Scars and Secrets (Loose Ends Book 1)

by Avril Ashton

  Fucking man, always with the words guaranteed to get Van to forget everything other than what it felt like to have Levi handle him the way only Levi could. “What—what do I really need?”

  Levi’s lashes lifted, spearing Van with a look so potent his balls was all kinds of heavy. He touched Van, a hand sliding up his neck, across his jaw, tugging gently on his beard. “Never took you for the bearded type,” Levi said. “But the homeless lumberjack look is growing on me.”

  Van licked his lips. None of this was helping him think straight, and he still didn’t know… “What do I really need?” His brain was threatening to shut down from the sensory overload. Levi’s scent in his nostrils, his touch on Van’s sensitive skin. His body still throbbing from Levi’s teeth marks. He’d be black and blue in the morning. But nothing came close to Levi’s cum still inside him.

  Levi brought their bodies together. Front to front. Man, fuck. Van fisted his hands at his sides, else he’d be grabbing the other man, throwing him to the floor and riding him again, coming for him again.

  Cheek brushing Van’s jaw, Levi’s lips touched his ear. “You wanted my cock, didn’t you? Wanted my boot at your throat and my cum dripping out of you.”

  Van shuddered. “Yes.” Why would he lie?

  “You got that.”

  More. He’d gotten so much fucking more than he’d thought to expect. But he should have, because this was Levi and when it came to their sex, Levi always kept Van on his toes.

  And on his knees.

  Levi cupped Van’s jaw, brought their faces together, foreheads and noses touching. “But you didn’t get this.” He brushed his lips over Van’s.

  Once.

  So goddamn soft, but Van felt it to the soles of his feet.

  “You wanted this,” Levi spoke against his lips before doing it again, the brush of lips. The shattering of Van.

  “Yes,” he whispered. Because he’d wanted this inside the elevator. This would have given him the answers to the million questions in his head. This would have made it all make sense. Instead Levi had fucked him, hurt him, and punished him. All things Van wanted. Yes. But not this.

  What he’d needed.

  “Then it’s time I gave it to you.” Levi kissed Van then, tongue delving past Van’s lips to open him wide enough for Levi to slide through, sink in, and stay.

  Changing the game.

  Took him a second to absorb it, to accept Levi was in his mouth, licking on him, nice and slow. And when his brain caught up, Van lifted both hands, wrapping them around Levi. Holding him tight as he took that kiss and made it fast and hungry.

  Tongues sliding and twisting around each other, mouths wide as they sought to devour each other. At least that was what Van was aiming for.

  Devour.

  His husband tasted the way he always did. Decadent. Full of promise. He used to deliver on those promises, too. Back then. Now?

  Locked in that embrace, they drank in each other’s moans, swallowed the grunts and growls, hands clutching tight and painful. Panting, fighting to breathe without breaking away from that kiss.

  He’d needed this inside that elevator, and if he’d gotten it Van would have known what being lucky tasted like. What a second chance tasted like. If he’d gotten inside Levi’s mouth while Levi was taking out his anger on his ass, Van would have known…

  This was what his future tasted like.

  Like love and welcome, flavored with forgiveness.

  ****

  Van’s tremors worked its way through Levi, leaving him vibrating too. Not that he needed help there. He’d still been buzzing from that elevator episode. But here and now, the desperation in their kiss upped things, changed them too.

  He’d turned back from the walk he’d been on, an attempt to clear his head. He’d turned back because each step he took farther away from Van, the more his brain got loud and clouded, and the more he longed to turn around.

  And he had, knowing with each step he stood closer to Van that he was about to change things with the decision his heart had made when his brain wasn’t looking.

  So he gave Donovan what he’d needed in that elevator, what his wide eyes had begged for. Levi gave him his tongue, stroke after stroke, and Donovan gave him his and it was done.

  A done deal, this forgiving thing.

  He would forever be in love with Donovan Cintron. The man with the lies and the secrets, with the shadows in his eyes and the mystery in his touch. Levi would forever be his husband, and for once that thought didn’t anger him like it used to.

  He broke the kiss gently, cupping Van’s nape when he whimpered and reached for Levi, mouth-first. “The first time you kissed me,” Levi whispered. He lifted his head and held Van’s gaze. “Do you remember?”

