Trusting Tanner (The Collins Brothers)

by Lexi Lawton

  “Whoa. You’re not looking too good.” Lucas slapped Tanner on the back. The jarring motion almost had him throwing up all over the floor.

  The air in the house was stifling, and sweat beaded on his forehead. “Yeah, I’m not feeling so hot.” Juliana had left because she wasn’t feeling well. Maybe there was something going around and he’d caught it from her.

  “I hope you’re not driving tonight.” Lucas frowned. “Seriously, man, you’re pale as a zombie who’s been hit by a semi.”

  “Thanks.” Tanner grunted.

  “I’m heading to Mariah’s. You can crash in my room if you want.”

  “Thanks, I think I’ll do that.” Tanner gave him an appreciative smile then headed upstairs. It was probably a good thing he hadn’t gone home with Jules. Both of them sick at the same time, fighting over one bathroom. Romantic. He went to Lucas’s room and flopped down on the bed.

  …

  Tanner yawned and stretched his arms. His temples throbbed with a killer headache. His throat was dry and scratchy. Damn, how much did I drink last night? He rolled onto his back and was met with a warm body. Humming with content, he reached over for Juliana.

  “Hey, babe.” Rebecca rested her head on his chest.

  He shoved her away and jumped out of bed, eyes wild, heart racing. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He wore only his boxer shorts.

  “Don’t tell me you don’t remember.” She flung the covers off to reveal her naked body.

  “For Christ’s sake.” He turned his back to her. “Get dressed and get the hell out of here!” Icy cold tendrils of fear reached into his chest and squeezed the breath from his body. No. This was a nightmare. It had to be.

  “That’s not what you said last night when you were undressing me and fucking me.” The mattress squeaked, and then she stood behind him.

  No. He did not have sex with her. He wouldn’t. Not when he was head over heels, drop dead in love with Juliana. He would never betray her like this. He wracked his brain, trying to recall more of last night’s events, but he came up blank.

  She trailed her fingers down his back, and he jerked away. Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he yanked it over his head. He was positive he’d fallen asleep with his clothes on last night. Then he slipped on his jeans. His hand shook as he ran it through his hair. He began to collect Rebecca’s clothes from the floor and threw them at her. “Get. Dressed.”

  Her answering smile was sly and wicked. His stomach churned.

  “How the hell did you get in here, Rebecca?” This wasn’t happening. There had to be some sort of logical explanation that didn’t involve them having sex.

  “You texted me, remember?” She put on her panties, snapping them against her hips.

  His jaw dropped, and he felt the color drain from his face. The last thing he remembered after Jules left was having a few too many beers and a couple shots with Spencer, feeling sick to his stomach, and then going to bed in Lucas’s room. Why couldn’t he remember anything else?

  “Don’t believe me? Check your messages.”

  Tanner snatched his phone from where he’d set it on the headboard and clicked to his messages. Just like she said, there was a text message to her, sent at 2:45 a.m. He tilted his head and studied the text. He’d been in bed already, sound asleep by then. Hadn’t he? “This doesn’t make any fucking sense,” he mumbled.

  It wasn’t possible. He’d remember texting her. And he knew damn well he’d remember having sex. What did she think sneaking into bed with him and pretending to have sex would accomplish? Wait. How did she even know where he was?

  He opened the bedroom door. “Get the fuck out.”

  She narrowed her eyes. The shift in her body language was visible, and he braced for her wrath. “Don’t fuck with me, Tanner. You will regret it.” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

  The hairs on the nape of his neck stood on edge. There was a nagging voice in the back of his mind, faint, nearly inaudible, whispering he’d messed up, but he knew to the very depths of his soul he hadn’t had sex with Rebecca last night. Did I? He blew out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face.

  “Jules,” he mumbled. Shit. If she found out about this—and she would because Rebecca would tell her—he really would lose her. He had to get to Juliana before Rebecca did and explain what happened. Not that he really had any clear idea because his mind was shrouded in a thick fog. He made it to her apartment in record time and took the stairs two at a time. Standing in front of her door, he drew in several deep breaths then knocked.

