The Child's Secret

by Amanda Brooke

  Sam parked the bike next to Jasmine’s and, sensing his presence was only adding to the tension Finn could draw expertly from thin air, he left Laura standing by her husband while he went inside to find Anna.

  He was surprised to find she was still in bed, although in his absence she had dressed and was now lying on top of the covers.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re still suffering?’

  She peeled her eyes open and smiled at him. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said, lifting her hand towards him. ‘Sorry again about messing up your day.’

  Sam sat down next to her on the bed. ‘There’s nothing to apologize for. I probably wouldn’t have been able to concentrate with you around and I’ve made tonnes of sketches,’ he said, flexing his fingers, which had turned numb as he worked if not his mind. He had been haunted by the startled look on Laura’s face when he had stepped into the kitchen that morning and meeting her on the road back from Mold had done little to settle his growing anxiety. She hadn’t explained the mark she was trying to cover up on her neck and he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to know, but it added more weight to his worries even so. His first impression of Laura had been that she seemed as lost as her daughter, but he was quickly coming to the conclusion that Finn’s wife was deliberately hiding from view; hiding in fear.

  Even as his thoughts lingered on Laura, Anna lifted herself towards him, putting her arms around his neck. ‘I’ll make it up to you,’ she whispered in his ear.

  She kissed his cheek softly before brushing her lips lightly over his, her breath tasting peppermint fresh. He was slow to respond and, assuming he was still a little cross with her, Anna trailed tender kisses across to the other side of his face and neck. She nibbled his ear playfully and was in the process of pulling him back down onto the bed when there was a noise behind them.

  ‘Sorry, should I have knocked?’ Finn asked. He was standing at the door with a smirk on his face.

  Sam stood up and when he pulled Anna up with him, she was scowling. ‘Thanks, Finn, you know how to ruin a girl’s plans,’ she said.

  Finn raised an eyebrow. ‘Speaking of appetites, I’m famished,’ he said as he continued to stare at them, or more precisely, at Anna, who had the hint of a smile on her face to suggest she had picked up on the innuendo. She held his gaze until Finn blinked and turned to Sam again. ‘Which is why my wife has kindly offered to nip out to get fish and chips if you want some.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ Sam said. ‘I don’t think I could take another session in the Crown, that’s for sure.’

  ‘Oh, don’t be such a lightweight. She’s calling in at the off-licence too.’

  It was only when Sam edged his way along the narrow gap between the wall and bed that Finn finally moved and they followed him into the living area where Laura was waiting with her handbag over her shoulder, car keys in her hand. She had a blank expression on her face that gave away her disapproval.

  ‘I don’t want anything else to drink, not tonight,’ Sam said.

  ‘Then I hope you’re not going to let me down, Anna.’

  ‘Of course I’ll join you,’ she said. ‘As long as it’s orange juice.’

  Finn laughed. ‘But only if there’s vodka in it, right?’

  ‘Do you need help?’ Sam asked Laura without thinking. He had been too keen to escape the storm clouds brewing over Finn’s head.

  The clouds darkened.

  Laura felt it too and was already moving towards the door when she said, ‘No, I can manage.’

  ‘Oh, why don’t you take your knight in shining armour? He wants to rescue you again, don’t you, Sam?’

  ‘I can manage, Finn,’ she said without a backward glance at either of them.

  Sam wanted to get out into the fresh air again, but he didn’t immediately follow Laura. He was beginning to understand how Finn’s mind worked and even watching Laura leave would serve only to antagonize him further and create more grief for Laura. During the holiday, Sam had consciously avoided letting his eyes linger on Laura, and he had thought he had done a good enough job, but Finn had obviously noticed and was threatened by it.

  Outside, Laura could be heard talking to Jasmine. She didn’t want to go with her mum and said she would stay to water the plants. Laura’s parting remark was to give her strict instructions not to go bothering her dad and then she left. All the while, Sam, Finn and Anna stood in awkward silence.

  ‘I’d better help Jasmine water the plants,’ Sam said once he heard Laura drive off.

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ Anna said.