  The other man’s mouth twisted. “I could never forget that kiss,” he rasped. “In your kitchen.” His fingers tightened in Levi’s t-shirt, eyes heavy in remembrance.

  Levi nodded, swiping his thumb over Van’s damp bottom lip. “You took it,” he said softly. “You just grabbed me and the next thing I know your tongue’s down my throat and you’re humping my thigh.”

  “I was desperate,” Van confessed. “For your taste. Your touch. I stopped waiting on you to take it.”

  “Yeah.” It had been a desperate kiss, wet and sloppy and without any real finesse. “And when you pulled back, I looked at you and thought I’m gonna grow old with this cocky son of a bitch, and I can’t wait.”

  Surprise flashed in the depths of Van’s eyes. “Yeah?” He chuckled. “You just stood there and stared at me and I thought I had fucked it up, being all aggressive.”

  “I like you aggressive.” Levi touched Van’s chest, palm flat against him as the heart underneath beat for him, racing. “I like you submissive.” He leaned forward and took Van’s mouth again, kissing him deep, lashes lowering at the taste he’d committed to memory. Everything about this man was ingrained in Levi’s very pores, and denying it was getting to be too exhausting. Pushing him away when Levi really only wanted him near had become too much. “Someone told me recently that a second chance doesn’t come around a third time.”

  Van watched him closely. Levi didn’t think he breathed, but a muscle jumped in his jaw as he waited for Levi to speak his piece.

  “I just—” Levi took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I missed you so fucking much.”

  “Levi.” Van yanked him against his chest, but Levi resisted for a moment.

  “No, wait.” Taking Donovan’s face in both hands, he said softly, “Look at me.”

  Donovan did, but he blinked a few times, a wry smile touching his lips. “You know I love it when you tell me what to do,” he rasped. “Hasn’t changed.”

  “I know.” Levi nodded solemnly. He loved telling Van what to do just as much. Nothing about them had changed, at least not the fundamental, deep down shit that mattered. “I demanded the words from you in the elevator so it’s only fair I give them back,” he told Donovan.

  “Yeah?” Donovan touched Levi’s nape, fingers instantly tight as his nails dug in, pinning Levi in place. “So do it. Say you love me. To my face.” His expression was open. Kinda scared, more hopeful.

  “I missed you,” Levi told him again. “I forgive you.” Donovan’s exterior cracked then, and he sorta slumped against Levi who grasped him around the middle, held him upright and made sure their faces were close, gazes connected when he said, “I love you.”

  The words were barely out before Donovan was on him, mouth on his. Tongue inside, teeth tearing Levi apart. He bucked against the hard body against him, moaning, grunting, letting Donovan take whatever he wanted, giving him whatever he needed. But under his touch Donovan shook.

  Levi held him tighter.

  “Never thought you’d ever say it again,” Donovan confessed, wet lips at Levi’s throat. “Never thought I’d be happy again. Happy is you. Love is you. You are the things I feel that make me smile.”

  Fuck. “Van.”


  “Let me love you.” His calloused hands were already up under Levi’s t-shirt, perfection on his skin, sliding up and down his back, along his spine. “Let me love you like I’ve been wanting to for the past seven years.”

  “Yes.” Eyes wide open. This time Levi’s eye were wide open, and he was going in. With Donovan Cintron, he was going in with everything. “Love me.”

  “I did back then. And I do now. I lied about many things, babe. But not about that.” Van touched their lips together. Soft. Tender. “I could never lie about this.” He kissed Levi again, harder, rougher, deeper.

  Levi let him in. He parted his lips for Donovan, and just like that it fell away. A swipe of Donovan’s tongue against his wiped away the pain. A fucking balm to every ache. Eyes closed, Levi shifted closer into Donovan’s hard body, clutching at his biceps, tripping and falling into the kiss.

  It took him over. Always had. Now he knew, Donovan would always take him over. Every twist of their tongues, every swipe, every touch and retreat shook loose the anguish, and brought forth all the good times. The kiss didn’t make it better, it made like it was before. When the two of them couldn’t make it a few hours without falling into bed, when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

  When Levi could stare into Donovan’s eyes and see his future.

