Forbid Me

by M. Robinson

  He laughed so hard his head fell back.

  “Why you laughin’? Have you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately? You’ll be someone’s bitch, too. Fresh meat for Manuel, he will have you shanking people in the big yard and doing care packages in no time. Yelling at you to make his mud and suck his—”

  He raised his eyebrows with a challenging yet amused expression.

  “Orange is the New Black,” I simply stated.

  “First off, I don’t let anyone yell at me. Your pretty little ass can account for that one. Second, this is my boss’ penthouse.”

  “Ohhhh.”

  “I asked the concierge to stock the fridge and bar.” He looked me up and down, his demeanor quickly turning predatory. “I think it’s time for your first gift. Why don’t you go get naked and lay on the bed so I can lick your asshole.”

  Her eyes widened, dilating. “Stop trying to do things to my butthole!”

  “Then stop sitting on my finger when you’re riding me.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to do that right now, anyways.”

  I took a sip of my drink. “And what makes you think you have a choice in the matter, Kid?”

  “Because no means no.” She grinned and took off running.

  I caught her around the waist before she even made it out of the room, giggling as I threw her over my shoulder like a ragdoll.

  “No! No! I didn’t do anything this time! I don’t want to play this game! I don’t even like this game!” she panicked, thrashing around, but she was no match for me.

  I chuckled, smacking her ass lightly. “Relax.” I walked into the game room, sitting her on the pool table. “If I want in…” I leaned in close to her face. “I’m getting in.” I kissed her lips softly. “Here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to eat your sweet little pussy right here on the edge of this pool table. Then when I’ve made you come enough, when your juices are dripping down my beard…” I rasped in between kissing her.

  “I’m going to take you into the kitchen and you’re going to suck my cock. For our next stop, we’ll go into the master suite, dining room, living room, foyer… and see how many positions and rooms I can fuck you in until you can’t stand.” I licked along the edge of her lips.

  “What about the balcony?” she purred.

  “I’ve never been an exhibitionist, baby. Nobody sees your naked body but me.” I claimed her mouth before she could answer, and I spent the rest of the morning inside her.

  After we took showers we went to grab lunch, but at the last minute we decided to take it to go. It was a beautiful day and we wanted to take advantage of it. We sat on the beach, eating our sandwiches, and taking a breather, I lived for moments like these when everything was just simple.

  “I know you want to go in there, Jacob, I can see it written all over your face.”

  We were watching the wave’s crash on the beach.

  “I think you might actually be twitching.”

  I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “That’s not the point of this weekend. It’s about you.”

  “Umm… that’s really sweet and all, but I kinda want to read this book, and let me tell ya… it’ll only benefit you.”

  “Is that right now?”

  “Go!” she said, laughing, shaking her head that I wanted back in already. “I can entertain myself for a few hours, the waves are calling your name.”

  “Be good and stay put. I want to know where you are while I’m in the water.”

  “That sounded very Fatal Attraction,” she sassed.

  “You do want me to put you over my knee again, don’t you?”

  “It was your shoulder. Get it right, and… no.”

  I kissed her. Spending the next few hours in the waves surfing, it felt so damn good to be doing it again. Except this time Lily was sitting on the beach waiting for me. I remembered wanting that so bad for so many years. That was the point of this weekend. I wanted to relive our childhood together, even if it was just for a few days.

  It was near dusk by the time I got back to the beach and that was the only problem with the ocean, you could get lost in it. I took her to a nice dinner and we made love on the balcony when we got back. Only after I made sure no one could see her from the beach. I didn’t give a fuck about me.

  We slept in the next morning, thanks to her. I took her to the Arena The Next Level, it was a huge indoor amusement park with all kinds of arcade games, and they even had laser tag. She was as competitive as they come. When I beat her at every single game, she claimed I was cheating and didn’t want to play with me anymore, so I took her on the Ferris Wheel and reminded her that she wanted to play with me just fine. We were both exhausted when we got back to the penthouse, so we decided to order in and relax in the hot tub. Lily put way too many bubbles in not realizing it had jets until I decided to explore how many uses I could get out of the streams. We spent a good hour mopping up the floor when we were done.

  If you ask me it was time well spent, watching Lily on her hands and knees soaking up the water with towels was an extra bonus.

  It was the last day of our stay and it felt like we just got there. Since she loved animals, I knew taking her to the Dolphins Down Under would be a memory she would adore. It was a rare thing to see dolphins anywhere in the ocean in Oak Island. I booked us the private tour and the look on her face was priceless when she realized what we were doing. We got to snorkel, swim, and hang out with the dolphins, Lily actually cried when it was time for us to head back.

  “Wow… this is beautiful, Jacob,” she breathed out as we took our seats at the restaurant inside the marina, our view being the ocean. We were able to use the shower on the boat to get dressed.

  “I can’t believe you did all this. This has been one of the best weekends of my life. Thank you.”

  I smiled. “It’s not over.” I reached into my pocket and took out the wrapped box, placing it on the table.

