The Child's Secret

by Amanda Brooke

  Before she left, Selina gave Laura yet another hug and then placed her weatherworn hand on Jasmine’s head. Jasmine looked up and saw the same thing that Laura had seen; warmth, openness and something else. Understanding.

  After Selina had gone, Laura and Sam gave Jasmine their full attention. Jasper had managed to attract every child within a fifty-foot radius and Jasmine was in danger of being relegated to the back of the crowd as groping hands scratched the puppy’s ears and rubbed his back. The poor dog was spinning round and round as he tried to satisfy everyone’s needs.

  ‘Can we take him for a walk now?’ Jasmine asked.

  The puppy heard the concern in her voice and pulled away from the other children to reach her. Sam heard the worry too, and within seconds of handing over the leash, Jasmine was setting off along the path back in the direction of the Mansion House.

  Laura hung back. ‘Shall we meet you here later?’ she asked him.

  ‘Actually, my tour doesn’t officially start until four thirty. I’ve still got twenty minutes to kill if you don’t mind some company.’

  Laura nodded and as they fell into step, she wondered if Sam felt as awkward. They both had their heads bowed as if they didn’t want to be seen together. Laura knew she shouldn’t be there – why else had she instructed Jasmine not to tell her dad what they were up to? She didn’t want Finn knowing that she had met Sam because she knew what he would think and for once he might be right.

  ‘How’s Finn?’ Sam asked.

  Laura put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and hunched her shoulders. ‘In an even worse mood than he was yesterday, and that’s saying something. He texted earlier to say he’s definitely being finished up at the end of the month.’

  ‘I’m sorry there wasn’t more I could do.’

  ‘Don’t be. If I’m honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t last that long. He’s not a good worker when he’s unhappy.’

  ‘So I’ve noticed.’

  ‘Which is all the more reason for me to get back to work. I’m hoping the fresh air will do my chest some good. Someone has to pay the bills, although …’ she said, stopping to take a raspy breath that created another tickle and a cough, ‘he doesn’t like me being the breadwinner. He doesn’t want me to work, full stop, but unfortunately it’s a battle I have to keep fighting if we’re going to keep a roof over our heads.’

  Laura began wafting herself to create a breeze. She wasn’t feverish, simply hot from the baking sun, but there was no way she was going to remove her jacket and reveal fresh bruises on her arms. Sam was watching her and perhaps suspected as much when he asked, ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

  ‘I’m fine, Sam,’ she said softly.

  They walked along the path in silence, watching Jasmine and the puppy lollop across the grass in the direction of the lake. Jasmine launched herself onto the ground and the puppy began trampling all over her. They were still some distance away but Laura could hear her giggling and then her daughter yelped as Jasper began yanking a chunk of her hair with his teeth.

  ‘Do we need to rescue her?’ Laura asked.

  Before Sam had a chance to answer, the two were on their feet again. Jasmine had lost her grip on the leash and she looked over her shoulder at Sam.

  ‘You can let him run free as long as you can run fast enough to catch him,’ he called.

  She darted off in pursuit of the puppy. When she couldn’t catch him, she instinctively changed direction and began running in the opposite direction. The trick worked and a moment later Jasper was desperately chasing her.

  When Sam turned to Laura, he hadn’t forgotten the question she had left hanging in the air. ‘Does she need rescuing?’

  The air caught in Laura’s throat. She was shocked how Sam could look at her and see what she hadn’t yet been able to share with family or friends. He had simply known and that made her want to love him more. That thought, that word, didn’t scare her as much as it should for a married woman with a husband like Finn. Her growing feelings for Sam had become a secret pleasure that she felt she deserved in her miserable life. Finn could dig his fingers into her flesh but he couldn’t reach her mind where she nurtured desires that she never expected to be revealed or reciprocated.

  ‘Are you both safe, Laura?’ Sam asked. ‘I don’t mean to intrude, but I know Finn well enough now and I’m not blind. I saw the bruises on your arm. If you need help, if you think you and Jasmine aren’t safe, then please tell me and I’ll do whatever I can.’

