Wholehearted

by Ronica Black

  “Look, whatever. I just know I was fine until you came along and said what you said.”

  “So it’s my fault you scared my foal half to death?”

  “I—whatever.” She hated the look on her face, and when she saw Madison’s eyes drift down to her collar and back up again quickly, she knew exactly why. Madison Clark didn’t like her. In any way whatsoever. And she’d probably felt that way from the beginning, but when she saw the mark earlier that morning, she’d solidified it. “The mark is gone, so don’t bother looking.”

  Madison blinked at her, showing she’d understood the words but refused to give meaning to them. “I think you’d better go.”

  “I think so too.”

  But damn it if she didn’t look so good mad. Grace wanted to tear her own hair out for thinking so, especially since her insides were on fire with anger. But Madison Clark was Madison Clark, and anger touched her skin like desire, brushing her cheeks and neck with deep red. Her eyes burned hotter than the sun, causing her irises to nearly sizzle and mist outward like water evaporating.

  Grace stared her down, partly out of pride and anger and partly out of a need to watch her.

  “I did good today, Aunt Grace.”

  Jake was speaking, but he sounded far away.

  “Admit it,” Grace said to her, needing to know. “Admit you were looking for the mark.” Admit that’s part of the reason why you hate me, despise me, are so rude to me. Admit that you judge me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her eyes cooled at once and turned to dark stone.

  “The mark, the one near my collar. The one you saw this morning and were looking for again.”

  Madison clenched her jaw and walked away. She said, “Jake’s talking to you,” as she passed by.

  “Thank you, I heard him.” But when she looked to him, he was staring at her in even more anger than before. He looked so red and puffed up she thought his head might explode. “Let’s go,” she said.

  “No.”

  She moved out of the gate. “Jake, let’s go. I’m not playing around.”

  “I don’t want to go with you.”

  “Jake,” she sighed. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m just upset.”

  “Why are you talking about marks?” His face contorted. “What does that even mean? You embarrass me,” he said as he took off toward the car.

  “Jake,” she called after him, but it was no use. He climbed in the car and slammed the door. She leaned on the bars to catch her breath and saw the cowboy watching her. “Thanks for letting me pet the horse. He’s sweet.”

  He twirled his long mustache between his fingers. “Yeah. He’s something all right.” He stared at her with piercing blue eyes behind wedges of tan skin. Then he pushed off from the bars. “That mark you’re talking about?”

  “Yeah?” she called after him.

  “It red?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “It’s right there on your chest just as plain as day.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Morning, Jake,” Madison said as he walked slowly toward her and the other boys. He still wore his splint, but he was dressed appropriately in jeans, work boots, hat, and T-shirt. The sun had darkened his fair skin to a reddish brown.

  “Morning, ma’am.” He placed his water container at his feet and Madison stared out at the black Mercedes where Grace remained. After a few seconds, she turned the car around and left, not bothering to get out. Most guardians did the same thing after a few days, but Madison wondered if Grace was staying away because of their encounter the evening before. She’d gone over it in her mind all night long. How had Grace known she’d seen the mark? Had she seen her looking? Had she seen her look that morning? Had she wanted her to see it? The questions remained, and none of the answers made sense. Unless Grace somehow thought Madison was interested in her. Otherwise why would she care? None of it made sense. Madison had never shown any interest in her. She wouldn’t dare. So was Grace convinced Madison was gay and had a thing for her?

  It angered her to think so. It was quite an assumption, and what gave her the right to assume such a thing? The EMT? Just because she was gay didn’t mean she had an interest in every woman that came along.

  “Ma’am?” one of the boys asked, bringing her back around.

  “Yes?”

  “Should we go clock in, or is there something we should know?”

  How long was I spacing out? “Go ahead and clock in. Start in on your chores. Michael, your chores have changed a bit. Jake, you’re still with me.”

  The boys dispersed and Madison headed toward the hay truck with Jake on her heels. Every morning Bobby and some of the other boys filled the truck and backed it up toward the pens. And every morning Madison and the boys dispersed it.

  “I’ll help you,” she said to Jake as she grabbed one end of a thirty-pound bale of Bermuda hay. Jake helped as best he could, shoving both arms under and lifting. She could see the strain on his face. “Good, now hang on. We’re going right into the first pen. Good job. Hang on. Now bend your knees and place it in the container.” They knelt and dropped it in. Then she fished out her box cutter and sliced the strings. “Now let’s spread these flakes around to the other containers.”

  She had four large rubber containers in this pen, three in another, and two in the last pen. The first was for the horses who got along well but needed to be separated from the horses in pen two. Horses were like people, and sometimes they preferred their friends over others. She tried her best to keep the harmony. Pen three was for Draco and any other horse who needed to be alone until he was better socialized. That wasn’t the case now, though, and she saw Jake staring off at the black gelding as he trotted around his pen.

  “Ready for another one?” She helped him disperse the hay throughout the containers.

  “You mean another ride on Draco?”

  “Noooo.”

