Living With Regret

by Riann C. Miller

  “Will you please go out with me?” After my fifth request of the day, the most amazing pair of blue eyes move up towards my face.

  “The answer is the same as the last five million times you asked me. No.”

  Jordan gives me a frustrated sigh before pushing her dark hair over her shoulders and turning to walk away.

  “Hey, where are you going?” I ask as I run to catch up with her.

  “To class, like everyone including you should be doing.”

  It might sound cocky, but I could date any girl in this school I choose, and that includes the ones that have boyfriends. But until I met Jordan, I never even considered giving a girl the time of day.

  My family owns and operates a citrus grove and when I’m not at school or practicing football with my personal trainers, I’m expected to pull my weight. My father employs hundreds of people during peak season, but I’m always expected to do my part. Honestly, now that my mind is completely consumed by the beautiful Jordan Taylor, I know this is exactly why my father has tried his hardest to keep me so damn busy.

  Everywhere I go, everything I do, she’s all I can think about. Her first day at OCH, she walked into class and my brain and heart stopped at the exact moment my eyes landed on her. When I was finally able to regain my composure, I looked around the room and noticed that I wasn’t the only male that had that same reaction. I knew right then and there if I wanted any chance with Jordan, I had to act fast and make sure my impression was the only one she remembered.

  “Give me one solid reason why you won’t go out with me and I promise I’ll stop asking you out ...at least for a few days.” I give her what I hope is my friendliest smile. I want her to feel safe and comfortable with me, and I know asking her out every few hours is probably not the best way to accomplish that.

  Instead of answering me, those piercing blue eyes penetrate straight through me. “I’m serious, one good reason. Do I smell funny? Do my looks offend you? Do you ...have a boyfriend back home where you came from?” Out of all the things I asked, I really hope the last one isn’t the reason she continues to turn me down flat.

  “No, I don’t have a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I’m looking for one, either.” Jordan’s sass and attitude are another reason I want her to say yes. Any other girl in this school would die for me to ask them out for the sole purpose that everyone expects I’ll make it big one day. But right now, whatever my future holds doesn’t seem to matter to this girl.

  “Well, the good news is I didn’t ask to be your boyfriend. I only asked for a date. Just one. If you hate it or me afterward, I promise I’ll leave you alone for good.”

  Jordan jerks her head a little to the side like she’s trying to decide if she should believe me or not. “I don’t know . . .”

  Holy hell, that wasn’t a flat out no. I’m finally wearing her down. “That’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers. I’ll pick you up, we’ll go out to dinner, and then afterward if you’re ready to ditch me I’ll take you home. If not, I know a local place that I think you’ll love.”

  The way Jordan looks at me, it’s unlike everyone else. Her eyes take in everything I do, and when she looks straight at me, I swear she can see past the heavy armor I always wear.

  “If I go on a date with you, you promise afterward you’ll let go of this crazy idea you have that we should be together?” She tilts her head, waiting for me to answer.

  I need to choose my words wisely. I’m not a liar and I’m not about to form that habit, but I’m not positive I’m capable of walking away when it comes to Jordan Taylor.

  “I promise that if you absolutely hate our date that I won’t ask you out on another one.” And I plan to do everything in my power to ensure that she loves every moment we spend together. And if for some crazy reason she doesn’t, then I’ll stop asking her out, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking every opportunity I can find to talk to her. My promise probably isn’t what she’s looking for but it’s all I can give her without running the risk of becoming a liar.

  “Okay. I’ll need to ask my parents first, but if this is all it takes to make you stop asking me out every five minutes then it should be worth it,” she says with a breathtaking smile on her face.

  I never would have guessed that being annoying would actually pay off, but in this case it did. Big time.

  “Saturday night. Get your parents’ permission and I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock.” The small smile that still lingers on her face is the last thing I see before I turn and walk in the opposite direction before she has the chance to change her mind.

  “Man, it’s good to have you back,” Jake says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

  “Thanks, it’s good to be back.” Most of my teammates appear happy to see me, but I know a few don’t think I can cut it. I haven’t played a game for three weeks and my replacement did a stellar job in my absence, which was great for the team but not so much for me if I want to keep my starting position.

  “I heard Wallace wasn’t going to allow you back on the field for the rest of the season, but I guess that was just fucking gossip. I swear guys in a locker room are just as bad as any chick I’ve met when it comes to talking about shit that doesn’t concern them.”

  That’s just it ...my return and the condition I’m in does affect everyone in this room, but I know Jake is trying to ease the blow that my teammates have been talking shit behind my back.

  “Wallace didn’t have a medical reason to keep me from playing. He gave me his spiel about how I should rest my brain and blah, blah, blah but he’s just making sure he’s covered his own ass,” I add before tossing my bag into my locker.

  “Well, I hope you’re right. Now let’s go kick some ass.” I wish I had half the enthusiasm that Jake Girard has. Jake is probably the only friend I’ve made since I’ve left Oak Cove.

  Between college and the NFL, I’ve hung out and partied with a lot of different guys, but when the time comes that we part ways, they never seem to be guys I hear from again. Jake, however, called, text, and even stopped by my house a few times during the last few weeks to check on me. I think I can finally place him in the true friend category.