  “Go away!” Her voice was muffled and strained.

  His chest constricted as he prayed she was just sick and her tone didn’t hold knowledge of anything else. “Jules, honey. It’s me. Please open the door.”

  “No.” She sounded closer. “Just go away.”

  She knows. His stomach and heart dropped simultaneously, leaving a gaping hole deep inside of him. The urge to vomit consumed his thoughts, and he focused all his energy on not letting that happen. He rested his forehead against the door. “Please,” he begged. “Can we at least talk?” The door was yanked open, and he stumbled forward, barely catching himself before he face-planted on the floor.

  “I’m not sure there’s anything you can say to me right now, Tanner.” She turned her back to him and walked farther into her apartment.

  He closed the door behind him and swallowed hard, mentally kicking himself in the groin for not thinking about what he was going to say. He really had no idea. “Jules, baby, I—”

  “Don’t!” She spun around, pointing her finger at him.

  His heart imploded in his chest. Her face was red and blotchy; her eyes were puffy and wet with tears. It’d be a damn miracle if he didn’t drop dead right then and there from the raw pain radiating from her.

  “Don’t you dare stand there and tell me you didn’t mean for it to happen, or it was an accident, or you were drunk and didn’t know what you were doing, or it didn’t mean anything to you. I’ve heard all those lame, stupid excuses before. The difference this time is that I’m not stupid enough to believe them.”

  He flinched. “I didn’t have sex with Rebecca. Whatever she told you, it’s another lie.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” She snatched her cell phone from the coffee table and let out a half laugh, half sob as she marched up to him. “Then how the hell do you explain this?” She shoved her phone in his face.

  He took it and scrolled through the text conversation on the screen. There were at least a dozen pictures of him and Rebecca in various sexual positions. His eyes were closed in all of them, but his hands…they were in places they shouldn’t be. And the most damaging picture was one of Rebecca riding him. His eyes widened, and he felt the blood rush to his head, making him dizzy and much too warm. “I didn’t have sex with her,” he mumbled. He was almost positive he hadn’t.

  “We had one argument, Tanner. One!” She yanked the phone from his trembling hand. “And your way of dealing with it is to go fuck someone else? Or maybe this is your way of getting even with me because I refused to shut Devon out of my life.”

  “What? No.” He shook his head. “Don’t be…”

  “Don’t be what? Pissed off? Heartbroken? Devastated? Furious? Disappointed?” Her voice dropped with that last word. “Because I’ve been bouncing around between all those emotions for the past few hours, and I’m exhausted.” She hung her head.

  Tanner closed the distance between them and pulled her to his chest, but she shoved him away. Her gaze was full of pure rage.

  “You need to leave.” She crossed her arms as if trying to protect herself from his touch.

  If he left, he knew he wouldn’t get another chance to talk to her. She’d shut him out of her life faster than he could blink. “I don’t know what happened last night, and that’s the God’s honest truth. I remember you leaving and then doing some shots with Spencer…” He gave a slight shake of his head, hoping something would jar loo
se that would help him make sense of all this. “I wasn’t feeling well, so I went up to Lucas’s room to sleep it off.” After that, everything was blank.

  “And then you texted Rebecca for sex.” Juliana’s voice was calmer than it had been since he arrived, which sent an icy shiver down his spine.

  “I didn’t, though.” He knew that clear to his soul.

  “I have a fucking screenshot of the text you sent her!” she screamed, making her already red face turn even redder.

  “I never even had her number.” None of this made any sense.

  “Well, apparently, you managed to get it.” She walked to the door and jerked it open. “You really need to leave. Right now.” Her bottom lip trembled.

  It was suddenly very hot in the room, the air thick, hard to breathe. He bent over, hands on his knees, and gasped for air. His heart raced hard and fast, his chest constricted painfully, and he worried he might be having a heart attack. He rubbed his chest, which only made the sharp, piercing pain worse. He winced and tried to stand up straight, but the room started to spin. Sweat creased his brow and dripped down his face.