  “What is that?”

  “How many times do I have to tell you? When someone hands you a gift all you have to do is say thank you.”

  She picked it up. “You wrapped it so nicely,” she expressed, opening it and gasping when she saw the bracelet.

  “I wanted to give it to you while we were alone or else I would have waited for your actual birthday.”

  She looked at all the charms, grabbing the lobster one first and biting her lip.

  “That one’s my favorite, too. There’s a cowboy boot, a surfboard, a guitar, a cancer ribbon, a cat, and, of course, the lobster. I know it looks really bare still, but I figured we could add to it throughout the rest of our lives together.”

  She immediately got out of her chair before I got the last word out, almost knocking me out of mine.

  “I love you. I love you so much,” she whispered into my neck, squeezing me tight.

  “I love you, too.”

  “This was the best birthday ever,” she stated, sitting up in my lap.

  “We still have all night,” I reminded her. “I’ll have no mercy on you, sweet girl. I won’t stop until I’m etched in your skin, beating with your heart, not knowing where you end and I begin. I need to lose myself in you.”

  She looked deep into my eyes and breathed out,

  “Promise?”

  “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Mason, happy birthday to you!” everyone sang, as my nephew clapped his chubby little hands together with a great big smile on his face.

  It was his 1st birthday party. My mom pulled out all the stops. It looked like Elmo threw up in here with Elmo balloons, streamers, tablecloths, cups and, of course, the cake. She was a step away from painting the damn room red. I thought we might need an intervention for her or maybe just a chill pill. Everyone was there having a great time, and that’s all that mattered in the end. There wasn’t much that made my mom smile or laugh these days. She pretended as well as I did. I guess we all did, but the evidence of what was happening to her was righ
t there in front of our eyes, a daily reminder of something none of us could stop.

  The boys were all there and it was great to have everyone together again. Austin was the only one missing, he was still gone, but at least he would send postcards every so often from different parts of the world. I knew it helped everyone’s worry over where he was and what he was doing. It had been six months since Jacob and I had first messed around. They graduated from Ohio State three months ago and Dylan and he moved back. Dylan was renting a house in South Port. Jacob was still undecided on where he wanted to go to law school. He was renting an apartment near the beach in the meantime.

  I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt me that we hadn’t talked about where he was applying. I knew there were several out of state schools he was interested in and even more acceptance letters, but that was it. He didn’t ask for my opinion and I didn’t offer it. We were talking on the phone or texting every day before he moved back and it was still the same. Except now I got to see him all the time. We had messed around a few more times, but he still wouldn’t let me touch him. To say it sucked to be sneaking around behind everyone’s backs would have been an understatement.

  I walked into my bedroom needing a break from everyone. If I watched Lucas and Alex make puppy eyes at each other from across the room one more time I was going to smash their heads together. Even after all these years they were still playing this stupid damn game of cat and mouse.

  They belong together, plain and simple.

  I sat on my bed with my guitar, playing and singing Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. I closed my eyes to the soft strum of the melody, getting lost in the lyrics of the song. Sometimes the only solace I could find was with my guitar, my emotions running wild with everything that was going on around me.

  Lucas and Alex…

  My mom…

  Jacob.

  I sang the last chorus of the song again, not wanting my comfort to end, strumming out the last harmony perfectly and letting it vibrate against my chest. I sat there for a few seconds, contemplating how the words reflected my life and how much I could relate to them. I took a deep breath, opening my eyes only to find Jacob looking at me with a gaze I didn’t recognize. Almost like it pained him to look at me.

  I smiled, trying to break the unexpected tension between us.

  He was leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, dark and daunting.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I asked.

  “Long enough.”

  I lowered my eyebrows as he continued with his inquisitive stare that I couldn’t quite place.

  “That lip is going to fall off, Kid.”

  “Can’t be any worse than when you bite it.”

  He faintly smiled. “Why so sad?”

  “It’s just the song, Jacob.”

  “Liar.”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know what else to say. Actually, I did. Except, I was afraid to share it with him. The last thing I needed was for him to think that I couldn’t handle us.

  “Lily, maybe we—”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little late for that,” I interrupted.

  He leaned his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling for what felt like forever.

  “I never wanted to hurt you. That’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do. You know that, right?”

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  He pushed off the wall and I stood, ready for whatever he had to throw at me. So I was shocked as shit when he pulled me into his arms to kiss me. His hands cupping my face with such love and tenderness that it made me weak in the knees.

  “Fuck, Lily,” he groaned into my mouth.

  I kissed him harder with as much passion as I could muster. We kissed for I don’t know how long, getting lost in each other just as I had with my guitar.

  “Holy shit!” Alex cussed, walking in on us.

  We immediately stepped away from each other, both of our hands in the air in dismay.

  “Oh my God! Lucas is going to kill you. He’s going to murder you and hide the body. I’m going to know about it, I’m going to be an accomplice!” she shouted.

