Lost Love

by Nicole Casey

  “Thank you,” as I slid past her, I half expected to find Raymond in a similar state, but he was ever the professional. You would never be able to tell. “Hi Raymond, thank you for meeting with me.” That wasn’t the sort of conversation I wanted to bring up, not now. Not when I had so much other stuff to be talking about. “It’s good to see you again.”

  “Yes, I missed you at the Christmas party.” He narrowed his eyes at me for a second, causing me to panic wildly, before a massive grin spread across his cheeks. “Then again by the time I got there, everyone seemed distracted. It seems like I missed out on all the fun. Everyone had pulled by the time I got there.”

  “Oh well...” again, not a topic I wanted to discuss. “Yeah, anyway, erm...” I needed to get things back on track. “I wanted to talk to you about a game one of our employees has created.” I could see him about to roll his eyes, so I jumped in quick. I didn’t want him to have a negative opinion on this before I’d even gotten started. “Now, I know what you’re thinking. You probably see this sort of thing all the time. You’re probably sick of being handed new games to look at, but I really think you should take a look at this one. I truly believe you’ll see this for what I do.”

  He nodded slowly, but he didn’t look convinced. “Okay, because you haven’t brought anything to me before I’ll take a look at it. You’re right. I do get given a lot of things but I meant what I said earlier. I do trust you, especially after you’ve proven yourself by sorting out your department. Show me what you have.”

  My heart lifted. My spirits soared. This was wonderful. This was perfect. Now I just had to get the rest of it across well. I had to do Jon proud...

  ***

  “Yes!” I hissed loudly, doing the best I could not to scream that word with happiness as I left Raymond’s office victorious. I’d done it. I’d actually managed to get Raymond to see what a great concept and game this was, and now it was going to happen. Jon’s game was going to become a reality. I couldn’t believe it. Although I thought the game was amazing, it hadn’t been an easy sell because of past failures from unknown game creators, but I’d caused Raymond to see how awesome this was.

  Now he was going to get some professional designers on the case, and he intended to throw a whole load of cash into marketing too. He intended to make it huge. He wanted exclusive selling rights to the game of course, but I had a feeling that Jon would go for that. I hoped he’d be so excited that it’d be absolutely fine. This was something to make his dream become a reality.

  I prayed that would be his reaction anyway, and he wouldn’t hate me for taking his project and rolling with it before he was ready. He could feel that way too, if he wanted. He could hate me forever... I just hoped and prayed that he didn’t.

  Still, I couldn’t stop grinning to myself, brimming with the good news. I should’ve waited before telling Jon. After all it was Christmas Eve and not really an appropriate time, but I didn’t want to wait. I also didn’t want to call or text him with the information. I wanted to see his face when I gave him the good news, which I could only do if I went to his house. Maybe he would have gone somewhere, but he’d worked to the last day along with the other people who weren’t traveling anywhere for the holidays, so I had to assume that I’d find him home.

  I had to hope anyway.

  I walked so quickly towards Jon’s apartment that I was practically running. I was buzzing excitedly, celebration tearing through me. I didn’t even think to grab a bottle of champagne or something to make it even better. All I had within me was the news that Jon was about to become a game designer.

  That probably meant I would lose him as my personal assistant. He’d be needed in other areas of the company, which was sad on the career path of things – he was easily the best person I’d ever worked with – but potentially good for other things.

  Not that I was thinking about anything else. Not until Jon was ready. This wasn’t anything to do with that; this was all about him. My heart beating faster had nothing to do with the thought of having him back in my arms. My cotton mouth was just because I was nervous, not because I wanted Jon to kiss me. The tremble racking through my body had nothing to do with the stirring in my trousers.

  Damn it! I needed to stop getting ahead of myself. I couldn’t wreck this, not now, not when I’d worked so hard. As I stood outside of Jon’s door panting, with my hands on my knees, I did my best to get my head back on the right path. This was only about Jon’s game. Nothing more...

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jon

  Sitting in front of the television, lazily sipping a cup of hot chocolate was actually an amazing way to spend Christmas Eve. I didn’t feel lonely or sad at all, just comfortable and at ease with myself. It’d been a busy few days, which meant I’d managed to get out of going home for the holidays. I was a little bit gutted to miss out on family time, but mostly looking forward to the quiet. My family was so loud at the best of times, but drunk and excited about Christmas was always the worst.

  I would spend Christmas Day watching cheesy films and eating chocolate. That sounded perfect to me...

  Knock, knock.

  Huh? I stared at the door, my mind reeling with possibilities. I wasn’t expecting anyone, which could only mean one, horrifying thing. My family had decided to surprise me. Urgh, that was absolutely the last thing I needed. I signed deeply, wishing I could hide away but the TV was playing too loudly. They would’ve heard me already.

  “Coming,” I called out, unable to keep the moroseness from my tone. “Hold on.” I was only wearing sweatpants, so I needed some kind of tee shirt to throw on. As I moved into the bedroom, my eyes fixed on mess everywhere. It wasn’t dirty in my apartment, but because I’d been so busy and moonlighting to create my game, I just hadn’t had the time. It didn’t bother me, but it would bother my mom. “Hold on.”

