Restart Again: Volume 3

by Adam Ladner Scott

  “There was a voice in the darkness. I don’t know who or what it is, but I know it’s the reason I’m here, and why I’m...the way I am. It opened up this sort of portal, or crack, I guess. The world just sort of broke, like glass, and, uhm…” I trailed off, frustrated with my complete lack of understanding of the situation. “It broke open a crack to the void. Where I go, between worlds. And when the crack opened, another one of those monsters came out.”

  Lia gasped. “So...they’re coming from that void, then?”

  I shook my head. “Maybe. I can’t say for sure they’re all coming from there, but I know this one did.”

  “Did you kill it? The monster?” She jolted upright as a wave of panic crossed her face. “Is Marin okay? Did it—”

  “Marin is fine,” I assured her. “The monster climbed out from the void and...well, it, uhm, stabbed you. Through the heart.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “If it stabbed me through the heart, wouldn’t I be dead?” The long moment of silence in response seemed to give her the information she needed, and the amusement drained from her face. She raised a hand to her chest and ran her fingers across the fabric. They froze in the spot where I knew the scar sat, currently obscured by her nightgown. “Lux?” she asked, her voice barely audible in the silent room. “Did I die?”

  I reached out and took her hand in both of mine, pulling it away from the black scar. “Yes,” I nodded, “you did. Lia, I’m so sorry. It was entirely my fault. If I hadn’t—”

  “If I died,” she blurted, interrupting my apology, “how am I alive now?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not sure I understand it myself,” I answered. “When you died, all of your mana started to change into this...darkness. It was like the mana itself was dying, and turning into a new kind of energy. I saw it happening, and thought that maybe, if I stopped the darkness from spreading to your core, you might survive somehow.” I tipped my head towards her chest. “It worked, but I couldn’t heal the scar it left behind. I tried everything, but it wouldn’t go away. I’m sorry.”

  She bit her lip. “I don’t understand. How did you stop...whatever it was that happened to me? To my mana?”

  I clenched my jaw down on the side of my tongue as I fought against the overwhelming urge to lie. “There was this voice from the void. I’ve heard it in my head before: that night in the Attetsian plaza, when we broke through the Mountain gate, even in my dreams. It told me that I could control the energy that came from your death. That my entire purpose in this world was to take that energy and…” I trailed off. “I don’t know. It just wanted more death.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked quietly, squeezing my hand. “You’ve been hearing this voice for that long, and you didn’t tell me about it? Why?”

  I shook my head and looked away, ashamed. I can’t say it.

  “Lux, please,” Lia begged, tugging on my hand. “Please talk to me.”

  When I raised my head again, I found a dozen copies of her floating before my eyes, blurry and refracted through fresh tears. “I knew that if you found out what I really was, you’d leave me.”

  She shook her head. “I would never leave—”

  “You would, if you knew!” I interrupted. “Marin saw what I am, after you died. She saw the darkness, and now she can’t even stand to be in the same room as me.” Finally voicing one of the thoughts that had haunted me the most since meeting Lia was enough to break the last of my composure. “Just because you don’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I killed you!”

  “You saved me,” she answered, pulling me towards her. I fell into her chest and soaked the collar of her nightgown with tears as she rubbed the back of my neck.

  “Lia, no, it was my fault,” I cried. “I can’t control it. If you stay with me, it could happen again, and I don’t know...I don’t know if I could bring you back again.”

  “It’s not your fault,” she breathed into my ear. “You didn’t choose this, Lux. Someone, or something, forced this on you, and you’ve been dealing with it on your own for so long. I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. I promised you, we’re in this together. Forever.”

  My gut flipped back and forth between sharp bouts of nausea and a spreading, joyous warmth. “I need you, but...you can’t. You’ll get hurt again. I can’t fix those scars, Lia. You’ll just get more, the longer you stay with me.”

