She-Wolf I

by Gaëlle Bonnassieux

  “I have faith in you” I whispered. “You can achieve anything, and I know you’ll make a great alpha. Not as good as me, obviously, but you’re already the cutest, and you can’t have it all.” He snickered, and I put my hands around his neck while gluing my body against his. He held me tighter. “And it’s not as if you’ll be in prison,” I went on. “You’d be free to go wherever you please and do whatever you want. I’m not chaining you to me, I just want to share my life with you.”

  “I know.”

  “And if you ever overstep, I’ll just let you know, and vice-versa. You’ll let the others be because you’re a good man. You’ve been packless for years, so now may be a good time to take a fresh start and be in a new one. I’m sure you’ll fit right in. We’re already in each other’s’ head, so you’re already in the others’ somehow. What could go wrong?”

  “Mad’... I don’t want to drag everyone else into my problems. I should be handling it on my own,” he objected.

  “You’re talking nonsense. We’re soulmates. Your problems are my own, as well as the pack’s. Whether you join us or stay on your own won’t change anything. I’ll always be there to put you through hell.”

  He sighed. There was nothing else to say, obviously, because I was right. And he knew that. And I knew that he knew. There was nothing he could say that would dishearten me. Thanks to our weird bond, I had access to his inner self and his thoughts. I could sense that desire he had to be part of a group, to find a pack, a family. He was just terribly afraid to let it all in only to lose it later in life.

  He was afraid he wouldn’t live up to the pack’s expectations, or that the two of us wouldn’t be equals. He was afraid he’d screw up our cohesion or bring us trouble because of the enemies he’d made throughout the years. He feared he might put us in danger and lose us. Lose me. What he didn’t understand was that whether he was in the pack or not, we’d undergo the same risks. His fears were legitimate, but they were just excuses to get away.

  “You’re no coward,” I whispered. “Don’t run away. I believe in you, and I know you’ll succeed.”

  “You never give up, do you?” he growled, pulling a strand of my hair.

  “Never. I don’t want to force your hand, but I’m just asking you to consider it, okay? Either way, you won’t get rid of me that easily.”

  “I’m glad I won’t,” he laughed, calmer.

  He pulled me closer to kiss me. I gave in to his touch, trying to forget both our concerns. It wasn’t hard — as soon as he kissed me, I just forgot everything. My brain melted and I was just this burning body and this pounding heart. A meteorite could come and strike us down with full force, I wouldn’t even notice it.

  “On another topic… do you like the baby doll?” Johan teased, kissing my neck.

  “Yeah, it’s alright,” I said, leaning my head back so that his lips could roam my throat freely. “I’m still waiting for some cheetah underwear though.”

  He bit my shoulder and sat up straight. The look on his face made me think. He was planning something raunchy. One of his hands slid under my T-Shirt — well, his T-Shirt actually — he grazed my waist while checking the bags with his other hand. I would have asked questions if I wasn’t so unsettled by his daring hand, whose fingers were deliciously troubling. Perfidy! It was cheating, to make me yearn for him like that. He eventually showed me some very, very raunchy indeed, bra and thong with a cheetah print.

  “You’re a pain in my ass,” I complained, taking it away from him and throwing it back amongst the bags on the bed.

  “You know I had to ask the seller for advice? Do you realize what I did for you? It was terribly awkward,” he explained.

  I burst into laughter and kissed him slowly while his second hand joined the first one under the shirt. He caressed my back and I shivered. I could easily picture his face, asking the seller for some help while she uttered shady innuendos. Yep, that mere thought would make me laugh for the end of time. “You’re mean!” he complained, pinching my hip.

  “Why did you buy that when you don’t want to see me wearing it?” I inquired.

  “I don’t know. I do wanna wait, but you know… it’s hard. Sometimes, I crack,” he confessed, sheepish.

  I gave him a kiss for an answer. He cracked? No way. I would make him crack in ways he couldn’t imagine. I had a devilish plan in my head, and when it’s put into action, we’ll see if Johan is in such control. Yes, that was mean. But how else could I convince him that I wanted him? He didn’t want to hear it, so he’d just have to feel it. Time to move on to step two, and fast.

  “I’ll leave you to think about all of this,” I whispered, kissing him. “I have to talk to the others, and I have the binding ritual to perform!”

  He pouted grumpily but he let me go, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything because if he had, I would have stayed with him forever. When it came to him, I was weak. I turned around to steal a kiss from him and left. It was too bad Johan wasn’t ready for this, but I still had a pack to lead, with or without him. I would rather do this with him, but a girl can’t have it all.

  “Here I am!” I shouted in the hallway. “In the living-room we go for the ritual!”

  “Did your little chat with your guy go well?” Milo asked, annoyed.

  “Very well, thank you, and my guy has a name, so you’d be wise to use it. What the hell is wrong with you? I thought we were past this.”

  “You and I are. I’d never get past him.”

  I rolled my eyes and pushed him into the living-room with exasperation. He was a real pain. I hoped he would get over it because otherwise that little cockfight would not end well. I sat on a chair and everyone went in. It was rather formal and intimidating. I had to welcome Danny, Bridget and the witches into the pack. It was growing big and I was growing stressed. To deal with a few people was very different from having to take care of nearly a dozen. I took a deep breath: everything was going to be okay. Nothing was going to change, I was still an alpha, and I’d do my best.

