No Turning Back, A Breaking the Rules Novel

by A. m Madden

  I smiled through a nod. “I promise if a man comes along who I believe has potential to be a soul mate, I will keep an open mind.” And I sealed my promise with a kiss on his cheek.

  I’d been blessed with the kind of men I dated. Both Ryder and Cooper had set the bar pretty freakin’ high, and it would be hard for anyone to meet those standards on a normal day. Throw in my situation, and he’d have to be a god.

  Chapter Six

  Ryder

  My eyes cut to the elevator bank for the hundredth time in the last five minutes. With each ding announcing a car’s arrival, my heart flipped. I had no idea why I was nervous. At one time, I’d known that woman better than any person on earth. She could ease my stress with one smile, turn me on with one look.

  So why the galloping happening behind my rib cage?

  Well, because it was Riana.

  Since running into her last week, I haven’t been able to get her off my mind. If all went well, tonight would open a new door for us. We were both in Florida, both single, and with luck, she still had the same deep-rooted feelings for me as I had for her.

  That kind of love never died. For me, just seeing her again had caused it to rekindle. The same way poking the last embers of a smothered fire slowly brought it back to life. A lot had happened to me since we were together, as I was sure the same held true for her. And wanting to tell her everything and anything, wanting to hear details I’d missed in her life, consumed me as much as wanting to be in her presence.

  “Ryder?” That sexy voice I knew so well flipped my attention behind me.

  “Ree.” I glanced at the elevators I’d been watching for the last ten minutes. “Where did you come from?”

  “Oh… the stairs,” she said with a shrug. Adorable. Her admission was only part of the reason I appreciated her fit figure. Memories of what hid beneath the fabric of her dress skidded through my thoughts. That led to remembering that cute birthmark she had on her hip and how she’d giggle whenever I kissed it. So caught up in the visual, it took a few seconds before my gaze came back to hers. Thankfully, she hadn’t noticed my leer or wasn’t bothered by it. “You know I like to get a workout in whenever I can,” she went on to say.

  “I’m impressed you managed that in those heels.”

  Thick lashes obstructed the view to her big brown eyes as she looked down at her feet. But when they reconnected to mine, déjà vu hit hard. It was that look. The one that never failed to tug on my libido… figuratively.

  “Is this okay?” she asked, breaking the myriad of memories that kept flipping through my mind. “I didn’t know where we were going.”

  “It’s perfect.” I bobbed my head in a slow nod. “You look beautiful, Ree.”

  That was an understatement. Fuck, she looked stunning. The black dress was nothing fancy. It was the way it fit her like a glove—dipping at her neckline in a modest V, capping the slope of her upper arm, and hitting just above her knee. Not to mention those matching heels that perfectly showcased a set of toned legs. And in typical Riana style, she clutched a bright-yellow handbag in one hand to add her signature playful element.

  “Thank you.” Our eyes held during an electrified pause before she took a moment to appraise my black slacks and tan button-down. “You look great, too, Ryder.”

  The pink tinge that spread over her cheeks was the very reason I’d chosen this outfit. Ree always loved me in a business-casual look, sleeves rolled midway up my forearms, collar open one button, a watch adorning my wrist. A combination that used to put a spark of lust in the depths of her eyes. “Hot as hell” was what she would call it… and when she met my line of sight, the dazed look meant that opinion hadn’t changed.

  With our gazes locked and a few feet of space between us, the electrical charge we always shared crackled before something snapped within her and she looked away.

  I wanted to chalk it up to “getting reacquainted” jitters. Or maybe she had forgotten how fucking amazing we were together, forgotten there was a time I had been intimate with every inch of her body, knew each one of her sexual triggers. I made it my mission to get her to remember it all.