  He turned to look at her and his smile fell. “Oh, you mean hay. Sure.” They moved back toward the truck.

  “You really like Draco, don’t you?” she asked.

  “I guess.”

  “I think you do, and that’s okay.”

  “It is?”

  “Sure. He’s a beautiful boy.”

  He looked off toward him again. “Yeah, but it’s more than that.”

  She shifted a bale. “How do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. I just really like him.”

  She watched as he stared at the horse for a few more seconds. “Come on now, here we go.” But as she motioned for him to help, he surprised her by lifting one on his own. “You sure you got it?”

  “Yeah,” he grunted. She grabbed another bale and led the way to the other pens. When they placed the bales in the containers, she handed over her blade.

  “Go ahead. Cut the strings.”

  He took the knife and eased up the blade. She held the string taut and instructed him to cut. When he did, he grinned.

  “Now let’s do the other one.”

  He concentrated intently as he cut the other string.

  “Good job,” she said, always giving encouragement. The boys needed that more than almost anything, and this one was starving for it.

  “Can we do some more?” He returned the cutter to her and his eyes danced. “After we spread this around?”

  “Not this morning.”

  His eyes lowered in disappointment.

  “We’re going to be working with Draco.”

  “Really?” His gaze came back up and his shoulders straightened.

  “Yep.”

  “What are we going to do?”

  They spread the hay around to various containers as other boys came out with water hoses to clean and fill the troughs.

  “First we’re going to rub him down and see how he reacts. Then I’ll try a harness again.”

  “What for?”

  “Well, we’re trying to get him saddle broke.”

  “Oh.”

  “
And after your little escapade, he’s fighting the bit and rein.”

  Jake grew quiet. “You think I scared him?”

  “Wouldn’t that have scared you?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  They entered Draco’s pen and the horse lifted his front hoof and brushed the ground with it several times. His ears went back and Madison encouraged Jake to wait by the gate. She moved toward him cautiously, hands out by her side. She called softly and when his ears flickered forward, she smiled. “That’s a boy, Draco.” She stroked his velvety muzzle and moved down to his strong neck. He smelled of hay and dust and his nose was slightly wet as she kissed it.

  “Come on over, Jake,” she said, careful not to be too loud. He moved carefully and he had a look of profound sadness on his face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I made him scared.” He stood in front of the horse, looking intently into his face. “I’m sorry, boy.”

  Madison didn’t say anything, knowing this was a pivotal moment. Jake was feeling empathy for the horse. This was huge. “Here.” She took his good hand and placed it on Draco’s neck. “Pet him softly. Tell him why you did it.”

  “Why?” He looked at her curiously, without sarcasm.

  “Because he’ll listen.”

  “But he can’t understand.”

  “He understands more than you think.”

  “But how?”

  She moved back to stroke Draco’s ribs and flank, running her fingers through his mane from time to time. “Horses can sense things about people. Just like how you can sense things about him.”

  “I never thought of it that way.”

  “You’re drawn to Draco, aren’t you? You like him a lot?”

  “Yeah.” The sun glinted off the blond hair sticking out around his hat. She avoided his eyes, knowing they looked too much like his aunt’s.

  “Well, I think Draco likes you too.”

  “No way.”

  “Yes, I think he does. The other boys make him nervous. But you—he’s different around you. Even after your escapade.” She smiled. “He’s letting you pet him, isn’t he?”

  “He doesn’t with the others?”

  “No. He lets them walk him and lead him around. But petting for Draco is special. And he’s very antsy about who he lets near him.”

  “How come?”

  She encouraged him to rub him firmer to help stimulate his circulation. Draco snorted and shifted his pelt in approval.

  “I’m glad you asked. You see, Jake, Draco hasn’t had an easy life. He’s been beaten and starved and neglected. No one has ever really cared for him or about him until now.”

  “Is that why he’s so—unfriendly?”

  “I would imagine so. Wouldn’t it make you unfriendly and unable to trust people?”

  He thought for a long moment. “Yeah. It does make me like that. You just think no one gives a crap even when they do. It’s just easier to push them away.”

  “That way you don’t take the risk and you don’t get hurt.”

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Well, what do you think about Draco? Should he take the risk with you?”

  He started to nod but then stopped. “I don’t know. I already did something bad by taking him.”

  “Well, tell him why you took him. He might understand.”

  “I—I just wanted to take off. And I wanted him to be the one to go with me.”

  “Why did you want to take off?”

  “Because I was mad about the chores and about having to be here. I just wanted to run.”

  “Where were you going?” She retrieved two brushes from a nearby bin and handed him one to use on Draco.

  “I don’t know. Just away.”

  “The desert?”

  He shrugged. “I guess. I really didn’t think that far.”

  “Just a spur of the moment, so to speak?”

  “Yeah.”

  “One of the things about growing up, Jake, is that you have to think ahead. Every action you take will lead to something. Here, take the currycomb. Use this first to loosen any dirt or sweat.” She showed him how to brush vigorously.

  “What if you just don’t care?”

