Scars and Secrets (Loose Ends Book 1)

by Avril Ashton

  “Go on.” Levi thrust in, rolled his hips. “Say it again.”

  “I love you.” It didn’t matter that Levi didn’t say it back. It was in his eyes. In the words he whispered in Van’s ear. In the dick hell bent on digging all the way to his chest.

  “Yeah?” Levi licked his lips. “You gonna give me what I need?”

  Van stared at his mouth. “You gonna give me what I want?”

  “One and the same.” They were close enough to kiss. Van wanted to taste him, but Levi kept himself just out of reach.

  “Do it.” He parted his lips. Opened wide.

  Hunger flickered in Levi’s eyes, making them shine. He smiled then let loose, spitting inside Van’s mouth.

  Nothing else, but just that had Van’s dick erupting. He arched, jerking hard as he came, cum spraying between them. Levi laughed softly, hips rocking into Van slowly, then he bent spat on Van’s neck.

  He licked it up.

  Spat on his cheek then immediately licked it up, so quick, tongue wet and rough sliding over Van’s cheek and nose, through his beard.

  Didn’t matter what they got up to. How nasty. That’s that love shit. That’s the way they liked to fuck.

  “Didn’t know how much of a freak I was, until you.” Levi kept biting Van’s neck. God, he’d be so sore tomorrow. Black and blue. “I don’t even care. I just want to come inside that hot ass and watch it drip, drip, drip…” He reared back and slammed into Van, knocking him back into the bar running across the elevator wall.

  He was rabid then, grunting, every stroke inside Van so reckless and needy. Hitting every nerve ending, dragging Van along on that intense wave of pleasure. He hung on, ass so tender, high on the possessive way Levi took him. Thin strings of cum spat from his cock head when Levi rammed his prostate, fucked it instead of Van, beating at it until Van was shaking, trembling, stammering.

  Begging.

  “Oh God. Fuck.” He yanked on the back of Levi’s jeans. “Come. Please. Please.” Otherwise he might die from it. He might run mad from that insane kind of pleasure. He might lose himself. But not before he felt Levi flood him, soak him, fill him. He clenched.

  Levi jerked backward, face flushed, teeth in his lower lip.

  “Mark me.” Van touched Levi’s face, cupped his cheek as he trembled. Limbs shaking, Fingers tight. “Deep.”

  Levi yanked all the way out. Took a step back and staggered, falling against the panel of buttons. The elevator car jerked and began moving up, but they ignored. Van got on his knees again, hands and knees really, facing away from Levi.

  Face down.

  Ass up.

  Levi came to him, death grip on Van’s ass cheeks. Fingers in. Two. Van pressed his nose to the floor. Groaned. Tipped his ass higher. He loved when Levi watched him, inspected him.

  The digits inside him twisted, pushed deeper. Index and middle speared him, dug him out.

  Van fucking collapsed, but Levi grabbed him around the waist, positioned him where and how he wanted. And once again Van was face down, ass in the air with Levi breaching him again, going in. This time deeper than ever. He closed his, giving everything to Levi.

  Body.

  Soul.

  His Goddamn mind.

  Levi rode him. Fucked him. And in this position Van could do nothing more than take it. As if he wanted to anything beyond that.

  Something dinged. A rush of cool air washed over his exposed flank and he realized the elevator doors had opened. Levi didn’t pause, fingers biting into Van’s hips as he rode him.

  “Don’t mind me,” someone said from far away.

  A familiar voice. Was that…Syren?

  But Van lost his train of thought when Levi jerked and came. He heard the gritting of Levi’s teeth. Fuck, Van swore he heard the beating of his husband’s heart. But his moans, triggered by the sensation of Levi’s hot cum in his ass, soon overrode that. Before he do could anything else, Levi was out of him, and his cum was running down the back of Van’s legs. He lifted his head, glanced behind him.

  Levi’s gaze was fixed below, on Van’s ass, and his favorite sight, watching his cum drip.

  Behind Levi, in the open elevator doorway stood a very composed Syren Rua, head cocked, watching. Van opened his mouth to chase Syren, but his words devolved into a growl when Levi put his mouth on him.

  His ass.

  Licked him.

