A Walk Along the Beach
Page 20
From this point the team that I’d been living and working with all these weeks would head in different directions. I would fly into Seattle and Doug would head to Chicago and the others to Phoenix.
As soon as I cleared customs, squared away my luggage, and got to my next gate, I reached for my phone. Eager didn’t begin to explain how anxious I was to speak to Willa. Not having been able to communicate with her in the weeks since our last conversation, I was desperate for news.
My hand shook with nerves and anticipation until the call went through. It rang and rang. With each unanswered ring, my frustration mounted until the call went to voicemail. Part of me was tempted to hang up and try again later. After hesitating, I decided to leave a message.
“Willa, it’s me. I’m in L.A., about to board my flight. Give me a call when you get this.” Given no choice, I disconnected. Disappointment settled in my stomach like acid. After weeks of going without hearing her voice, I was near desperate.
While waiting, I connected with my parents and assured them all was well, that I was in the States and would arrive back in Oceanside soon.
“By any chance have you heard from Willa?” I asked, hoping they might be able to fill me in on what was happening with her sister. My thoughts bounced from one scenario to another, not knowing what was worse.
My mother was on the other end of the phone, with my dad listening in. “Not a word. Has something happened?”
“It’s her sister. Shortly after I left, Willa learned that Harper’s cancer had returned.”
“Oh no. I’m so sorry, Sean, but Willa didn’t reach out. Did you expect her to?”
“No, but I was hoping.”
We didn’t talk long; I was in a hurry to get off the phone, anxious to try phoning Willa again. Although I loved my parents and was happy to hear their voices, the person I needed to speak to most was Willa.
When my flight was announced, Willa still hadn’t returned my call, although I’d tried twice more. The two hours I was in the air flying into Seattle felt like the fifteen and a half hours it took to fly from Manila to California. Each minute felt like a year. The wheels had barely touched down when I reached for my phone, turned off airplane mode, and tried her yet again.
The results were the same and I groaned in frustration. I paid a king’s ransom at the airport for a car service to drive me to Oceanside.
By the time I arrived, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I felt like I could sleep for a week, but I needed to collect Bandit. After everything my dog had been through, he must believe I was another human who had abandoned him.
When I drove up to the Hoffert home, Bandit was curled up on the porch, snoozing. At the sound of my car door closing, he lifted his head. Seeing me, he leaped up and raced to the fence, his tail swinging so hard and fast it slapped against the sides of his body.
After opening the gate, I got down on one knee and Bandit licked my face as I gave him the attention he craved. When Teresa and Logan came out of the house, I thanked them both for looking after Bandit and explained why I was away longer than I’d expected. I was grateful knowing Bandit was being well cared for.
Then, because I was anxious to find out what I could about Willa and her sister, I asked Teresa, “What’s the word on Harper Lakey?”
Teresa’s face fell. “We haven’t heard much. Just that she is in that cancer hospital in Seattle.”
“What about Willa?”
“She’s in Seattle, too. Friends of theirs are keeping her coffee place going. Everyone misses Willa, though. It’s not the same without her. Don’t imagine her being away this long is good for business.”
The last thing Willa needed on top of everything else was for Bean There to fail on account of her absence.
With Bandit resting in the backseat, I drove home. I unpacked my camera gear and my computer, fed Bandit, took a shower, and crashed. My bed had never felt more welcoming. Tense as I was, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to rest. To my surprise, I fell asleep almost immediately.
A persistent sound like a church bell played in my sleep, droning on and on until I realized this was no dream. It was my phone. I nearly fell out of bed in my eagerness to answer before it went to voicemail.
“Hello,” I said, my voice sounding more like a croaking frog than myself.
“Sean?”
“Willa. Willa. Thank God.” The relief I felt just hearing her voice was nearly my undoing. “I lost count of how many times I tried to reach you. Did you get my messages?”
“Where are you?”
“Home. Oceanside.”
“Oh Sean,” she gasped, sounding close to tears, “you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
“Same goes for me. It’s been hell being unable to be with you, especially now.” A stampede of questions raced through my mind and I almost didn’t know where to start, so I went with the most important: “How’s Harper?”
She hesitated, as if she wasn’t sure how to respond. “The same…Maybe a bit worse. We need to get her white cell count up and it isn’t happening, and now…now…” She paused and seemed unable to continue.
I knew next to nothing about the treatment for cancer. “What’s happened?” I asked, when she didn’t finish.
“Dr. Carroll has her on oxygen. She hates the mask, but she needs it. I keep telling her it won’t be for much longer. I have to believe it won’t be long before she’s better, but it’s getting harder every day when I see her declining.”
“Dr. Carroll is her physician?”
“Yes, but John Neal is with her every day, too. He’s been wonderful. They’re in love. He’s doing everything possible to keep her alive.”
That sounded hopeful. “When can I see you?” I asked, needing to take her in my arms, hold her close, and breathe her in. As much as possible, I longed to relieve her of this burden.
