by Lee Wardlow
Kai helped Josh undress Sophie and put her in a nightgown. Something easy to get on and something that was comfortable. “How are you doing, Soph.”
“Feeling nauseated too. Head pain not the chemo yet.”
“I’ll get the garbage can.” He patted Kai’s shoulder. “Be right back.”
Minutes later, Josh returned with their bathroom garbage can, a box of bags for it and a bottle of water. He sat them on the nightstand. Kai had laid down beside Sophie and was comforting her. Both women were on their sides facing each other. It was like old times watching the two of them together.
Josh took a seat in the over-stuffed chair by the window. He crossed his ankle over his knee and held it with his hand. He listened to Kai comfort Sophie as she traced her finger over her forehead.
“What did you use on her?” He could smell the faint scent of something that Kai had put on her finger before she started rubbing on Sophie’s forehead and temples.
Kai glanced over her shoulder. “An aromatherapy oil in Lavender scent. I bought it in case Sophie had migraines again. Lavender helps with headaches.”
Josh nodded. “How’s the nausea Sophie?” He asked.
“Bad. I’m trying not to throw up because that will make my head worse.”
“Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head no.
Josh went to the kitchen to fix lunch for Kai, but they couldn’t get Sophie to eat. Josh stayed in the kitchen while Kai had her sandwich in the bedroom with Sophie.
The puppies were nipping at his ankles wanting to go outside. Josh took the last bite of his sandwich and got up from the table to take them to the patio door. He slid it open and they ran between his legs making him laugh. It was a blessed relief to watch them frolicking in the grass versus waiting to see if Sophie was going to be sick.
He tossed a ball with them for a while, twenty-five minutes or so. Then Josh took them inside, so he could check on Sophie. He hadn’t even closed the door when he could hear her in the bedroom, violently ill just like last time. Josh laid his forehead against the glass.
This continued, on and off for hours. Ally came home and didn’t want to go to Columbus. Sophie was on the bathroom floor now, shivering beneath a blanket from the bed that Kai had placed over her. She and Josh stood in the doorway while Ally tried to convince Sophie she shouldn’t be going anywhere with her mother this sick.
“Sweetheart, please leave.” Sophie begged her. “I’ll be here Sunday night or Monday morning when you get home. Possibly still lying on the bathroom floor but I’ll be here. I promise.”
“Mom,” Ally groaned at Sophie’s attempt at humor.
“Come on Ally,” Josh told her. “I’ll walk you to your car.” He forced her from the floor and slipped his arm around his daughter’s shoulders, walking her outside. Her bag was already in the backseat. “I’m worried about you driving all that way alone.”
“I’m fine. Doug and Jagger are riding up there with me.”
He didn’t know if he should feel better or not. “Text me and let me know you’re safe,” he said forcing himself to be quiet about her company. She was eighteen. She was an adult of sorts. Young and naïve. Jagger was twenty-nine and Doug was twenty-four.
“Brian got us four tickets but one of the guys couldn’t go last minute.”
“Oh,” he replied.
His daughter was going to Columbus with four guys and he didn’t even know it. “Dad, don’t look like that. It’s not like it’s a threesome. Jeez, I’m not that kind of girl. These guys are my friends.”
He rolled his eyes at her. Josh could feel his cheeks warming. “I wasn’t implying anything.”
“You were thinking it though.” She climbed into the car and started it up. “You were wondering if it was a good, idea to be going with two men. I’m not dumb Dad. I’m staying on campus with Brian and our friends. Jagger and Doug have a hotel. I’ll text you when I get there.”
This might be something Ally would tell Sophie but not him. He rubbed his hand across his face. Sophie would tell her to use protection. He wanted to tell her to be a good girl and keep her pants on. She wasn’t ready for sex. Not his little girl. He cleared his throat with the uncomfortableness that had settled in his chest.
“Bye Dad.”
“Bye Ally.” He waved as she backed her small SUV out of the driveway.
