Resurrection

by Michael Clements

  Good people do exist, she reminded herself.

  She thought about Mercy; about the body behind her that she couldn’t bear to see. Though, after taking a moment to consider, she chose to look at her anyway. Theia turned on the overheard light, which caught Ethan’s attention but he said nothing. She climbed into the back then lifted Mercy’s head onto her lap.

  Eyes closed, face relaxed… Mercy seemed peaceful, like she didn’t died accepting her fate, not in horror. Perhaps it was merely her facial muscles relaxing now that the body was deceased, and it happened the same to everyone who perishes. Regardless, Theia knew, Mercy was prepared to meet her loved ones. Perhaps her consciousness vanished from thought and time, perhaps it ascended to heaven, but no matter where Mercy was now – in a better place, a worse place, or no place at all – she was prepared to meet her family there. Haley most of all.

  Theia kept composure. “Can we bury her somewhere that people don’t go?”

  “Okay… This road we’re on goes through several forests. Were you thinking somewhere like that?”

  “…Sure.”

  “Alright. I’ll try to find a good place to pull over.”

  Despite there being trees all around them, it seemed the land surrounding the road was sloped, as if they were driving on narrow cliffs. It explained why Ethan didn’t pull over for a long while. Unfortunately, before he could, the fuel depleted and the car stalled. Ethan looked at the gas gauge, and his body sunk forward a little.

  “You didn’t know we’d run out of gas?” complained Theia.

  “I saw… I just thought…”

  “Ugh! Is there even another car around here? Or a gas station? I doubt it!”

  Ethan slowly turned, looking Theia directly in her eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention. I should have been.”

  “Yeah! You should have been!” She got out, slamming the door shut. She stormed off, putting some distance between her and the car, and stood between the two lanes.

  She heard the car moving. Turning around, she saw it drifting backward and turning, then stop when it was horizontal to the road. The headlights activated, then Ethan exited the car. He opened the trunk, then carefully lifted Mercy’s body. Concerned, Theia nearly rushed over, but refrained. Ethan proceeded toward the railing. Theia wanted to avoid him, but out of concern for Mercy’s body, she followed.

  Slowly, gently, Ethan stepped over the railing and carried Mercy down the slope. Fortunately, this part of the hills wasn’t as steep as other parts she had seen. He did well, until he tripped. Theia heard him curse under his breath, but it sounded like self-degradation rather than annoyance with the job. He carried Mercy a little further away, then laid her down gently, straightening her legs and folding her hands together. He paused, then started walking slowly back up the hill.

  “Where are you going?” asked Theia with venom in her voice.

  “Shovels,” whispered Ethan. Theia felt poorly for not realizing he was empty-handed. He walked past her twice, to get a shovel then return to the body, and both times, he lifted his hand to touch her, but then stopped himself. While passed her the second time, Theia reached out for the shovel, and he gave it to her.

  “I’ll do it.”

  “I’ll grab the other one,” said Ethan.

  “No.”

  She spent a great length of time digging while making Ethan stand by. Naturally, she was angry for many reasons, but the longer she was, the more effort it required. Most importantly, the thought of worms and insects taking interest in Mercy’s body angered her further, but she internally acknowledged that was inevitable, so she dug desperately in hopes Mercy would be buried before that started. Mercy’s body had to be completely untouched before burial. After only a couple minutes, her arms became sore. Ethan stepped up to her, offering a hand, and she pushed the shovel handle into it.

  He said nothing. As Theia walked back up the slope, she wondered, Why is he letting me be angry at him? He always used to tell me not to, or he’d just want to talk about it…

  The headlights weren’t shining directly on them, but illuminated the area enough to see a little. Theia sat to watch Ethan dig, sitting just out of the way of the light. Sometime later, he was growing exhausted, and the hole was only a foot deep. The urge to help him came to her, but she refused.

  Morning light rose over the distance. It displayed, even through the obscurity of the trees, that rain clouds were approaching, if not already overhead. The headlights were virtually dead by then. The hole Ethan dug seemed fairly deep by then, but he was still digging.