  They were walking slowly and yet Laura felt the world spinning past her at a terrifying speed. She had tried many times to imagine what would happen if she left her husband, and while she could quite clearly picture the angry confrontations, the accusations and the threats, she couldn’t envision a life beyond that, one that would see her escaping Finn completely. She was forever bound to her husband and, in some ways, felt a certain responsibility for him. Yes, there were times when she was afraid of him, but she feared for him too, and suspected he was more of a danger to himself than anyone else.

  ‘We’re fine, Sam,’ she said. ‘Finn gets angry now and again and when he has a point to make, he makes it forcibly.’ Seeing the look of alarm on Sam’s face, she added, ‘He has bouts of depression where you can’t get a word out of him unless he has a pint in his hand. He gets paranoid and jealous, possessive and cruel, spiteful and …’ Laura ran out of damning words to describe her husband. ‘He doesn’t hit me, Sam, if that’s what you were suggesting. He grabs me sometimes when he’s desperate for me to listen to him, but he wasn’t always like this.’

  ‘How long?’

  Laura thought for a moment. ‘Years, Sam. Too many years.’

  ‘And Jasmine? Does she suffer the effects like you?’

  Laura gasped. ‘No, of course not. I swear he’s never touched her, Sam.’

  ‘And are you as sure that he never would?’

  ‘I wouldn’t stand for it, not ever,’ she said and then quickened her pace to escape the questioning that was making her feel uncomfortable. She wanted to believe Sam cared for them, that he might one day return the love she felt growing inside her, but after years of conditioning by her husband, all she had heard in Sam’s voice was disapproval and pity.

  They were fast approaching Jasmine who was leaning against the iron railings that sectioned off the lake. Jasper had pushed his nose through the bars and was yapping at the ducks. Realizing he couldn’t squeeze through, the dog began searching until he found a gap big enough. It was Sam who realized what was going to happen first and he took off at a sprint, jumping over the railings just in time to grab Jasper’s leash before the pup could dive into the water.

  ‘Naughty boy,’ scolded Jasmine when they were all back together.

  Forgetting herself, Laura stared at Sam as he gave Jasmine some quick instructions about training the puppy to be a little more obedient. A comfortable smile had settled on her face when Sam noticed her watching. ‘What?’ he asked suspiciously.

  ‘You’re a natural.’

  ‘Catching dogs?’

  ‘No, engaging children, especially that one,’ Laura said tipping her head to Jasmine who was absorbed in the challenge of getting Jasper to sit still. ‘And for the record, I have to say that I disagree with you completely.’

  Sam looked intrigued if not a little uncomfortable. ‘About?’

  ‘About not being good enough to be a father. I haven’t forgotten what you said when we were in Wales—’ She stopped what she was saying when she saw the look on Sam’s face. ‘What?’

  ‘I was arrogant enough to call myself a father once,’ he said, ‘but I messed up. I messed up just about as much as any father could.’

  ‘You have children?’

  ‘A daughter,’ he said, and then struggled as his mouth formed a word he seemed unused to saying out loud. ‘Ruby.’

  Laura couldn’t hide the shock. She couldn’t imagine someone as considerate and caring as Sam walking away from his family a
nd never mentioning them again. ‘How old is she?’

  Sam raised his head to the skies as he tried to work it out. ‘Let me see …’ he said with a forced lightness in his voice that crackled with the effort. ‘Eighteen.’

  ‘Wow, all grown-up then.’

  ‘It’s impossible to imagine,’ he said, shaking his head and then taking a step towards Jasmine and the dog to let her know the conversation was at an end.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to—’ she began and then wasn’t sure how to end the apology.

  Sam pretended not to hear her and was about to say something to Jasmine when his phone began to ring.

  ‘Hi, Anna,’ he said, ‘can I phone you back after? I’m supposed to be meeting up with a tour group in five minutes.’

  Self-consciously, Sam turned his back on Laura and Jasmine as he continued to talk to his girlfriend who, by the sounds of it, had questions she wanted answering before ending the call.

  ‘I’m at the lake. Jasper almost went for a swim.’