  He broke the kiss, and Donovan lifted his head. His lips were wet and puffy, cheeks flushed, eyes glassy with that familiar lust. Levi had seen him like that, wearing nothing but that terrifyingly intense need in his eyes a million times before. He never thought he’d see it again. He’d laid in his cold lonely bed and wished for it.

  He had it.

  And God help him, Levi was going to fucking take it.

  Now. Tonight.

  He’d had enough of pain and grief. He’d had enough of hating this man. Tonight he would press rewind. Take them back to when he’d loved this man. To when touching and being touched by this man made all the sense in the world. When he could make claims on that body, fuck it like he owned it.

  Because he did.

  No grand gestures. All they needed was each other to make it right. To take that first step.

  Something shifted in Donovan’s gaze and he grabbed Levi ass, lifted him. Levi wrapped his legs around Donovan’s waist, hooked his ankles above his ass and hugged him, both hands around Donovan’s neck as he brought them upstairs.

  In the bedroom Van tossed Levi onto the bed and sprawled all over him.

  Donovan released him long enough to tug his sweater up and over his head. Levi swallowed a sigh when his husband’s chest was exposed. Fuck, but he missed that sight.

  Donovan grabbed him by the nape, forcing Levi to hold his gaze. “This will always be us, loving on each other, despite everything else.” He licked Levi’s nose. “Feel me?”

  Levi touched him, a palm flat in the center of Donovan’s chest. “I feel you.”

  “Gonna fuck you, babe.” He grinned. “Don’t even think about curbing that noise you make so well.”

  “Stop talking.” Levi brought his hands to Donovan’s belt and yanked on it.

  “Hold tight.”

  Levi didn’t get a chance to follow that command, because Van slid down his body, settling between Levi’s spread thighs and palmed his erection, freeing Levi’s cock from the confines of his jeans with warped speed.

  “Ugh.” Levi’s ass lifted off the bed when Van took him in his mouth with a hum. “God.” He bit down on his knuckles, a futile attempt to stifle his gasps. His limbs grew weaker with every swipe of Van’s tongue over his crown, every time he went deep with it, allowing Levi’s cock head to hit the back of his throat.

  Hungry pulls. That toe-curling suction as he sucked Levi’s cock the way he liked. Sloppy and wet, spit dripping down his length, drenching his balls and hitting his ass before it soaked into the bed underneath him. Rough fingers gripped his balls, fondling him as breath whistled from between Levi’s teeth.

  Van moaned as he took him to the root. Levi palmed his nape, forcing him down further, wanting deeper down his throat, wanting Van’s sounds to get higher, louder. He thrust hard, arching, stomach contracting with each slurp, each stroke, every time Van’s teeth grazed his crown.

  “Fuck, yeah.” He rolled his hips. “Put your teeth on me,” he rasped. “Make me feel it.”

  Van did. Teeth sinking deep and sharp and Goddamn!

  That motherfucking bite. Levi bucked, almost throwing Van off as fire raced through him. Using his shoulders and the heels of his feet, he lifted his entire body up and canted his hips forward, burying himself as far as he could.

  As Levi watched, Van’s eyes bulged, lips stretched to accommodate his width.

  “Van.” Emotion tightened his chest, clogged his throat.

  Between his legs, Van’s lashes fluttered. Levi’s cock glistened as he tunneled in and out. Then Van pulled off him with a loud slurp and dipped his head, burying his face lower, nuzzling Levi’s balls, fingers sinking into his ass cheeks and pulling them apart.

  Levi spread for him, bending his knees so Van could have all the access he wanted. One hand left his ass and circled his erection again, stroking, pulling. A pinkie traced his slit then dipped inside, pushing, opening him up.

  Then another finger slid under his balls, caressed him, dipped into his ass.

  Teasing.

  “Ugh, God.” Levi grasped Van by the chin, jerking his head up as he rocked his hips, fucking the pinkie. Riding the finger in his ass. “Take your clothes off.” Why the hell was the other man still dressed? “I want your skin on mine.”

  Van grinned at him. Cocky, gaze heated and heavy, beard wet. He jumped to his feet and tore at the rest of his clothes, disrobing for Levi.