  Theia finally returned to the car, took the second shovel, then rushed down the hill. They dug hard, as fast as they could, but without one word of conversation. When Theia noticed that she could only remove dirt by flinging it over her head, she decided it was far too deep. “I don’t think I can–”

  Ethan climbed out of the hole with relative ease, then reached a hand down. Theia took it and he lifted her out. “Maybe it’s deep enough now,” he said, like he was talking to himself.

  Theia saw as he lifted Mercy’s body one last time, bringing it to the edge of the hole. Then, he jumped back in. “Try not to let her drag,” he said as he pulled on the feet. Theia used all the strength she had left to lift Mercy by her arms, and when the body was over the edge, Ethan caught it then gently laid it down. He straightened her legs and folded her hands together like before, then took a brief moment to look at her. Theia was looking up, beyond the tress at the early morning sky…

  Next she saw, Ethan had climbed out, and was preparing his shovel. He took a scoop of dirt and nearly tossed it down, but Theia screamed, “Don’t!” She ran to the other side, to get a straight view of Mercy’s body.

  Motionless, silent, and never to move from that spot again… These were her realizations. The full reality hadn’t struck her until that moment. She didn’t know what to say, or even what to think. Her gut wrenched, her muscles tensed, and she started to shake violently as her eyes stung, pouring tears down her cheeks.

  “Goodbye, Mercy,” she cried.

  Theia turned and ran, down the hill, between the trees, as fast as her legs could muster. “Theia?” She didn’t stop. “Theia! Stop!”

  She would run until her heart gave out. Perhaps she’d reach a cliff, at which point she’d leap to her death. Whatever was next, it was entirely in the hands of chance. No stump, bush, ditch, or stream could block her path. Twice she tripped, and twice she got back on her feet.

  Theia was the faster. Ethan couldn’t keep up. Not until she entered a field of burned, cut down trees – an entire section, multiple square miles in size – was she stopped. To keep running would require the ability to leap over the immense logs. She failed to climb over one before Ethan caught up.

  He grabbed her and simply pulled her away, then let her go. When she tried to run again, he caught her by the arm. “Theia, stop! What are you doing?”

  “LET GO! LET GO OF ME!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. Only a few seconds later, she gave up, and became nearly completely limp. Ethan then relinquished his hold. She was on her knees, facing away from him, crying. “WHY?” She inhaled deeply. “WHYYYY!” Ethan gently wrapped his arms around her, but she viciously pushed him away, standing up and flailing her arms at him. Ethan freely allowed her to strike him. “Why’d she die?” Theia’s eyes reddened. She finally stepped back, saying, “Why did you leave me? Why couldn’t you just stay so that none of this would happen?”

  “Theia… Please.”

  “I was kidnapped! Then, people came in and started killing everyone. I almost died! Then I was all alone! I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know anything. People wanted to hurt me. Marcus made me do bad things! You came back, but when you came back, you just … left. You just gave me to someone else. I trusted you, Dad! I trusted you! I thought things were going to be okay. I can’t forget anything. Everyone’s dead, but I’m still alive! Everyone’s dead … I’m still…” She collapsed again, first t
o her knees, then she dropped onto her side, writhing.

  Ethan tried to touch her again, but she crawled back from him. “Baby…,” he whispered. “I tried. I always tried to protect you. I swore I always would …, even if that meant protecting you … from me. I’ve done horrible things, Theia. Horrible things. It’s my fault you were kidnapped. Do you know… Do you know the things I did to get you back? I’m a monster, Theia. I’m no better than the people I’ve tried to protect you from. I thought I was different. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you see what I am? I don’t… I don’t even know why I came back at all. I shouldn’t have promised I would. Don’t you see: I left because I love you. I don’t want to hurt you, Theia. I don’t trust myself. I’ve hurt so many people already. People who never deserved it…”

  “Why did you come back? Nothing changed. You still tried to kill Aunt Lily. She was your sister!”