  As a kid, I often dreamed of making it to the NFL, but never once in any of those dreams did I feel lonely, which is the exact word I would use to describe my life.

  Every day I’m surrounded by people, but none of them actually gives a damn about me. Even my own father, who I know loves me, is always looking out for what he feels is my best interest, but that’s not something we often agree on.

  When women want to date me, or guys want to be my friend, it’s always about what I will bring to their life and never because they want to know me, the real me. The guy that I keep locked away tight, the guy that only one person has ever really known.

  “Are you a hundred percent ready to be out there today?” I look up and see Jack Jones, the offensive coordinator, looking at me with concern.

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes, knowing that won’t go over well. This is football, players are tackled, it’s a part of the game and I don’t understand why everyone is fussing over me.

  “I’m fine. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

  He doesn’t say a word but he slowly nods his head. I can see the doubt he has about me playing. Until the time comes that someone tells me I can’t go out on that field, I’m not going to give up the only thing in my life that I love...no matter the cost.

  JORDAN

  “Take the shot and stop bitching!” I curse under my breath as I resist the urge to slap my best friend. I’m tired and ready to go home, but somehow agreeing to meet Lacey for a couple of drinks has turned into an all-night drink fest—and I should have known better.

  “Seriously, take the damn shot then let’s go talk to that guy over there about taking you home and fucking your brains out.”

  I bite my lip and give her a go-to-hell look. She’s annoying me and she knows it. “Lace, I don’t need you pickin
g up guys for me. If I want to take home a complete stranger, I’m sure I could find one without your help.”

  Lacey rubs her hands together. “Well, if that guy fucks anywhere as good as he dances then the woman he takes home tonight is in for a treat!” I follow her eyes to the dance floor where there is a man that definitely knows how to move, but I’m not looking for a casual hook up, at least not tonight.

  “Lace, I’m good. I have a lot of work I need to get done tomorrow. I’m heading home,” I say in a firm tone that leaves no doubt about how serious I am.

  “Okay, I’ll let you ditch me but only if you finally agree to go out with Caleb.” I grab my purse off the table and shake my head.

  “For the last time, no.”

  If you met Lacey out at the bar, you’d probably guess she’s a crazy alcoholic. In reality, she’s a very successful lawyer, in New York City, no less, which makes that statement twice as powerful.

  Caleb is a man Lacey used to hate. The two of them were offered an internship at the same time. The firm they worked at pitted them against each other but somehow they were both offered a partnership. Afterward, they decided they made better friends than enemies.

  “I’m not dating a guy you work with. That’s a recipe for disaster if things don’t work out. Why would you want to put yourself in that position?” I ask as I push my shot back in front of her.

  “Because if you two hit it off, then you’ll both owe me forever and if you don’t ...then, whatever. I like Caleb, but no matter what happens, I’ll always have your back.”

  I can’t help but smile at her. When I left Oak Cove for NYU, I met Lacey during freshmen orientation and we hit it off immediately. I was still recovering from a broken heart and Lacey was exactly what I needed in my life. When I broke down one night and confessed what happened only weeks before, she went straight into the role of my best friend slash protector, and it’s a role she takes seriously.

  “I’ll think about it,” I lie.

  “Bitch, that’s what you said last time. I’m giving him your number and you can deal with him yourself. I think he might already be half in love with you after he saw a picture of the two of us in my office.”

  Her comment turns my stomach and it’s one of the main reasons I’m on a hiatus from dating. The last few guys I tried to start a relationship with started out wonderful, but I slowly became arm candy for them when they needed to be seen in public.

  Being the CEO of a large company in New York, I typically date successful men. However, none of them cared enough to make me a priority in their life, and I can’t imagine a lawyer being any different.

  My actual fear regarding the type of men I usually attract is that I never feel like their equal. I earned a business degree from NYU with honors and I’m the CEO of Natural Cosmetics, but I received that title by default, not because I earned it.

  My mother’s side of the family started Natural Cosmetics generations ago. My grandparents had every intention of my mother taking over the company one day. However, my mother wanted a life outside of their empire. She married my father less than six months after she met him and I was born a few months after their first anniversary. Because of my father’s military career, my mother and I moved around a lot in order for our family to stay together. There is no way she could have stepped up into the role her parents offered her and still make a marriage work with my father. For my mother, there was never a choice to make. She loved my father and couldn’t picture a life that didn’t include him.

  My grandfather was secretly hoping that I would one day take over his company, but he learned the hard way not to push. However, once I learned about my acceptance to NYU, the same city that houses Natural Cosmetics’ headquarters, he swooped in and started grooming me for my future role as the CEO.

  “Are you sure you’ll make it home okay?” I ask Lacey as she gives me one of her typical mean girl stare downs, but her bitchy powers no longer work on me.

  “Yeah, I’ll be okay. If you’re going home alone, then make sure you give your vibrator a good work out. God knows you need to loosen up.”

