Restart Again: Volume 3

by Adam Ladner Scott

  “That’s good,” she answered. The silence returned as she finished her lunch, then folded her hands in her lap. “Can I go now?”

  “What? No, Marin, I…” I trailed off, distraught. “I want to fix this. Tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it.”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “No what?”

  “No!” she repeated, her voice suddenly a shout. “There’s nothing you can do!”

  I felt her anger pierce my chest like a spear. “Why?”

  “Because I remember,” she answered bitterly. “Whatever you did out there, it wasn’t magic, or combat enhancements, or any other name you want to give it. It was evil.” Her body shuddered as she stared me down. “I felt it in my chest. When that monster crawled out of the darkness, and when you told me to run. It was the same feeling: this burning rage and despair, all hollow and empty on the inside.” She looked down at her upturned hands and shook her head. “I watched Lia die, and I swear to the Primes, I felt like I died too. But none of that compares to what I felt when you looked at me and told me to run. I never want to feel like that again.”

  I closed my eyes and accepted the pain her words inflicted on me. “I’m sorry, Marin. I promise I’ll never make you feel like that again. I swear it on my life.”

  “I don’t want an apology, Lux, and I don’t want promises,” she responded. “I want things to be normal again. It’s all I want. But when I look at you, I feel that evil again, burrowing down into my soul. I can’t forget it.” Her eyes fell, and she let out a ragged breath. “You can’t just ‘sorry’ it away. It doesn’t matter if you never do it again; you already did it.”

  I swallowed against the hard lump that threatened to close my throat. “I see.”

  “Listen, Lux, I don’t want it to be this way,” she said as she climbed to her feet. “Maybe, someday, it won’t be.” She turned to go, looking back over her shoulder with a final, sad glance. “But for now...this is how it is.” Unable to respond, I gave her a small nod of acknowledgement, and she returned to the house, leaving me alone in the yard.

  I wanted to feel sad, or angry, or even regretful, but I found myself feeling almost nothing at all. I did what I had to do to save Lia, and I’ll never regret it. But Marin’s right, too. Nobody should have to come that close to the void. I rubbed my eyes and let out a low growl, clearing the irritation from my throat.

  How did it go? I hadn’t filled Lia in on my plan to talk to Marin, but she had clearly watched the exchange through her Detection.

  You were right; she just needs time. I brushed myself off and made my way back to the house in Marin’s footsteps. More than I was hoping, it seems.

  You tried, Lia answered kindly. I’m sure she appreciated the gesture.

  I hope so. As I entered the front door, Marten immediately flagged me down to review a large binder of notes for the upcoming ceremony, and my mood returned to its harried baseline over the course of the afternoon. When Lia emerged from her final fitting session, I was whisked away for my third set of measurements, and by the time it was over, Hana had already served dinner. For a brief moment, it looked as though Marin planned to sit with us at the table, but she took her food and excused herself to speak with the tailors before they left. After a quiet meal, Hana and Marten excused themselves to turn in early for the night, leaving Lia and me to follow suit.

  When we retired to the bedroom, I leaned against the closed door and watched as Lia began to prepare for bed. She sorted through an already sorted pile of clothes on the bureau, gave a satisfied nod to the stack, and retrieved her nightgown from the bedpost. She had already unfastened the ties at the front of her blouse and was in the process of tugging it over her head when she caught me staring, and she froze mid-action. “Can I help you with something?”

  A smile spread across my face. “No, I’m just enjoying the view.”

  She laughed as she pulled the blouse over her head, holding the inside-out garment across her chest in faux modesty. “It’s rather improper for a man to watch a woman change if she isn’t his wife, you know.”

  “I’ll have to fix that, then; let’s get married,” I answered, finally pushing off from the door to begin my own nighttime routine. “How’s tomorrow sound?”

  She sucked in her breath through her teeth. “Oh, I can’t do tomorrow. I’ll be busy at the chapel all day.”

  “Damn. Guess it can’t be helped.” I sat in the bedside chair and slipped out of my boots, then began to unbutton my shirt. My fingers lingered on the top button as I stared down at my right arm with unease.