  Ethan shook his head as tears swelled in his eyes. “No, Theia, you’re right. Maybe nothing’s changed. But I have to try. I realized I don’t have a choice but to change. I have to force it. I have to protect you. I thought things were going to get better, but they just got worse. I might not be good for you, but I thought if I still kept my distance as things were getting worse, you’d be in more danger. I know I haven’t changed, but… I have to find a way, now. Leaving you didn’t help. It made you worse. Mercy told me how you’ve been falling apart. She… She also told me that she was falling apart as well. She couldn’t raise someone else’s child. She was too broken. She realized she couldn’t replace her family.” He looked at her as tears streamed down his cheeks. “She wanted to die, Theia. That’s what she told me. But she has peace now.”

  Theia’s hands shook. Anger, or sorrow, she didn’t know the difference anymore. Finally, after so long, none of it was directed at Ethan, though. Everything’s unfair, she thought. Life… It’s so cruel.

  “I know I have to change, Theia,” said Ethan. “I tried to distance myself… But I realize now that, perhaps, that can’t happen by running away. Abandoning you won’t make things better; not for me, not for you…”

  Complete silence fell between them. It cast an unnerving feeling upon her. But Ethan was the one who was scared; terrified, even. His eyes displayed: he truly thought he lost her. Theia’s words conveyed precisely that. The way he trembled, swayed, and cringed… He was seconds away from joining Mercy in death. He must have given up on himself, seeing no hope; no end to the regret and the shame. However, Theia frailly rose to her feet and sluggishly stepped toward him.

  “Dad…” she whispered. “I know you, Dad. And you know me. You know I need you.” She dried her tears, though her skin was still soaked. “You hurt me by leaving. You never have, and never would hurt me by staying. I don’t know what happened to make you … the way you are, but I know you couldn’t have always been like this. You’re not a bad person. You think you are, don’t you? So many parents hurt their kids, Dad; on purpose, not just by accident.” By that moment, Ethan had lost all composure and was weeping bitterly, but he kept his eyes straight on her. She had never seen his tears, not since infancy… “I know you’d never hurt me, Dad. I know that. You taught me how to hold on, and …, how to survive. Without you, I’d be dead. Everyone makes mistakes. Some things are your fault, but…” Tears swelled in her eyes again. “You have to forgive yourself, Dad! I forgive you…” She stumbled toward him, continuing to shake from weakness. “You don’t have to leave. I don’t want you to leave!”

  Ethan raised his arms, and Theia dropped into them. They held each other tight, crying every tear left to cry. “I won’t, Theia. Sniff… I won’t leave, ever again. I’m here to stay this time…” They felt each other’s embrace for a minute or two, remembering their love. Theia allowed herself to remember his touch, his smell, and his strength. She was safe again. She was alive.

  She was loved…

  ETHAN

  Theia poured the final few scoops herself, as she had wanted. Mercy’s grave was filled and secure. Theia broke off a low branch from a nearby tree, then snapped it into several pieces. Returning to the grave, she sorted the twigs into a heart shape, directly above where Mercy’s head rested below.

  Ethan watched his daughter distribute the dirt pile evenly over the grave, spreading the remaining portion on the ground around it. She knelt down before the heart. “Thank you, so much. I’ll never forget you, Mercy. I promise.” She looked to her father, who was smiling at her.

  Theia looked very weak. It was as if it required all her strength and will to say those few words to Mercy.

  Ethan then knelt over the grave, and thought about what to say. Plenty of statements came to mind, but he couldn’t decide which to begin with. Until, he found that it was nearly impossible to say anything. Half of his being felt guilt and regret. In a way, he believed he was responsible for being in a grave. You wanted a family, he thought. I thought you would find fulfillment watching over Theia, and that she would find the same with you. Did I succeed, or did I fail you? Was I mistaken? He turned toward Theia, who was beside him. I wish you could have stayed, Mercy, he thought, continuing to look at his daughter. We both would have loved to you have you in our family.

  He reached down to gather a handful of earth, but saw the dry blood on it and stopped. The worst of his feelings came over him again. Instead, he bowed, touching his forehead to the grave. Then, he stood.