  Okay, this will be fine. I did my best to convince myself. Just let them in, show them there’s absolutely no room for them to stay, then spend the rest of the night frantically trying to find an available hotel for them to stay in... sure, it wasn’t the relaxing night in I had planned, but it’d be better than them sleeping over.

  “Hi... oh...” Instead of seeing my family standing in front of me, I saw the last person I expected to find at my home. “Alex, what are you doing here?” I smoothed down my hair, and shifted uncomfortably in my clothes, suddenly acutely aware that I looked like a crazy, disheveled mess.

  “I have something to tell you,” he replied evasively, a smirk playing on his lips, piquing my curiosity. “Can I come in?”

  “Erm, sure...” I stepped to one side, confusion flooding me. “Sorry, the place is a bit of a mess. I wasn’t expecting... guests.”

  He walked through the hallway and into the front room, seemingly not noticing anything wrong with the place. I had no idea what sort of home he lived in, but I had the feeling that it was nicer than here. As he sat down on the couch, I moved to the chair opposite and waited, feeling very impatient. I wanted to know whatever he had to tell me, and whatever had brought him to my home on Christmas Eve. It had to be important.

  “So, I had a meeting today,” he started, confusing me even further. This was work related? That definitely could’ve waited! “With Raymond.”

  “Ringer?” I still felt a little faint at his name. Despite the fact that I’d blown my chance to meet him twice, he was still my hero. “How did that go?”

  “Actually, it was about you.”

  As soon as those words left his lips, my heart stopped dead in my chest. What did he speak to Raymond Ringer about? Why me? What could they possibly have to say? Was that some sort of employee review thing? I couldn’t imagine someone as important as Raymond caring about the minor day-to-day running of the company.

  “Me?” I rasped, ice cold fear creeping through my veins. “What?”

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I showed him your game.”

  No, no, no... that was the worst thing I could’ve ever heard! Th
e game wasn’t anywhere near ready to be seen by anyone, never mind someone as important as Raymond. Now he’d never look at it, and he’d assume I was an idiot. My dream was ruined. What the hell did Alex think he was playing at? I didn’t know whether to feel angry, betrayed, or just plain hurt...

  “He loves it.” I stopped dead at that moment, feeling absolutely nothing. “He wants to make it his next project. You’ll have designers working on it, and a marketing team. Of course Raymond wants exclusive selling rights, but I don’t think that will matter because he’ll throw so much into it...”

  What? He’d taken my demo, taken it to Raymond and effectively brought my dream to life. I didn’t even know how to react to that. What could I even say? It was utterly unbelievable. And all this information... it was too much, more than I ever dared hope for. Everything was coming together, and I only had one person to thank.

  “Oh my God!” I finally exploded, happiness freeing wildly from me. “That’s incredible! Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.” My mind was falling into an abyss, my thoughts racing at a million miles an hour. “Alex this is... I don’t know what to say...” my eyes started to well up as the happiness coursed through me. To think I’d only started to look for a job because I needed money, now I was about to earn cash doing the thing that made me happiest in the whole world. I was utterly wonderful. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  I jumped up and pulled Alex towards me, as I needed to hug him. He didn’t have to go that far. He didn’t even have to write me a feedback report, but he’d gone that extra mile. He’d set up a meeting with Raymond, pitched my game to him before it was in any kind of real state, and secured me an incredible future. How the hell could I thank him?

  As I held him close to me, I could feel his racing heart pressing against my chest. I realized that I’d been stupid to push him away. I wasn’t sure what I’d been thinking really. Why didn’t I feel like I could have it all... the career and love? How could I be happy with just the one?

  I liked Alex, so much it hurt me inside, and it seemed that he really liked me too. Ignoring that was silly. So I gave in and I turned my head, causing him to do the same. Our lips were millimeters away from each other, edging slowly forwards, and that felt incredible. I wasn’t scared anymore; I just felt excited by him. I’d gone for my dream, and now it was happening, so there was no reason I couldn’t have the guy as well. Others managed to have it all, they could get everything that made them happy, so why couldn’t I? Just because it hadn’t ever happened before didn’t mean I was destined to be miserable.

  I could truly be happy, and just in time for Christmas.

  As our mouths connected, my heartbeat went crazy, the hole in my stomach refilled, and my chest swelled with love. This was it. Exactly where I was supposed to be. There would be no messing around on my part now. I was jumping in with both feet, throwing caution to the wind and seeing where that would take me. Maybe it would make things very complicated, but it’d be worth it in the end... I just knew it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Alex

  Oh my God... we were kissing. Jon was kissing me, throwing his everything into it. I’d hoped this would happen, but I hadn’t expected it to. I didn’t know where Jon’s head was at and the last thing I wanted to do was pressure him... but he’d made the first move. He kissed me. That had to mean he was as into me as I wanted him to be.

