Resurrection

by Michael Clements

  “Come home, then,” said Lilith. “I’m still here, Shane’s still here… We all are. We’re here to stay. I don’t even need to say that; you already know it.” She looked toward the street. “Whatever you choose, make it fast, because we have to leave.”

  Ethan shook his head. “I made a promise.”

  “Kayla and her kid will be just fine without you. Maybe even better, to be honest. You should leave them be, little brother.”

  As they stood, Lilith walked ahead while Shane kept at Ethan’s slow pace. Once they reached Lilith’s car, Shane opened the back door for Ethan, then got in the driver’s seat. The started their vehicles and followed as Shane drove away. Returning to Portland would not be a short drive, and thus perfect for Ethan to contemplate his final decision.

  “I don’t know that,” he said to his sister.

  Lilith had been leaning on the armrest, her left thumb under her chin, and index and middle finger touching her temple. She turned her head back a little. “You don’t know what?” she asked.

  “That none of you will turn on me someday.” He watched the road outside. “Betraying friends… It’s kind of what the mob’s known for, right? You’re just getting started with it. I’m sure you’ve turned on someone already.”

  “I’m your sister, Ethan. We shared a womb. As your sister, how could I ever –”

  “A child can’t betray me, though,” he interrupted. “Being a parent isn’t the same as being in love. Hmm… Maybe it’s a different kind of being in love. Children can break your heart, but not like that. It’s not that kind of relationship. So, maybe I should commit to being a father. I’ve had a long time to think about it. I think it’s worth the risks.”

  Shane nodded as if rocking to a beat. “Fatherhood would be a good fit,” he commented.

  “Don’t encourage him,” hissed Lilith.

  “It’s decided,” proclaimed Shane. “I’m driving you to the hospital.”

  “No!” shouted Lilith, reaching out and nearly grabbing the steering wheel. Ethan stopped her, forcing her arms down and holding them firmly. The way he looked into her eyes, he signaled a very clear message. Finally, Lilith surrendered and said, “Okay… Okay, I’m sorry. We’ll go.”

  –––––––

  Windy roads, the scent of the salty sea in the air, and the emptiness… Cars were completely absent, as well as all varieties of wildlife. Like the city, like civilization as it now stood, there was no life to be found. Only the trees remained, and they stood both tall and healthy. He encountered several more patches of forest clearings far off the road, but they seemed to have occurred a long time ago.

  He wondered where all the others could have been. My sister only came for me…, he thought, troubled. Even if she had desired to prevent the migration, she couldn’t have stopped everyone. Had they already arrived?

  Perhaps it could wait for another time, he figured. One thing at a time. For now, his concern was the child in his arms. They were safe, and far separated from any immediate threats.

  Ethan came upon a long downhill stretch where, a couple miles away, lied a clearing, and a road that headed in a completely alternate direction – north, it seemed. He intended to remain on the path west, but considered detouring for at least the purpose of finding a place to rest.

  About a mile past that stretch, totaling about an hour that he had been walking, he found a house lying a short distance off the roadside. It seemed intact and maintained, and therefore safe. Wherever they were, it too was abandoned, seemingly no more than weeks ago. Neither were fit to complete their journey yet, so he designated that house to rest at.

  The gravel driveway was uneven terrain with multiple pot holes. He paid attention to his steps only enough not to trip. When he stepped up to the house, bringing an end to the sound of crunching rocks, he was relieved.

  There was no use in checking for residents, he figured. The front door was unlocked, and when he stepped inside there was evidence of a family that had once lived there. The home didn’t lack furniture, but did lack any marks of its former owners such as portraits on the walls. Ethan carried Theia to the couch and set her down … or, attempted to. She wouldn’t relinquish. “Baby,” he said softly, “let go.” Still, she refused. “I’m right here, Theia. Right here.” Finally, she pulled back her arms. She stared at him as he straightened his back.

  Ethan guessed where to find the bathroom, walking toward the hallway. Theia swiftly stood and followed. At the end of the hall, they found the bathroom, and it was actually quite clean, surprisingly devoid of insect or plant infestation for a deserted home. First he turned the sink knobs. No water. Then he checked the shower. Nothing as well. With no running water inside, he thought of checking if any rain water had been collected outside. When he turned, Theia was in his path, silently staring up at him again. She must have wanted to be carried again. He lifted her up and they proceeded to the back yard.

