Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  For the first time, I notice a ring on his right ring finger. It looks to be Native American. I’ve always had an interest in the Native American culture.

  Neither Nick nor Anna notices my appreciative perusal of Nick but I still look down at my hands and blush profusely.

  “Hey ladies, are you hungry?” Nick asks in his deep voice.

  “Yes!” Anna says loudly and jumps out of her chair. “I can make sandwiches.” She turns to me. “Do you want one, Bailey?”

  I pull the blanket from my lap and fold it as I get up. “I would love one. I’ll come help.”

  All three of us make our way inside and head to the kitchen to get a much needed lunch.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It isn’t until a couple hours later that Jaxon is back home. He walks in carrying several folders of papers and a medium sized box. He sets them down on the bar in the kitchen and walks over to the back of the couch where Nick, Anna, and I are watching a marathon of The Big Bang Theory. He leans down and kisses the side of my neck.

  “How’re things here?” He asks in my ear.

  I turn and offer my lips to him, which he takes advantage of by giving me a quick open mouth kiss.

  “Things are great. We’re just enjoying watching the shenanigans of Sheldon and his crew. These guys are hilarious!”

  He laughs at my enthusiasm.

  A few minutes later, after a sick Sheldon is put to sleep by his mother singing ‘Soft Kitty’ to him Nick and Anna get up and get ready to leave.

  At the door, Anna gives me a hug saying softly in my ear, “Call me if you need anything. And remember we’re all here for you. Jaxon won’t let anything happen, okay?” She pulls back waiting for my response.

  I give her a small smile and reply, “Okay, Anna. Thank you for listening to me.” I pull her back in for another hug and whisper, “Let me know before you leave.”

  We break apart and Nick steps into my line of sight. Kissing me on the cheek, he says, “Don’t worry about Steven, okay? Let Jaxon take care of everything. You’ve dealt with this long enough. It’s time to let others in and do it for you.” At my nod, he turns to Jaxon. “Call me if you need me. I’ll only be gone a week at the most, but I can be back sooner if you need me to.”

  “Thanks, man.” They one arm hug and thump each other on the back before he and Anna leaves.

  As soon as the door closes Jaxon grabs my hands and tugs until I’m plastered against his body. His head immediately swoops down and he steals a scorching, very passionate kiss. Lacing my fingers in his hair, I pull his head even closer. Our tongues interlock and tangle with one another. This kiss is more forceful than all the others we’ve shared.

  Jaxon leads me backwards until my back hits the door. Grabbing my leg, he hitches it over his hip. I feel his hardness hit my center and my body instantly starts to grind down on him, sending sparks flying throughout my limbs.

  Jaxon slows the kiss and releases my leg. He runs his tongue lightly over my lips before he pulls back to rest his forehead against mine.

  “I missed you.” He says while tucking an errant lock of hair behind my ear.

  “I can tell,” I say with a giggle.

  He releases his hold on me, grabs my hand, and starts pulling me towards the kitchen.

  “How did it go with Anna?” He asks once we step into the kitchen. He lets go of my hand and walks to the fridge to pull out a beer for himself and a bottle of water for me.

  Leaning my back against the counter, I twist the lid open and take a swallow before answering him.

  “She was understandably upset but she knows why I didn’t say anything sooner. She was very adamant that you could help me. Actually, everyone seems pretty sure that you can. Do you have some kind of super powers that I don’t know about?”

  He puts his beer down on the bar and starts towards me. A twinkle is in his eye by the time he makes it to me. Placing his hands on the counter on either side of me, he cages me in. He dips his head and runs his nose up my neck until he reaches my ear. Once there he takes little nibbles and I moan in response. Releasing my ear, he whispers, “Oh, I have super powers alright, but not the kind you’re referring to.” My body quivers at the innuendo. He’s certainly right when he says he has super powers. The man really knows how to set my body off and makes me forget everything else that’s happening around us.