  Another pause and then Sam glanced over his shoulder to look at Jasmine, but it was Laura his eyes settled on and when he smiled, her heart fluttered. ‘Aye, of course Jasmine turned up. They’re here now, and I need to say goodbye to them so I can get going.’

  Having seen the odd hint of jealousy from Anna at the caravan and from Sam’s next response, Laura guessed that his girlfriend was eager to find out who he meant by ‘them’.

  ‘Jasmine and Laura,’ he said, his words clipped. ‘I’ll speak to you in a bit. OK?’

  With the call ended, Sam looked apologetically towards Jasmine whose face had fallen. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘we really do have to go.’

  ‘We could look after him while you work,’ Jasmine argued.

  Laura was tempted to agree with her. She didn’t like leaving Sam when there were things left unsaid but she had a feeling she wouldn’t find out any more about his daughter, no matter how long they stayed. And there was another reason they had to go, which had more to do with the future than the past. ‘I don’t think so, sweetheart,’ she said. ‘We need to get back before your dad gets home. You can come back another time.’

  ‘Thursday. You said I could come on Thursday too.’

  Laura cocked her head. ‘I thought you said Leah might not be able to take you?’

  ‘I don’t know, Mum. Maybe she will.’

  ‘All right, as long as Sam doesn’t mind.’

  ‘You’re both welcome. Any time,’ Sam said.

  Laura pulled her daughter away and hoped Jasmine wouldn’t resist because Laura was only just managing to walk away herself.

  29

  Police station: Wednesday 7 October 2015

  Sam was sitting in a windowless interview room and had lost all track of time but guessed it was mid-afternoon by now. He was wearing a grey tracksuit kindly provided by the police in place of his running gear which was now being scrutinized by forensics along with his mobile phone. Because he wasn’t under arrest, he hadn’t been obliged to co-operate, but Sam was more than willing to give them the shirt off his back if it meant being eliminated from their enquiries that little bit sooner. He didn’t want a solicitor, he didn’t want to obstruct their investigations, but he was tired of being questioned and he was especially tired of DCI Harper.

  The detective had disappeared briefly only to return with two items that he had placed on the table in front of him. The manila folder remained unopened, but it was the evidence bag that drew Sam’s attention although Harper was taking his time getting to it.

  ‘What do you think has happened to Jasmine, Mr McIntyre?’ Harper asked.

  Sam had thought of little else in the last few hours. ‘I think she’s run away of her own accord and the longer she leaves it, the harder it will be for her to come home and face her father’s wrath,’ he said pointedly.

  ‘And why are you so convinced she’s run away from home?’

  ‘Because I won’t allow myself to consider any other option, that’s why,’ Sam said and then tried to add more weight to the theory, by adding, ‘I think she’ll be hiding out somewhere, probably helped by a friend. She might even be hiding out in the park, I don’t know.’

  ‘Where in the park? Is there somewhere in particular that you used to take her?’

  ‘No,’ Sam said.

  ‘Not even the Allerton Oak?’

  ‘If she was standing by the tree then I think even the most inept police force in the country would have found her by now,’ Sam replied. There were no hiding places around that section of the park and, besides, Sam didn’t think that Jasmine would run to the Wishing Tree, not any more. She had put her faith in the tree once upon a time but so much had happened since the day he had spun her that particular fairy tale.

  Harper ignored the slight and reached over to pick up the evidence bag. ‘Did Jasmine remind you of your daughter?’

  ‘No, not at all,’ Sam said as he watched the detective open the bag.

  When Harper removed the shoebox, it was all Sam could do to stop himself from tearing it from his grasp. He hated the idea of something so precious being pawed over, and he watched helplessly as Harper’s fingers explored the embellishments that had been pasted on the lid; those four beautiful letters encased in glue that still held impressions of Ruby’s fingerprints.

  ‘This box means a lot to you, doesn’t it, Sam?’

  The detective’s use of his first name and the gentle tone was both unnerving and infuriating. Sam wasn’t about to become Harper’s best friend and unburden his soul just because he was talking softly. If it had been that simple, Sam would have done it years ago. He dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands as the need to take the box from Harper continued to gnaw at his insides. ‘Yes, it does,’ he said.