  “Shhh...” Jacob hushed, immediately going to her and pulling her inside, shutting the door behind him. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Not what I think? Did I not just walk in on you kissing Lucas’s baby sister? His sixteen-year-old sister! Oh my God, Jacob, you’re twenty-three! You could go to jail. Please tell me that’s all you guys are doing!”

  “Shhh… calm down, someone will hear you,” he silenced her again.

  “That’s what you’re concerned about?!”

  I stepped toward her with a sincere expression displayed all over my face. “Alex, I love him,” I chimed in, grabbing her arm to look at me. “I’ve always loved him.”

  I needed her to understand that this was serious, it wasn’t a school girl crush. Jacob was my core. He was my everything. She had to understand that, her more than anyone had to know where I was coming from.

  What I felt…

  We were one in the same.

  “Lillian, stop saying that. You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t even know what that means,” Jacob ordered in a demanding tone.

  I hated when he pulled that card on me. All it did was piss me off. He knew what I said was true, but for some reason it made him feel better to say it or something.

  “You love me, too! You just can’t say it out loud,” I replied, ready for battle, not caring that Alex was sitting right there watching it all.

  “Stop! I mean it,” he urged in a desperate voice.

  “Stop what? The truth? You wouldn’t keep kissing me if you didn’t love me. Who cares about our ages, it’s just a fucking number,” I reminded him for what felt like the millionth damn time.

  “Watch your mouth,” he ordered with a finger in my face.

  I shoved away his finger. “Screw you! You’re not my dad. I’m not a child.”

  “Then stop fucking acting like one.”

  “Oh my God,” Alex interrupted, making us both look at her. She looked like she had just seen a ghost. “She’s the girl, isn’t she? The one from last spring break? Jesus, how long has this been going on?” she asked with wide eyes going back and forth between us.

  I wanted to say since birth, but I didn’t think it was the time or place to get that deep into how I felt.

  “Nothing. Is. Going. On,” Jacob gritted out.

  “Stop. Saying. That.” I clenched my fists, looking from him to her. “Why are you looking at us like that? You more than anyone should understand this.”

  She immediately stood. “Me?” she argued. “What do I have to do with any of this?”

  “You!” I pointed at her. “You love my brother, my brother loves you. You have loved each other since you were kids! The only reason you’re not together is because everyone else won’t mind their own goddamn business and just let it be. You would think you’re related or something. It’s so fucking stupid!”

  There. I finally said it. Someone finally fucking said it.

  “Lillian, watch your mouth,” Jacob scolded with a heated composure.

  “Oh my God!”

  Why isn’t anyone listening to me?

  “Fuck you! Are you going to stand there and pretend you’re not one of the main reasons they aren’t together? You have been butting into their business since the beginning. You all have. I’m over it. It’s stupid. They love each other, exactly the way we do! Except you can’t get over the fact that I’m Lucas’s sister. Who cares? I don’t and neither should you.”

  Alex shook her head, stepping back.

  “You more than anyone can understand what it’s like, Alex. Please don’t stand there and be all judgmental, age is just a number. I’ve grown up with these boys as much as you have. It’s not like he's old enough to be my father or anything, now that would be gross.”

  “Lily, it’s against the law,” she reminded.

  If I heard
that one more time…

  “Fuck the law,” I let out.

  Jacob was over to me in two strides. “I will not tell you again. Watch your fucking mouth.”

  I put my hands up in the air, exhausted with all of this. There was only so much I could take, and I was reaching my breaking point.

  “You know what? You two can stay in here and wallow in all this negative energy. I’m not going to stand by and allow it to affect me. I know you’ll come find me, Jacob, because you LOVE me! So let’s see who’s right and who’s wrong. I guarantee you that I won't be waiting long, stew on that for a little bit.” I turned and left.

  Knowing in my heart.

  He would follow me.

  Alex sat down again, resting her elbows on her legs and laying her head in her hands. Neither one of us said anything for the longest time. My head hammered with the silence.

  How could I have been so careless?

  “I don’t know how it happened, Alex, I swear to God I don’t,” I honestly spoke, needing her to hear me say it. Needing her to understand. “One second she’s five years old running around in pigtails and then the next she’s sixteen. I tried. I tried like hell to ignore it. To ignore her, but you know Lily, she does what she wants, exactly like her brother. After your accident, she started opening up to me, and I let her because she was a kid and she needed a friend. I liked being around her, she reminded me so much of you. I don’t fucking know,” I sighed.

  “Have you?”

  “Fuck. No. All we do is kiss and that sounds a lot worse than it is,” I lied, it was a lot worse than that. I lied to one of my best friend’s because I didn’t want her to judge me. I already felt like a piece of shit. I didn’t need someone else reminding me what I already knew to be true. “We’ve kissed a few times and it didn’t start till her sixteenth birthday. I swear to God that girl is like a tornado and I can’t help but be sucked in.”

  She raised her eyes to me, blown away from what I said. Or maybe it was just from the whole fucking situation.