  My hesitation must have been obvious, because Lia stepped forward and unfastened the last button. “Let me help you,” she said gently, pushing the shirt off of my shoulders. The fabric fell away to reveal a tangled web of black scars that ran all the way from my fingertips to my armpit. I turned my head away, but Lia caught me by the chin and held my gaze. “It’s alright,” she whispered.

  “I know,” I grunted through clenched teeth. “I still don’t like to look at it, though.” I hadn’t noticed the spread of the scars until Lia had awoken and convinced me to change out of my armor. Where the black lines had once ended near my wrist, they now extended to my shoulder and were so dense around my hand that it was difficult to find any uncorrupted flesh amid the jagged scars.

  Lia pulled down the collar of her nightgown to reveal the edge of her matching scar. “Whenever I see these, I remember what you went through to save me. I know it doesn’t change where they came from, or what they are, but that’s what helps me.”

  I pulled her in against my chest with my good arm. “That helps. Thanks.” I slipped into bed after shedding the rest of my clothes and shivered against the cold fabric. “So,” I started as Lia climbed into bed next to me, “how’re you feeling?”

  “Anxious. Excited. Ready for it to all be over,” she answered. “It’s been fun to do all the planning, but I didn’t know how much work it was going to be!”

  “I can’t imagine how Elise is coordinating all of it while also running her business day to day,” I laughed. “Assuming she hasn’t just put the company on hold for us.”

  “While I wouldn’t put that past her, I think she probably enjoys the challenge,” she chuckled. She extended her hand to the middle of the bed and wiggled her fingers until I reached out and wove them with my own. “How about you? Any last-minute regrets? You still have time to get away, if you start running now.”

  “Nah. You’d catch me anyway,” I answered. She raised an eyebrow as I paused for comedic effect. “No regrets,” I assured her with a smile. “I’m ready. I’ve been ready for a long time.”

  “Good!” she said, rolling over and tucking herself against my chest. “And you’re right, by the way: I would catch you.”

  I kissed the nape of her neck as I settled into the pillow. “That’s good to know.” Despite the excitement waiting for us in the morning, Lia was quick to fall asleep, and I followed her in the darkness soon after.

  ---

  When I awoke the following morning, Lia was already gone. I smiled at the indentation she had left in her pillow as I rolled out of bed. Based on the itinerary for the day, I wouldn’t see her again until she was standing opposite me on the altar; the thought of her in a wedding dress entranced me, and I had to shake my head to dispel the image and focus on my task at hand. After changing into my wedding garb, most of my day would be spent waiting with Marten until the ceremony began.

  I opened the bedroom door and spotted my new vestments hanging on a hook across from me concealed within a heavy garment bag labeled with my name. “Lux?” Marten called out from the living room when he heard the door open. His head poked out from around the corner a moment later, sporting his usual toothy grin. “So, you’re finally awake, then? I almost decided to pop in and wake you up myself.”

  “Good morning, Marten,” I replied, grabbing the clothes off the hook. “Lia’s gone ahead into town, I assume?”

  “All of
the ladies left for the chapel hours ago,” he answered. “It’s just us here now.”

  “I see,” I said, turning back to the bedroom. “I’ll get changed, and then we can—”

  “Let me help you with that!” he called out, bustling down the hall after me. “These wedding clothes, you have to wear them a certain way, you see. All the fastenings can be a bit confusing, but I have some experience with them, as you can imagine.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. Based on his hurried speech and the way his hands fidgeted behind his back, it was clear he had an ulterior motive in mind apart from helping me fasten my dress clothes. “Sure, Marten,” I said, opening the door for him, “I appreciate it.” I followed him into the bedroom and laid my outfit on the bed, then began to change. As I had expected, Marten seemed entirely uninterested in helping me with the clothing as he paced back and forth on the opposite side of the room, staring mainly at the floor. I took the opportunity to quickly slip into my new undershirt, hiding all but the scars on my hand from his view.