  He could not walk out of this apartment. “Please don’t do this.” He straightened. “I know this looks bad, but I swear to you I did not have sex with her.” That sounded lame to him; he couldn’t imagine how it must sound to her, especially after everything she’d gone through with Zach.

  She hadn’t said the two words he never wanted to hear—it’s over—so maybe there was some sliver of hope left. “I can’t do this right now, Tanner.” Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks. “Please just go. I need you to go.”

  His throat clogged with tears, and he nodded. Pushing her to talk to him right now was only going to make this worse. Besides, he didn’t have anything else to say, at least nothing that made any sense. He needed time to wrap his mind around this and try to figure it out before he could even think about trying to explain it to her.

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead, thankful she didn’t push him away again. She closed her eyes, subtly leaned toward him, and her breath caught. “I love you,” he whispered before leaving. And when he heard the door shut behind him, his knees buckled.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Juliana slid her back down the door, tucked her knees to her chest, and sobbed uncontrollably. She’d trusted him in a way she’d never trusted anyone before. She’d told him things she hadn’t even told Devon. And he’d hurt her the same way Zach had. But Tanner’s betrayal cut way deeper. If he was going to cheat, why did it have to be with Rebecca of all people? Why her?

  She never should’ve let her guard down. I’m a goddamned fool for thinking he was different. She deserved every stab of pain shooting through her, every crack and shatter of her heart. Her phone vibrated in her hand. Wiping her tears, she expected to see Tanner’s name on the screen. Instead, she saw Rebecca’s. Her stomach revolted as images of a naked Rebecca raced through her mind.

  Rebecca: I’m sorry I sent you those pics. I didn’t want to, but you needed to know the truth.

  Yeah, right. Juliana snorted and wiped her cheek with the back of her free hand. You didn’t have to answer his text, you know. Or, idk, you didn’t have to fuck my boyfriend!!!!! Her hands shook so damn bad, she had to retype each word a few times.

  Rebecca: I did it to prove to you I’m not a liar.

  “What the fuck?” She let out an angry scream. What sort of bizarre world was she living in where a self-proclaimed “friend” would have sex with her boyfriend just to prove a point? No. You did it to be a bitch. At least be honest about that. White-hot rage poured through her veins.

  Rebecca: I’m sorry you feel that way.

  Juliana: The appropriate response is: Sorry I stabbed you in the back and had sex with your boyfriend. God! You are unbelievable!

  Rebecca: And you’re stupid! I did you a favor. You’re the one who should be thanking me. See if I ever try to help you out again.

  Her ears burned hot, and her tears seemed to have stopped, for the moment. Save yourself the trouble. I don’t need your help. And I sure as hell don’t need a “friend” like you, either. You’re a horrible person and a shitty roommate.

  She shut off her phone and tossed it across the room, letting her head fall back against the door with a thud. At least, she’d thought it was her head hitting the door, but the sound repeated. Someone was knocking.

  “Jules. C’mon, open up.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Let me in. I can’t walk away and leave things like this. We need to talk.”

  Her heart squeezed at the sound of Tanner’s voice. She wasn’t sure she could face him again, but not doing so would only prolong the inevitable, and if she were going to heal, she needed the clean break. Blowing out a shaky breath, she stood and opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot and damp, and that sight was like a knife in her gut. Tanner had been crying? Zach never once shed a tear or showed an ounce of emotion when she’d caught him cheating. In fact, he’d laughed about it. So seeing Tanner standing there, eyes filling with tears and pain etched across his face, wasn’t something she ever expected to see. Then again, she never thought he’d cheat on her, either.

  “What do you want?” she asked.

  “The same thing I’ve always wanted. You.” He took her face into his hands and covered her mouth with his. “I’m sorry, Jules. I’m so sorry.”