Then Josh turned and went inside. He found Kai sitting on the bathroom floor with Sophie’s head in her lap. “She’s gone,” Sophie stated.
“She is. Did you know she’s staying on campus with Brian and their friends?” Before Sophie could respond, Josh asked another question. “Is she sleeping with him?”
“I don’t think so.”
He exhaled sharply. The air whooshed out of him in relief. “I’m so glad. I didn’t know if I should say something or not.”
Sophie couldn’t stop shivering. He could see it from where he stood. “Like what, Josh?” She asked, her teeth were chattering.
“You’re my little girl. Too young to be having sex,” he offered.
She smiled through her misery. “She’s going to text us when she gets there, right?”
“She is. She’s going with Jagger and Doug. Another guy from work couldn’t make it.”
Sophie lifted her head and gazed at Josh. “Now that I didn’t know.”
“Brian got them tickets.”
“She’s getting really close with Jagger. I’d be worried if she was staying with him instead of Brian.”
“I was still a little concerned. These guys are much older than her, Sophie.”
His wife laid her head back in Kai’s lap. He knew neither woman could be comfortable. “Sophie why don’t you let me move you to the bedroom.”
“Josh, every nerve in my body hurts right now. My bones ache. My stomach is rolling. Please just let me be. When Kai can’t feel her butt anymore, maybe then.”
Her friend laughed. “That happened a while ago, but I’ll sit here until I can’t feel my toes too.”
“Okay, until then.”
“All right, I’ll leave you until then.”
He left them alone and went to the living room. He felt in the way and helpless. Cleo joined him on the sofa while Delilah stayed with Sophie and Kai.
Heath came by after dinner. He wanted to check on his mother. He sat with Josh in the living room for a while. Unable to face what was going on in the bathroom.
“Why aren’t you with her?”
“Because Kai is here,” he explained.
It had to be hard for Heath to understand. Sometimes, she needed him and sometimes, she just needed Kai. He had been in there once or twice to hold her hand and kiss her forehead. Kai’s legs were probably paralyzed. He was going to have to pick her up off the floor too. It wouldn’t be the first time, but it had been a while since that had happened though.
Heath nodded like he understood. “Dad, how is she going to make it through this?”
Josh laid Cleo beside him and she whimpered. “Because she has to Heath.”
Then things were quiet even he and Heath were silent, waiting. This was now their life living with cancer. Centered around Sophie’s chemo treatments and how she was going to feel.
His phone rang, and he grabbed it. “Hey Ally. You made it okay? I was getting worried.”
“Sorry Dad. Brian has to have an early night because of the big game so we wanted to have dinner together before he had to go to his dorm room.”
“Oh. You aren’t staying with him then?”
Heath rolled his eyes at his dad. He frowned at his son.
“No Dad. Players aren’t allowed to have anyone in their rooms on the night before games.” He could hear the irritation in his daughter’s voice.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m staying with some of the soccer players tonight. Lucky for me, this is a bye week for them. I’m excited to see the girls again.”
“That’s great Ally.” He couldn’t hide the
excitement in his voice. His daughter was staying in the girls’ rooms. He assumed they were girl soccer players. He didn’t ask. He trusted Ally. Josh leaned forward on his knees and listened to his daughter talk about her plans.
“We’re all going to the game together tomorrow then I’ll see Brian after the game. Then Sunday morning Jagger is bringing my car back if you don’t care?”
Josh was surprised by that news. “And how are you getting home?”
“Brian will bring me home Monday afternoon. We just want to spend a little more time together.” His daughter sounded tentative. He didn’t know how to handle this situation. He wasn’t Sophie.
“Can you hold on?” He asked.
“Sure Dad.” Ally sounded irritated with him, but Josh didn’t care.
Josh got up from the sofa and headed down the hallway to the bathroom where his wife rested against Kai’s body. Both were now sitting up. Kai glanced up at him where Sophie’s eyes were closed; she clutched the blanket to her chest.
Josh had muted his phone. “I need to ask a question.”