  Jasmine was nowhere to be seen and the watering can had been left untouched at the side of the caravan. Sam followed his instincts and wandered down the slope towards the far end of the garden where tall oaks and beeches were lined up along the boundary of the caravan site and the neighbouring fields, their dense boughs creating an immense canopy that let through only slivers of light. Sam peered into the shadows and at first couldn’t see the little girl until he spied the familiar wisps of blonde hair from behind a beech tree. She had sought peace in the part of the garden furthest away from her brooding father and Sam and Anna went to join her.

  ‘Do you think there are fairies living down here?’ Jasmine whispered when Sam and Anna appeared at her side and she was sure her dad wasn’t with them.

  She was crouching down with her back against the tree and had been trying to imagine she was back in Calderstones, sitting beneath the shadow of the ancient oak that always made her feel a little less scared. It had been a nice surprise to find a different kind of magic lurking in this corner of the world, but she supposed there was magic all around if you looked hard enough.

  ‘Where?’ Sam asked when he failed to notice what she had been staring at.

  Jasmine pointed towards a ramshackle section of the hedgerow where a circle of mushrooms shone out from the shadows. Their thick, creamy tops were pristine compared to the dank, rotting earth they had emerged from.

  ‘Ah, you’ve found a fairy ring,’ Anna said. ‘That’s where the fairies come at night to dance and make merry. You know you mustn’t destroy it, don’t you?’

  ‘I won’t,’ Jasmine promised. ‘Can I stay up tonight and wait for them?’

  ‘I think you’re more likely to find badgers than wee fairies down here,’ Sam said.

  ‘Don’t be such a grouch,’ Anna scolded. ‘How can someone who believes in the Wishing Tree not believe in fairies?’

  Jasmine stood up and dusted herself off. She willed Sam to say that he did believe in fairies because she didn’t want him to be like her dad – but then, she already knew he wasn’t. There had been times in the week when she had sensed Sam getting frustrated and yet she couldn’t imagine him losing his temper. Even if he did, Jasmine knew he wouldn’t take it out on someone else. He was nothing like her dad, but then her dad was nothing like he used to be.

  There had been times when he was the best dad in the world; when he was so happy he could laugh himself hoarse and make everyone around him laugh too. But then there were darker times when he couldn’t raise even a smile, when he acted as if he hated the sight of her, and then there were times like now, when he was somewhere in between and no one, not even her mum, knew what might happen next. It was these times that scared her most and it scared her mum too. She had been quiet all day and maybe she had told Sam what was worrying her. She had seen him putting his hand on her mum’s shoulder which people did when they wanted to help. It was good that Sam wanted to look after her mum. She trusted him more than she did her dad.

  ‘I said it would be more likely for badgers to appear,’ Sam was saying. ‘I never suggested fairies didn’t exist.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Jasmine said with a shrug. ‘My dad will go mad if I start going on about them so maybe we should forget about it.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Anna said. ‘If you want to camp out here tonight then I’ll tell your dad it’s part of your schoolwork. He won’t argue with me.’

  No, Jasmine th
ought, but he would argue with Mum, and Jasmine would do anything to avoid that. ‘It’s all right. I’m a bit tired after the bike ride anyway.’

  Jasmine couldn’t see the caravan above the steep incline, but she looked at it anyway. She wished she could stay where she was forever. She wished the fairies were real and that they would adopt her so she would never have to climb up the slope and be afraid.

  ‘We can always see if there are any board games you haven’t played with yet,’ Sam suggested. ‘I could teach you how to play chess.’

  Despite the shade of the hedgerow wrapping around her, Jasmine’s eyes twinkled out of the darkness. ‘Or you could teach me how to make one of those paper birds.’ She had been watching Sam make them from pages torn out of the gardening magazines he had brought with him. He hadn’t exactly refused to teach her, but always seemed to find an excuse not to.

  Sam thought for a minute, casting his gaze towards the fairy ring then back in the direction of the caravan before coming to rest on Jasmine’s expectant face. ‘I don’t suppose your dad would have any objection to that.’

  ‘Thank you, Sam!’ Jasmine said and tried to convince herself that the butterflies she felt in her tummy were from excitement and not the fear she had carried around with her all day.

