The Reluctant Daddy

by Helen Conrad

  She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. Yes, it seemed to be true. She was his forever. Whether he really wanted her that way or not.

  Did you know that I love you? She didn’t dare say that aloud. She knew what would happen if she did. He would be gone, out of sight, nothing but dust. So she kept it to herself. No one else would ever have to know. Still, he’d said things that touched her, things that set her heart free, and she wouldn’t get over that for quite some time, even after the glow of this night had faded.

  She kept that glow for the rest of the evening. They went back inside and drank champagne and danced and talked to friends. But all the while she was still outside in the fresh snow, making magic with the man she loved.

  When finally it came time to leave, she could hardly bear to let him go.

  “Goodbye, Glenna,” he said solemnly. “I’ve never had a better time at a Christmas party.”

  “Me, either,” she whispered, and he kissed her one last time.

  Then she left him and went to collect her children and find her parents, but she was still moving in a dream. And all night long, she kept it going while she slept.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  GLENNA SPENT CHRISTMAS EVE still moving in the dream. The velvet dress had been ruined by the snowfall, but she didn’t care. She put it away lovingly, knowing she would keep it just the way it was to remind her of a night of magic she never wanted to forget.

  She knew she was in love as she’d never been before. It was as though she’d found a door into an existence she hadn’t known was there, waiting, ready to be explored. And now she’d found it.

  But at the same time, she knew she was only allowed to stay in this new place for a short time. This bliss wouldn’t last. She had to face hard issues, such as the tape she’d promised to show him. Once that became a reality, things would change. Still, she was determined to enjoy the heck out of the present while she could. Every moment with Lee was going to be a moment to savor for the rest of her life.

  “A lot of women do an awful lot of stupid things for love,” her mother told her late on Christmas morning, as though she’d just read her mind.

  Glenna groaned inside, though she didn’t let her feelings show. Anna Kelsey was giving her daughter a very specific warning and they both knew it. The house was humming, but here in the kitchen, Anna was deep in thought about her second daughter’s life.

  “So many women buy that old lie about love conquering all. All you need is love. Love will keep us warm.” Anna wiped her hands vigorously against her apron, as though she would wash away those myths if she could. “You can’t eat love. You can’t live on love. You can’t use love to make someone else do what you want. It just doesn’t work that way.”

  Glenna turned from the potatoes she was scrubbing and smiled at her mother. “Don’t worry about me, Mom. I’m going to be okay.”

  Anna touched her cheek and shook her head, her eyes full of doubt. “I do worry about you, darling. I worry a lot. You’ve had more than your share of pain already in your life and I don’t want you to have any more.”

  “I’m strong, Mom. I can take care of myself.”

  “Can you?”

  Yes, she could. She’d known from the first that loving Lee was going to be a losing proposition. She was ready for what was to come. And she realized that was what her mother was talking about, though she hadn’t said so in those words. In fact, Anna hadn’t even mentioned Lee’s name. But they both knew.

  Glenna and her parents had gone to midnight service the night before. She’d listened to the beautiful music and thought about nothing but Lee. Yup, she was in love. Full-fledged love. There was no point in trying to deny it. After her two little ones, he was who she cared about most.

  Dropping a kiss on her mother’s cheek, she left the kitchen and went out to look at the devastation that had been left behind after the opening of presents. Standing in the doorway, she looked around the ravaged family room. The tree looked empty without the huge stack of gifts that had been there just hours before. Crumpled wrapping paper littered the floor like colorful tumbleweed. It was a familiar scene. She’d lived it so many times, and now her children were living it, too.

  Familiar, homey smells filled the house and the sounds were right—Christmas carols playing on the stereo, the children busy playing with their new toys and dinner preparations under way. She loved this place, loved these people. Her heart was full and tears filled her eyes.

  Wiping them away, she turned and went back to helping Anna set up the table, where every single leaf needed to be added. Glenna’s older sister, Laura, and her husband, Ronnie, were here with their two boys. Soon her younger sister, Kathleen, would arrive, along with Patrick and Pam. The family would all be together, and across town, Lee would be all alone in a room in a bed-and-breakfast.

  All alone for Christmas. She just couldn’t stand it.

  * * *

  BY MIDAFTERNOON, most of her family had assembled, and the noise level in the house was going stratospheric. Everyone was chatting, laughing, bringing up stories from the past. Usually, Glenna was right in the thick of things. But today was different. She couldn’t get Lee and how alone he was out of her mind.

  She remembered what he’d said. “Christmas is just another day to someone without a family.”

  That was not good, not right. Whether or not he held the day in reverence from a religious perspective, the holiday was important. It was a special day of togetherness and family feeling and spirituality that went even beyond the original intent of the celebration of Christ’s birth. She just couldn’t stand the thought of his being all alone through it.

  “No,” she said aloud. She turned back toward the kitchen, where her mother was cutting onions for gravy, Patrick was lifting lids off pans and anticipating dinner and Laura and Ronnie were arguing over wine labels.

  “Mother,” she said resolutely, “I’m going to ask Lee to come join us for Christmas dinner.”