  “Okay… Hum, before we start, I think we should go around the table again to make sure everyone is on board regarding our new members.”

  “Maddie,” Esthelle sighed. “We are all on board. Let’s get down to business.”

  “Yeah, give me some blood folks!” Bridget joked. It gave me the creeps. I really hoped she wouldn’t drain me out of blood. Not that I didn’t trust her, but we’d never done this before and I knew that she was rather keen on drinking hemoglobin. She smiled from ear to ear, and I saw her pointy teeth which was not that reassuring.

  “Shall we?” Danny asked, impatient.

  I looked at Adélie. Last time, she’d just mixed the blood into that ugly bowl and it was done. This time was different because I had to give my blood to the others, and I would have to drink theirs. Let’s just think of it as a blood test. Adélie smiled reassuringly and she handed me a needle. “You just have to prick your finger, let the other person drink a little and vice-versa,” she explained. “It’s just a small exchange.

  “Let me go first!” the vampire cried, licking her lips.

  I managed to control myself and not to hit her. I looked at my friends and dove deep into their own enthusiasm to be brave enough to do this. They all seemed glad to be part of a pack with different species, but we were all taking a risk. For now, everyone was okay with it, but what if they changed their minds? I couldn't control the future, but whatever happened, I would get through it with the help of my friends. Besides, life without risks would be boring.

  I pricked my finger without batting an eyelid and pointed it towards Bridget. There was a glimmering thirst in her blue eyes, and she grabbed my hand. I winced as she drank, and two long seconds later, I withdrew my hand. “You’re tasty,” she smiled.

  “Thanks for stating the obvious,” Milo answered wittily.

  They snickered and I ignored him, rolling my eyes, as always. Bridget took the needle and pricked her finger too. I took her hand, did my best not to
throw up and licked the little drop of blood beading from her index finger. I had to drink water to get rid of the taste because that metallic liquid was disgusting. I suddenly saw a bright, yellow thread. I grabbed it, and like the others’, I tied it to my own. It was hard at first, but I managed to knot the thread with mine and the pack members’. She was one of us now. And things would soon get real. She seemed a little bit disoriented, which was only normal. It was hard to never be alone and have to deal with the others’ interiority as well as your own. Handling thoughts and emotions which weren’t your own was something you could get used to though — I didn’t even pay attention to those things anymore, unless I had to.

  It was Daniel’s turn. His thread was blue like his eyes. That color thing was interesting, I would probably look into it a little later. Here, one new member. Each introduction took a few minutes in order for the pack to adapt to the newcomers. It was a little upsetting at first, but we needed time.

  Once Danny was in, I welcomed Esthelle. She looked at her sister, as if they were talking with their eyes. She then kissed Lola and we exchanged blood — probably the most glamourous thing I’d done in my life. Her thread was purple like her hair. Once she was in, a powerful aura filled the room and our minds. I assumed that’s what it felt like when magic meddled into your life. I did have some questions about the sources of the witches’ powers, but now wasn’t the time, and we had all the time in the world to talk about it later. Adélie was the last one to get in. She had trouble pricking her finger and winced when she drank my blood. Her pink thread was knotted with ours’ soon enough, and more magic came rushing in.

  Here it was. Our pack.

  “This is so shady,” Esthelle observed.

  “Yes, definitely weird,” her sister agreed.

  “This is so great!” Bridget exclaimed while laughing devilishly. “Now, I can see what you’re all thinking! I’m gonna have so much fun!”

  “Please don’t stick your nose in our minds” I growled.

  She winked, and I hoped I hadn’t made a mistake. I didn’t want her upsetting the fragile balance we’d managed to build. But I knew in spite of the whole drama queen thing, Bridget was a good person and she wouldn’t overstep. I was positive Danny and Esthelle would be just fine, since he was used to it and she could get used to anything. On the other hand, I was a little worried about Adélie. She seemed lost and had trouble sorting through everyone's thoughts and feelings. I had to give her some time, she’ll manage eventually and learn to get back to her own self in order not to be disturbed by the nuisances.

  Well at least that was done and over with. I was about to leave the room when Johan walked in. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and even though his face seemed determined, his eyes were worried.

  “So? Are we doing this ritual or what?” he smiled looking at me.

  I smiled back, overjoyed with the fact that he had managed to find strength to face his fears to join us. To join me. I looked at my pack, and they all nodded along to show their approval. Only Milo pouted and looked daggers at us with his arms crossed. “Milo?”

  “Let me think,” he said sharply. “On the one hand, I don’t want that guy to get into my head or share anything with him. But on the other hand, I can’t refuse because it would hurt you. And besides, he’d just be too happy if you hated me. So I guess I’m on board.”

  “Wow, that’s smart,” Johan congratulated him sarcastically. “I thought that all shapeshifters were stupid, but I guess I was wrong.”

  “I’m not sure that Maddie’s into you because of your brains,” he retorted.