  “Motherfuck!” Van was the one to shout that, right? Because it sounded like Syren had the same reaction.

  The sounds Levi made as he ate Van was beyond anything. Needy. Hungry. Fast and sloppy and just…wet. He licked Van up and down, tongue delving inside and circling him. Face buried between his cheeks, uncaring that some strange dude was right there, watching everything with the most stunned expression on his face.

  Van came undone under that tongue bath, sobbing, writhing as he tried to get away. But Levi didn’t let him go. The elevator began moving again. Van hadn’t even noticed Syren stepping away or pressing the button, but once again they were riding.

  Going down this time.

  The fucking irony.

  Levi kept on destroying Van with his tongue in his over-fucked ass. And Van just let his husband do what he wanted. Then Levi caught one of Van’s hands, brought it behind him to his ass. He didn’t have to ask what Levi wanted. Van pressed a finger inside his body, worked it in and out as Levi licked around it.

  Fuck, but he was going to fucking die from all this pleasure. Van knew it, and all he could do was smile with his eyes squeezed shut.

  “Levi.” The last time he sounded this slurred he’d been on the pills, on the booze. Now, he was on Levi. Wasn’t that some shit right there? “Please.”

  Levi hugged him around the waist, face pressed to the small of Van’s back. Their breaths were ragged, loud, so harsh inside the small space. Levi trembled. Van shook. They held that position for a bit, despite the killing it put on Van’s knees and back.

  When finally Levi pulled away, Van had to swallow the whimper of denial. Of loss. It was too soon to stop touching. He needed more skin. But he didn’t say that. Instead he sat his tender ass on the elevator floor with a wince and faced Levi who’d done the same. His face was all wet, eyes too. Lips swollen as he stared at Van with cum on his chin.

  “You’re like a fucking drug,” Levi rasped. He swiped a palm over his chin, wiping away the cum then he licked it off. “After being so long without you, I need to gorge.” He touched the middle of his chest as he rose to his feet, staggering before he braced himself on the elevator doors. “I feel like I’m overdosing on you. I don’t fucking care, ’cause I imagine you’re what cocaine would taste like.” His lips curled into a mocking smile as he pulled his jeans up. “And the thing is, that shit’s not even enough.” He turned away, pressed the button to open the elevator doors. “I assume the man upstairs is there to see you.”

  “Wait.” Van tried to stand and his knees buckled. “Fuck.”

  Levi buckled his belt and stepped out. “I need a minute,” he said, facing Van. “Go handle what you need to.”

  “No.” Damn it, Van’s legs weren’t cooperating. “Let me—” The elevator doors closed and once again he was going up.

  This time without Levi.

  * * * *

  Levi staggered outside the building, legs so weak, heart thudding so fast. The heavy wind whipped through him, rustling his clothes and hair, sinking into him and chilling the sweat on his skin, the sweat that had his shirt sticking to his skin.

  Oh my God.

  He slid against the wall of the building, head lolling as he doubled over.

  “Sir.”

  The voice jerked him upright.

  A bulky guy stood a few feet away, ear piece in, the gun in his hand held at his side. “Sir, are you okay?”

  One of the guards. Levi nodded, straightened as he gulped air in. “Fine. I’m fine.”

  The man watched him silently before giving him a nod. “I’m over there, if you need me just yel
l.” He waved a hand, indicating some patch of darkness not too far away, but Levi wasn’t even listening.

  Steady footsteps took the guard back to his post, and Levi was alone to sink to his knees.

  They’d always been so fucking reckless and mindless. Their sex, when they came together, no holds barred, nothing off limits. Nobody off limits, either. It staggered him how easy it would always be to do what they just did in that elevator.

  What he’d just done.

  He had to get away, clear his head. But Van’s scent was everywhere. On Levi’s clothes, in his nostrils. The press of his skin had been so hot. And that hole.

  Thinking about anyone else being there made him want to do bad things.

  He started walking, trying to get away.

  Except Van’s scent was everywhere. His sounds. Who knew Levi had missed that, the deep body groan Van made when Levi breached him, got just deep enough.

  Don’t leave me empty.

  He licked his lips, tasted Van. Wiped his face, smelled Van on his fingers.

