Another Man's Child

by Another Man's Child (retail) (epub)

  Yesterday evening Mrs Collins had repeatedly come into the room where Molly was sewing and stood silently at her shoulder, watching all she did. Molly told herself she must not allow herself to feel threatened and that the woman was doing it on purpose to unnerve her. It was not easy, though, ignoring that brooding presence. She just wished Nathan would come home soon.

  * * *

  Wearing her new suit and hat, Molly wheeled Jessica out in the pram the next day. She strolled along the tree-lined thoroughfare, enjoying the sunshine and feeling proud as anything, knowing she looked the part of nursery nurse. She noted the names of the houses on pillars and gates.

  No plain old numbers for the well-to-do, she mused, savouring each name. The Shanty must surely belong to a retired sea captain. Cairdhu was owned by a Scot or Irishman. Newstead, Doris told her, boasted four cotton brokers and a solicitor, all in the same family, while The Dunes was situated not far from the beach. Molly vowed each day to vary her walk to take in either the shops or the seafront. It was all a far cry from her previous lives in Burscough and Bootle.

  ‘Molly, is that really you?’

  Her head turned as Nathan drew alongside her, carrying a suitcase. She was so relieved to see him she beamed up at him. ‘Do I look very different, Nathan?’ His name tripped off her tongue and she waited for him to scold her but he didn’t.

  Instead dancing eyes took her in from top to toe. ‘I never would have believed such a change possible. It’s frightening!’

  ‘Frightening?’ she said, taken aback.

  ‘The uniform. I feel like saluting you.’

  She laughed, not believing a word he said, knowing the snugly fitting suit did wonders for her female figure. ‘I don’t know why you should say that?’

  ‘You remind me of my commanding officer.’

  ‘Who?’ She flashed him a startled glance.

  ‘That’s a joke. But I am one of Haldane’s men.’ There was a proud tilt to his head. ‘I joined the Lancashire Fusiliers Special Reserve the other year when I was feeling a bit browned off. Jess and I had quarrelled. It was before we married.’

  ‘I thought you were mad about each other?’

  He stared down at her, a thoughtful expression in his eyes. ‘We got mad at each other at times. Didn’t you and your husband?’

  She hesitated. ‘Frank was away at sea a lot.’

  ‘So you never had fights?’

  ‘We had so little time together. In some ways I hardly knew him. Besides, I wouldn’t have dreamed of answering him back. He was my husband and eight years older than me. Knew so much more about life, had been to so many places. The only quarrel I had with him, really, was over Ma.’

  ‘Ma ?’

  She grimaced. ‘I shouldn’t have mentioned her. He’s dead and that part of my life’s over.’

  There was a silence. Then Nathan said abruptly, ‘I’ll be going to army camp in summer for a month. Uncle William’s put out. We almost had a row about it but I was adamant about still going. I enjoy it, you see. Roughing it, cross country training and all that. It demands something of a bloke. He was astonished when I told him my instructor last year wanted me to sign up to be a regular soldier. I used to shoot pigeons so I’m a good shot. The instructor was of the opinion there was certain promotion in it for me.’

  ‘You told Mr Barnes that?’

  ‘Aye. And he seemed impressed, if still annoyed with me.’ He smiled and changed the subject. ‘You know, Moll, I still find it hard to believe you made that uniform yourself. It looks so professional. Turn round. Let me see it from all angles.’

  Slightly embarrassed she did a twirl, revealing a neat pair of ankles in the buttoned tan boots.

  ‘Very nice.’ Then he changed the subject again. ‘They all say time heals. D’you believe them?’

  ‘The shock passes but it still hurts. It’s just a matter of getting on with it.’

  They both fell silent and he stared at the child in the pram. ‘I’ll pop up and see her later,’ he said eventually.

  Molly carried on with her walk, thinking about him being away a whole month. If only it was Mrs Collins going instead!

  Later Nathan popped into the nursery as he’d said he would. Molly had finished bathing the baby who was now clad in a clean nightgown and smelling deliciously of Pear’s soap. As she emptied the bath in the other room she caught the faint sound of a lullaby and smiled to herself, thinking once again that Nathan was a funny mixture. Who had taught him that? She could not imagine Mrs Collins ever singing to him.