  Pulling back but keeping his arms on the counter Jaxon’s expression turns serious.

  “Steven isn’t the only one that has connections. The sheriff here is a good friend of mine. I also have some acquaintances in the FBI that owe me some favors. Please don’t worry, Angel. Everything will be okay.”

  I nod my head and take his words to heart. It makes it a little easier knowing that Jaxon isn’t going in blind and that if he needs help he’ll have it.

  Taking a step back Jaxon reaches over and grabs the box he brought in earlier. There’s a magazine and what looks like a flyer sitting on top of it.

  “This came for you in the mail.” He says and hands it over to me. It’s pretty light.

  Turning around and placing it back on the counter, I remove the magazine and flyer to look at the return address and don’t find one. No one knows where I live except for Chris and I haven’t been here long enough for anyone local to be sending me anything in the mail. I just spoke with Chris last night and I would assume she would have let me know that she was sending me something.

  Having a dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach I look around for something to open it with. Jaxon reaches over and hands me a pair of scissors. Hoping that I’m wrong and that Chris just forgot to tell about the package I run the edge of the scissors under the tape. Putting the scissors down I slowly open the flaps. What I find inside has me clutching the counter in an effort to hold myself up.

  My breathing instantly starts to come in pants and my legs become rubbery. I can feel my heart wanting to pound out of my chest. Tears form in my eyes and start sliding down my cheeks. I can’t stifle the sob that erupts from my lips. I throw one of my hands over my mouth and cry, “No, no, no!”

  Jaxon hears my cry and is suddenly by my side clutching my arms. “Angel, what is it?”

  I barely hear him. My focus is solely on the contents of the box. Jaxon follows my line of sight and lets out a string of curses. “Son of a bitch! What the fuck is that?”

  I know what he sees. And there’s only one person sick enough to send it.

  Inside the box is a soft, familiar pink blanket with a baby doll wrapped inside. The blanket and the baby are enough to tear me up inside, but that’s not what has me on the verge of mentally breaking down. No, it’s what’s done to the baby that has me nearly tearing my hair out in grief.

  Its eyes are gone. It looks like someone gouged them out with a dull knife. It has a cut on its face from its right eye down to its ear, an exact replica of my own scar. The clothes, or what’s left of them, are dingy and stained with what looks old blood. There are slashes throughout the entire doll. There also seems to be burn marks on the arms and legs. The marks look just like the one’s Steven used to love putting on my body with his cigars.

  I dig my fingers into my hair and pull hard. I double over, crying uncontrollably. I’m beginning to see black spots in my vision. I hear Jaxon running through the house, but have no idea what he’s doing. A few seconds later he bends and scoops me up into his arms. He walks through the kitchen into the living room and gently places me on the couch.

  He pushes my head between my legs to help regulate my breathing before I pass out. Rubbing my back, he says quietly, “Take deep breaths, Angel. In and out slowly.”

  After several minutes, my sobs become hiccups and my breathing is fractionally better. The black spots are gone and I feel a little bit more in control. When I sit up I see Jaxon squatted down in front of me.

  I scrub my face and take several deep breaths before looking into his eyes. He looks both pissed and worried.

  “Tell me what that was about,
Bailey. Why would Steven send something like that to you?” His words are hard, but I know it’s not directed at me. Jaxon doesn’t like not being in control and with the recent events he feels like he has none.

  Knowing that I have no choice but to reveal the last of my past, I take a deep breath before speaking.

  “Remember when I told you that Steven pushed me down the stairs several months ago?” At his nod, I start again. “I was eight months pregnant.”

  “Fuck!” Jaxon says harshly.

  I continue.

  “I thought things would be different. It had been months since he used his fists against me. He would still force me to have sex with him and his friends, but he stopped hitting me. When I saw the look in his eyes that day I knew that my reprieve was over. Never in my life have I been so afraid of him. I think he meant to kill me that day, along with my baby.”

