was out. “Yes. I met with Alex Herschel and she pretty much offered me the job. She’s sending the details over to the executive search firm this afternoon.” He looked down at his hands. “She even suggested a signing bonus.”

  A crease appeared between Jesse’s eyebrows. “And you weren’t going to tell me?”

  Wait. What? “I just did.”

  The frown deepened. “Oh. You’re not excited? We worked so hard, but you’re not happy.”

  “No, I—”

  His mother’s voice chimed in “He may not think he deserves it, Jesse. He’s never understood how good he is.”

  Jesse gazed at him. “So true. You graduated and didn’t even tell me.”

  His mother reached out her hand and touched his arm. “What do you mean, graduated? He already graduated. Summa cum laude.” She looked around anxiously. “I have his diploma here somewhere.”

  Craig just stared at his hands.

  Jesse got up. “It was wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Elson. I’m so sorry. I have to go.” Without even looking at Craig, he walked out the door.

  What just happened? Jesse. He turned to his mom. “I should go talk to him.”

  She grabbed his arm. “No, darling. Don’t go. You just got here. Tell me about your day.”

  “Oh, it was great. I went on this interview and the chief marketing officer really liked me and—” He stared at the door and heard his voice crack. “—Oh, Mom, I should go find Jesse.”

  “Such a nice boy. I’m so glad you found him. So nice that he wanted to meet me. Tell me more about him.”

  Oh God. “He’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever known.” He sighed, sat on the floor next to her chair, and described everything he knew about Jesse Randall. Well, almost everything.

  Of course, when he left the nursing home a half hour later, Jesse was gone.

  He trudged to his car. How could he have blown it so totally? Not told the truth. Not played the game by the rules. How could a loser like Craig have ever thought he could keep Jesse Randall?

  If he just hadn’t reached so high, he’d still be living his dull gray life and not known what he was missing.

  Chapter NINE

  CRAIG SLID his legs off the side of the bed and sat up. Eight perfect hours of no sleep.

  He stood and dragged himself into the bathroom for a quick pee. A full night of total self-pity, and it had gotten him absolutely nowhere. He stared in the mirror as he washed his hands. His sexy spikes drooped like limp linguini, and the hollows under his dark eyes made him look like he needed rehab. He did. From his Jesse addiction.

  He pulled on his boxer briefs, which reminded him of Jesse, and walked into his living room, where the recliner screamed Jesse’s name. The arm of the old brown chair practically glowed from the cum they’d spilled on it.

  Flopping on the beige couch, he stared at the chair. Today he should be looking at the apartment in Laguna—the apartment Jesse loved. Instead he was sitting here feeling sorry for himself. What the fuck good was all the tutoring Jesse had given him if he was going right back to his old ways?

  He needed to change.

  He stood up. He was a top, damn it. Enough of a man to have topped Jesse Randall, the sassiest bottom on the planet, and made him beg for more. What the fuck was he doing sitting here? He was a man who took care of people he loved.

  He caught his breath. I know just how to do it.

  He ran into the bedroom and grabbed his phone. He had Jesse on speed dial. It rang. C’mon answer. Don’t be so pissed you won’t pick up and—

  “Hello.” The musical voice sounded tentative and suspicious.

  “Hi. Look, I know I’m an ass, but you promised to show me that apartment in Laguna, and I want to see it.”

  Silence.

  “Come on, Jesse, please.”

  “I can just give you the address and the agent’s name.”

  Shit. “I haven’t accepted that job yet, so I didn’t graduate. I need your help.”

  “Craig—”

  “Please.”

  “Okay.” He rattled off an
address and phone number. “I’ll meet you there at three when I get out of class.”

  He smiled. “I’ll call the agent and ask to see it.”

  “Tell her you’re my—tell her you know me.”

  He swallowed hard. “Okay. Thanks.”

  Deep breath. He dialed the agent’s number and set up an appointment. She really livened up when he mentioned Jesse’s name. When he finished the call, he sat down at the computer and opened his email. As promised, the offer loomed large. No emotion. Just read the terms.

  Ten minutes later, he shook his head. What an amazing offer. A great salary with stock options, three weeks’ vacation, and full benefits. Even more exciting was the list of responsibilities. They wanted a lot from him, and he wanted to accomplish everything on their wish list. Plus, he knew he could do it. He knew it. He had the skills they needed.