  Of course, there was a very real possibility she never forgave me for leaving. Yes, she pushed me to, not wanting to be the cause of regret for staying. It was a huge decision for me. Staying with Riana would have sent my career and all my personal goals hurtling off a cliff. But I had a plan—give her time to spread her own wings in her career, and then come back for her in hopes she’d be ready to move with me. I knew that was a lot to ask, which was the reason I hadn’t before I left. Time would help, or so I thought.

  We had kept in touch. Late-night calls kept us connected, but I slowly felt her pulling away more and more until it all just stopped. That was what had prompted me to screw giving her time and rush back to Jersey. Never once did I think when I got there she’d be with someone else.

  How conceited I had been to assume our love was so consuming that she’d be waiting for me, especially with no warning I’d be back. Then and only then did I move on with my life. Clearly, I hadn’t moved on enough for her to still have such a hold on me. And now that I knew she was no longer with that guy, or anyone else, maybe our time had finally come. Things most definitely happened for a reason.

  “Ready to go?” she then asked in her back-to-business tone.

  Stepping forward, my response came with a firm press of my hand into the small of her back. Her posture stiffened a bit, but I continued to lead her out the electric doors and toward my car.

  “I’m looking forward to catching up,” I said, skimming my hand up the zipper seam a few inches until it rested beneath her thick locks. Goose bumps prickled the skin on her arms, and it wasn’t unseasonable Floridian evening temperatures that caused it.

  “Me too.” She took a half step away, enough to have my hand hanging in the air like a chump.

  The tension radiating off her killed me. So much so, before I opened the car door, I pivoted, bringing us face-to-face, and asked, “Are you okay?”

  Remorse hit her hard. “I’m sorry, Ryder. I guess I’m a little nervous.” When she stared up with those mesmerizing eyes, it triggered more familiar reactions within me. Some invisible to her eye, and some in the automatic way my hand rose to cup her cheek.

  “It’s still me, Ree. I haven’t changed.”

  “I know. Our situations have, though.” And despite those words, she leaned into my touch.

  “Are you pending trial for murder?” I deadpanned. “Because I’m okay with that. I’m sure it was the bastard’s fault. Hell, I’d be willing to go on the lam with you.”

  She shoved my chest with a spectacular smile. “You’re still a smart-ass.”

  I’m your smart-ass sat on the tip of my tongue, but I held that one in. Still, I couldn’t suppress my grin, glad that I seemed to have broken through whatever it was that stressed her out. With a flourish of my hand, I opened the car door and waved her in. “Let our evening begin.”

  During our short drive to the seafood restaurant that I had chosen, right on the beach, I managed to have her laughing almost the entire way. I loved that sound. But now that we were at our table, her guard was back up.

  “Nice night,” I said after our waiter retreated.

  Her gaze swept around the tranquil beachfront setting. “This is lovely, Ryder.”

  “I assumed you’re still a pescatarian. I hope you like the food. They rated well.”

  “Oh yes… I am, and I’m sure it’ll be delicious. I appreciate that. Thank you.”

  I waited until we placed our order, until our water glasses were filled, and until the bread had been placed on the table between us. Only then did I stare directly into her eyes and cut to the chase. “What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing.” Her response was so quick it couldn’t have been thought through.

  “Ree. I know something is bothering you.” I took her hand to comfort, but she pulled it away just as quick as her “nothing” had pop
ped out, and I had a feeling that wasn’t as thoughtless of a response.

  When I pathetically slid my hand back to my side of the table, an apologetic frown curved her lips. “I’m sorry. Ugh. I’m acting like an idiot.”

  “No, I’m sorry for coming on so strong. I guess I just want you to relax, talk to me… like you used to.” I hated the vulnerability that was written on her face, the uncertainty I could see in her eyes.

  Our waitress appearing with the bottle of merlot I had ordered halted any further conversation. While she uncorked and poured the rich burgundy liquid, I formulated what I would say to get Riana to relax… and that opportunity came a few minutes later.

  Lifting my glass, I said, “To new beginnings.” She raised hers with a small smile and tapped it against mine. “Look, I’m going to cut to the chase. Seeing you last Saturday fucked me up a bit.”