  Not a single bucket with rain water to be found. There was, however, a small Jacuzzi with water filled to the brim, which would suffice. Ethan knelt down and Theia climbed off. “Can you see if there’s any clothes we could wear?” he asked her. Theia nodded and walked back inside. In the meantime, Ethan cleared as many of the leaves and insects from the water as he could. Theia returned with clean clothes for them both.

  Ethan went first, removing his shirt and pants. It was at that moment he realized he was unarmed. He had left the weapons in the car, but he didn’t worry, because there were likely some weapons in that house. Stepping careful into the cold pool, parts of him stung. There were wounds he didn’t realize he had… For some reason, he paused before starting to wash. He looked at his hands. Blood still covered them. His own, or Lilith’s? Likely both. He examined his arms, then felt his face and neck. Turning to his left, Theia was still staring at him. He couldn’t imagine her perspective – how he appeared to her, covered in red like that… He forced himself to start washing, hand-scrubbing all that remained of the dirt and blood. Then, he paused again, seeing his filth polluting the water. “Sorry,” he said to his daughter. “I should have let you clean first.” Theia shrugged very slightly, seeming to be apathetic to the matter.

  Ethan finished after only a minute or two. Theia was there with the clean clothes as he stepped out. After getting dressed, he looked at her as she stood there silently, eyes fixed as ever upon him. He simply leaned over and kissed her head. “Go ahead.” He sat five feet away, turning away slightly.

  With trembling hands and chills on her skin, Theia slowly, almost painfully removed her clothing. She gasped as she slowly stepped in to the water, which alerted Ethan briefly. For the first time, he noticed the blemishes that had covered her. Dirt tarnished her lustrous blonde hair. Blood covered her too; likely Mercy’s, but perhaps Lilith’s as well. Some could have rubbed on her when he carried her, he realized. Theia didn’t act remotely alarmed by it, though, and tossed her clothes aside. Ethan turned away again.

  One or two minutes passed. Ethan heard little to no sound from his daughter. Not until…

  “…Dad,” she cried softly. “Help, please.” Her voice alone made him want to weep. Ethan turned, seeing Theia with her arms folded, and eyes wincing. Naked, and motionless, apart from the trembling. She was staring at the blood and dirt polluting the water. “Dad… I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Tears streamed from her eyes as Ethan crawled quietly toward her.

  He turned her around to face him. He gently and closely embraced her. “Shh… Shh… You’re okay, baby. You’re okay. It’s over…”

  Theia did not return the embrace. She couldn’t. Ethan leaned back and looked into her eyes, wiping away her tears. He tried to comfort her by only looking at her – silently conveying the reminder that he was present, and she was safe.

  He retrieved a couple hand towels hung by the porch then came back to start cleaning Theia. His mind was absent, virtually nowhere until he finished, because it was the only way to clean the blood off his baby. She’s alive…, he
also needed to remind himself. A thought that should have brought him joy, but he was drained of thought and emotion. That was, until the moment he set the cloth down and picked up the dry towel. Theia looked up at him, and slowly but surely, she mustered a small smile. It made him smile too. Finally, a positive feeling.

  Theia dried herself then put on the new set of clothes.

  The two left through the back yard fence, proceeding back to the road.

  –––––––

  Emanuel Hospital, where Ethan and his twin were born eighteen years previous, would now be where Ethan began fatherhood. The start of a new occupation; the literal role of a lifetime. Lilith had called off the help as they drove, made one more important cell phone call, and then the three of them were clear to attend the event. While they pulled in, Ethan reminded himself that he still had a chance to retract his decision. He wouldn’t allow himself to leave after meeting the child. He couldn’t. He didn’t even know its gender, and odds were that Kayla hadn’t given it a name yet. All in, or nothing, he thought.

  …In.

  Walking through the halls, Ethan’s mind couldn’t escape the fresh memory of his crime. As always, Lilith’s words chewed at his psyche. ‘Better to leave,’ echoed over and over. Is it better? Am I putting my family in harm’s way by choosing to be part of … the family?