  His hand hovered over the phone. He was a chicken-livered loser, but he wanted this job, and Jesse wanted him to have it. Hell, he wished Jesse was here to advise him, but only children needed tutors forever. He was a grown man with serious responsibilities. Jesse hadn’t promised to be his boyfriend. He’d said he could teach Craig how to top, and that’s exactly what he’d done.

  He picked up the phone.

  GORGEOUS. GORGEOUS. Craig stared through the windshield of his car at Jesse as he talked with a woman in slacks and a white blouse. His graceful hands made arcs as he described something to her. Of course, watching his hands was tough since that cute butt was filling out his jeans to such perfection.

  Get over yourself, Elson. You’re a has-been or never-was.

  He climbed out of the car and walked across the narrow, tree-lined street to the large two-story house. Pretty. But not as pretty as the man in front of it.

  Craig plastered on a smile and stuck out his hand to the woman. “Hi, you must be Antoinette. I’m Craig.” He glanced at Jesse. “Hi.”

  Jesse looked at his feet. “Hi.”

  “This is such a nice house. And the neighborhood is great.”

  She nodded. “Yes, I can’t wait to show it to you. It’s Jesse’s favorite apartment, so I know he’d be happy to have a friend in it.”

  Jesse kicked at a rock. “Okay, so you’re here. I’ll get back to school.”

  No! “Please don’t go. I need your help.”

  Jesse frowned. “Okay.”

  The realtor looked uncomfortable at all the tension, but she led the way, giving property descriptions as she went. Craig glanced at Jesse, but he stared at Antoinette’s back and kept walking.

  Antoinette unlocked the large front door, which led into a vestibule with a door to the left and a staircase in front. She climbed the staircase with Jesse behind her and Craig bringing up the rear. Rear was the appropriate word. Jesse’s ass swayed, and Craig would gladly have laid him down on the stairs and put that butt to good use. He sighed.

  At the top of the stairs, a landing led to a door that was half glass and half wood. Bright light shone through the glass. She unlocked the door and pushed it open. Jesse went in, and Craig followed. Oh my gosh. The apartment was a symphony of sunshine pouring indirectly through windows on two walls of a big living room with a view of trees and a stripe of ocean beyond. Hardwood floors gleamed, and light reflected off the high ceilings. Wow. He didn’t need to see anything else. Just the feel of the place was home.

  He looked at Jesse and caught the blue eyes staring at him. Craig nodded. “It’s gorgeous. I sure understand why you love this place.”

  Antoinette was in her element now with a happy potential customer. “Let me show you the kitchen and the bedrooms.”

  The kitchen was beautiful—all granite counters and stainless appliances. Jesse ran his fingertips over the range top and smiled softly. Oh yes, the boy was in love.

  One bedroom was huge by Craig’s living standards, with a nice attached bath. The other was smaller and had a bathroom in the hall. Jesse cleared his throat. “I thought you could use the second bedroom as an office.”

  “What would you use it for?”

  Jesse looked up, that crease between the eyebrows on display. “Me? Probably a combination office and guest room.”

  “For your dad?”

  “Uh, yes.”

  He turned to the realtor. “I’ll take it.”

  She clapped her hands. “That’s wonderful. I actually brought a lease in case you did want it because it goes on the market tomorrow. I know it will be snapped up.”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I’d like you to make out the lease right away, please.”

  She nodded and they walked into the kitchen where they could lean on the counters. She started writing.

  Craig put his hand on the counter. “Please make out the lease to Jesse Randall. He can give you the rest of the information.”

  Jesse’s frown reached a new low. “What the hell are you talking about? I can’t afford this apartment and you know it.”

  Craig nodded. “Yes, I do know it. But I’ve never paid you for your tutoring, and I have this great new job you helped me get. So I’ll be paying the difference between what you now spend for rent and the total amount for at least two years. That will give you a chance to finish school and get into your first job. As you said, this place is pretty reasonable, so it’s the least I can do.”

  Jesse shook his head. “I can’t accept this.”

  Craig shrugged, but he was trembling. So much to lose. “Then it will stand empty and I’ll pay the whole rent.”