  “What? Why?”

  “There you were, out of the blue, like a vision. But then to learn you lived here now… it was hard to believe.”

  “Ryder, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. It’s great seeing you, and I also want to catch up, but more than that…” She shook her head while falling silent.

  “Why?” I prodded.

  “There are many reasons.”

  “Before I push you to tell me them, I’m going to give you a few reasons of my own as to why I feel it should be more than that.”

  “Okay,” she said, not sounding at all convinced.

  “After I got to California, I missed the hell out of you. So much so, I was on the verge of quitting.” I fed off the widening of her eyes. “Yeah. Of course I didn’t tell you that. I knew you’d talk me out of it. Tell me I’d regret it someday.”

  “I would’ve been right.” She folded her hands on the table. “Look how great things turned out for you. Your career is on fire. You’re married about to be married, or already are, to a gorgeous wom—”

  “Married?” I practically hollered. Lowering my tone, I added, “I’m not married, Ree.”

  “Oh, did you guys not set a date yet?”

  There was no way she was messing with me. Riana couldn’t pull off a joke without screwing up the punch line. “Who are you talking about?”

  “You and Maggie.” Instant laughter. I couldn’t help it… and the longer I laughed the more irritated she became. “What is so funny?”

  “I’m not engaged or married or even dating Maggie. Yeah, that night you saw us was our third date, but, Ree, the very next day I parted ways with her. Why would you think we were married?”

  “I ran into Wes in Manhattan. He bought me a coffee.” Wes? What the fuck did that asshole do? “You and I had lost touch by then, so I asked about you. He told me you loved California, and that you picked up more clients. Wes didn’t tell you that?”

  I scoured my brain but didn’t recall Wes mentioning he’d seen Riana. “No, he didn’t. What else did he say?”

  The stainless-steel fork on her placemat began flipping beneath her slim fingers. “He also told me that you were engaged to be married.” That confirmed Riana’s running into Wes was after my surprise visit back to the East Coast… one that Riana never knew happened. She tilted her head in consideration. “That was about a year ago. You can understand why I would think Maggie was that person.”

  I had considered asking Diane to marry me for like five minutes… but my transfer to Florida was a deal breaker for her. Thank God I hadn’t. “No… I never proposed to her. Things didn’t work out between us.”

  Instantly, the veil she’d hid behind since we’d arrived at the restaurant slipped away. “I’m so sorry, Ryder.” My shrug spurred her to continue. “I’m also sorry I assumed.”

  “Things happen for a reason. But I’m glad we got that out in the open and am kind of guilty of the same.” I decided to come clean. If it helped get us past the past and into the future, then so be it. “When I saw you with that guy last weekend, I assumed he was important. What you don’t know is that I had come back to Jersey the summer after I left.”

  “You did?” she asked incredulously.

  “Yes. After striking out at your condo, I walked to the beach, hoping maybe you were on a run. If not, I’d wait a while and try again.” Riana stared at me so intently, her mouth agape in shock, I almost chickened out… almost. “I saw you with that same guy on the beach.” The visual of seeing the two of them making out on a blanket, before he’d lifted her bikini’d body in his arms and run into the ocean, all while she’d giggled the same way she used to for me, hurt as much now retelling it as it had that day.

  “Cooper is just a good friend now,” she offered.

  When her cheeks flushed as she looked away, I said, “Obviously, he’s still in your life.”

  “He is.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “I do,” she responded instantly. “But there is absolutely nothing romantic happening between us. He’s with someone else.”

  I allowed the grin to spread across my face, even while saying, “I’m sorry, Ree.”

  “It doesn’t look like you are,” she teased.

  “I am. If it hurt you, then I am truly sorry.” When I took her hand in mine for the second time, she didn’t pull away. “Having said that, I’m relieved you’re single, because now we can get on with our evening.” And with our relationship.