  Her mother’s eyes were soft with doubt and wariness. “What?”

  The others turned and stared at her. Even in the face of mass doubt, Glenna threw down her apron and fluffed her hair.

  “I have to do it. I’m going to go right now.”

  “That’s fine, dear,” Anna said, though it was obviously difficult for her to get the words out. “Your friends are always welcome here.”

  “Thank you, Mama.” Glenna patted her mother’s hand, and turning to the others, added, “I know some of you are going to have a hard time with this. But I expect you all to treat him nicely.” She looked pleadingly from one to the next. “Please do.”

  They all murmured agreement, but she noted the lack of enthusiasm. Never mind. She was going to do this. With a watery smile, she left the room and headed for her car.

  * * *

  THE AMAZING THING was, she wasn’t nervous at all. There was a feeling of destiny to her trip across town to Granny Rose’s Bed-and-Breakfast. This was something that had to be done.

  She parked and ran up the steps, reaching for the bell just as the door opened from inside.

  “Hi,” Susannah cried. “Merry Christmas, Glenna. Where are you going in such a hurry?”

  Glenna flushed. “I...actually, I came over to see if I could get Lee Nielsen to come to Christmas dinner with my family.”

  Susannah gave her a knowing wink. A small, dainty woman who exuded a bubbling charm, Susannah was dressed in red and green and looked a lot like a Christmas elf.

  “Well, I don’t know. He just turned us down. We’re going over to Nora and Byron’s to have dinner with them—Gina is already over there—and we invited him along, but he said he wanted to stay here.” She grinned as her husband came up behind her, also dressed for holiday fare. “What do you think, Joe? Does she stand a chance?”

 
Joe laughed. “After what I saw the other night at the Christmas party, I’d say chances were good.” He smiled at Glenna. “You can go on up, honey. At the top of the stairs, turn right. It’s the second door to your left.” The couple started down the steps. “And say, if he does go with you, remind him to lock up, okay? He’s the only one left in the place.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  She watched them go, then turned and looked at the stairs. They seemed to stretch forever and her heart was beating so hard, she wondered for a moment if she was going to make it up them. But she did, and at the top she turned right, then went to the second door on the left. Reaching out with a shaking hand, she knocked softly.

  No reply.

  She knocked again, and still there was nothing.

  “Lee?” she called.

  No answer.

  What now? She hesitated, calming down and at the same time growing uncertain. She couldn’t just turn around and leave. He had to be around here somewhere.

  Trying the handle, she found the door was unlocked. It opened slowly, and then she was in his room.

  On the whole, things were fairly neat. She’d been in her brother’s room often enough to know men, when they lived alone, didn’t seem to see clutter and dirt quite the way women did. This was nice, however. Some clothes were draped over the back of a chair, but otherwise things were in order.

  The bed hadn’t been made. It lay rumpled and somehow inviting, and Glenna found her gaze returning to it again and again. The sudden opening of another door into the room made her jump backward, and there was Lee, stark naked and fresh from the shower.

  “Oh!” she cried, closing her eyes quickly. But she had seen him, and she knew without question that the image of his beautiful body would stay with her for a very long time.

  Just as startled as she was, Lee uttered a sharp obscenity as he grabbed for a towel and tied it hurriedly around his waist.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, backing toward the door, her eyes open again, but unable to meet his. “I’m—I’m really sorry, I...”

  “Wow,” he said with a sigh, and he put his hand over his heart. “Another shot of adrenaline like that just might put me over the edge.”

  Their gazes met, and suddenly they were both laughing. But it was nervous laughter, and it soon died.

  “I don’t know,” he said, taking a deep breath, still trying to steady his heartbeat. “I think it was your scream that did it.”

  She shook her head, glancing at the door. “I didn’t scream.”

  “Oh, no?” He gave her a skeptical look. “Then what was that high-pitched sound? You didn’t bring a dentists’ drill along with you by any chance?”

  “No,” she said, getting just a bit defensive. “It wasn’t a scream. It was all in your mind.”

  His glance was quizzical. “Maybe.” But the humor had completely drained from his eyes and he was looking at her with a guarded expression, as though not quite certain what she was doing here. “So,” he said, tightening his grip on the towel wrapped around his hips. “Merry Christmas.”

  She tried to smile and failed at it. “Yes,” she said nervously. “Same to you.”

  He hesitated, then made a gesture toward the door. “If you’d like to wait in the hall for a minute, I’ll get dressed and—”

  “Lee,” she said, breaking in, taking a step toward him, then pausing again. “Uh...I just came by to see if you would like to come to dinner at my house.” Those were the words she was saying, and she said them very quickly, but there was something else going on in her eyes, and he read that message loud and clear.

  The air seemed to be charged with electricity all of a sudden. She might have come to invite him to dinner, but things had changed. He felt his pulse begin to quicken, and that was a danger signal he recognized.

  “Why don’t you just go out in the hall?” he said, his voice lower now, his own eyes cloudy with something new and forbidding. And when she made no move to do what he suggested, he added, “You’d better go, Glenna.”