  23

  Thursday 20 August 2015

  The following day Finn set about building a barbeque from the reclaimed bricks. Even with a crippling hangover that was making him dry retch from time to time he was doing a decent job. Sam and Anna were building a rockery in the corner of the garden nearest the road while Laura and Jasmine had disappeared down the slope and were secretly watching out for fairies while clearing enough space beneath the beech trees for a rope swing. The little girl, who had been slowly but surely emerging from her shell during the first few days of the holiday had all but disappeared again. She was no longer heard and rarely seen and as the happy holiday that Sam had imagined for her slipped from his grasp, he began to feel decidedly homesick.

  ‘I think if we push really hard we could have it all finished by tomorrow,’ he told Anna when she handed him the final rock from the pile Pat had amassed during the initial garden clearance.

  ‘I’d say we could have Saturday off, except, oh yes, we’ll be going home then anyway.’

  Wedging the stone between two larger rocks and fixing it into place with dark, moist soil, he said, ‘I was actually thinking we might go home a day early.’

  ‘Really?’

  Sam straightened up, and as he wiped his hands on his work pants he watched Finn pointing the final row of bricks. He hadn’t slowed down, not even after lunch, which for Finn had been a liquid one.

  ‘You have to admit, Anna, it’s been a bit strained around here the last couple of days. It was always going to be a bit testing because we don’t know Finn and his family very well. I was thinking maybe we should go before someone snaps,’ he said in such a way that left no doubt as to who that someone might be.

  ‘I’d agree Finn’s been a bit off, but he’s probably just exhausted. We all are,’ Anna said and when she failed to convince even herself, she added, ‘OK, maybe you do have a point but we don’t all have to leave early.’

  ‘I’m missing my own bed,’ Sam insisted.

  Anna thought on it for a moment. ‘I am too,’ she said with a smile. ‘We could always let the others stay on and give them the last night on their own.’

  Suddenly, the thought of being home that bit sooner lost its allure as Sam imagined Laura and Jasmine being left alone with Finn, his case of beer and his foul mood. He didn’t want to abandon them, but it was too late, Finn was walking over towards them, can in hand, and Anna couldn’t wait to tell him her suggestion.

  At first, Finn looked almost as unenthusiastic about the idea as Sam but then he said, ‘I suppose we have been living in each other’s pockets and those walls in the caravan are paper thin.’

  A flush rose in Anna’s cheeks. She was all too aware of how easily noise travelled and their sex life had been non-existent, unlike Finn and Laura’s, which was why, after the first night, Anna had been wearing earplugs religiously.

  ‘We’ve still got a fair bit to finish off here though,’ Sam said, backtracking as much as he dared. ‘And I need to make another trip into Mold to pick up a few more plants for the rockery.’

  Anna wasn’t to be put off. ‘We can do that now. Is there anything you need, Finn?’

  ‘Best ask the wife,’ he said, tipping his head in the direction of Laura who had appeared at the top of the slope, pulling a reluctant Jasmine with her. She was wearing her yellow cardigan, which was smudged with dirt, and when she let go of her daughter’s hand, she used the edge of her neck scarf to wipe the sweat from her face.

  ‘We were thinking of going into Mold,’ Anna explained.

  Laura smiled. ‘Oh, all right then.’

  ‘Not you,’ Finn said impatiently. ‘Can’t you see the lovebirds need a bit of time on their own?’

  Laura looked crestfallen and not as enthusiastic as Finn when it came to the shopping list they put together which consisted of more alcohol than any real sustenance.

  ‘We won’t be long,’ Sam said, and made the mistake of directing his promise to Laura. It was a throwaway comment that should have been forgotten, but an hour later when Sam and Anna arrived back from their shopping expedition, it soon became apparent that it had been playing on Finn’s mind.

  Sam had pulled up outside the caravan, switched off the engine, and waited for the electric windows to close. The weather was scorching and once he and Anna were sealed in, the air thickened with a mixture of summer heat and damp earth smells from the trays of plants in the back of the Land Rover.