Sophie opened one eye. “What?” She croaked.
“Ally is on the phone.”
“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” He hadn’t meant to cause panic, but he realized that Sophie was concerned right away.
“She wants Jagger to bring back her car Sunday morning and Brian will bring her home, Monday afternoon. They want to spend more time together.”
“Josh, why are you having problems with this? He’s twenty, not twenty-nine.”
“I don’t know.”
“You look so panicked,” Kai informed him trying not to laugh.
“Ally didn’t date much, Kai. She went to dances with guys. Otherwise she was focused. School. Sports. Afterschool activities. Not boys.”
Sophie sighed. “She was interested in boys. She just wasn’t outgoing, Josh. Right now, I feel like death. Deal with it. She’s fine.” She waved her husband away.
“Okay.”
He unmuted the phone. “Ally.”
“I’m here, Dad. What did Mom tell you to say to me,” she was more than irritated with him.
He sighed. “We’ll see you Monday. I’d like to meet Brian.”
“Whatever.” She told him she loved him and then hung up. He turned and realized that Heath was standing behind him.
“Wouldn’t Mom be more comfortable in bed?”
“She would,” Sophie agreed. “I’m sure Kai has lost all feeling in her lower extremities.”
Josh laid his phone on the bathroom’s granite counter. He pushed aside the blanket that covered Sophie and drew her to her feet. Then he lifted her in his arms and she whimpered at the pain that shot through her head as he settled her against her chest.
“I’m sorry Sophie. I tried to be gentle.”
“I know.” Her voice was no more than a murmur against the fabric of his shirt.
He carried her to the bedroom and snuggled her beneath the thick warm blankets. Delilah was crying at his feet. Heath lifted her up and laid her on the bed. She ran to the top and under the covers.
“That’s my girl,” Sophie declared trying to find a comfortable position that made her legs and her head feel better.
Josh turned and looked around for Kai. He headed to the bathroom where he found her, still sitting on the floor. “I can’t feel my butt or legs. They are tingling.”
She looked embarrassed. He smiled at her. Then he went into the bathroom and took her hand lifting her from the floor too. He put his arm around her waist and helped her until the pins and needles feeling left her. She smiled grateful that he did.
Heath was in the bedroom with Sophie, so they headed to the living room, giving him time with his mother. Kai sat on the sofa and stared outside while Josh leaned back in the recliner.
“Remember Homecoming our senior year?” She asked him.
“Yeah, Ben and I watched you and Sophie kind of like what I just did although she was throwing up for different, reasons.” His tone was soft as he too remembered.
“She didn’t drink again for a long, time.”
“She was pregnant with Heath.”
Kai turned and looked at Josh. “It was more than that, Josh. She felt out of control. Sophie didn’t like that feeling. That’s why this is so hard on her. She has no control.”
He nodded. “I ran into Ben or rather he pulled into the parking lot at the office to talk to me. Did Soph tell you?”
Kai didn’t respond.
“Kai?”
“She told me.” Kai sounded distant. Josh glanced at her but couldn’t tell what she was feeling right now.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t told Hannah yet. I don’t really know what to think myself. I guess I was processing it first.”
“Are you angry at me for not telling you that he was in touch with me?”
Her head shot around, and she looked at Josh. “No, I understand why you didn’t. You were protecting us.”
“I was. I care as much about you and Hannah as Sophie and my own kids.”
“I know you do. We’ve been together for a long time, Josh. At first, after Ben left, it was the three of us. You had your hands full with two pregnant, teenage girls,” she teased him.
He laughed. “He stared at the ceiling. I remember holding Hannah when she was just hours old. Never thought she’d be my daughter-in-law.”
Kai laughed. “Yeah, that was a shocker. They have always been together though being so close in age.”
“Think about it Kai. I have Ben’s number. I’ll give it to you if you decide to tell Hannah he wants to see her.”
She nodded.
