Finding June

by Shannen Crane Camp

  “Ryan, go get the girl a cookie or something. She deserves it,” Benjamin ordered. Ryan instantly jumped to his feet to oblige.

  “Here, I’ll come with you actually,” I said following him out of the trailer. “I need to get up and walk around. I feel so energetic right now.”

  “The bold new June,” Ryan remarked as we walked past sound stages toward the lunchroom. “Any other new developments I should know about?”

  “Well . . . there is one thing,” I began, wondering if I could use Ryan as my sounding board for the whole Joseph fiasco.

  “Shoot,” he said, indicating that I should continue.

  “Do you remember me talking about Joseph?”

  “He’s the one you’ve known since before you were born, pretty much, right?” Ryan asked as we passed a bunch of nuns (or at least actors dressed up as nuns) in Tiffany blue habits.

  “Yeah, that’s him. Well . . . I accidentally blew him off for Lukas a few days ago on a pretty big day and he sort of got really mad at me and told me that he loves me but never wants to speak to me again because he’s loved me for so long and I don’t love him back and it’s just getting too hard for him to deal with it anymore,” I said all in one breath.

  “Wow,” Ryan answered with wide eyes. “That sounds . . . complicated.”

  “It is,” I mumbled miserably.

  “So, what are you going to do about it? Do you still just want to be friends with him, or . . . ” he trailed off, letting his question hang unfinished in the air.

  “That’s the thing. I think I’ve never wanted to admit that I really like Joseph because we’ve been good friends for so long and I didn’t want to ruin that. But after hearing him say he loves me it made me . . . less scared. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah, it does. I think it’s easier to know how you feel about someone once you know how they feel about you. It’s not as risky,” Ryan said wisely.

  “I think you’re right,” I conceded. “I think I always felt something for him, but assuming that he just thought of me as a friend made me want to put up my defenses against my feelings so I wouldn’t get hurt.”

  “So, are you going to go for it, then?” Ryan asked, stopping in his tracks and facing me, his blue eyes gazing at me intently.

  “If I can get him to listen to me, I will,” I said, sighing deeply at just how complicated everything had become recently.

  “Well, he sounds like a good guy, so I hope it all works out.”

  “Thanks Ryan,” I said sincerely, glad to have him to talk to after feeling so alone the past few days.

  “I have to admit, I was kind of hoping that with Lukas finally showing you his true colors you’d be . . . I don’t know . . . available,” Ryan said, looking at me meaningfully. “You’re just so wholesome and kind. That’s sort of hard to find in this industry sometimes. Or in this city, for that matter.”

  I swear, there had to be something in the water because a few months ago, a boy had never so much as glanced twice at me (except for Joseph) and now they were coming at me from all angles. It was flattering, but making my life very weird at the same time.

  Hearing Ryan say he’d hoped we’d have a shot together was an unexpected surprise. Of all of the crazy things that had been happening lately, Ryan was definitely the most mature and stable guy I had known through all of this, and he seemed to be sweet like Joseph, though a little old for me at the moment. Funny how big an age gap can seem when you’re both younger. If I had been twenty-one and he was twenty-five, it wouldn’t seem like a deal. But as it was, sixteen and twenty just didn’t work out too well.

  “You’re an incredibly nice guy,” I remarked honestly. “And if you told me you wanted to be with me in a few years, I’d marry you on the spot,” I said with a giggle, pulling him into a hug. He hugged me back tightly for a moment before pulling away.

  “I guess I’ll have to either get the time machine from studio D or get your number and track you down in a few years, then,” he said with a good-natured laugh.

  “Deal,” I agreed happily as we resumed our walk to the lunchroom, arm in arm.

  *****

  The next day we only had a half-day of shooting due to a small cast "party" where we'd watch the episode we had just made. It wasn’t much of a party. It was more like a small table of food in a tiny theatre where we’d be watching the final cut of the episode with a small handful of the cast. We were allowed to bring someone along if we wanted, but I didn’t have anyone to bring so I just showed up and sat next to Candice, Benjamin, and Ryan.

