Wholehearted

by Ronica Black

  “You?” Jake said. “What about me? The other guys will think I’m a total baby.”

  “It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks,” Madison said. “The sooner you figure that out, the better.” She clenched her jaw, so ready to move on with her day. “Let’s get going.”

  “But how can I do chores with one arm?”

  “I’ll show you.”

  Grace tried to follow. “I’ll just leave your water out here, then?”

  Jake frowned and turned to wave her off. Madison didn’t turn again at all.

  “Are we mucking stalls?” Jake asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Really? You too?”

  “Yes.”

  They entered the stables and bypassed Marv and Mazey and the colt. Marv called out for her, but she ignored him and moved on. They stopped at the last stall where Draco stood and Madison had Jake watch as she put on his halter and gave him a quick rubdown. She spoke softly to him and she was glad to see that he had no reaction toward Jake. She then had Jake lead him into the empty stall across the way. Then she handed him a shovel. With Draco secure in the other stall, they started in.

  “Here, shovel like this with one hand, using your body as a brace for the end of the handle.”

  Jake lowered his shovel and pushed as she did, using his abdomen as leverage. When he needed to lift, he used his hurt arm as a brace, leveling the grated shovel to shake and filter through the dust and hay. Madison worked next to him, pushing and shoveling as quickly as she could. When she finished, she swept and sprayed the stall down with cleaner while Jake went for the hose. She let him hose it down while she rested on a bale of hay nearby. Sweat dripped down her neck and she removed her hat to fan herself.

  “What are you working so hard for?” Marv asked as the other boys milled around behind them doing their chores.

  “Just doing what needs to be done.”

  “Thought the boy was supposed to do it.”

  “He is.”

  Marv studied Jake for a moment and then removed his own hat as well. He sat next to her.

  “I think you know what’s happening here, Maddy.”

  She grimaced. He had no clue, nor did she. Everything seemed so surreal and painful and out of control.

  “It’s that woman. She’s getting to you.”

  She stood, completely offended. “You’re crazy.”

  “No, I’m not.” He shook his head and made sure no one else was within earshot. “She’s driving you nuts and I can see it happening. She’s got you all tangled up in this boy and their mess, and she’s as stubborn as he is.” He sighed. “You can’t save everyone, Maddy. You just can’t.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Every time she comes, she sets you off. You either go off and disappear or you work yourself into a tizzy. Today’s another tizzy day. I can already see it.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Only other times I’ve seen you like this was when—”

  “Don’t say it.”

  “I have to.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “These women do this to you, Maddy. Just as clear as day. You can’t help it. And they’re all the same. Hotsy-totsy, professional, own the world and everyone in it kind of women—”

  “That’s enough.”

  “I just don’t want to see you go to all this trouble, getting yourself all worked up. Remember how bad it hurt the last time?”

  She began to walk away, placing her hat back on her head.

  “Let this go, Maddy,” he continued. “You’ll fall in love, and when his time’s up she’ll be gone.”

  Madison turned and marched up to him. She whispered, “I care about that boy. He’s my responsibility and I, unlike everyone else in his life, will not turn my back on him just because his aunt—”

  “Just because his aunt what?”

  She calmed at once and backed away. “Nothing.”

  He stood and slapped his hat on his leg. He didn’t have to say a word. He just stood there giving her the look. The one that said he saw right through her.

  “I’m fine, really.”

  He wasn’t buying it but he backed off, obviously seeing her confusion and distress. “Just feel like doing chores today?”

  She nodded. He knew her so well. Too well. “Yes.”

  “Okay, then. I’ll leave it at that.”

  “Thank you.”

  He placed a warm hand on her shoulder as he walked away. “Don’t mention it.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “Can I ask you an obvious question?” May asked, slurping her Diet Coke. “Why do you care if she’s rude?”

  “Because I went out of my way to be nice today,” Grace said, still unnerved by the morning’s happenings. “I even brought Jake fifteen minutes early. I tried to joke with her. I smiled, everything. She just—God, she wouldn’t even look at me.”

  “That is weird. Maybe she’s got it bad for you.”

  “No, that’s not it. She looked almost—disgusted, and then like maybe she was sick or something.”

  “Well, maybe she was.”

  “No, it was directed at me. For whatever reason, that woman hates me.” She rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “Maybe she thinks I’m just a terrible parent to Jake. God, maybe I am. I let him stay way too long with Gabby.”

  “Um, excuse me, but you tried to get Jake for years because you had your suspicions. You even called protective services twice on her for surprise visits. Your mother wouldn’t have it. She said everything was fine, and you know your sister put on a show every time anyone came to visit. So lay off yourself.”

  “I don’t know.” She reached down absentmindedly and scratched her collarbone.

  “Oh, no.”

  “What?”

  May pursed her lips in a playful manner as she fingered her own neck area. “You need to go check that out and cover it.”

  “What?”

  She pointed. “That.”

  “What is it?”

  “You tell me.”

  “Huh?”

  “Somebody’s been getting some.”