  The words that are leaving me are emotionless. I’ve shut myself off to try and avoid the pain. Jaxon gets up and walks to the window. His hands are balled into fists. I can see that he’s attempting to rein in his temper. Knowing that it might push him over the edge, but also knowing that if I don’t finish it now I may never get the courage again, I continue.

  “I had been pregnant four other times. Each and every time Steven would find some way for me to lose the baby. There were a couple of times he punched me in the stomach so hard that it made me miscarry.”

  Jaxon makes a choking noise, but doesn’t turn around. I’m grateful he’s facing away from me. I don’t know if I could continue if I saw anguish on his face.

  “I think he blamed me for getting pregnant. I never knew who the father was for any of my babies. There were so many possibilities because of all the men Steven made me have sex with. He never made them use protection. I don’t think he liked that. I don’t think he liked knowing that one of his friends could possibly be the father. But he never stopped forcing me to have sex with them. He hated it but got off on it. It was like he was punishing us both, but he also enjoyed it.

  “This last time I was so happy because I had never made it that far before. I actually felt the baby kick, Jaxon. It was so unreal. This baby was to be my savior. Of course, I knew that once she was born the beatings and abuse would continue and I was terrified of how she would be treated but she would have been mine. Mine to love and cherish. And she would have loved me back. I didn’t care who the father was. I was prepared to do anything to get away from him once she was born. I knew I had no other choice. There was no way I could take a chance with her. I would protect her at all costs.”

  Jaxon finally turns around and his eyes are glassy. He isn’t crying, but I can tell that my story has affected him profoundly. He’s lost a child of his own because of someone else’s selfishness just like I have. He slowly starts making his way back to me, but stops several feet away.

  “When Steven pushed me down the stairs that day he left immediately afterward. I came to when the first wave of pain in my stomach hit me. I crawled my way to the phone and dialed nine-one-one. By the time the ambulance got there I was surrounded by blood and was barely conscience because of the pain.” I’m silently crying by this point, not able to hold my emotions in any longer.

  “The doctors told me because of some complication they couldn’t take the baby by c-section. They said that if they did the chance of me dying grew exponentially. I was forced to deliver her by natural birth. I had to deliver my baby girl as if she was fine and then watch them take her away. I only got to hold her for a minute. The sad thing was she looked just like Steven. Steven killed our baby for nothing. She was his.

  “That’s why I can’t have babies. The last miscarriage damaged something inside me that can’t be fixed. Something to do with my fallopian tubes. I didn’t really pay attention to what the doctors were saying. I was still too grief stricken to care. After I lost my baby girl, I knew that I never wanted to try again. I had already lost so many; I didn’t wish to take the chance of it happening again.”

  When I finish, Jaxon drops to his knees right in front of me, like his legs can’t hold him up anymore. “No baby.” He barely whispers. There’s torment in his eyes and I can’t stand the look.

  He walks on his knees the remaining feet separating us. I pull my legs apart so he fits better against me. He rests his head against my stomach and wraps his arms tightly around me. After a few minutes, he lifts his head and looks up at me.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m so sorry I can’t fix what happened to you. I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t there.” He finishes with kissing my stomach.

  I sniff and rub the last of my tears from my face. Running my fingers through his hair I tell him, “What did you do with the box?” I had noticed it was gone while I was telling my story.

  His voice is hard again when he speaks. “It’s outside. I wanted to trash it but figured the cops might need it.” I nod my head, knowing the best thing to do is call the cops. I’m not sure if it’ll help, but Jaxon said he was good friends with the Sheriff so I hope he’s able to do something.

  “What am I going to do, Jaxon? I’m so scared.” My voice is so small that I know he barely hears me.

  He puts his hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to look at him. “First, we’re going to call the cops and make a report. Steven seems smart enough to not leave fingerprints, but there’s always a chance that he was careless. Second, I’m going to talk to the Sheriff and see what we can do, get him to run a background check on him. I’m also going to make a few calls to those acquaintances in the FBI I told you about. There’s got to be something out there that proves he’s not the upstanding citizen he likes to portray. We’ll get him, Angel, one way or another.”