  “I don’t care about scars.” She pushed me upright and pulled my hand up to her chest, holding it against the black marks. “Those scars on your hand came from the darkness too, right? Now we match.” She gave me a reassuring smile, but it quickly faded to worry. “What about you? Are you okay?”

  I furrowed my brow, unable to follow her logic. “Me? I’m...fine. I didn’t get hurt.”

  She sighed in relief. “Good. I was worried your scars might have gotten worse.”

  “Oh.” I stared at my gloved hand for a moment. “I haven’t really checked that.”

  “You...haven’t checked?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. “You’ve been wearing your armor this whole time?” I gave her a small nod in reply. “How long has it been since, uhm, since I...since the fight?”

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged weakly.

  “You don’t know?” she echoed me again. She quickly scanned the room, her eyes settling on the uneaten food before returning to mine. “You haven’t been eating, have you? Or sleeping, if I had to guess.” I stared past her blankly, too emotionally drained to answer. “Lux, why would you do that?”

  “I had to make sure you were okay,” I answered. “I wasn’t hungry, or tired.”

  She rubbed her eyes and groaned. “Yes, you were.” Her hand moved to my knee and squeezed it, slightly harder than was comfortable. “You can’t keep punishing yourself like this. You’re not responsible for every bad thing that happens in the world. You know that, don’t you?”

  I wanted to argue, but I knew she was right, and I lacked the energy to defend my choices. “I know, it’s just…” I started. “I lived for so long by myself that I thought it was the only way I could go on, but I can’t do it anymore. Not without you. When you died, I thought...I thought it would be easier if I just died, too.”

  “No!” Lia shouted, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Don’t say that. Don’t think that.” She pulled herself up from beneath the sheets to sit on her knees directly in front of me. “I love you more than anything else in this world. But you told me that someday, you’re going to get sent away again. It makes me sad, and angry, and even keeps me up at night sometimes, but I know I’ll have to deal with it someday.” Tears began to pool in the corners of her eyes as she continued. “There’s no way I can do it if you keep saying things like that. I need to know you’ll be okay after you’re gone.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know if I will. I can’t keep losing over and over again, Lia. After Amaya and Alda, I can’t lose you, too. I can’t.” I tipped my head forward to rest it against hers. “It isn’t fair.”

  “I know,” she whispered, holding the side of my face. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen. Until then, we just have to make every second count, right?”

  I stared into her amber eyes, eyes I thought I would never see open again. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she answered, pulling me in for a quick kiss.

  Our closeness set off fireworks inside my head, and I momentarily forgot everything else but her lips.

  “Marry me.”

  She pulled back a few inches and stared at me, mouth agape. “What did you say?”

  Blood rushed to my face as I realized what I had said, but I was too overwhelmed by my love for her to care. “Marry me,” I repeated. “I had plans to make you a Union offering with Layne, but the monster attack changed that. I was going to make it in our forge, but Elise showed up and pulled us away again.” I cupped her cheek and watched her earnestly. “I can’t wait anymore. If every second counts, I want to spe
nd them married to you.”

  Her cheek turned a dark red beneath my hand. “Lux, I…” she paused and let out a soft giggle. “I was going to make you a Union offering, too. Lyn and I talked about it on our trip.”

  I laughed along with her, the last of the tension in my body melting away. “So...is that a yes?”

  She kissed me again, and I felt her lips smile against mine as she continued to laugh. “Yes,” she answered softly, “I’ll marry you.”

  ***

  18. MADE WHOLE

  Elise let out an excited squeal as she scooped Lia into her arms and spun her around the living room. “Oooh, congratulations, Marly!” Lia struggled against the vice-like grip for a moment, but quickly began to laugh and returned the hug. “I came as soon as I heard you were awake, but I wasn’t expecting more good news!” After a few more spins, she set Lia back down on the ground and turned her attention to me. “Congratulations are in order for you too, Lux.”