  That visit to the nursery was the forerunner of many over the following weeks. Molly was pleased by Nathan’s growing fascination with her child. When he did not come she was keenly aware of her own disappointment. When he did they talked not only of the baby’s welfare but of the factory and his plans, and of the changes going on in the world: of airships and votes for women, the visit of the Csar and Csarina of Russia.

  Mr Barnes had given Molly leave to read whatever took her fancy from his bookshelves. He recommended Her Benny which was set in Liverpool during Victorian times and was about a poverty-stricken pair of orphans. The book made her cry and she told him so when he asked what she’d thought of it. Afterwards they discussed poverty and David Lloyd George’s intention to improve things for the poor on top of the old age pension which he had already introduced.

  Molly was well aware of Mrs Collins’s disapproval of her son’s daily visits to the nursery and of her brother’s desire to educate her further. As Molly pushed Jessica in the pram in Alexandra Park she tried not to think about the growing physical attraction she felt towards Nathan, telling herself she couldn’t possible be in love with him, but there was no doubt in her mind just how much she enjoyed the time spent in his company. She told herself she mustn’t get too fond of him, that way lay heartache. Yet she could hardly ask him to stop visiting the nursery. Maybe if she absented herself during the time he was there…

  But when Molly tried that ploy he was visibly annoyed. ‘Where are you off to again? I need to talk to you about Jessica.’ He paced the floor, hands in his pockets, eyes on her face, to catch her every expression. ‘Has my mother been saying things to you? If she has, forget them. She doesn’t rule me. I say stay so you stay. Understand?’

  Of course she understood. But she wondered if he understood what was happening between them. Because she would have to be daft not to realise he felt something for her. She would catch him staring at her and he would look away almost immediately. Yet not soon enough to slow the racing of her heart at the expression in his eyes. Their hands would brush apparently by accident, but was it?

  It was August when Nathan informed Molly he would be leaving for a training camp in Wales the next day. She was expecting the news but even so her spirits plummeted.

  ‘Jessica’s just getting to know and recognise you. Your voice, everything. She’s going to miss you.’ Molly could not disguise the catch in her own voice.

  ‘Don’t you think I’m going to miss her too?’ Nathan pressed his cheek against the baby’s as she bit on an ivory and silver rattle. ‘You as well, of course,’ he added softly, staring at Molly.

  She lowered her eyes, finding it hard to smile. ‘You’ll be too busy enjoying yourself crawling through undergrowth and taking potshots at the wild life,’ she murmured.

  ‘I aim to enjoy it, but being with the lads won’t be the same as being with you. That’s a daft thing to say, I know, but it’s true. I really am going to miss you, Molly.’

  ‘You mustn’t say anymore.’ She lifted her head. ‘Here, give me Jessica. I’ll put her down.’

  He handed the baby over, watching as she placed Jessica in the cradle. ‘She’s going to need something bigger soon.’

  ‘I know.’ Like she’ll need weaning, thought Molly. And what about me then? Mrs Collins would say they should get a proper trained nurse. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d expressed such an opinion.

  Molly straightened, not realising how close h
e was standing. When had he moved? Her heart began to hammer as his arms went around her. She knew it was foolish not to resist but it felt so good. With a sigh she placed her head on his shoulder and put her arms round his waist. For a moment they just held each other then she looked at him and felt a rush of excitement at the expression on his face. When his mouth came down on hers it caused a tingling in her veins. Her lips yielded and they kissed, long and deep.

  After a while Nathan reached behind her to unfasten the strings of her apron and pull it over her head. Then, with fingers that trembled, he began to undress her. Molly knew she should stop things there and then but didn’t have the willpower. She wanted him to make love to her. His hands moved over her body and he nuzzled her neck as he carried her over to the narrow bed. She felt so alive. Like a scrunched up sheet of paper set afire, his body the taper that ignited the flame at her heart. As he cuddled, caressed and took her.

  She came to herself, aware of Jessica gurgling in her cot, and was suddenly reminded of the pain of childbirth. What if she became pregnant? What had she been thinking of, giving way to her emotions?