  Again, this is where any rational person would want to slap her but I know she means well, and a night with my BOB sounds pretty fantastic compared to doing something with a man I know I’ll later regret.

  “Okay, I’m out of here. Good luck with whomever you decide to spend the rest of your night with.” An evil smile takes over Lacey’s face before she turns and disappears into the crowd.

  Once again I’m heading home to an empty apartment. This is something that should make me happy because I suck at relationships and the last thing I need in my life is a man distracting me. But I can’t let go of the idea that one day I’ll meet a guy that will sweep me off my feet, and I’ll find a love as powerful as the one my parents share. However, the closer I get to thirty, the more I think I should settle for a man that will at least treat me good. I’m positive that deep down my heart knows I’ve already met the man that had the power to love me the way I desire, even though he was able to toss me away without a second thought. I need to do what I’ve said for years and that’s face reality and let go of the silly fairytale that promises a happily ever after.

  “Sweetheart, he’s here.”

  My mother’s comment causes my stomach to drop. When I came home from school the other day and told my dad that a boy asked me out on a date, I was positive he would refuse to allow me to go. However, he easily agreed. I think my dad feels guilty that I’m sixteen and I don’t have any friends. He knows his job is the reason. Either way, I wasn’t expecting him to say I could go out with a boy. I think it helped that Chase’s family is well-known and well-liked by everyone in the area.

  I have no idea what Chase has planned for tonight but I decided to wear a pair of white shorts with a dressy tank top. Casual, but not too casual. I close my door, head down the stairs, and come to a complete stop when I see Chase and my dad talking like they’ve known each other forever. My dad even stops and lets out a huge laugh, something that is rare for him.

  I’m not sure what catches Chase’s attention but he stops in the middle of his conversation and looks over at me. My dad’s eyes follow Chase’s and now they are both watching me. I instantly feel uncomfortable with the attention.

  “Um, here, I got you these.” Chase hands me a bouquet of wildflowers, looking nervous. He’s acting completely different from the overly confident guy I’ve seen at school.

  “Thank you.”

  “Here, honey, I’ll put those in water for you. That way you two can get going.” I hand the flowers to my mom before glancing back at Chase.

  “Are you ready?” I ask.

  “Absolutely.” At school, I swear Chase stares at me as if he’s trying to undress me with his eyes, but here in front of my parents, it feels like he’s doing that plus so much more, which makes me extremely nervous.

  “Make sure you have her home by eleven, Chase.”

  “Yes, sir.” Chase holds his hand out for me to take, and once I do, he leads me to the passenger door of the truck I’ve seen him drive to school. He opens the door for me and waits until I’m inside before he closes it and walks around, hopping in the driver’s seat.

  I’m so nervous I think it’s possible I could puke at any moment. While I’m trying to get myself under control, Chase places his hand on top of mine, causing my breathing to become labored. I bring my eyes back up to his.

  “Thank you,” he says with a smile.

  This right here is why I’m so nervous; it’s the way Chase is watching me. No one has ever looked at me with the type of passion I see in his eyes. I’m not sure what exactly Chase is expecting from me but I hope he knows I’m not the kind of girl that’s going to sleep with him.

  “Thank you? For what?” I mumble.

  Chase gives my hand a squeeze before answering me. “For tonight, because I already know it’s going to be the best night of my life.” He smiles at me one last time before starting his truck.
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  That was the first crack in the wall I’d built around my heart, a wall that I later learned didn’t stand a chance against the powerful determination of Chase Adams.

  “Ms. Taylor, here’s your schedule for the day,” Silvia says from the chair across from mine.

  “Thank you.” I think it’s possible I have the best PA known to man. I inherited Silvia when my grandfather retired, and I don’t know how I would’ve survived without her.

  “Mr. Winters, the manager of the plant in Westwick, is waiting for your final approval before the new line can go into production.

  “Also, you’re receiving about two calls a day from Mr. Brooks’s secretary requesting you accompany him to the annual art gala a week from Saturday.”

  I sigh and roll my eyes. Geez ...his freaking secretary?

  I think it’s safe to say the man will never learn. This is the exact reason why I broke up with the self-centered prick in the first place.

  I casually dated Derek Brooks for almost six months last year. After having more conversations with his secretary then I ever did with him, I politely told him things between us weren’t working out, but he didn’t seem to care. Now, anytime he needs to appear at a red-carpet event and thinks he might be photographed, he calls me trying to score a date. I’m not about to go anywhere with the man if he’s not willing to pick up the damn phone and ask me himself.

  “And finally, I’m sorry to bother you with this, but a woman has been calling the office multiple times a day requesting to speak with you. When she first informed me that her call regarded a personal matter, I told her she needed to contact you on your private number, but she hasn’t given up. I just want to double check that I should continue to refuse her calls.”

  When I first filled the role as Natural Cosmetics’ CEO, I started receiving calls from people I’ve never heard of before hoping to gain something by being my friend. There were days when I didn’t get any work done because I was constantly answering or returning unnecessary calls. A few months with my new title and I gave Silvia a list of people that are allowed to call me. If they aren’t on that list, then they don’t make it past her. No exceptions ...until now.