  “You have to care. Or you’ll end up in serious trouble.” She studied him carefully, making sure he was listening. “I’m not just talking about jail or juvie. I’m talking about serious, life-threatening trouble.”

  He looked at her with questions in his eyes. She explained.

  “If Draco had bucked you harder or you had fallen differently, you could’ve broken bones, broken your neck, even been paralyzed. Can you imagine not being able to walk?”

  “No, I don’t want to.”

  “What if you had managed to get to the desert? You would’ve been without shade or water for miles. You would’ve been dehydrated—”

  “At the time I didn’t care what happened to me.”

  “Well, what about Draco? You wouldn’t have wanted that to happen to him, would you?”

  “No.”

  “There you go. You’ve got to think. Not just about you but about how what you do affects everyone and everything around you.”

  He kept brushing and she could tell he was thinking. She hoped she was reaching him.

  “I would’ve cared if something had happened to you, Jake. And so would your aunt and everyone here.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” His question was serious. He really had no idea why she or anyone else would care.

  “Because I like you. I care about you. I don’t want to see bad things happen to you.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No. Just like how you wouldn’t want to see bad things happen to anyone you care about. Like your mom or aunt.”

  He scoffed. “My mom, I’ve seen so many bad things happen to her already.”

  “It made you feel bad, didn’t it? Worried. Scared.”

  “Yeah. But after a while it stopped mattering.”

  “You shut off inside.”

  He shrugged.

  “What about your aunt? You care about her?”

  She hesitated in bringing up Grace, but she told herself it was to help Jake.

  “Yeah, she’s all right, I guess.”

  “Just all right? She’s good to you, isn’t she?”

  “I guess. I mean she’s good about getting me stuff and everything, but she works a lot.”

  “Most people have to.”

  “No, I mean a lot. She’s always at work and when she’s not, she’s at home on her laptop working, always talking to herself.”

  Madison laughed a little at that. “Talking to herself?”

  He laughed too. “Yeah, especially when she’s working. Which is, like, all the time.”

  “Maybe you should tell her you’d like to spend more time with her.”

  “And do what?”

  “I don’t know. What would you like to do with her?” She brushed Draco quick and short with the stiff brush alongside Jake. “This brush gets rid of all the stuff you just loosened,” she said.

  “Okay, makes sense.”

  “What would you like to do with her?”

  “Beats me,” he said.

  “You like movies?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Ask her to a movie.” She tried not to think of taking Grace to a movie. The big dark room, the inability for Grace to say anything offensive, the way she would look in the screen light, her elegant hand just sitting there waiting for Madison to take it.

  “Or whatever you think is fun.”

  “Video games?” His face lit up.

  “Er, I don’t know. Would your aunt like that?”

  He laughed. “No. Would you?”

  “This isn’t about me.”

  “Come on, would you? What if it was at one of those big game places where they have games and go-karts and all that?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

  “Cool.”


  “Your aunt would probably like that too.”

  “Think so?”

  “Sure. You should ask her. Go have some fun.”

  “I might do that.” He spat and squinted into the sun. “Did Draco really get beat?”

  They walked the length of pen, stroking Draco as they moved.

  “Yes, Jake, I’m afraid so.”

  “Why would anyone beat a horse?”

  “Why would anyone beat anything?”

  “’Cuz they’re mad?”

  “Anger can be controlled and expressed in other ways.”

  “Like how?”

  “Like running.”

  He smiled and she returned it. “Or doing any kind of hard, physical work, for that matter.”

  “Like rugby,” Rob said loudly as he approached from near the drive.

  She grinned and agreed. “Or like rugby.”

  “What’s rugby?” Jake asked.

  “What’s rugby?” Rob clenched his chest as if in heart pain. “These new boys are killing me, Madness.”

  “Madness?” Jake suddenly had a grin of his own.

  “It’s her nickname. ’Cause she’s so temperamental,” Rob said.

  “Don’t tell him that. He’ll believe it.”

  “Well, you are. You’re a regular old hothead. Always screaming and throwing stuff about.”

  She laughed. “Okay, sure, that’s me.”

  “Are you kidding? She’s, like, the calmest person I know,” Jake said.

  “Ooh, the young knight comes to your defense. Impressive.”

  “He’s kidding, Jake.”

  “I hope so. After all that talk about anger.”

  “You were going to make me run laps?” she said, slapping Jake lightly on the back.

  “Yeah!” He liked the idea of that.

  “So who is this young valiant? Judging by the splint I’d say this has to be Jake.”

  “Jake Hollings, meet Rob Sheffield. Rob’s our vet and he just happens to be Mr. Rugby extraordinaire.”

  “Rugby’s like football,” Rob said, leaning on the bars of the pen. “Only it’s for real warriors. No pads.”

  “Wow.” Jake stared at him for a moment and Madison took Draco. She slipped off his harness after leading him to his hay. She continued to rub him down.

  “Another one interested!” Rob said, smiling. “You can’t keep them from me, Madness, you just can’t.”