  Scared stiff now, she pushed at him and he rolled off her. She glanced at him as he lay with one hand across his eyes and murmured, ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘A bit late now, Mr Collins,’ she said shakily, getting out of bed and clutching her drawers to her.

  ‘God, it was good, though.’ His voice was almost reverent.

  Molly could have agreed with that but chose not to. She mustn’t encourage him to think they could do it again. Suddenly she noticed the nursery door was not quite shut and hurried to close it. ‘We must have been mad!’ she whispered. ‘You’d better get dressed and get out of here before someone comes.’

  ‘In a minute, Moll. We have to talk.’ He did not move.

  She shook him. ‘Mr Collins… Nathan… your mother or your uncle… anyone could come along.’

  He shifted, scooping up the clothes she threw at him and staring at her with a frown. ‘What’s happened to us? It’s only five months since Jess died.’

  ‘I know. It’s the same with Frank.’ She went into the other room.

  ‘It must be me going off to camp that caused it,’ he called after her.

  Molly did not argue.

  When she re-entered the room, dressed, he surprised her by catching her to him. ‘Twenty-eight days, Molly,’ he whispered against her mouth. ‘It’ll pass.’

  ‘Not thirty-one?’ she said flippantly, near to tears.

  ‘I’ll be counting the days.’ He kissed her lightly on the lips before releasing her and going over to the cradle. ‘You’ll take care of Jessica?’

  ‘Of course! That’s my job, Mr Collins.’ Her whole body felt stiff with dread of what might happen once he had gone.

  ‘Nathan,’ he said softly, gazing at her. ‘You can’t call me Mr Collins after that.’ His head indicated the bed. ‘Bye, Moll. Thanks for everything.’

  She almost said it had been a pleasure but restrained herself. ‘Don’t get in the way of any bullets.’

  ‘I’m not stupid.’ He smiled, blew her a kiss and left.

  Molly went over to the cradle and lifted out her baby. Tears shone in her eyes. ‘Lovely precious,’ she whispered, rubbing her cheek against the light brown hair. ‘He loves you. Whether he really loves me as well, we’ll just have to wait and see.’

  Chapter Five

  ‘Bitch!’

  ‘Pardon?’ Startled, Molly stared at Mrs Collins. She had just felt a tooth while feeding Jessica and it had not only hurt but dismayed her. Now Nathan’s mother was acting up again.

  ‘Thee thinks I’m a fool, don’t thee?’

  ‘Why should I think that, Mrs Collins?’

  ‘He thinks I’m a fool,’ she snapped, folding her arms and pacing the nursery floor. ‘He forced the child on me, thee knows. I wanted our cousin’s.’

  ‘What child? What cousin?’ Molly felt like asking, ‘And why all the thees and thous all of a sudden?’

  ‘Him!’ She jerked her head in the direction of Jessica. ‘And thee knows who I’m talking about.’

  ‘She’s a girl,’ said Molly.

  ‘Took the other one from me. It had golden hair, just like his.’

  Who was she going on about?

  ‘Stop staring at me!’ Mrs Collins shook her head. ‘Oh, thee’s useless! I thought thee at least would understand.’

  ‘Understand what, Mrs Collins?’

  ‘What are you calling me that for? I never wanted his name. I’m going.’ She swept out of the nursery.

  Molly stared after her in amazement, wondering what was wrong with her, then carried on changing her daughter’s nappy.

  Half an hour later Mrs Collins came up to Molly as she was buckling Jessica into her harness in the pram. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

  ‘Taking Jessica for a walk, Mrs Collins.’

  ‘Let me look at you.’ The woman inspected her appearance, stepping forward to fiddle with her collar and adjust her hat. ‘Don’t be dawdling. I’ve got work for you to do.’ She prodded her in the back.

  ‘Yes, Mrs Collins,’ she said, tight-lipped. ‘I’ll be back within the hour.’

  ‘You’d better be. I’ve got my eye on you.’ Molly wheeled the pram down the drive, aware of Mrs Collins standing in the doorway watching her.

  ‘Wait for us, Moll!’

  She turned to see Doris hurrying after her. ‘She’s going queer, that woman,’ she said in a breathless voice.

  ‘I know. She called Jess “he” and went on about another baby.’

  ‘What d’you think’s wrong with her?’