  “So, what’s this I hear about you completely shooting Ryan down when he tried to confess his love for you?” Benjamin asked, never one to be subtle or tactful.

  “I did not say that,” Ryan cut in defensively.

  “The way I heard it, you took his engagement ring and threw it back in his face,” Candice said, in a rare moment of joining in with the joking.

  “June, I swear, all I said was I may have mentioned thinking you were a nice person and we decided I was too old for you,” Ryan said evenly, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of red.

  “It’s okay, Ryan, you can tell them what really happened,” I said, causing Benjamin and Candice to look at me with sudden interest.

  “What really happened?” Benjamin asked, obviously feeling that he had been left out of some juicy bit of gossip.

  “Ryan and I went to Vegas after work yesterday and eloped, but then my grandma found out and got mad. So we got an annulment,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “She got the kids and I got the summer home,” Ryan added, giving me a secretive wink.

  “I hate you guys,” Candice said affectionately.

  “No, I think that’s just residual hate you’re feeling from what just walked in,” Benjamin stated with a look of disdain on his face. We followed his gaze to the door and saw Lukas standing there smugly with a girl on his arm. She had bleached blonde hair, something that would almost pass for a dress if it had a bit more material, and a few spare parts that were definitely not God-given.

  “Words can’t describe how much I hate that guy,” Candice muttered darkly.

  “That’s okay. I can use the words if you won’t,” Benjamin said helpfully.

  Lukas looked over at me for a moment and raised an eyebrow quizzically. I couldn’t quite understand what that facial expression was supposed to mean, so I just gave him a polite smile in return and turned back to my friends.

  “He’s such a tool,” Ryan growled angrily, catching the less-than-kind look Lukas had just given me.

  “Wow, the claws are really coming out, aren’t they, Ryan?” Benjamin joked, impressed by his friend’s anger on my behalf.

  “I just don’t understand how he can be such a jerk,” Ryan said, his brow furrowed in frustration.

  “That’s because you’re nice, so you can’t think like him,” I answered, nudging Ryan with my shoulder and trying not to look over at Lukas and his ostentatious new toy.

  “Why are we still talking about him?” Candice asked, her voice threatening to fall back into its normal dry monotone.

  “We’re not. Benjamin and I were just about to ask if you girls wanted something to drink,” Ryan said, having cooled down.

  “Is this what we’ve been reduced to, Ryan? Getting drinks for extras and the vanities?” Benjamin said, shooting a look at Candice.

  “If you call my department ‘the vanities’ one more time, I swear I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident,” Candice said in an off-puttingly sweet voice, winking at Benjamin as she did so.

  “Soda it is,” he answered, grabbing Ryan by the elbow and pulling him away as quickly as possible.

  “Okay, now that they’re gone, I wanted to talk to you,” Candice said, suddenly becoming serious and turning toward me with interest. “Ryan told me about the whole Joseph thing.”

  I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but it almost seemed like Candice wanted to talk about boys with me. I tried to searc
h my mind for a scenario where this made sense and didn’t completely throw me off, but I couldn’t seem to find one.

  “Really?” was all I could manage to say in my shocked state.

  “Of course he’s not listening to you, June. You hurt his ego,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s not like you just told him ‘no, I don’t like you back’. You made it seem like you completely forgot about him. That’s got to hurt the poor boy if he’s really liked you as long as he claims he has.”

  “Are you really talking about relationship stuff with me?” I asked slowly, just to make sure I was actually hearing the words coming out of her mouth.

  “Keep that up and the offer will be revoked,” Candice said, suddenly monotone once more.

  “No, no . . . keep talking. I need all the help I can get,” I said.

  “You need to do something big. Don’t just call him or text him or show up at his house. Do something big and extreme and maybe even slightly embarrassing. It’s the least you could do, really, considering how embarrassing it had to be for him to be forgotten.”