  And those two simple words—I’m sorry—were more than she’d ever gotten from Zach, yet they were the most powerful thing Tanner could’ve said. She should’ve pushed him away, but his embrace was much too familiar, and instead, she tugged on his neck, pulling his mouth back to hers. God, she’d missed him. His tongue parted her lips, slipping past her defenses and tangling with hers. She moaned softly, wishing this was a normal Saturday spent with her boyfriend, but it wasn’t, and as his hands coursed down her back, her thoughts wandered down a dark path she wanted to avoid…

  Had he kissed Rebecca like this last night?

  Had he held her as tightly?

  “Stop.” She pushed him away and crossed the room, putting as much distance between them as she could. Her hands shook, and she was suddenly dizzy. “Why?” It took all her courage to ask that question.

  “Why what?”

  She stared at him for a moment, praying this was an awful nightmare and she’d wake up any second to find Tanner in bed with her. “Why did you have sex with her?” The words were like sharp, bitter pills.

  He crossed the room and cupped the side of her face. “I love you, Jules. You are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

  She moved away from his touch and nervously shifted on her feet. “Then why did you do it?” She bit the inside of her cheek to stop from crying. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the feeling he was about to destroy her. Flashes of déjà vu hit her hard. Her standing in a room with Zach. Her crying. Him laughing. The hurtful words. The complete lack of regard for her feelings.

  “Juliana.” There was so much pain in his tone.

  “Answer my question.” She swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I don’t remember any of it.”

  She cupped her hand over her mouth, turning her back on him. Tears burned her eyes. This is just a nightmare. You can wake up now. But she wasn’t waking up, and the pain in her chest was unbearable. Tears spilled down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away.

  “You don’t know,” she repeated in a daze.

  “No.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I really have no idea what happened.”

  Silence stretched between them. And the longer she stood there with him, the more her heart shattered.

  He laced his hands atop his head. “I don’t remember much of last night.” He exhaled and dropped his hands from his head. “Shit. I swear this never would’ve happened if I was sober.”

  “So being drunk makes it okay?” She was crying so hard she could barely get the words out. Disappointment s
ettled heavy on her shoulders.

  “No. Of course not. I just meant… It never should’ve happened.” He wiped her tears with his thumbs, his palms resting warmly on her face. “Please don’t cry.”

  “All the stuff you said to me… Did you mean any of it? Telling me you loved me? That you wanted me and only me? That I was enough for you?” Her voice rose with each word, her tone bordering on hysterical. She yanked his hands away from her face. “Asking me to be your girlfriend, to meet your parents? Oh God.” She clutched her stomach and doubled over. The pain was too intense. She couldn’t breathe. Tears dripped from her eyes, silently splattering on the carpet.

  “I meant every single word.” His voice sounded distant despite the fact he was standing right in front of her.

  She’d trusted him. She believed him when he said they’d be together. He was the only person to ever make her feel like the world wasn’t a cold, lonely place. And now he was ripping that security, that hope away. She dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands, giving herself over to the heartbreak, letting it consume her. Maybe she’d get lucky and the pain would kill her.

  “Jules.” Tanner was on his knees in front of her, pulling her into his arms. His voice was thick with emotion, and she glanced up at him. She wasn’t sure if those were tears in his eyes or if she was just seeing her own. “I’m sorry.” He rocked her. “God, baby, I am so sorry.”

  She wanted to push him away, to rage at him, but she couldn’t. All she could do was curl up in his lap and cry. She hated Rebecca. She hated Tanner for making her believe in him, for trusting again when she swore she never would. But most of all, she hated herself for loving him.

  Tanner stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, which set off another round of body-wracking sobs.

  “You have to know I never wanted this,” he whispered. His words caught, and that’s when she knew for sure—he was crying, too. “I can’t stand to see you like this, to know I’m responsible for hurting you.”

  Something inside of her snapped. She scrambled off his lap and pushed him away. “I don’t care what you can or can’t stand, Tanner. What about me?” She stood. “What about what I can’t stand?”