  “Maddie is standing right here, Milo, and she’ll have both your guts for garters if you don’t stop behaving like children,” I growled while stopping Johan from jumping at Milo’s throat.

  “Guys, this is ridiculous,” Esthelle stepped in. “Milo, I thought you were more mature than this. I’ve grown to like you, but I’ll grow to hate you if you keep on that act. And Johan, I’ve never seen you acting like this spoiled kid and I’m disappointed in you. I don’t want to look up to you anymore if you keep on being silly.” Who would have thought that little careless witch could be so wise? I was shocked, but in a good way. She’d managed to bite both the males’ head off, and I could sense they were ashamed. Amazing. I would definitely hire her for a pack counsellor.

  At least the freaks were calm. Johan made the first move. “You’re right, Esthelle,” he said, extending his hand towards Milo. “I… I’m sorry. I never wanted to steal Madelyne from you, I know that she’s your friend and I don't get to stand into the way of that. I’m just a pathetic, jealous, possessive man and even though I can’t promise to like you, I can try to be civil.”

  Everyone looked at Milo, including me. I knew him well, but I didn’t know how on earth he would react. He was smart and just, but he also had a bruised ego. Would he get over it? I held my breath and did my best not to jump on Johan — his admitting he was wrong was such a turn-on. Yeah, I was weird. Milo looked angrily at me but ended up grabbing Johan’s hand to shake it. “I’m sorry too,” he said. “I don’t like you and I don’t like to see you and Maddie together. I think she deserves better than a lone, troublesome wolf for a soulmate, but there’s nothing I can do about it and she seems happy. That’s all that matters to me. So I agree to make an effort too. For her.”

  Johan nodded and looked away. He was hurt. Milo had touched on a raw nerve. I knew that deep down, he couldn't help but thinking that the shapeshifter was right, that I deserved better and that he would only get me in trouble. That was bullshit. Johan was everything to me, the best person I could hope to be with, and I didn’t want to be with anybody else. That thought made him smile, even though he was still doubtful.

  To remedy that, I grabbed his face and kissed him passionately in front of everyone else. He held me tight, and kissed me back, happy that we made our relationship official. Yeah, that was life Milo. I’d never choose him, and he’d had to accept that.

  Johan let go of me and handed me the needle. I pricked my finger, and he grabbed it, licking much longer that he needed to, and his gaze made me burn inside. Who knew that licking someone’s finger could be that aphrodisiac? I didn’t, that’s for sure. That was a Johan thing. Everything he did was aphrodisiac. He finally let go of my hand and pricked his own finger. I drank that beading drop of blood, I drank his own essence, his own self. His thread was, unsurprisingly, black. Tying him to me and the rest of the pack was the easiest thing I’d ever done.

  I thought I’d burst of joy, and nearly moaned of pleasure. It was delicious. My she-wolf growled happily, and I clearly heard Johan’s wolf doing the same. We were linked forever. We were two alphas leading a unique pack. Two soulmates, united until the end of time.

  “Welcome in my pack,” I whispered before kissing him as strongly as I could.

  He smiled against my lips, amused, reassured and happy. My friends, our friends, our family started clapping. I felt blissful, filled with their love, their joy and their hope. I wasn’t afraid. I was whole.

  “Look out, Maddie’s coming,” Johan whispered.

  The whole pack shouted battle cries. I was coming alright. I had a lot of plans. Some were blurry, like what I wanted to do with my life, and others were crystal clear. I had a revenge plan to build. Ryan better watch out, yet he would never see me coming. And I might even welcome more people into the pack. Why not? The more the merrier. And let’s not forget that my man also had people to avenge, and I was planning on helping him. We were a couple, bound for life now. Things would get nasty — both literally and figuratively.

  I was Madelyne Carson. Maybe someday, I’d be Madelyne Carson-Hunter. Or Hunter-Carson. I was done bowing to others, done denying my own identity and done being humiliated. I had had the time to mourn my grandmother, and I was done being afraid.

  No one would stop me from living now.

  I was unstoppable.

  Acknowledgements

  First, I’d like to thank El
if Bayraktar for that beautiful cover that surpasses everything I had in mind. Thank you for your patience and your hard work.

  A huge shoutout to Eulalie, who’s shown me how to be proud of one’s work and one’s self. Thank you for your encouragements, your kindness and your advice. I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for you.

  I’d like to thank those who whet my literary mind, and who drive me towards creation: Emma, Mathilde, Virginie and Claire. Thank you girls.

  Thank you, Léa and Thomas, for taking the time and energy to correct and proof-read me.

  Thank you, Aloïs, Clara and Elsa, for your undying enthusiasm, and your hopeful remarks which drove me to success and made me smile every day. Keep up the good work.

  I’d also like to thank my mother and grandmother, who always had my back, and taught me never to give up.

  Thank you, my fellow Wattpad community, who witnessed my first steps and who stood by my side throughout that incredible adventure that is writing. Nothing would have happened without you.

  And finally, thank you Louise, for that perfect translation. Your patience, hard-work and kindness will always be an example to me. Thank you, Blanche, for your help and your smile.

  This English translation wouldn’t have been possible without you both, so thank you so much!

  Table

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15