  “Thank you,” I said graciously. “I waited too long, I think, but better late—” My response was cut off by a similar bear hug that popped both of my shoulders. “Oof,” I groaned involuntarily as the breath was knocked from my chest. While I had never seen any indication that Elise was weak, I hadn’t expected her to have the strength to lift my boots off the ground.

  “I’m so happy for you two,” she beamed as she let me go and stepped back. “Have you decided when the ceremony will be?”

  “As soon as possible,” Lia answered. “I think we’re both done with waiting.”

  “Oh, wonderful!” Elise cried, clapping her hands. “I’ll take care of all the expenses. Whatever you want, you’ll have it.” I stepped forward immediately to argue, but she pointed a finger at my chest and stopped me in my tracks. “No, no arguments! I’m paying, and that’s final.”

  I looked at Lia out of the corner of my eye and found her with a grin on her face. She gave me a small shrug, and I sighed. “That’s very generous, Elise. Thank you.”

  “Generous, indeed!” Marten laughed from the couch across from us. “I owe you my thanks for that as well, Ellie! You’ll be saving me a fortune.”

  Hana elbowed him in the ribs and rolled her eyes. “Which we would have been willing to pay,” she smiled to Lia and me, “and of course, we’ll still help in any way we can.”

  Marten raised his hands defensively. “Of course, of course!”

  Elise grinned. “If you’re truly looking to have the ceremony as soon as possible, I’ll get my people working on the preparations now. As long as Tabitha isn’t too consumed with her winter orders, I should be able to get you measured by tomorrow.” Without prompting, Bella pulled a small notepad from her back pocket and began to take notes while Elise continued. “Bella, I’ll leave food to you. I’ll visit the chapel on the way back to the office, and send for…” She trailed off suddenly, looking back and forth across the room. “Where’s Marin? I’ll need her help, as well.”

  “She’s finishing an in-town delivery for me this afternoon,” Marten answered. “She’ll be back within the hour, I assume.”

  I winced at the answer. While the statement was true, the context behind it was lacking. Since Lia’s awakening and my subsequent emergence from the bedroom, Marin had spent as much time out of the house as possible, volunteering to cover deliveries for Marten or buying any food or supplies Hana needed in town. Her relief at seeing Lia alive was apparent every time the two happened to cross paths within the house, but her discomfort at seeing me clearly outweighed the feeling. I had planned to talk with her about the incident, but the combination of her careful avoidance and the amount of sleep Lia and I needed to recover made the encounter impossible.

  “I see. Maybe we’ll catch her on the way out,” Elise muttered, rubbing her chin. “If we do happen to miss her, send her to the office the next time she’s free. Until then, I think we have more than enough to keep us busy, right?” she asked, looking at Bella. Finding the nod she expected, she turned back to us with a wide smile and gave us each another hug. “Congratulations again, both of you. It has been an incredibly trying week for everyone; this news is exactly what I needed.”

  “Thanks, Aunt Ellie,” Lia said, returning the embrace. “I love you.”

  “Oh, I love you too, Marly,” she replied, giving her one final squeeze before she took her place next to Bella. “Alright, you two. Make sure you stay here for the next day or so; you’ll either be hearing from me or people who work for me. So much to do!” She turned and made her way to the door, continuing to dictate orders to Bella as they went.

  When the door closed behind them, Lia let out a loud sigh. “I think she might be more excited about this than I am.” I peered down at her with a raised eyebrow, and she gave me a light nudge with her shoulder. “Not to say that I’m not excited, of course.”

  I laughed. “I know what you mean. She’s definitely—”

  The door burst back open again as Elise hurried back inside. “I almost forgot! These are for you, Lux,” she said, holding out two envelopes. I accepted the letters with a bow of my head, and Elise quickly ran back to the door. “Okay, talk soon!” she called out as she left.

  “Now, who in the world would be writing you letters, Lux?” Marten chuckled. “Does anybody aside from us even know who you are?”

  “We have plenty of friends, Marten,” I answered sarcastically as I turned over the first envelope. A small blob of light blue wax held it closed, stamped with a small picture of an easel. “This one, for example, is from our friends Lyn and Miles in Almayn.”