  “… a gravestone?” Theia requested, walking beside her father as they left the grave behind.

  “Her body belongs to the earth, now,” said Ethan. She looked up at him, expressing confusion. “It may not be healthy for us to come back here. We’ve been through much, lost so much; and so has she… We’ll remember Mercy forever. She’ll always be in our hearts, so let her body rest in peace, baby.”

  Once they touched foot on the road again, Ethan took a long look at the car as he pondered what to do next. Theia was not looking at the car, the road, nor the trees; only him. She lifted her hands toward him, begging him with her eyes. Ethan bent over, wrapping his arms around her. She held on with her arms and legs as he lifted her up and proceeded to carry her. He kissed her once on her temple. “I suppose we’ll have to walk,” he said.

  Ethan’s stamina wasn’t at its peak, but he pushed himself to carry his daughter as long as possible. She needed rest.

  –––––––

  JULY 2001

  He had created his worst nightmare, replacing the one that had endured for years before. The stench of exposed organs and fluids – the stench of death… A horrendous act he couldn’t justify; a reckless, ruthless decision that could never be reversed. Now, he was the monster that haunted his dreams. There was no killing the monster, there was only inheriting it.

  Lilith walked down the porch steps toward him. “Kayla delivered her baby,” she reported. Ethan became weaker. If only that fact had become known at a later time…

  “Also, Mom says she’s been trying to reach you. The boys will clean up your mess, but as your sister – as your family – I should strongly suggest you come home with us. Don’t go to the hospital.” There was silence between them for a minute or two. Then, Lilith simply added, “For their sake…”

  Pushing against the ground, clenching his muscles to move even an inch, Ethan rolled over and sat against a nearby tree. “Their sake?” he whispered.

  “You’re one of us, now,” replied Lilith. The others finished their task and Shane gestured for them to wait in the cars. He then quietly approached the twins. “The life we’ve chosen is no place for ordinary people.”

  “What do you care?” exhaled Ethan.

  “I do care, Ethan,” said Lilith. “I’ve always cared, whether you believe it or not. Every minute of our lives, I’ve made your happiness and safety the most important thing in my life. That’s what big sisters, do… You know that, don’t you?” Ethan was silent. Shane knelt down to join the conversation. “Now, that being said, I think it’s best you stay away from Kayla, and her
daughter, to save you the heartbreak.”

  “What heartbreak?”

  Shane pitched in. “The heartbreak that’ll come if something happens to them,” he said sincerely. It stunned Ethan to hear a joker like Shane speak so earnestly.

  “I … never … said I chose this life,” growled Ethan toward them both.

  Lilith reached out her hands and took Ethan’s right. “It’s what you’ve been cut out to do, little brother. You’ve wanted Bryan dead for nine years. You know killing him was the only thing that could have satisfied that.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yeah, I do. Ethan, you were such a wonderful little kid. You were so energetic, and nice, and altruistic. After Bryan killed our mother, I hardly recognized you anymore. You changed, and then that kind of changed me too, I think…” They paused. Ethan couldn’t believe his eyes: Lilith was actually emoting; he couldn’t recall the last time he had seen that.

  Shane nodded. “You know, bro… When I first met you… I could … sense, there was something wrong with you. Figured you were just depressed, but after a while I realized you were … broken. Of course, it made sense when you told me what happened to your mom. Later, it seemed like ‘broken’ was understating it. You were … dead. Like a spirit that hasn’t passed on yet.”

  Ethan looked at them intently. He felt empty; his mind was blank. “What, then? I should kill myself?”

  Shane shrugged his shoulders. “No, just… Find peace somehow. Or, at least don’t run from who you are. You know… Don’t be a ghost anymore. Come back to life. Live.” Then, Shane chuckled and said, “I like that. ‘Ghost.’ That’s a good alias for you.”

  “I thought I had something to live for in Kayla. When I learned that her child belongs to someone else, I just… I don’t know what to feel about her anymore. I still love her and all, but…” Go ahead, Lily, he thought. Call Kayla a whore and say I should have seen it coming.