  The rest of my wedding attire was a beautifully tailored black doublet and trousers, complete with a dark blue cummerbund and ascot. As fine as the outfit looked, it was hard to draw my attention away from the cloak that accompanied it. Vibrant silks of every color came together to form a swirling marvel of craftsmanship, all of it bordered by lush white fur and fastened with a series of golden chains. I stared at it in awe as I finished dressing myself, fastening my own cummerbund and cufflinks as Marten continued to pace.

  “You seem a bit nervous, Marten,” I chuckled as I slipped on my gloves. “Something on your mind?”

  He spun around in alarm. “The clothes, yes! You look very...dashing, Lux.” He shifted forward and tugged on the edge of my collar and ascot, making minute adjustments far too small to make a difference to my overall appearance. “Sorry, I guess I’m a bit distracted. It’s a big day.”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  His laid-back demeanor partially returned as he shook his head and laughed. “Tell me, Lux: are you nervous? I know you like to keep up a certain image of yourself, but it’s just the two of us here. Tell me truly.”

  I put a hand on his shoulder. “There’s nothing I want more in this world than to marry your daughter, Marten. No nerves, no anxiety—just excitement.”

  “Hah! I should’ve expected as much,” he laughed, clapping me on the arm. “Truth be told, I felt the same on the day I married Hana, but it didn’t stop me from nearly passing out on the altar when the time came.” We both shared a laugh as I shrugged under the rainbow cloak, and he began to help me with the chain fastenings. “I could hardly say the words, my mouth was so dry. So make sure you drink some water before you go out.”

  “I will,” I replied, having heard the advice from him a dozen times already.

  “Do you remember what you’re supposed to say? We can go over it again if you need to.”

  “Marten, I’ll be saying it in my sleep for the rest of my life if we run through it again,” I laughed. Half of the preparation work I had done with Marten was running through an outline of the Unity marriage ceremony: where we would stand, who would say what, and the Pledge of Unity I would have to recite with Lia. I had been comfortable with the procedure after the first session, but he had insisted on at least an hour of practice every day. “I appreciate the concern, but I’m ready.”

  “Of course,” he nodded. He fastened one of the chains, then let out a long sigh. “I think I’m more nervous than you are. Nobody warned me about that.”

  “I’m sure Hana feels the same way,” I assured him. “Besides, it’s not like much will change, right? We’ll still see you every day for dinner, and we’re only a few miles away otherwise.”

  He tipped his head from side to side. “Yes, and no.” He fastened the final golden chain over my chest and tugged the cloak evenly to each side. “Marlia is my daughter. I’ve spent my entire life watching over her, doing everything I could to make sure she was happy and safe. I’ll continue to do that for as long as I live, which, Primes willing, is a while yet. But now…” he trailed off as he took a step back to observe me in full. “Now it’s your job. Officially. For the rest of your life.” The statement weighed on me as he paused. “Do you remember what you promised me the day you two left for Lybesa?”

  I nodded. “I promised I would do everything I could to keep her safe and happy.” It was a promise I had meditated on consistently since Lia had agreed to marry me, and I felt oddly prepared for the question I knew was coming next.

  “A lot has changed since you made that promise. Can you still keep it?”

  “You’re right, Marten; a lot has changed since then. Lia has become one of the most skilled fighters I’ve ever met, and she wants to use that ability to help people. She’s happiest when she’s running towards danger now, and we both know there’s no way to stop her from doing what she wants.” I smiled at the thought, and Marten gave me a wry nod. “I would be lying if I promised she would always be safe. But I can promise you this: I’ll always do everything in my power to make her happy, and I’ll die before I see her come to harm.”

  He watched me with hard eyes for a seemingly endless moment of silence. “Good,” he said eventually, giving me a wide grin. “Now, just make sure you tell her that, too. She’s the one you’ll be living with for the rest of your life, not me.” He laughed and elbowed me in the side, then nodded towards the door. “You’re as presentable as I can make you, I think. Let’s get you some breakfast and head into town.” He hurried past me and made his way into the hallway, quickly wiping his eyes once his face was hidden from my view.