  Levi stopped, braced against the side of the building and stuck those fingers into his mouth. Sucked on them, wanting more. He needed more.

  So why the fuck was he walking away when Van was back there, inside that building?

  Chapter Twelve

  Van didn’t know how he was even standing right then. He was raw. Body still humming, vibrating, and lonely. After that, Levi walks away? After fucking Van like that, all claiming and shit, he walks away?

  Inhaling deeply, Van stepped out of the elevator into the hallway. Syren stood there, phone to his ear, back to Van, but he spun around as Van walked toward him. With white-blond hair, captivating purple eyes, and clad in the most expensive custom made suits, Syren Rua’s short stature camouflaged the danger and power he actually wielded. Between Dutch and Syren, Van would much rather prefer Syren in his corner.

  “Marshal, I have to go,” Syren spoke into the phone, intense gaze on Van. “I love you, and no, our daughter is being punished, you can’t just buy her stuff.” Mouth curved into an indulgent smile, Syren nodded. “I look forward to it,” he said huskily before hanging up. He put the phone into his jacket pocket and eyed Van up and down slowly, carefully.

  Van tried not to fidget.

  “Are you okay?” Syren asked.

  A startled laugh escaped Van. “Yes.” Then he shook his head. “No.”

  Syren nodded. “After what I’ve just witnessed, I can see that. He’s punishing you,” he said softly.

  “I can’t talk about this right now.” Not when it hit so damn close to the truth. “Why are you here? You make it a habit of watching people fuck?”

  Syren grinned. “You know I do.” He winked before motioning to the door behind him. “Can we go inside?” He didn’t bother waiting for Van’s answer, producing a key that he used to unlock the door.

  “Exactly how many people have access to this place?” Van asked as they stepped inside and locked the door.

  “Not as many as you might think.” Syren made his way to the couch and sat back, crossing his ankles.

  Van didn’t sit. He couldn’t, instead he stood next to the balcony’s glass doors with his hands in his pockets. “What’s wrong?” Syren usually only popped in to bring the doom and gloom.

  “I hear you finally got around to using your knife on Dutch.” Syren’s lips twisted. “Make you feel better?”

  He didn’t feel better, but that didn’t mean Dutch didn’t have that slice and dice coming. “Why are you here?” he asked again.

  “I was in the neighborhood.” Syren shrugged. “Decided to stop by, check up on you.” His teeth appeared. “Stopped at a lingerie store otherwise I would have been here for the entire show.” He licked his lips.

  Van frowned at him. “If you’re imagining me naked, I’m gonna have to shoot you.”

  Syren shrugged. “No ifs about it, my friend.” Then he shook himself and took a deep breath. “You should think about relocating,” he said as he looked around the condo. “My place in Costa Rica has room, and I have a seventeen year old kid who I know has been missing you for a very long time.”

  “How is Izek doing?” Van had no love for Castillo, but he could appreciate the man helping to protect Levi and Izek.

  “Good kid.” Syren pursed his lips as he watched Van. “Too bad my soon-to-be thirteen year old daughter also thinks so.”

  Van grinned. “Càtia got you on your toes, huh?”

  “And how.” Syren scowled. “I’m never doing that kids thing again.” But he didn’t sound too sure. In fact, Syren Rua sounded like a man in love with his family and the life he’d worked so hard to build.

  “So she’s got a crush on Izek.” Van shrugged. “She’ll get over it once he leaves.”

  Syren waved his words away. “Enough about my kid, what about yours, your family?” He got to his feet. “Does your husband’s face in your ass mean things are looking up?”

  “I don’t know what it means.” Van turned and walked out onto the balcony. He knew what he wanted the sex in the elevator to mean, but he still had no clue as to what Levi was thinking. What his decision might be.

  Syren came close to him, their arms brushing. “I saw the look in his eyes,” he told Van. “I think only the memory of what used to be is standing in your way.” He poked Van with his elbow. “Do something about it.”

  “Something like what?” Van grunted in frustration. “Man, I’ve begged. I’ve pleaded, I’ve bargained—”

  “And you’ve surrendered,” Syren supplied.