  Sam expected Harper to open up the box to reveal the nine hundred and ninety-nine birds it contained but instead he set it to one side and opened up the manila folder instead, revealing a collection of press cuttings. He didn’t need to read the headlines to know what they contained. He could see the school photograph and his daughter’s smile shining like a beacon across the dark years since he had last seen it.

  ‘Tell me what happened to Ruby, Sam.’

  30

  Wednesday 2 September 2015

  It had been Selina’s idea to start a barbeque and when she and Pat had failed miserably to get the charcoal alight that afternoon, she had phoned Sam to ask his advice. The moment she suggested using a can of petrol, he had promised to come home as soon as he could to supervise. With a sixth sense, Anna had called him soon afterwards and invited herself along.

  They were all out in the garden to make the most of the rapidly fading summer while, in contrast, the reservations Anna was about to voice had the strength to persist for much, much longer.

  ‘If you ask me, the whole thing is a recipe for disaster. He’s getting far too involved with Jasmine, and her entire family for that matter,’ she said. She was picking dog hairs off her dress as she spoke, sitting in a garden chair between Selina and Pat while Sam tended the burning coals.

  ‘Oh, don’t be so hard on him,’ Selina countered. ‘Getting more involved has been good for him. Only a matter of months ago he was a miserable, old sod who ignored as much of the world around him as he could.’

  Sam was busy turning over sausages and burgers but risked a glance over his shoulder at the coven behind him. ‘I can hear you, you know.’

  The women ignored him.

  ‘What about me? Don’t you think I had something to do with his transformation?’ Anna asked.

  Selina tutted. ‘Oh, don’t pout. I’m not saying you haven’t played your part, of course you have. But there’s no harm in Sam broadening his interests, is there?’

  ‘No, of course not, which is why I’m so eager for us to finish our children’s book.’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Selina said. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘We haven’t quite got around to pulling it all together yet,’ Anna replied. ‘Bu
t we will.’

  ‘Well, that’s nice dear,’ Selina said in a tone that was guaranteed to rile Anna further. ‘But it’s healthy for you both to have your own interests and your own friends.’

  Sam didn’t need to look again to know that Anna’s pout was now a scowl and he couldn’t blame her. She felt threatened by Sam’s attachment to the Petersons and was still brooding over the fact that he had met up with Laura as well as Jasmine the day before. Sam had been brooding too, and Laura and Jasmine’s welfare continued to play on his mind, as did the haunted expression on Laura’s face. He hadn’t known whether to save her or walk away, but perhaps he was meant to do neither. He had made the offer to help, and it was Laura’s decision; he could only hope that she would make the right choice.

  ‘I couldn’t agree with you more, Selina.’ It was Pat leaping to Sam’s defence this time. ‘I would never have gotten my beautiful garden if Sam hadn’t been able to call on his new friends for help. Including you, of course, Anna.’

  Anna wouldn’t be appeased. ‘It’s only a matter of time before it causes trouble, believe me.’

  Above the sizzle of meat, they could all hear the annoyance in her voice and still Selina wouldn’t back down. ‘But think of all the good it’s brought. Letting that sweet little girl sneak into his heart is nothing short of a miracle.’

  ‘Is it?’ Anna sounded exasperated, and when Sam turned around to shoot Selina a warning glare, she added, ‘Why do I always get the feeling that I’m deliberately being kept in the dark?’

  ‘We’re all allowed our secrets,’ Selina said.

  Pat lifted her glass. ‘I’ll drink to that.’

  Anna wouldn’t give up and continued to pick at the invisible wounds in Sam’s heart. ‘She’s Finn’s daughter, not yours, Sam. If you want to experience fatherhood vicariously you’ve picked the wrong family. Finn doesn’t appreciate you coming in and taking over his life.’

  ‘Oh, is that a fact? He’s actually come out and said that, has he?’ Sam was full of indignation, annoyed that Anna was using supposition to shore up her argument, but the flush in her cheeks told another story. ‘You’ve spoken to him, haven’t you?’