  Then, it occurred to him:

  Family.

  No words could change his mind now, no memories could make him doubt again. I want a family. Always have, always will. It’s what I’ve always lacked. First I lacked a father, and then I didn’t have a mother too. Ethan thought of his older brother. Psychotic. He thought of his sister. Self-serving. Hidden in his subconscious was the knowledge he had always been incomplete in a familial sense, though his mother provided ample love and support. One woman couldn’t carry every burden of two children, nor provide for their every need. Ethan pledged to make sure Kayla, his love, and this baby, never lacked anything they needed. Most importantly, he would distance himself from all criminal affiliations before it tore his new family apart. This was his second chance to live, and his only chance to live right.

  Top floor, river-side, at the end of the hall in Room 136 of the Maternity Suite. Ethan knocked on the door, but Lilith and Shane stayed a few feet back, waiting to enter until later so that he may have the moment all to himself. A nurse with a welcoming smile answered the door, and let him in.

  “Ethan…” exhaled Kayla. “It’s a girl. She’s beautiful.”

  He slowly approached Kayla, uncertain of himself. Kayla’s relaxed face grew a widening smile. She looked at him like he was the father of that child in every single way, nothing lesser.

  Ethan saw the baby girl. She was awake, with her eyes half-shut. They looked directly into each other’s eyes. Kayla lifted the baby, setting the beautiful bundle into Ethan’s arms.

  His heart melted. When he looked into her eyes, he felt he had already known her for years. Decades. At that moment, he could tell anyone: she was a loving soul; altruistic and wise. She would grow up to be strong, intelligent, and respected. She had bright blonde hair, nearly as straight as a pin; deep-blue eyes; and a plump, round face, reddened from the labor.

  Moments after taking the girl into his arms, his eyes watered, his legs became feeble, and his hands trembled. He looked up at Kayla, but couldn’t see her through his blurred vision. “Yes…” he cried, “she is beautiful…” he whispered, choking. “She’s so … so…”

  “Maybe someone should, uh…” said Kayla, gesturing for one of the two nurses to take the baby from Ethan.

  “No!” Ethan waved them off. “I’m fine. I’m… I’m okay.”

  He kissed the girl’s head, gently brushing her thin hairs. Just then, she hiccupped a little, and Ethan smiled bright.

  Eventually, he allowed Kayla hold the baby again, and they sat there together in silence, gazing at the new creation. “What, um… What should we name her?” His eyes still watered. He felt awful for not having considered a girl’s name beforehand.”

  “I didn’t decide on any girl names… I guess we just assumed she’d be a girl.”

  “I understand,” said Kayla. “I remember a few. You didn’t want to name a girl after me,” she laughed. “My next pick was going to be ‘Elani,’ which means ‘light.’ What do you think?”

  Ethan looked at the baby again, resting his left hand on her head, feeling her few, short hairs. She was looking at them both, partly smiling. She was reaching up with her tiny right hand, and Ethan held it with just two fingers. None of her fingers could wrap around any of his. So defenseless, he thought. Yet not afraid, not worried… She’s just … happy… He wanted a name that reflected her importance to him, and meant something that demanded respect as well. “Are there any names for ‘queen?’” he asked. Then, he corrected himself. “No… Goddess?”

  Kayla smiled bright. “Theia,” she stated. “That means goddess. You want that name instead?”

  He pondered it a moment. “Why not both?” He liked that idea. “‘Goddess’ and ‘light.’ Goddess of light!”

  Kayla snuggled her head against his. “I love it!”

  When all was said and done with, it was the sister’s and best friend’s turn to meet the newborn. With his eyes still a little stung from heavy weeping, he opened the door and signaled the two to come in.

  “You okay?” asked Lilith as she entered in front of Shane.

  “Never better. Literally,” said Ethan, attempting humor. “We named her Theia Elani.”

  “Hmm… Goddess?” guessed Lilith. “Right? That’s the ‘Theia’ part?”

  “Correct.”

  “Whose last name is she taking?”