  “Why the fuck are you doing this?” His eyes glistened.

  “Because you told my mom we take care of each other. This is my part.”

  The glisten became a drop and landed on Jesse’s cheek. “But you don’t want me around. Why would you link yourself to me?”

  “What do you mean? I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you. That’s why I didn’t tell you about the job. I couldn’t bear the idea that I was going to graduate from your tutoring, so I was thinking of rejecting the offer.”

  Jesse threw his arms up. “What? You can’t give up that great job!”

  “I’d rather have you, Jesse.”

  Streams ran down his face. “But you told your mom we were only friends.”

  His heart beat in his throat. “I didn’t think you wanted me to say you were my boyfriend. Why would a guy like you want a guy like me?”

  Whoa. Jesse ran two steps and launched himself at Craig. Fortunately he was close to the wall, because he needed the support for kissing this wriggling creature. Jesse leaned back. “Because you’re my top, you idiot.”

  A throat cleared.

  Damn, he’d forgotten about Antoinette. Still holding Jesse, he looked at her and gave his best sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

  “Not a problem. I’ve prepared a joint contract for the apartment with both your names. If the two of you will just sign here.” She beamed as she held out the pen.

  Fifteen minutes later, Craig held Jesse’s hand as they walked across the street. He leaned back against his piece-of-shit car and smiled at his new roommate. “I’m so sorry I lied.”

  Jesse shrugged. “And I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I guess I’m good at giving advice to others I should take myself.” He smiled. “But I’ve never been so emotionally involved before.”

  Craig gripped Jesse’s hands. “Now that sounds good.”

  “I never wanted to be your tutor.” He stared at his sneakers.

  “No?”

  Jesse gazed up through his lashes. “From the first moment I saw you in line at the coffee shop one morning, I just wanted to get in your pants.” He giggled, and Craig joined in. “You know what I’d like to do right now?”

  “Yes, but they may not let us return to this neighborhood.” Craig laughed.

  Jesse grinned. “Dirty boy. I was thinking we should go see your mom. We left her hanging. I want to tell her yes, I am your boyfriend, and while we’re not getting married—yet—we are moving in together, and she’ll be our first gue
st.”

  Craig couldn’t catch his breath. How could he be so lucky?

  Chapter TEN

  CRAIG LOADED the last reference book into his cardboard box. Funny he could work someplace for eight years and accumulate so little personal stuff. Even weirder was the guard waiting outside the door to escort him out, but that’s what happened when he went to a competitor.

  He smiled. On Monday he’d start his new job at ClearWater. When he’d accepted the position, he’d gotten an immediate email from Alex Herschel welcoming him and expressing her enthusiasm. Since then he’d met with HR and had lunch with the CEO, who was a great guy. They all seemed to believe he could do the job. Hell, he almost believed it himself.

  He grabbed the windbreaker on the back of the door he’d used when he’d taken his walks. Alone. Not alone anymore. When he walked out that front door for the last time as an employee, Jesse would be waiting. Then they’d pick up his mom and take her to their new place. Whew. Hard to believe his life could be changing so much all at once.

  “Congratulations, Craig.”

  He looked up. Lydia Halls stuck her red head in the door. “Thanks, Lydia.”

  She walked in. “So Alex got you. Smart woman.”

  He nodded. “That’s nice of you to say.”

  She smiled. “It only took me a few days after you’d left to realize I’d made a big mistake.” She perched on the edge of his now bare desk. “When I asked Howard for some advice on development of one of his so-called strategies, and he looked at me like I was his firing squad. I’m truly sorry I wasn’t more observant.”

  He nodded. “It’s okay. I never did anything to let you know they were my ideas.”

  She looked him over from sneakered feet to spiky hair. “You look great. Your vacation must have agreed with you.”

  “It did. And I want you to know that when I left on vacation, it wasn’t with the idea of changing jobs. While I was gone, the opportunity came up and, uh, well, I was advised to try it.”

  She waved a hand. “We treated you so badly, I wouldn’t blame you if you went and beat down ClearWater’s door.” She laughed. “My loss is definitely Alex’s gain. But I want you to know that I plan to keep an eye on you. Maybe we’ll get to work together again sometime.”