  Chapter Seven

  Riana

  He was killing me. With that charm of his, and all that sexiness, he was literally killing me. Hating to do so, I slipped my hand from his. I had to. Every cell in my body pulsed because of the way it entwined with mine… because of the way his eyes held a seductive dance with mine.

  Sure, the moment I had seen him last Saturday, a flood of familiar pulses had shot through me. But Maggie’s hanging on him had doused those flames from smoldering any hotter. She’d served as a security net of sorts… a protective shield. He was taken, and that was that. Except he wasn’t.

  As it was, I’d thought of him often since, remembering all the ways he could have me forgetting my own name. Knowing now he was single was bad… really bad.

  Combined with seeing him wearing the kind of sexy casual I always loved on him managed to stoke those flames hotter than they’d ever been. Was it because I knew what he looked like beneath those clothes? I knew what he could do with that mouth of his, those long fingers. Or because I especially knew how it felt when he slid inside me?

  I’d say it again. This was really bad.

  I had a million questions, but Ryder’s abrupt change of subject left no doubt he didn’t want to talk about Diane anymore, or Maggie. On the contrary, I most definitely wanted to talk about the fact that he had gone back to Jersey and seen me and Cooper together. That information stunned me. I wished I didn’t know that because now all I could do was wonder what would’ve happened had he not seen me with Cooper.

  I had no regrets from being with Cooper, but for obvious reasons he wasn’t my person. Even before Cooper had his sexual awakening, he’d known Ryder had been my first love… and after we’d broken up, I had admitted to him that Ryder and I probably wouldn’t have ended had he not moved to California. Did I really want to pull on that thread now?

  And while all the emotions toward Ryder that I had buried were bubbling back up to the surface… at the same time my conscience reminded me that my surrogate situation still posed a barrier of sorts.

  Not surprisingly, Ryder picked up on the confusion wreaking havoc within me. “Ree, the last thing I want to do is pressure you.”

  “I don’t feel pressured,” I lied. I did feel pressure, but it came from within. It simply wasn’t a good time in my life to start a relationship, most especially one that would consume me, as being with Ryder would. But busting through the doubts was a little voice reminding me of what Cooper had said—the right person would accept my situation as it was and still want to be with me.

  The thing was, to see if that was true would mean I’d have to open up to Ryder, and the r
isk outweighed that slim chance he would be okay with it.

  It wasn’t helping that those mesmerizing royal-blue eyes exerted a hypnotic hold on me. “Then why do you look like you’re in physical pain?” he asked. Instantly, I forced myself to relax with an over-the-top smile. Ryder chuckled at the obvious adjustment. “Much better.” Taking a moment, he continued to drill those hypnotic eyes right through me. “Look, Ree, can I just put it out there?”

  “Okay.”

  “I would like to see you again… a lot.”

  My heart thumped frantically. I honestly would like the same, but I felt as though I was deceiving him. Running into him at this point in my life not only felt like a cruel joke the universe pulled on me but also put me between a rock and a hard place. I wasn’t in the position where I could tell him what was about to happen—not yet. If I had run into him later, the obvious would’ve occurred. I would’ve considered it fate that brought us back together, and nothing could stop me from taking that leap of faith in the name of love.

  When the day that I could share my news came, I knew Ryder would understand why I held back from telling him, but would he be okay with me having a baby for two other men? I had no idea if he would.

  “So, I want to see you… I think you want to see me based on that look on your face… this is a no-brainer.” He lifted my hand to press his firm lips against it. I wanted to melt into him, cling to his magnificent body and hold on for dear life.

  I couldn’t.

  “You’re right. I would like to see you as well.” I paused and then interjected that one little word that could be as uncomfortable as a wet blanket. “But—”

  “No buts,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “Let’s go slow, take things one day at a time. Right now, we’re two people out on a date… the only difference is we sidestepped the getting-to-know-you part, and we’re just getting reacquainted. How does that sound, Ms. Carter?”