“I’m in Seattle…Oh, did you know Lucas and Chantelle are married? A little more than a week ago. I’ll explain everything when I see you.”
“I landed only a few hours ago. I’ll get what sleep I can and drive into the city first thing in the morning. I’ve got a million things I need to do, so I won’t be able to stay long; I’m sorry, love. I hope you understand.” Any time with Willa would be worth the drive, even if it was for only an hour or two.
“Sleep, then. Call me before you leave and then when you’re close.”
“Do you want me to come to the hospital?”
“Yes, please. Oh Sean, you have no idea how badly I need you…how I have longed to lay my head on your shoulder and have you hold me. I don’t know how much longer I can last without you.”
For Willa to be this vulnerable told me everything I needed to know. My strong, resilient woman was close to the breaking point. Sitting on the edge of my mattress after we hung up, I ran my hands over my face, debating leaving right then. I stood, and to my shock nearly collapsed. Driving, I decided, wouldn’t be a good idea. Instead I climbed back into bed and slept for another eight hours straight.
* * *
—
I left for Seattle as soon as I was dressed and had a mocha. My bags remained unpacked, my seven-plus weeks’ worth of mail still at the post office.
The drive into Seattle took nearly thirty minutes longer than I’d anticipated, with traffic stopped dead due to an accident on the freeway. As Willa requested, I called when I was close to the hospital. She told me the best spot to park and then said she’d meet me in the lobby.
The first thing that hit me when I saw her was how pale and drawn she looked. My girl was hanging on by a thread. As soon as she saw me, she hurried forward, nearly falling into me. The instant my arms were around her, she broke into sobs. Her cries tore at my heart.
I half carried her to a seating area, grateful we could have a few minutes alone. She sat on my lap and my hand cradled the
back of her head as she sobbed into my shoulder.
“I’m here, baby, I’m here.” Knowing I would need to leave again soon tore at my heart. Now wasn’t the time to tell her that only part of the assignment had been completed.
Holding her as I was, I could tell that she’d lost a considerable amount of weight. It was as if she believed that her will and might alone could keep her sister alive. She’d told me when Harper had first developed leukemia three years before that she refused to allow anyone to suggest, think, or even hint at a negative outcome.
“Is she still needing the oxygen mask?” I asked, silently praying that had been only temporary.
Willa’s shoulders sagged as she nodded.
I hated to ask but needed to know. “Did she need oxygen the last time she had leukemia?”
Willa sniffled and shook her head. “It’s…It’s worse this time, but I’m trying not to read anything into this latest development.”
“Don’t let your mind go there,” I said, wanting to be encouraging.
“I’m trying not to. I should get back. I hate to be away from her for too long. She likes me to do everything for her myself other than what’s necessary for the nurses to handle.”
“What about Lucas and Chantelle? Are they helping?”
“Yes. Lucas stops by every day after work and takes over for me on the weekends…but lately Harper only wants me.”
“Can I come with you?”
She nodded, slipped off my lap, and reached for my hand. As we started toward the elevator, she stopped, her shoulders stiffening. “Before you see her, I need to prepare you. Leesa and Carrie came to visit not long ago…I’d tell you when, but the days all run together. They were shaken when they saw how far she’s declined. She’s bald and she’s lost a lot of weight…and”—she paused, hiccupping a soft sob—“she’s very sick.”
It was all I could do not to wrap my arms around Willa again. It hurt me to see her struggle to maintain her hope, her belief. I’d give anything to take her away from all this, but I knew she would never leave her sister. Saving Harper meant everything to Willa. It terrified me to think what would happen to her if Harper lost this battle with cancer.
“Are you ready?” she asked, after we came out of the elevator. Her hand was clasped in mine.
“Ready,” I said, and walked at her side to Harper’s room.
Silently she opened the door and looked inside. “Harper,” she said gently, “you have company. Sean is here.”
Although she’d prepared me, I nearly gasped with shock. Lying in her hospital bed, Harper was curled in the fetal position, an oxygen mask over her face. When she heard my name, she opened her eyes, which were dull and lifeless. I could see she was making an effort to smile and all that it cost her to do so.
“She’s not having a good day,” Willa said, stepping over to the bed. She gently touched Harper’s face.
Even though it was difficult, Harper smiled.
Willa moved closer to the bed and took hold of her sister’s hand.
Harper lifted the mask so she could speak. “Take care of Willa.”
“Of course,” I said.
“For me,” she added.
“Harper,” Willa said with a forced laugh. “Why would Sean need to take care of me? Dr. Carroll told me he’s getting the okay to try an experimental medication that shows promise.”
Harper’s eyes were closed, and it looked to me as if she was asleep and hadn’t heard a word.
We didn’t stay long. I hadn’t eaten and my stomach growled. Knowing Willa probably hadn’t had much herself, I suggested we go to the cafeteria. She had yet to tell me about Lucas and Chantelle’s wedding.