  The determination in his voice helps lessen my anxiety. I have no doubt that Jaxon will do whatever it takes to bring Steven down.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I inform him. I need to do something to help wash away the memories. Taking a scalding hot shower and rubbing my body raw will hopefully help.

  Jaxon sits back only to lean over until his lips brush mine softly. Pushing back, he gets to his feet extending his hand to help me up as well. When I’m standing, he pulls me in arms. I bury my face in his hard chest and breathe him in. Over the top of my head Jaxon says, “While you’re in the shower I’ll call the cops and make a few other calls.”

  I nod my head and pull back. Making my way to Jaxon’s bedroom I grab some sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. Once in the master bathroom I turn the water on hot and strip my clothes off. When I step into the shower, I hiss at the blast of hot water that hits my body. I grab a washcloth, squirt some cucumber melon soap on it and start vigorously scrubbing my body. I scrub and scrub until my body aches. I can see the blood coming to the surface just under my skin in splotches.

  It doesn’t work. No matter how hard I scrub the memories and filth won’t wash away. I drop the rag and sink to the floor with the water still blasting all over my body. I raise my knees in front of my chest, wrap my arms around them, and lay my head against the top of my knees. The uncontrollable sobs are back and I can’t push them away.

  I hear the shower door open and then a curse. I glance up at Jaxon. “Jesus Christ, Bailey. What are you doing?” Jaxon reaches across to turn the water off, but yanks his hand back from the heat. “Fuck!” He quickly grabs a hand towel and wraps it around his hand and turns the dial until the water is off. He drops the hand towel, grabs a bigger one and bends to scoop me up into his arms.

  Once outside the shower, he wraps a towel around my shoulders and starts to dry me off. I whimper at the contact of the towel against my reddened and sore skin and Jaxon immediately stops.

  “Goddamn it! Why did you do this to yourself?” Jaxon scolds me and starts to lightly pat the towel against my skin. I begin to shiver from stepping out of the hot shower into the air-conditioned bathroom. The bathroom is so thick with steam that I can barely see anything.

  My te
eth chatter when I reply. “It’s t-the only w-way I c-can f-feel clean again. B-but it didn’t w-work. N-no matter how m-much I scrubbed the f-filth wouldn’t g-go away.” I start to cry again.

  “Oh Angel.” Jaxon replies and bends to pick me up underneath my legs and back. Walking into the bedroom, he gently places me on the bed and runs back to the bathroom for my clothes, another towel, and a jar of some kind of cream. Jaxon removes the towel draped over my shoulders and slowly starts to apply the cream all over my burnt body. Afterward, he gently starts dressing me, trying to avoid the clothing from rubbing against my skin. My shivers have died down some, but I still feel cold. Going to the closet, he grabs one of his hoodies and puts that on me as well.

  My skin is still very sensitive, but the warmth of the clothes helps hold in my body heat. Jaxon sits behind me on the bed with his legs on either side of mine and starts to dry my hair. Once it’s reasonably dry and not dripping anymore, he puts his arms around me and tugs me backwards until I am resting against him.

  “How long have you been taking hot showers like that?” He asks in my ear.

  I answer in a small voice. “Since I was a little girl. When my parents had their parties and their friends got a hold of me, I would always feel so dirty afterwards. The only thing that helped was a scalding hot shower and scrubbing my body as hard as I could handle. I stopped when I left home and for the first few months of being with Steven but when he started his games I had to start taking them again.”

  Jaxon kisses the side of my neck before replying. “Angel, that wasn’t just a hot shower I walked in on. I don’t see how you don’t have second-degree burns. I couldn’t even touch the water and I don’t see how you were able to breathe through the steam. Promise me you won’t don’t do that again. You scared the shit out of me.”