  “…She has mine,” said Ethan, slightly offended at the question. He gestured them toward the crib beside Kayla’s bed. “There she is.”

  Lilith and Shane smiled. Ethan was surprised to see such a positive response from them, having expected apathy at least. He had nearly told them not to come in.

  Kneeling down next to Theia’s crib, Shane said, “You gonna have her smuggling goods when she turns nine? Keep up the tradition?” Despite being offended by the joke, Ethan nearly went along, but Shane said, “Sorry, man, too soon. It’s always gonna be too soon, isn’t it?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” said Ethan.

  “I do apologize, bro. I think you’ll make an outstanding father. You’ll be fantastic, extraordinary, majestic! Haha! Wait… That last one doesn’t–”

  “I get the picture, Shane. Thank you.”

  Hours later, they turned the lights out. Lilith and Shane stayed, but others had come and gone: Phoebe, Michael, Phoenix, Aunt Nat... Everyone was happy for Ethan and Kayla both, and there was no judgment passed upon them, nor weird looks.

  With the lights out, Ethan sat in the dark beside Theia’s crib, watching her and Kayla sleep, which made him feel peaceful. He could feel his nerves continue to be uneasy from his actions earlier that night. In his mind, he was justified, and the fact he could believe that bothered him. His lover and his baby were safe from a killer forever, though. That had to make it okay.

  “What’s the next step?” asked Lilith, who whispered that from across the room.

  Ethan turned his head and saw her walking toward him. He hadn’t known she was even awake. “One of Kayla’s friends suggested I become their boss,” he answered.

  Lilith laughed. “A pimp? Don’t tell me you’re considering that of all jobs.”

  “A job’s a job. As long as it doesn’t involve hurting anyone.”

  Lilith shrugged. “I suppose it’s kind of taking care of people. Maybe it’s perfect for you.”

  “You know me well.”

  “Since birth. Before birth, actually.”

  Ethan gazed at Kayla, who was lying on her side facing him and Theia, and snoring a little. He smiled, then noticed how much he has smiled lately. I must be happy, he thought.

  “Kayla’s your other half now, and Theia’s your li
fe.”

  “You’re okay with that?” asked Ethan, feeling optimistic about his sister’s attitude.

  “I am. Even if I wasn’t, there’s nothing I could do about it. You’re excited to be a father. I’ve never seen you so happy.” Ethan saw that Lilith was staring at Theia. “I’ll be supportive in every way I can.”

  Ethan stood, slowly walked over to his sister and embraced her. “Thank you. I am happy now.” He kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis.”

  Lilith half-smiled. “I love you, little brother.” She lowered her arms and started walking back to the other side of the room. “For the time being, the Krohns and I should leave you alone.” Ethan agreed, but did not voice that. Lilith walked over to Shane and smacked him across the face to wake him up, gesturing that they’re leaving. The two said their final goodbyes as they walked out of the room. Ethan simply waved.

  My life, he thought, recalling Lilith’s words. He looked at Theia, then approached her crib. As he leaned over it, every other moment or so, the baby was making soft, almost inaudible hiccups, and sometimes squeezing her hands slightly. She must have been dreaming. It was at that moment that Ethan realized he loved this baby more than he loved Kayla, or ever loved his sister. Perhaps it was because Theia had not wronged him, perhaps it was because he believed he was supposed to love her most, as a father. At that moment, it didn’t hurt whatsoever that he did not help make that child. She was still beautiful, and she was still his. The real father was nowhere to be found, by his own choosing. That alone made Ethan the only father Theia would ever have. I’ve already spent more time with Theia than my dad ever spent with me, he thought. I hope I can keep this up for the rest of her life…

  With great care, Ethan reached down and lifted Theia out of her crib, blanket and all. It fortunately didn’t wake her. He stepped away from the crib, removing his shoes with his feet, and started swaying, almost dancing, around the room. I promise to hold you when you need me. He then stood stationary in front of the window, turning in a way that she could see the view of downtown Portland if her eyes had been open. I promise to protect you as best I can from everything out there. Then, he lifted her up and kissed her forehead, breathing as slowly as he could to not disturb her sleep. Then, he whispered, “I promise I will always love you and be there for you. For as long as I live.”