  Sweat trickled down his temples and yet he was reluctant to get out, torn between wanting to return to the caravan to make sure Laura was all right and running the risk of annoying Finn if Sam so much as looked at his wife. But it was hard not to, just as it was difficult to hold his tongue. He wanted to tell Finn he should count himself lucky to have such a beautiful and supportive wife and a little girl who was crying out to be loved. He wouldn’t, of course, mention how attractive he found Laura but if pushed, he could assure Finn with a clear conscience that he wasn’t about to steal his wife. He had a girlfriend; someone who was caring and attentive and was opening up her heart to him. All he had to do was accept that love.

  ‘I’ve really missed this,’ Anna said.

  She had put her hand on his arm as if she imagined he was savouring this quiet moment with her too. She had no inkling of Sam’s conflicted emotions and why would she? Sam was a closed book to her. He smiled and tried to absorb just a little of the affection radiating from her face, but if he yearned for anything then it was his apartment in Liverpool: sparse, cool and empty, a place where he could be alone and isolated from feelings that might warm his heart one day and break it the next. ‘You don’t mind going home early, do you?’

  ‘Not if it means we can spend some time on our own.’ She leaned over and kissed him before whispering in his ear, ‘I think I’m falling in love with you, Sam.’

  Sam’s body tensed and he wasn’t quite sure how he managed to fight the urge to pull away. It was guilt more than anything that made him lean over and kiss her cheek, which at least meant he didn’t have to look her in the eyes. With his lips still touching her skin, he said, ‘Don’t, Anna, please. I don’t deserve you.’

  She lifted her head. ‘You can’t tell me you don’t care – and I won’t believe you even if you try.’ She cupped his face in her hands, ‘Don’t look so terrified, Sam. I’m not expecting you to tell me you love me too. Believe it or not I have heeded your warning that you don’t want to get in too deep too soon. But now it’s my turn to warn you: I’m not going to let you slip away from me, Sam McIntyre.’

  Despite everything he was feeling, Anna’s words soothed him and when she kissed him again he could feel himself responding to her. After years of self-imposed isolation, he had forgo
tten how good it felt to be loved and he wished his closed heart could open up to her, and perhaps it had in recent months which might explain why someone else had sneaked into it.

  Leaving the car, his steps felt lighter despite being weighed down by two trays of alpines and bedding plants, one stacked precariously on top of the other. Anna opened the gate and, as he slipped into the garden, he heard Finn’s voice coming from the open caravan door, presumably from their bedroom, but then an inner door flung open.

  ‘Don’t you walk away from me!’ Finn’s voice boomed but it was Laura who appeared at the door first, her face blotchy and her nose bright red.

  Sam couldn’t be sure if it was his sudden appearance that gave her a start or the fact that Finn had grabbed her cardigan and pulled her back into the caravan. She stumbled briefly before regaining her balance.

  ‘Stop it, Finn!’ Laura cried. ‘Please, why are you doing this? Why do you have to destroy everything that’s good in our lives?’

  She tried again to leave by slipping off the cardigan Finn was still holding, but he quickly grabbed at her arm. His fingers dug into Laura’s flesh, which was already marked by deep purple circles the size of a man’s fingers.

  Sam dropped the two plant trays and launched himself up the balcony steps. He wasn’t aiming for Laura and even knocked into her as he forced his way into the caravan. Using his momentum to his advantage, he shoved his palm against Finn’s chest and pushed him backwards. In Finn’s inebriated state, it didn’t take much to knock him off his feet and he fell, landing so hard it knocked the breath out of him. Sprawled across the floor, he didn’t look capable of getting up again but Sam’s hands were balled into fists in case he should try.

  ‘What is wrong with you?’ Sam bellowed.

  The dazed look on Finn’s face was replaced by one full of hatred and his speech was slurred and guttural. ‘Want to play the big man in front of the ladies, do you? Go on then, hit me!’

  Sam checked behind him before he spoke. Laura had disappeared and he presumed Anna had gone after her. ‘I don’t want to hit you, Finn, but I swear I will if you ever hurt Laura again,’ he said, his words as tense as his jaw which was set firm to hold back the kind of fury he hadn’t experienced for many years.