  I lost myself in his arms, in his lips. I melded into him, allowing my body to have total control for a moment. I’d been wanting this for so long that it hurt, and now I had it I didn’t want to throw it away. Just one moment in Jon’s arms was worth all the frustration and heartache.

  But of course I couldn’t just let that happen. I couldn’t end up in bed with this man again not knowing what the future held for us. We were more than just a one night stand now. I wanted us to be more than a fling too. I just had to see if Jon’s expectations matched mine.

  We needed to have the dreaded ‘talk’.

  I eventually pulled backward and forced myself to step away, as hard as that was. “Erm....” I started cautiously, subconsciously touching my lips, feeling the memory of where Jon just was. “I think we need to talk about this. I know that neither of us really wants it, but...”

  “Yeah, I agree,” Jon stunned me by replying. “Neither of us wants to end up hurt.”

  “Right,” I nodded slowly, wondering what that was supposed to mean. Was he referring to the fact that he was about to blow me off? “Okay sure, why don’t you tell me where your head’s at?” If I could get him to open up first, I could maintain some dignity. I felt like it was obvious where my feelings lay, since I’d just gone to all that trouble... not that I’d done it for that reason of course!

  Jon sat down on the couch and patted the space next to him for me to join him. My heart thundered, making me feel a little sick, but I put all my focus on keeping my expression straight. I’d gotten quite good at that in recent times what with all the secrets I’d been keeping.

  “I like you, Alex,” he told me softly, doing nothing to dull my anxiety. “I’d been trying to push that down, trying to get past it so we could work together, but I can’t anymore.” I didn’t want to read too much into his words. I was trying not to get my hopes up, but it was difficult not to. “I should never have run out on you after the Christmas party, that was so wrong of me. I guess I just freaked. I was scared of ending up hurt myself, but what I actually did was upset you, so I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay,” I rasped back, my voice not quite ready to commit to a solid conversation just yet. I wasn’t sure which way this was going to go just yet.

  “So, I guess what I’m saying is that I want to be with you... if you’ll let me.”

  He cocked his head at me, giving me that adorable smile, the one that left my heart melting. I didn’t want to resist him, that was what I’d been wanting forever, but I wouldn’t have been able to even if that was my plan. “I want you too,” I told him, pulling him closer to me. “I have always wanted you since the very first day I laid eyes on you.” And I really had... I should never have walked away myself the very next day. I don’t think I would’ve ever found anyone I liked as much.

  We both chuckled, remembering that moment when I first went up and spoke to him at the bar. If I hadn’t done that, things might have been very different between us. He may not have been given the job if I hadn’t intervened. Or even if he had, we may not have been brave enough to act on our feelings. Part of the reason we’d ended up hooking up at the Christmas party was because we’d been there before.

  Maybe it was all meant to be. Maybe fate had brought him to me.

  “I’m so glad everything happened the way it did,” Jon mused thoughtfully.

  “I know it hasn’t been a smooth run, but it feels right, doesn’t it?” I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. Was he for real? “Okay, okay,” Jon conceded happily. “But it’s all good now, right?”

  “It is,” I leaned in and kissed him hard, bringing that spark back to life all over again. “It really is.”

  “So, where do we go from here?” Jon asked me curiously. “Like, how are we going to deal with all of this?”

  “Do you mean at work?” I shrugged smilingly. “It isn’t going matter soon, is it? You’ll be swanning off into another department, creating your game, and I’m going to have to find a brand new personal assistant.” I mock sighed loudly, as if that was the hardest part about all of this. “I just don’t know where I’m going to find someone who files paperwork and organizes my schedule as well as you do.”

  “Oh shut up,” Jon nudged me playfully. “So... we’re really going to do this?”

  “We really are,” I confirmed happily. “Are you going to invite me to stay or what?”

  “Oh Christmas Eve?” he gasped, acting dramatically horrified. “So you’ll be here Christmas Day? Moving a bit quick now, aren’t you?” But then he stood up and he took my han
d to lead me towards the bedroom, making all of my dreams come true.

  As we kissed all the way towards his room, I honestly felt like I had it all.

  Jon was incredible. He made me happier than I ever thought possible, and now we were really going to make this work.

  Love for Christmas, what could be better than that?

  The End

  ###

  Author’s Note

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my book. I hope you have enjoyed reading this book as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. Your support REALLY means a lot and keeps me going.

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  Free Book Giveaway

  As my way of saying thank you for reading my book, I’d like to give you a free copy of my short story – Numbers Game.

  Numbers Game

  A stand-alone M/M Romance Short Story

  As a math teacher at the local high school, I’m used to playing the numbers game. Considering I’ve been down on my luck, however, I’ve basically given up dating—that is, until I meet hunky tattooist Hunter Cross. With gorgeous green eyes and a plethora of tattoos, he’s famed for his ability to carve straight lines into skin—and, unfortunately, into the hearts of lonely men.

  I’d ask him out, but there’s only one problem: I have no idea if he’s gay, and trying to get his number while going under the needle for my first tattoo will be a challenge I don’t think I can face.