  “I don’t really know that embarrassing myself is going to make this any better,” I said warily.

  “No, June, you’re not getting it,” she answered in frustration. “You’re not embarrassing yourself just for the sake of doing it. You’re putting yourself out there as much as he did by telling you that he loves you. You’re taking a risk to match his and showing him you’re on the same page.”

  “But he won’t listen to me. It doesn’t matter how much I try to tell him—it’s like he’s wearing ear plugs,” I said miserably.

  “Then get him in a situation where he has to listen. One where he can’t get away without hearing what you have to say first,” she answered, looking surprisingly adamant and involved in this whole situation. I never would have thought I’d be getting relationship advice from Candice, but it sounded pretty good to me, so who was I to turn down a good suggestion when I had none? “You need to do something big, June. You’re an actress, aren’t you? You’re dramatic.”

  “Something big,” I repeated slowly. “I think I can manage that.”

  CHAPTER 23

  By Saturday night, my brilliant idea for something "big" still hadn’t hit me. I think Gran was starting to worry about my constant moping around the house, because not once did she try to put some weird fruit blend on my face to make it "glow." She walked past my bedroom door way more often than she needed to, claiming she had to put laundry away, or get something from the cupboard, or make sure the smoke alarm had batteries in it (even though there was no smoke alarm there). With every trip past my door, she’d linger for a moment, looking at me as I lay on my back and stared at my ceiling.

  At a quarter to six, she finally came into my room, looking a bit dressed up for an evening in, and sat on the edge of my bed.

  “Bliss, I know you’re upset about everything that’s happened with Joseph, but you’ve both been friends for a long time. It’ll blow over. These things always do,” she said warmly, placing her hand on my cheek and smiling at me.

  “I don’t think this is the type of thing that blows over Gran,” I said sadly. “But thanks for trying to make me feel better.”

  She sighed deeply, standing up from the bed and walking back toward the door.

  “I take it you aren’t going to the play tonight, then?” she asked.

  “No,” I said miserably. “I’m going to stay here and figure out how on earth to set this right.”

  “All right, Bliss. I’ll let him know you wanted to come,” she promised, giving me a little wave as she left.

  I waited until I heard the garage door open and close again before I let out a shuddering sigh. A few tears rolled sideways down my cheeks and pooled in my ears. I had definitely messed up big time. The numerous texts and calls I’d sent to Joseph throughout the day were as silent and unanswered as ever. I had even plucked up the courage to go over to his house, but his mom had told me he was at a final rehearsal for the play tonight. If it hadn't been such a believable alibi, I would have wondered if Joseph were standing behind the front door whispering what she should say to me.

  I paced my room for a while, thinking that maybe walking around would help me find a solution. I was wrong, of course, but it was always worth a try. About twenty minutes later, my phone buzzed, catching me by surprise. My heart jumped in my chest for a moment, and I wondered if it could be Joseph texting to ask why he hadn’t seen my face in the audience.

  I didn’t recognize the number when I picked up the phone, but I read the text anyway:

  Have you done it yet? –C

  At least I had Candice to cheer me on from the metaphorical sidelines and make sure I didn’t chicken out. I was pretty sure she’d eat me alive if I came back to set on Monday without any good news to tell her.

  I’m trying. I answered, hoping that would placate her. I resumed my pacing, now moving down the stairs to pace the kitchen, in case a change in scenery could help. My phone buzzed once more, and I tried to stop thinking it could be Joseph.

  Not hard enough.

  I looked at my phone incredulously for a moment, as if it would tell me what on earth Candice wanted me to do. It wasn’t like opportunities to make someone listen to you just fell into your lap. They had to be well planned out and opportune. This wasn’t an everyday occurrence.

  And then I almost kicked myself for being so dense.