Heath left after ten. Josh and Kai were up and down all night with Sophie. “I wish you would let me get up with her. I don’t want you to get too tired.” Josh watched Kai hold her hair back while Sophie perched on the edge of the bed. Her shoulders wrapped in the blanket.
“I’m fine. I’ll lay down if I get tired.”
He did the running. Wet, hot wash cloths. Emptying trash bags and putting in new ones. More water. They were trying to keep Sophie hydrated, but she kept throwing up the water. They tried Gatorade, but she couldn’t keep it down either.
In the morning, Kai was asleep on the sofa. Sophie was resting comfortably in bed snuggled beneath the comforter with both dogs. Josh was on top asleep.
**
Sophie
“Hey,” Kai touched her shoulder trying not to wake Josh. She had been awake for a while trying not to disturb him herself.
“Want to get a shower? You might feel better,” Kai suggested.
Sophie nodded. Roman took Sophie’s hand and put his arm around her waist because she was so weak. He was practically carrying her to the bathroom.
“Sit her in the tub. I’ll help her get undressed when I have her dressed again you can get her out or we’ll wake Josh then. He’s exhausted let him rest until then.”
Roman sat Sophie in the tub and pressed a kiss to her temple before he left the bathroom. Kai got on her knees and helped Sophie get her top over her head. “I feel like a limp, wet noodle,” Sophie told her.
“You’re weak because you aren’t eating and you’re sick.” She placed her hand across her forehead. “You feel a little warm too.”
Sophie slid her bottoms down and handed them to Kai. She tossed them behind her with the top then Kai started the water. “Too hot?”
“No, it feels great,” Sophie groaned.
Kai sat back on her butt and let Sophie wash herself after she got the loofah and soap for her. She scrubbed herself slowly letting the bubbles wash over her skin.
“This was a good, idea,” Sophie moaned.
“I’m glad you think so,” Kai replied.
“You okay?”
Her friend made a snorting sound. “You’re worried about me?”
Sophie rolled to her side and laid her head on the side of the tub. Her eyes were heavy. “I am.”
“
Dunk under and get your hair wet. I’ll wash your hair for you.”
While Sophie did as she was told, Kai got on her knees and squirted the strawberry shampoo in her hand. She rubbed it over Sophie’s head. Thick strands came away in her palm. She tried to hide it behind the shampoo bottle. She rubbed her fingers through Sophie’s scalp to see if more came out, none did so she lathered her friend’s hair.
“Dunk under again.”
Sophie did as she was told, and Kai rinsed her hair. Then she stood up and grabbed a towel for Sophie out of the linen closet. Sophie was leaning against the tub with her eyes closed.
“Ready to get out?” Kai asked.
“Just a minute,” Sophie whispered. Her eyes remained closed. “This is the first time since I got my chemo that I haven’t been shivering.”
Kai sat on the toilet seat and waited for Sophie to be ready.
“I don’t want you to wear yourself out,” Sophie said. She hadn’t moved or opened her eyes. “I saw the hair. You can’t hide it from me.”
Kai was quiet for a few moments. “How long before it all falls out?”
Sophie sighed. “I have been told to take control of my cancer,” she said to Kai. “Shave it off before it starts to fall out completely.”
“Okay.”
Sophie opened her eyes. “It’s time, Kai. I don’t want to wait until it falls out and I’m patchy. Shave it off for me now.”
“Do you have clippers?” She asked, her voice trembling with every word.
“Josh has them under the sink.” Sophie sat up. “Would you grab my robe, please? It’s in the bedroom.”
“Sure, sweetie.”
Kai left her alone in the tub. Sophie leaned forward and let the water drain. As the temperature cooled in the bathroom, without the water to warm her, she began to shiver. She dried her arms and upper body with the towel that Kai had left on the toilet. When all the water was gone, she dried her legs.
“I’ve got it.”
“Josh still sleeping?” Sophie asked.
“Dead to the world.”
Sophie glanced up at Kai. “He’s been up at night a lot, restless and worried,” Sophie explained.