  Been a minute since he’d seen that, Donovan Cintron naked. Sculpted chest a little bit furry, dark nipples, and the abs Levi could find in the dark with just his tongue and a hard dick. Van’s cock was cut, thick and more than enough.

  All that body.

  Levi licked his lips as Van bent and tugged Levi’s jeans and underwear off.

  Then he came to Levi, lowering his body so they lined up, chin to toe.

  All that body. The warmth. The scratch of the hairs on Van’s legs, his chest. His beard when he rubbed it along Levi’s jaw. Levi closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and touched that body.

  A hand down Van’s spine, starting at his nape and just sliding down.

  Hot skin.

  Van moved as Levi’s hand moved, undulating, the wet tip of his cock slicking Levi’s thigh. Getting him sticky with precum.

  “You got me naked,” Van murmured against Levi’s chin.

  “I like you naked.” Levi reached the curve of his ass, and lingered, using just his fingertips now to continue on, trailing one finger down Van’s crack.

  Seeking.

  Finding his hole.

  Still slick with Levi’s cum.

  Van’s breath hitched and he exposed his throat, rocking gently, waiting for Levi. He always waited for Levi.

  “I want you back inside me,” Van’s said hoarsely. “Fucking me raw again.” He touched Levi’s belly, palm flat against him, his thumb pressing hard on the crown of Levi’s cock trapped between them. “Nothing slick again. Just you beasting out, fucking it and me, taking it.”

  Levi allowed his finger to dip inside, deep enough for Van’s cock to jerk against Levi’s thigh. For his fingers to claw at Levi’s belly.

  “Later.” Levi managed to find words. “Right now, you’re gonna take me. You’re gonna fuck me.” He licked his way up from the indent in Van’s throat, over his Adam’s apple, to his chin and up to his lips where he hovered.

  Then nothing, not even breath separated them because Van’s tongue was in Levi’s mouth, his teeth was tearing him apart while his hands opened him, pushed his legs wide.

  Levi grabbed his ass, clung to him, groaning into Van’s mouth, biting and sucking, licking as a slick finger pushed into him, stretched him just enough for the se
cond finger.

  “Jesus.” His eyes watered at the intrusion. But he still bent his knees, offered up his ass. “Get me open.” He rode those fingers wild and hard, too needy to indulge in the foreplay. “Get me open.” He reached down to the Van’s hand, helped him thrust in while they moaned in unison.

  “Levi.” Van bent his head, licked Levi’s belly, nipped him then bit him harder, fucked his head up.

  “Fuck me.” Frustrated lust colored his words. “Van. Get in.”

  “Ssh.” Van dropped kisses on his stomach, nosed his navel. “I got you.” He pushed himself up, leaned over Levi taking his mouth and he guided his cock home.

  Levi arched, biting Van’s lips, holding him there as he grunted low and long. The pressure snatched any sound for a moment, and the pain numbed his lower spine.

  Van’s lips moved over his as his husband murmured shit Levi couldn’t decipher.

  It was impossible not to get emotional. Impossible not to wrap his arms around the man above him, inside him, and crush their bodies together. To not shudder in relief as much as want.

  Van remained still when he bottomed out and lifted his head so their gazes could meet. His eyes were wet, Van. Nostrils flaring, lips parted as he rocked slowly, gently inside Levi. They watched each other when Van moved again, thrusting deeper.

  Levi shuddered when that familiar pained-pleasure washed over him. Welcomed. After all this time. He caught Van’s face in his hands, rolled his hips. Between them he dripped, getting them both sticky and wet, but he didn’t have to touch himself. Van touched him, that dick inside him, drawing groans, bringing pleasure, it touched him in all the right places.

  Nobody could touch him where Donovan Cintron touched him.

  He’d wanted to be fucked, here on this bed. He’d wanted the moment, hurried and drastic and reckless. He’d wanted crazy, the way he and Van did crazy. But Van gripped his thigh with one hand and he surged inside Levi with a steady stroke. The other hand was on Levi’s hand on Van’s face. Holding Levi to him, connected as they moved on each other languidly.

  And it was better.

  Instead of fucking him, Van made love to Levi. With the hand on his hip, the gaze locked on him, and the cock inside him touching him.