  “Oh!” Lia perked up and snatched the letter from my hand as I slid it from the envelope. “I didn’t expect to hear from them so soon!” She took the paper to the dining room table and sat down, leaning forward on her elbows excitedly as she scanned the note.

  I watched her with a wry grin as I pulled up the second envelope. It was unmarked and unsealed, and the letter inside was written on a small, unfolded piece of paper in Elise’s familiar handwriting. “Lux, I thought it would be easier to write this down so you could read it in your own time. I looked into the rumors, and they’re...not great.” The grin vanished from my face as I entered the dining room and sat down across from Lia, continuing to read.

  “The explanations vary from person to person, but everybody saw the same thing: a blinding pillar of black fire that pierced the clouds. Most people say it’s a sign that the Primes are displeased, and it’s one of the punishments they’ve inflicted upon us. They say the same about those beasts, too; news from Kaldan worsens every day, with vicious attacks from unknown monsters now a common occurrence throughout the country. The site of the fire is said to be cursed, so most people are avoiding it for now, but...they’re scared.”

  “Lyn and Miles are okay!” Lia exclaimed as she finished the letter. “She’s going to live with him until spring, when the roads are safer to travel again. They gave us directions to get to their house and said we’re welcome to visit anytime!” She looked up from the note with a smile, but it faded as she saw my face. “What’s wrong?”

  I rubbed my face to dismiss whatever look of worry she had seen. “Nothing,” I smiled, slipping the note into my pocket. “I’m glad to hear that Miles and Lyn are doing well. We’ll have to visit them before winter ends.”

  A warm presence tingled at the back of my neck, and Lia’s voice spoke softly within my head. It’s about the monsters, isn’t it?

  Yes, I answered. It’s not urgent. We’ll talk about it later, after things settle down. I promise. I reached out and took her hands, squeezing them gently. “Now, we’ve got plenty of work to do, right?” She gave me an enthusiastic nod, and we stood up from the table and prepared for the coming preparations.

  Elise was true to her word, and the following days were filled with constant meetings about the upcoming ceremony. Lia and I were subject to multiple tasting menus, auditions from musical groups, and relentless questions about interior decorations. Tailors came and went in a whirlwind of meas
uring tapes and sketchbook pages. While tradition kept me from seeing any of the designs for Lia’s dress, I was always heartened to see her smiling and too bashful to meet my gaze after a fitting session. Elise never returned throughout the planning process, most likely as a way of dodging my complaints that she was doing far too much for us.

  Marin continued to avoid me, always choosing to assist Lia in her personal preparations or accompany Marten into town to supervise the various contractors. Lia had attempted to assuage my concern, insisting that Marin just needed more time to process the incident on her own, but each day that passed without a noticeable improvement to her mood strengthened my worries.

  When I could no longer stand the silence, I caught her as she attempted to sneak into the kitchen and prepare a quick lunch. For a brief moment, her eyes darted around the room in search of an escape, but as I stood in the only exit to the room, she ended up meeting my gaze. “We...need to talk,” I said, motioning to the front door with my head. Her nostrils flared as she stared me down, but she gave me a nearly imperceptible nod in agreement. After she finished preparing her lunch, she followed me out onto the front lawn, where we sat across from one another in the grass.

  A painful silence lingered between us as she ate her sandwich, staring straight into the ground at her feet. I took a deep breath to quell the unease in my gut and released my white-knuckled grip on my leg. “Marin.”

  My voice startled her, and she immediately looked up from the remaining crust of her sandwich. “Yes?”

  “Talk to me.”

  She pursed her lips and stared at me with hard eyes. “About what?”

  “Anything you want. Just...talk.”

  She nibbled on the remnants of her lunch and pondered the statement. “Congratulations on your engagement,” she murmured eventually.

  “Thank you,” I said, bowing my head. “Elise says everything is prepared for the ceremony tomorrow.”