  She still didn’t move. Instead, her gaze moved, taking in how wide his shoulders were in the slanting light, how beautifully sculpted his chest muscles looked, how strong his arms appeared. The towel was riding low, and she could see the muscles stretched tightly across the pelvic bones. Something shifted deep inside her, and her stomach felt as though she were on a roller-coaster ride. She knew what was going to happen next.

  This wasn’t what she’d come for. It wasn’t what she’d wanted. But she was here now, and it was here, between them, and she wasn’t going to run away from it this time. Slowly, she raised her eyes until they met his. “I don’t want to go,” she said softly, her voice trembling.

  He shook his head slowly. “I warned you to stay away from me, Glenna,” he said, sounding almost angry. “You should have listened.”

  She lifted her chin. “I guess I don’t listen to orders as well as I thought I did.”

  He moved restlessly, his face unreadable. “You know how it is. I’m here today and gone tomorrow. You know that.”

  She nodded, her eyes clear and cool despite her anticipation. “I know that.”

  His grimace looked almost pained. “Then why are you wasting your time on me?” he muttered, moving toward her across the room, moving as though he were being drawn and couldn’t stop, no matter how hard he resisted.

  She stood her ground and held his gaze as he came closer. “I can’t help it,” she told him truthfully. It was beyond her control.

  He touched her hair, his body so close she could smell soap, could see the drops of water still lingering on his shoulders. More drops hung in his eyelashes, looking like diamonds, like snowflakes. She could hardly breathe.

  He took a handful of her hair and wound it around his fingers. “Glenna, you’d better go,” he murmured, but now his voice was dreamy.

  “No,” she whispered, her eyes half-closed. “I can’t.”

  Pulling her closer with his hand still in her hair, he dropped a kiss on her neck and urged huskily, “Go. Go quickly. Or else—”

  She stopped his speech with a finger to his lips. “I’ll take the ‘or else.’”

  He took her hand in his and shook his head, his eyes troubled. “Glenna, this is no good.”

  She sighed, leaning toward him. “It is good, Lee. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  “There are others downstairs—”

  “No. No one else is here. They left as I was coming in.”

  His mouth was dry and his heart was beating very hard, so hard it almost hurt. “Then there’s only you and me,” he said.

  She nodded, her eyes a luminous blue, a penetrating blue, a blue that seemed to vibrate with feeling.

  He winced, trying to be strong, and touched her cheek with the back of his hand, taking in her beauty as a thirsty man would take a cool drink of water. “Glenna, I can’t help but think that to take you now would be a violation,” he told her softly.

  She moved like a cat, stretching toward him. “How can it be a violation when all you see here is invitation?” she whispered.

  “But Glenna—”

  She shook her head, loving him with her eyes. “Do you have protection?”

  He hesitated. “Yes, but—”

  She lifted her arms around his neck. “Then let’s not waste any more time,” she said softly, and then pressed her mouth to the throbbing hollow at the base of his neck. He groaned, pulling her closer.

  She melted in his arms and he felt the need stir in him, hot and urgent, a force that had to be tamed so that he wouldn’t go too fast, wouldn’t hurt her. Her scent was like a meadow in spring and it hung in the air, clung to him, making him even crazier. The feel of her was like the taste of brandy, hot and sweet and stinging his soul. His mouth took hers, his hands pushed
away her clothing, and the towel he had clutched to him so desperately fell to the floor unnoticed.

  But Glenna noticed. Her hands were tingling with the feel of his slick skin. His flesh was so hard, so unrelenting. At first it frightened her a little. But there was something about it that aroused her in ways she’d never felt before, and she found herself trailing her fingertips over him, enjoying the feel of him. And when the towel disappeared, she let her hands slide down to where it had been, and her blood seemed to boil in her veins.

  She’d never wanted a man the way she wanted him. She’d never felt as though her body were demanding something and ready to take control if she tried to deny it. But that was what this felt like. This was the way it was going to be with the man she loved.

  “Lee?” she murmured, more to say his name than because she wanted anything. And the room began to spin as she let herself fall into the sea of desire and turn helplessly in the vortex. “Hold me,” she whispered, reaching to pull him closer. “Hold me tight.”

  He couldn’t have held her much tighter. He was going to drown in her. He didn’t need to breathe anymore. All he needed to sustain his life was her taste, her smell, her hands running across his skin until he’d tightened so hard he almost cried out with the need to have her.

  Somehow they found the bed, and she murmured about protection in time. He fumbled for it and she whispered something about him being as beautiful as a young, wild animal on the African plains, and his own laughter sounded harsh in his ears, because he couldn’t really think straight. All he could do was feel—feel the soft, melting magic of her creamy breasts; the hard nipples that filled his mouth and seemed to grow at the touch of his tongue; the warm moisture that accepted him and arched high to meet him. He loved the sound of her moan in his ears, the feeling of possession, of triumph that sent him soaring as high as an eagle, the way she cried out, her nails digging into his back, her hips moving wildly, churning harder and harder, reaching for more, ever more. The sweet burst of release, the wild, cool rush of the drift back down to earth.