  He had, hadn’t he? In the elevator. He’d surrendered. He knew what it was, even Syren had seen it. Had Levi? “Nothing is fucking working.” The hopelessness was getting to be too much, and he didn’t like that hollowed feeling in his gut at all.

  “Then we need drastic measures, because I refuse to see you back in that miserable place you’ve been for the past few years.” Syren faced him squarely.

  “You know you’re not my father, right?” But Van managed a small grin anyway.

  “Oh, I know that.” Syren reached out, touched his face then leaned in closer.

  Van frowned. “Ugh, what’s—”

  A throat cleared and Van glanced over then stiffened. Levi stood just inside the balcony doors, hands shoved into the fronts of his jeans, watching Van and Syren with a heavy gaze.

  Fuck.

  “You’re welcome,” Syren whispered before stepping back.

  “The fuck? Don’t help me,” Van growled at his crazy ass, but Syren was already striding toward Levi.

  “Syren Rua-Ashby.” Syren held out a hand. “The pleasure’s all mine.”

  Levi stared at Syren’s hand for a few seconds before taking it. “Thank you for letting my son stay with you and your family.”

  “Hey.” Syren shrugged. “You might not know this, but this guy is family—” He jerked a thumb in Van’s direction. “So you and Izek? Family too. I protect family.”

  By the small wrinkling of Levi’s brow he didn’t understand.

  “Syren helped me find you when you disappeared from Philly,” Van told him. “And he gave me the code to this place.”

  Syren looked around the room. “This place holds a lot of fond memories for a lot of people.”

  “Thank you again,” Levi told Syren. “And I just spoke to Izek.” He gestured to the phone in his grip. “He’ll be coming here tomorrow.”

  Syren glanced back at Van with an eyebrow lifted then turned back to Levi. “He can stay as long as you need him to.”

  “I know.” Levi pursed his lips. “But I need him here.”

  “I’m gonna head out.” Syren gave Van a loaded look as he walked to the door. “I hope we get a chance to meet again,” he said to Levi. Then he nodded to Van and disappeared through the door.

  The two of them were alone again. In thick silence, heavy and oppressive. They watched each other from opposite sides of the room, Van trying and failing not to flush at the way Levi eyed him.
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  Knowing.

  Telling.

  He watched Van like a man who knew what it felt like, being inside Van. As though he knew what Van looked like on his knees, humping Levi’s leg like a dog in heat, dependent on his husband for the pleasure.

  For release.

  All that knowledge in one look.

  What Van didn’t see was a promise of more. He wanted to see that. He ached for it, and he couldn’t go on like they were. Hanging on by his fingertips wondering if he’d get another chance at life or if the stark loneliness at the bottom of that short fall was all he had to look forward to.

  “Do you want me to give up?” he asked quietly.

  Levi frowned. “What?”

  “Loving you. Do you want me to give up?” Without giving Levi a chance to respond, too scared he would respond, Van rushed on. “Because I don’t think I can. I tried not to love you in the first fucking place, but I did anyway. Then I tried to stop all these years without you. I tried.” He snorted. “I can’t give up.”

  Levi’s gaze on him was…fire as he strode over to where Van stood against the glass doors. Fire. And it still had Van trembling, breaking out with the chills. When he was close enough for Van to touch, Levi’s body heat warmed him, stroking over Van’s skin in a wave of spine-curving pleasure. He held out his arm, and Levi touched him, brow furrowing.

  “Hold on to me. You keep me grounded. You keep me here,” Van told him. “If you love me, grab on to me, Levi. Hold on tight so I don’t fall, so I don’t lose you.” Damn, his eyes dampened. “Don’t let me go, and I promise I won’t let you go. I promise I won’t let you fall. And I swear, I fucking swear, I won’t ever lose you again.”

  Levi’s grip tightened the tiniest bit on Van’s arm. They stood there, and Levi kept his gaze downward, staring at his fingers on Van’s arm.

  “You know, I just realized something,” Levi murmured as he finally gazed up at Van, lashes at half-mast.

  Van was too caught up in simply watching Levi to inquire after his words.

  “Even though I just rode you like a thoroughbred, I realize I didn’t come close to giving you what you really needed,” Levi said softly.