  Grace flushed and rose to hurry to the restroom. The pale yellow walls nearly made her panic as she stood in front of the sink and searched below her collar. And there it was. A red mark about the size of Ally Murphy’s mouth. Just inside her collar.

  “Oh, no.” Thank God it was only May who saw it. But then another thought entered her mind, one that made her heart triple in pace. What if Madison had seen it? What if that was why she was so sickened? Of course! Now she really must think her a poor parent. Jake was hurt while she was obviously out gallivanting around. Oh God, she’d have to explain. And say what? The truth? She couldn’t.

  “So who is it?” May was suddenly at her side, grinning with excitement.

  “No one.”

  “Uh-huh, right. Was she hot?”

  “May, please, not now. Just help me cover it up.”

  “Way ahead of you, woman.” May slipped out a compact, opened Grace’s shirt, and began patting on powder foundation.

  “Is it really noticeable?” Had everyone seen it? Even when she’d walked in and said good morning? Ugh. How unprofessional. How irresponsible. How—she couldn’t even think about it. She just wanted it gone.

  “You couldn’t see all of it, but you could see enough. Any moron would’ve known what it was.”

  Grace hesitated and then voiced her fear, needing confirmation that she was indeed just paranoid and insane, instead of oh fuck, unimaginably right. “I think maybe Madison Clark may have seen it.”

  “What?”

  Yes, the idea was indeed ridiculous. Oh, thank the heavens, she agreed.

  But May’s face twisted in both horror and excitement. “Oh my God, you’re right! She—” She poked her finger at Grace’s chest. “She saw it and she got jealous.”

  “What? No.” What the hell?

  “Yes, it makes perfect sense.” She
hopped up and down slightly with her newfound theme. “She saw the hickey and it pissed her off because it made her jealous to think of you with another. She wants you, woman. I knew it. All the rudeness and ignoring. It’s classic outward denial caused by classic inner interest. It’s so junior high 101.”

  Grace was about to argue, but her mind clouded with May’s words. Jealous? Madison? Really? Could her look have been one of stung jealousy? Was it possible? The mere possibility made her stomach flip-flop with nerves.

  “No, she’s not like that. Trust me.”

  “You’re unsure, though, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes. There is a possibility.”

  She shook her head. “If you could see her, the way she acts around me—I just don’t think it’s jealousy or anything like that.” But then there was that moment in the hospital. The briefest of moments where they’d stared into each other and their breathing had quickened.

  “What if it is?” May asked.

  What if it was? What would she do? How would she find out? She wouldn’t, because the plain and simple fact was that Madison was disgusted by her, hickey or no hickey. There was nothing further. She’d made it more than obvious that morning.

  “Madison Clark does not like me,” she said for May’s benefit as well as her own. “And that’s the reality of it.”

  “How do you explain her actions toward you?” May patted Grace’s skin with her fingertips, then backed away to give her approval.

  “She doesn’t like me. End of story.”

  “I meant today’s actions. She saw that mark, Grace. She had to have.”

  “Even if she did, it only disgusted her. She probably assumed I was out getting a piece of ass while Jake was home hurt.”

  “Did you?”

  “Please.”

  “I’m just asking.”

  “No.”

  “Okay. So the ass came to you.”

  “May, please.”

  “Why don’t you tell me anything anymore? My life is so boring without your stories.”

  “Fine, the ass—the woman came to me. Okay? It wasn’t planned and I probably shouldn’t have let it happen. But it did.”

  “Was it hot?”

  “It was—sex.”

  “Oh, yeah. Hot.”

  “May.”

  “Sorry. So what does this mean?”

  “What does what mean?”

  “The sex? Is it someone I know? Is it going to continue as a casual thing?”

  “No, it was a mistake. I mean, it was good and all, but I have Jake to think about, and this case.”

  “True.” May helped her close her shirt. “Still, it was good. Who is she?”

  “An acquaintance.”

  “Well, obviously.”

  “You don’t know her.” It was true, May was not friends with Ally, nor had they ever worked together on a case. But still she wasn’t about to tell. May was many things, and a gossip wasn’t usually one of them. But Grace didn’t want to take any chances, nor did she want to have to explain.

  “Just someone I dated once or twice who happened to stop by for a nightcap to catch up.”

  “I see.”

  “What about you?” Grace checked her reflection and was pleased to find that the mark had been expertly covered. Now she could relax. She could shrug back into her suit jacket and go get Jake without a care in the world when the time came. “Still no dates?”

  They left the restroom to return to Grace’s office. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just no one I’m into. They’re all metrosexual babies more concerned with their appearance than mine.”

  “You’re dating the wrong ones.”

  “You always say that.”

  “And you always say that to me.”

  Her eyes flickered with wicked intent. “Then let’s change it up. I pick your dates and you pick mine.”

  Grace rolled her eyes. “What on earth makes you think I’d agree to that?”

  “Because it will be fun, and for once you get to approve of my date and vice versa.”

  “I told you, I don’t have time to date.”

  “Come on, just once. Humor me? I already have someone in mind.”