  I followed him to the dining room and found a plate already set out for me with an assortment of lightly frosted pastries. Marten poured me a glass of water as I took a seat and helped myself to a large asperberry pastry from the top of the pile. It was still warm as I took my first bite, and I closed my eyes to savor the rich, cinnamon-infused jam inside. “So,” Marten started from across the room, “with the wedding ceremony finally here, should Hana and I be expecting grandchildren soon?”

  A shower of half-chewed pastry crumbs shot over the table as I choked on my breakfast. I banged a fist against the table as I expelled the last remnants of the pastry from my lungs, then took a hearty drink of water. “Come again?”

  His eyes sparkled with mischief as he took a seat across from me and pawed at the pastry plate, grabbing the first one he could find. “Well, we were just thinking, with the ceremony being as rushed as it is, maybe that was the reason behind it.” He took a bite of his pastry and chewed it casually. “Should I assume that’s not the case?”

  “No. I mean, yes, that’s not the case,” I sputtered.

  “Ah, that’s too bad. Hana can’t stop talking about grandchildren nowadays, you see, so naturally, I’m curious.” Marten could see that I was flustered, and he doubled down on his sudden attack. “It’s not for lack of trying, I assume; just a matter of the timing not being quite right?”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise, and I cleared my throat to cover my audible gasp. “Uhm, kids aren’t, uh, something we’ve talked about. Yet. It’s, uh, it’s not a priority. Yet. Maybe ever. We… haven’t...talked about it yet.”

  “Yes, you said that,” he grinned. He took another bite of his breakfast before using it as a pointer leveled in my direction. “Are you feeling alright, Lux? You’re sweating all of a sudden.”

  I took another drink of water, draining the glass in a single gulp, and then stood up from the table and walked to the window. “Must be nerves. Guess I’m not as calm as I thought.”

  “That must be it,” he agreed. He followed me to the window and clapped me hard on the back. “Some fresh air ought to do you good. We should be going soon, anyhow; you don’t want to be late to your own wedding, right?”

  I nodded and followed along behind him silently, grinding my teeth at how easily he had flustered me. Luckily, the cloth covering of his wagon separated us as we took o
ur respective places for the ride into Mayaan, and I had ample time to meditate in silence as we began the journey. My instinctual scan of the surrounding forest and countryside found nothing out of the ordinary, so I turned my attention to the city. Winding up and down the city streets within my mind, I checked in on all of the places I was familiar with to pass the time: Elise’s vacant estate, the Three Barrels headquarters, and the restaurant where Bella had served us.

  One spot in particular remained a vacant hole within my mental map: the Unity chapel. My extended mana ran around the perimeter of the building, but I held it back from flooding inside and revealing its secrets. Instead, I withdrew the energy and relied solely upon my imagination to determine what waited behind the chapel walls. In the entire time I had known Lia, I had never seen her in anything more formal than a sundress, and I let my thoughts run wild as I tried to picture what she could look like in her wedding gown.

  I felt a gentle breeze blow across my face, carrying with it the faint scent of raspberries. The aroma immediately called up a memory from deep within my subconscious, and I found myself suddenly transported to another place and time. I stood in the shadow of a familiar, solitary tree atop a grassy hill, overlooking a small white tent at its base. The sun had nearly set behind me, illuminating the scene with an otherworldly golden glow. I took a deep breath and pushed further into the memory, immersing myself entirely within the daydream.

  “What do you think she’ll look like?” asked a soft, comforting voice to my left.

  “I don’t know,” I answered, staring down at the tent, “but I can’t wait to find out.”

  “Do you think it’ll be something like this?” the voice asked with a giggle. I turned and watched Amaya spin in a tight circle, sending the folds of her pristine white dress out into a beautiful, flowing fan.

  I watched her with amusement for a moment, then shook my head. “No. I think it’ll be something different.”

  Amaya sighed as she looped her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder, pushing both of the yellow rabbit ears atop her head into my face. “I think you’re right. Lia would wear something more...eye-catching.”