The decision seemed hard for her to make. “We won’t be away long, will we?”
“No,” I promised. “Only a few minutes.”
“I’ll let Harper’s nurse know where we are so she can come for me if there’s any change.”
“Sure.”
Willa barely spoke on the elevator to the cafeteria. “I don’t like to leave her for long,” she reminded me.
“Don’t worry, I won’t order a four-course meal.”
That produced only a semblance of a smile. Willa ordered coffee and I grabbed a premade sandwich and bottled water.
We were at the table only a few minutes, and I had yet to take more than a few bites, when we were interrupted.
An orderly approached our table. “You’re Willa?”
“Yes.” Immediately she pushed back her chair and was on her feet. “What?”
“Dr. Carroll asked me to come for you.”
“I’ll be right there.” Willa didn’t wait for me but started for the elevator, her steps urgent.
I left my sandwich and hurried after her. When we got back, the physician I could only assume was Dr. Carroll stood outside Harper’s room, talking to John. Both looked troubled. He turned when he saw Willa and me.
“What is it?” Willa demanded. “What’s happened?”
The physician Willa had hung all her hope on wasn’t able to meet her eyes. His shoulders slumped and I could see the dread written all over him. My stomach pitched. Whatever it was he had to tell her couldn’t be good.
“Harper’s vomiting blood.”
CHAPTER 25
Willa
The next two days were an emotional roller coaster as we dealt with this latest development in Harper’s declining condition. I was at her bedside constantly until I was ready to drop from the emotional and physical strain. Within forty-eight hours Harper was stable and I could breathe again.
Lucas and Chantelle must have said something to Sean, because he drove to Seattle to collect me, claiming I needed a break. At first I refused to leave Harper, until my sister all but banned me from the room. Dr. Carroll and John insisted that a few days away from the hospital would do me good. Chantelle agreed to stand in for me and promised to be in touch if anything new developed with Harper. Leaving my sister for even a day was hard, but in the end, I capitulated and left with Sean.
Since Harper and I left for Seattle I hadn’t been back to Oceanside. In the time I’d been away my business had taken a dramatic turn for the worse. My thoughts were leaping from one crisis to another. Although Bean There was the biggest investment of my life, I’d left it on the back burner while I was with my sister.
My mood was sullen as we headed back to Oceanside.
“You okay?” Sean asked, once we left the heavy Seattle traffic.
“No. I shouldn’t have left Harper.”
“Willa, you’re exhausted. You need this.”
“I need this?” I cried, both frustrated and angry. I bit down hard on my back molars to the point I feared they might crack. “What gives you the right to tell me what I need? You’ve been halfway around the world doing whatever it is you do. What right do you have to tell me anything?” It was unfair to resent him for not being around when I needed his support, but I couldn’t hold back a minute longer.
My words were met with a silence that grew as thick as a London fog.
Hanging my head, I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry…I don’t mean to take my frustration out on you.” I chanced to look at Sean. He reached over and took hold of my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I relaxed and leaned my head against the passenger window and closed my eyes. No more than a few minutes later, I was asleep.
When we arrived in Oceanside, Sean gently shook my shoulder. “Willa.” He spoke softly, stirring me from my slumber.
Sitting upright, I blinked a couple of times. “Where are we?”
“At your apartment.”
Straightening, I wiped the sleep from my face and looked over at Sean, regretting being cross with him earlier. “I slept…almost the entire way,” I whispered, surprised at myself.
“You needed it.”
I paused in front of my apartment. Ridiculous as it seemed, entering the home my sister and I had shared suddenly felt daunting. Overcome and hesitant, I asked, “Would you come inside with me?”
Sean glanced at the time. “I can’t stay long.”
“I know.” He was just back himself and had yet to catch up with his own affairs. I appreciated that he’d taken the time to come and collect me from Seattle. The crux of the matter was that I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to look inside Harper’s bedroom and find her things scattered about while she was back in Seattle battling for her life.
“Stay with me,” he said, standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders.
The need in me was strong, weighty. It didn’t take me long to decide. “Yes, please. I want to.”
We collected a few personal items from the apartment that I would need for the night. Sean led me back to the car and helped me inside. Neither of us had anything to say as we rode to his place.
As we came through the front door, Bandit leaped up with a bark, excited to see Sean and me, tail swishing from side to side with carefree abandon. I crouched down and rubbed his ears. “Good to see you, too, buddy,” I whispered, as my arms circled his neck and I pressed my face against his.
Sean’s living room was a disaster. His bag was only half unpacked, with clothes dumped on the sofa. Newspapers and mail cluttered the top of the coffee table. After weeks of grueling work and the long flight back to the States, Sean was as exhausted as me, only in a different way and for different reasons.
“I apologize for the mess,” he said, hands in his pockets, embarrassed.
“No mind,” I said on the tail end of a yawn. “This is what Harper’s room has looked like from the time she was five.”