  “You couldn’t possibly.”

  “I do.”

  “Who?” Grace sat and crossed her legs. She foresaw her temples throbbing, so she immediately delved into Janine’s famous, wonderful, heavenly, life-saving coffee.

  “Joe said his friend Juan was looking for a lesbian to go on a date with his friend.”

  “Are you kidding me? I didn’t even understand that. And the answer is no.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. I guess she’s really cool, has her own business, she’s a psychologist, somewhat wealthy, very attractive, and drives a BMW.”

  “So?”

  “So? She sounds perfect.”

  “You don’t even know the woman or Juan, for God’s sake.”

  “I know Juan. He’s super nice. I guess he’s going to be dating this woman’s best friend and they need a date for her.”

  “Great, she can’t get a date? A blind one at that? And you want me to go? Come on, May.”

  May laughed. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but she really does sound nice. From what I hear she doesn’t want to go either, but her friend is making her.”

  “Sounds familiar.”

  “What do you have to lose?”

  “Pride, self-respect, a whole evening.”

  “I’ll find out more.”

  “Don’t bother, I’m not going.”

  “What if I get a pic?” May asked, playful eyebrow raised.

  “Wouldn’t matter.”

  “Uh-huh, we’ll see.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see all right.” She powered up her laptop. “Switch gears. We gotta get to work.”

  *

  Evening had yet to settle in when Grace pulled up at the ranch at five till four. The air was oven warm and the breeze too teasing to be considered polite. But the sky was bright blue with a spattering of fluffy clouds, and the horses looked beautiful against the purple mountain backdrop. Despite knowing she had to face Madison, Grace found herself breathing deep and allowing the day’s stresses to slip away. Maybe this place wasn’t so bad after all.

  She slid her hands into her pockets and looked around. Several boys stood with Madison near the stable, so she steered clear and focused on a nearby pen where the cowboy she’d seen before was working with a baby horse.

  She approached and smiled. “Is that the same horse Jake helped you bottle-feed before?”

  The cowboy looked up but seemed unimpressed. “Same one.” Grace wondered if being rude was in the water around there.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Ain’t got one.”

  “Why not?”

  The cowboy removed his hat to scratch his head. “Hasn’t told us yet.”

  “Who hasn’t, Madison? I mean Ms. Clark?”

  He chuckled. “Nah. The horse.” He continued to stroke his ribs.

  “Oh, I see.” She rounded the pen to the entrance where she opened the gate. “Is it a boy or girl? A colt’s a boy, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  At least I got that right. “Can I pet him?”

  He patted the baby’s neck and stood. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, why not?”

  “He’s not exactly hand tamed yet. Might nip ya.”

  She guffawed. “I think I can handle petting a baby horse.”

  The cowboy backed off. “Suit yourself. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “I don’t need warning.” She walked up to the horse and knelt by his side. The sun was heating his pelt and she could smell the earthy scent of him. When she touched him he felt as warm as he smelled. “Hi,” she said sweetly. He shifted a little and one ear went back. “It’s okay. I just want to pet you.” She reached out and stroked his neck, amazed at the soft yet firm feel of him. One eye stared at her and it was so black an
d liquid she could see herself in it. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered. And in that moment she felt him within her chest and her heart sped up. She could feel his heart kick as well as she touched his ribs.

  “He’s scared,” she said to no one in particular. “But not of me,” she said softly to herself. She kept stroking him and staring into his eye. She could sense him somehow, his trepidation, his worry, his longing. Her chest warmed and then she felt a drop within and she knew the feeling all too well. It was the same feeling she got when she thought about Jake.

  “What’s going on here?”

  Grace jumped up and the horse kicked and took off, clocking her in her knee. At once she hopped on one foot, lost her balance on her high heel, and fell on her ass in the dirt. “Ouch, God dang it.” She held her knee to her chest and cursed. The cowboy was immediately at her side, cupping her elbow.

  “Come on now.” He eased her up and over to the side of the pen. Grace limped slightly, the pain of stretching her leg making itself known. She saw Madison with an angry look on her face as she hurried after the horse. When she caught him by the rope, she handed him off to another young man.

  “Put him in with Mazey.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He walked quickly with the horse and left the pen. Madison, however, was staring her down, as was Jake, who was leaning on the bars of the pen.

  Grace quickly brushed off her backside and her clothing, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears. She knew she must look a wreck.

  “What the hell just happened?” Madison asked, looking directly at her.

  “I was petting the baby horse.”

  “I can see that,” Madison said, mouth slightly open as she nodded in anger. “But why?”

  “Why?” Was she stupid? “He’s cute and I love ani—”

  “I told her she could,” Marv mumbled. “Damn stupid of me, obviously.”

  “Wait, no.” Grace held up a palm. “Everything was fine until you walked up and shouted.” She aimed the comment at Madison.

  “I didn’t shout.”

  “Yes, you did.” It had nearly scared her to death.

  “No, she didn’t,” Jake voiced.

  She turned on him and gave him a give me a break look.

  Hadn’t she yelled?