  It might not be an everyday occurrence, but it was definitely a today occurrence. Glancing at the clock on the microwave, I sprang into action, trying to do a million things at once. I grabbed the closest pair of shoes I could find—which happened to be a pair of uncomfortable heels—and bolted out the door, heading for the end of the cul-de-sac that shared a brick wall with the school’s football field. I might not have had a car, but I had legs and a house that was thankfully close to the high school.

  I scaled the brick wall (which was difficult to do in heels) and ran across the dark football field (also hard to do in heels). It felt scandalous to be running through the school at night when I wasn’t supposed to be there, but the excitement added to my adrenaline. I considered the emotions a good thing, since I was pretty sure I’d back out if I weren't completely wired and ready to charge.

  I slowed to a quick walk once I reached the auditorium, where I could hear the sounds of the play going on. I didn’t stop at the doors where the audience, entered but instead followed the familiar path backstage where my fellow classmates scurried around trying to change costumes, remember lines, and not trip over the black-clad stage crew. From the sounds of the lines being spoken, I guessed they were almost to the very end of the play.

  I saw Xani standing near the stage, looking anxious, and then I knew what I had to do. It was a long shot on so many levels. I took off my heels so I wouldn’t make any noise and slowly crept up behind Xani, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her further away from the entrance to the stage so I could talk to her. She looked shocked to see me, though probably not as shocked as I was to see her normally blonde curly hair covered in a brown wig that looked almost identical to my hair.

  “June, what on earth are you doin' here?” she asked in her thick Southern accent that I silently hoped she wasn’t using while playing Juliet.

  “Xani, I know you don’t like me all that much, and this is probably the craziest thing I could ask you to do, but can I please borrow your costume?” I asked desperately, realizing how short we were on time and how unlikely it was that she would agree to this. This would be her big chance to kiss Joseph on stage, after all (even if it would be while playing dead).

  “Excuse me?” was all she managed to say, which honestly was a better reaction than I was expecting to my outlandish request.

  “I know this sounds crazy, but Joseph hates me right now and he won’t listen to anything I say. I know you like him. I know that. And I know that means you probably don’t want to help me win him over. But I also know that you’re a good person
and you realize how important this is to me,” I pleaded quietly.

  Xani didn’t say anything for a moment. She actually looked pretty mad at me for even asking her to do something so extreme. I wondered if I had underestimated the craziness of my plan. She stared at me a moment longer, first looking angry, and then looking resigned as she kicked her shoes off.

  “If you’re going to take away my big moment, you might as well help me unzip the dress,” she said in a tone that sounded like it was trying to be upset but was mostly just accepting of the current situation.

  “Seriously?” I asked, not sure if I should trust that she’d really given in that easily.

  “If I thought I had even a small chance with that boy, you wouldn’t be able to pry this costume from my cold dead fingers,” she said as I helped her out of the dress. “But he’s been miserable for the past two weeks. It’s like he’s not himself anymore, and I like him too much to let him keep feeling so awful,” she finished with a shrug. “I don’t know what you did to him, but you’d better set it right.”

  I felt myself tear up a little, but I didn’t let my emotions get the better of me (for the first time ever). I had a job to do, and people were already moving around backstage to get ready for the next scene. My new scene.

  I quickly pulled my clothes off, very aware that I didn’t have a flesh-colored bodysuit under my clothes like Xani did. I tried to ignore the fact that I was living out the popular nightmare of being in your high school surrounded by your peers in nothing more than your underwear, and quickly pulled the dress over my head.

  “Oh June, the stupid wig is stuck to my head. I’ve got like, a billion bobby pins in here,” Xani whispered urgently, trying to pull at the fake hair as the stage went dark so that the next scene could be set.

  “Don’t worry about it. I think it’s close enough to my hair that they won’t be able to tell,” I said, slipping on Xani’s shoes. I said about a thousand silent thank-yous that Xani and I were about the same size, though the dress was a bit loose on me. It didn’t really matter though, since I’d be lying dead on the tomb.