  ‘God only knows. I’m worried, though. I’m going to have to start weaning Jess and I’m sure she’ll try and get me out before Mr Collins returns.’

  ‘Wouldn’t surprise me. But yer could do with some time away from Miss Jessica anyhow. Come to our house with us tonight. Mr Barnes said we could have time off ’cos he’s going to some party with Lady Muck.’

  ‘I’d like that,’ said Molly wistfully, ‘but I don’t know whether Cook’ll be that keen on keeping her eye on Jessica. She’s teething.’

  ‘Ask Flo, the new maid. She’s from a big family. Yer too attached to Miss Jessica. Yer wanna take care. I know yer think Mr Collins’ll stick by yer, but I wouldn’t bank on it, Moll. He’s only using yer.’

  She stiffened. ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘You and him!’ Doris stopped in her tracks, biting her lip as she stared at Molly. ‘I was passing the nursery the evening before he left. Yer a fool to yerself. There’s a big gap between you and him.’

  ‘That’s where you’re wrong.’ Molly’s cheeks were scarlet. ‘We went to the same school.’

  ‘That was then. Things have changed for him. If you were to get caught…’ She nudged Molly in the side. ‘Yer’d be an embarrassment. He’d be rid of yer like a shot.’

  Molly’s stomach seemed to fall like a stone in a well. ‘You don’t know him. He feels like a fish out of water here.’

  Doris rolled her eyes. ‘Holy Mary! He might have at first but not now.’

  ‘OK, OK!’ Molly shot out her hands as if to ward her off. ‘I see what you mean. Let’s change the subject. I’ll come to your house if Flo agrees.’

  The new maid was willing and Molly started looking forward to an evening out. She settled Jessica to sleep and was just about to leave the nursery when Mrs Collins swept in, dressed to the nines in a blue eyelet embroidered evening gown which was far too young for her. She was carrying an armful of brown velvet material. ‘I want you to make curtains out of this. I saw it in the sales and thought it would be just right for the house.’ She dumped it on the bed. ‘You can get started right away.’

  Molly couldn’t believe it. ‘That isn’t part of my job, Mrs Collins. Your son spoke to you about this.’

  The older woman’s eyes flashed. ‘Don’t you talk to me about my son! I’ll tell you what’s what here and if thee doesn�
�t like it, thee can scoot.’

  Molly’s heart sank and she had to dredge up the courage to reply. ‘I’ll speak to Mr Barnes.’ Molly made to push past her but the other woman caught hold of her arm, gripping it with a strength that surprised her and bringing her mouth close to Molly’s ear. ‘Don’t thee dare open thy mouth. Thee’s said enough to him. I’ll not have thee taking him away from me. Thee’s a troublemaker.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Molly’s voice shook.

  ‘Ha! Think I believe that? Thee’s good at sewing. Well, get sewing.’ And Mrs Collins waltzed out of the room.

  The woman was mad. She had left no measurements and which windows was she talking about?

  ‘Are yer ready?’ demanded Doris, entering the nursery.

  ‘That woman’s crazy. She’s just asked me to make curtains. Wants me to start right away.’

  Doris shook her head in disbelief. ‘Wharra you gonna do?’

  Molly hesitated, then reached for the new velour jacket she had made and buttoned it up. She placed the matching hat at a saucy angle, shoving a hatpin through the fabric to secure it. ‘I’m not doing them, am I?’

  ‘That’s the spirit,’ said Doris, grinning, seizing her sleeve and hurrying her out of the room. ‘I’d better warn yer now, though, yer’ll be expected to do a turn at our house. Yer don’t mind, do yer? You can do any old thing.’

  Oh, Lor’! thought Molly, despite knowing a whole repertoire of songs from her pub days, and her tummy quivered with nerves.

  After the spaciousness and relative quiet of the house in Blundellsands, Doris’s home in Ascot Street was not only noisy and overcrowded but the area itself much dirtier than Molly remembered, and due to the gasworks it definitely ponged a bit. At least the welcome was warm. Despite all the chairs being taken by the older generation and her having to share an orange box with Doris, while one of her brothers gave them a rendering of ‘Home, Home on the Range’ with comb and tissue paper, Molly began to enjoy herself.