No Turning Back, A Breaking the Rules Novel

by A. m Madden

  There wasn’t a doctor on earth who could convince me her high blood pressure was coincidental. Especially when she suppressed all her stress since finding out what Cooper had told me. I loved Riana dearly, but an actress she was not. It was when she thought I wasn’t paying attention, when I could see the evidence on her beautiful face. Specifically, the way she stared out into space, lost in thought, or the way she would forcibly shut her laptop if I walked into a room. I knew she wanted to help, trying to find anything online that would give us more information of the damages Doug had done so far.

  All in all, it caused her stress… and now she was suffering because of it.

  And while my heart felt heavy over her condition, my libido yearned for her more than ever. It didn’t help she made no excuse for her horniness, every damn chance she got.

  Sure, my cock springing to life by merely watching her walk across the room wearing my oversize football jersey was a given for me. And sure, I was hornier from not having initiated sex since her appointment a few days ago… but this went beyond that.

  I first noticed a change that my sexual draw was at an all-time high when last week I walked in on her as she showered. From the doorway, I watched her soaping her body… a normal trigger. It wasn’t her nakedness that made me want to storm in and take her. It was when she cradled her bump, one that seemed to be getting bigger with each day that went by, that some foreign energy surged through me.

  I couldn’t say it was just sexual, although that was a dominating ingredient based on my hard-on. It was something more that made my desire for her different from before. Later that day, when she complained her breasts had gotten bigger, that same surge occurred. On a normal day, Riana was beautiful… Riana pregnant was captivating.

  Unless it had to do with her appetite, or her clothes getting smaller, she rarely talked about being pregnant… what she felt physically, what she experienced emotionally. I suspected that she kept those changes to herself to spare me. Still, curiosity prompted me to skim that book she read daily, learning of things that were probably happening to her.

  The book claimed at around eighteen weeks a mother could begin feeling her baby moving inside. Coincidentally, the day I’d ogled her in the shower had been just about that time. Was that what had her staring down at herself in awe, tenderly skimming her hands over her belly?

  This had to be hard on her, carrying two babies that weren’t hers. Having a fiancé who was a detached bystander to the whole thing. It made me wonder: Was it sadness that caused her to keep things to herself or something else? I thought of ways to ask her but decided against it. I wasn’t sure it had to do with her own personal decision against being a mother. As she continued to move from week to week, month to month, business as usual, I continued to pretend everything was normal.

  Even though it was Saturday, I’d put in too many hours to count, working in my office while she slept so peacefully. When I heard the shower turn on, I went back to bed to wait for her.

  A wave of vanilla wafted into the room just before she appeared. “Hey, honey,” she said with a smile.

  “Hey, baby.” Damp hair hung around her bare shoulders, making me want to kiss them and more. “Come here.”

  The smile morphed into a sassy smirk. Although she hadn’t questioned my suddenly slamming the brakes on our daily intimate routine, I knew that she knew it had to do with her doctor’s visit. One thing that book was also good for: clearing up any confusions I had about sex during pregnancy.

  She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over for a kiss. “Happy birthday eve.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I’m sorry about our getaway.”

  “Baby, it doesn’t matter where we are.”

  “I know. I just think you would’ve loved it. I’m not going to tell you what it is, because I will be taking you there… hopefully next month.” I hoped the same, not for the trip as much as for her sake. I knew she hated being stuck at home.

  “It doesn’t matter where we ended up for this weekend or any weekend, as long as there is nakedness involved.” I skimmed my hands beneath the edge of her towel, inching them up her thighs. “Having said that… can we start celebrating now?”

  “Right after the baby reveal.” A giggle erupted after I groaned. “Look at the bright side… I saved you from having to attend in person.”

  “This is true.” Cooper insisted Riana join them via video chat at the time they would be slicing into a cake. Those guys were incorrigible, quickly inviting about a dozen people to an elaborate soiree in just a few days’ time to witness the spectacle. I squeezed the silky-smooth skin beneath my touch, and she stealthily removed herself from my hold to stand a few feet away and out of my reach.

  “We need to call them in thirty minutes. I have to get ready, and so do you.”

  Another groan came before I threw my arm over my eyes. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

  For the next half hour, I steered clear of her to avoid temptation, showered, and dressed before joining her on the couch. Wearing a pale-pink flowy dress, she looked stunning, sitting with her laptop opened to the proper app.

  “Ready?” she asked after I plopped down beside her.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  A few seconds later, Ricky connected on the call with a grin. “Hey… we’re all set.”

  “We’re excited,” Riana said, smiling brightly. Thankfully, her enthusiasm seeped into me, and I appeared to share in it with her. Ricky twisted his screen and propped it on a stand, where it faced a large sheet cake. What looked like a pink-and-blue edible bootie adorned each corner, and across the cake EITHER PINK OR BLUE… ONE OR TWO… WE LOVE YOU was written in icing. There were pink and blue balloons in every corner of the room, and a huge banner behind the guys reading, THE BIG REVEAL.

  Ricky moved to stand next to Cooper, who stood waiting with a large cake knife in hand. Riana squeezed in closer to me, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. There was excited chatter in the background as Cooper said, “Here we go.”

  Ricky placed his hand over Cooper’s, and together they sliced into the cake, creating a perfect square, and lifted it out. The crowd gasped when they saw a pink layer of cake, separating it by a layer of white icing from the bottom pink layer of cake.

  “Girls!” Cooper shouted before throwing his arms around Ricky. Pandemonium hit their party, everyone cheering and hugging. When Riana raised a hand to her eye, I first noticed the tears that formed and kissed her cheek.

  The somber moment was killed when Marco appeared on the screen to congratulate the guys, and in a serious tone said, “You two are fucked.”

  Their guests went into hysterics, more so after Ricky nodded, shrugged, and said, “No doubt.”

  Once they all calmed enough for a conversation to be had, Ricky and Cooper raised their champagne glasses and stared at us through the screen. “Riana… this would not be happening without you,” Cooper said. “Saying ‘thank you’ for giving us a family doesn’t seem adequate. We will forever be indebted to you for this amazing beneficent act of love. Wish you were here so we could squeeze you between us. We love you.”

  “I love you too,” she said, emotion still glistening in her big brown eyes. “Thank you for ensuring I was there in more than spirit. Congratulations, guys!”

  “You go rest up. Ryder, take care of our girl for us.”

  “Will do. Congrats.”

  When the screen went dark, she turned toward me. “Wow… two girls. It’s going to be fun watching those two handle that.”

  “I’d say.” I kissed her mouth. “Now let’s go celebrate in our own way.”

  “Blow.” When my brows lifted and a smirk spread, she clarified by saying, “The candles.”

  “You’re no fun.” I mentally acknowledged the wish I had in my thoughts and blew my breath across the thirty-one flickering flames, plus one additional added for good luck. “That’s a lot of fire… and cake, for that matter.”

  She’d had
the layered cake that could easily feed a dozen people delivered from a specialty bakery nearby.

  “Based on the reviews this place gets…” Her finger swiped across the thick chocolate frosting before she lifted it toward my mouth. “I wanted leftovers.” With our eyes tethered, I leaned closer to suck the delicious confection clean.

  “Mmm… tastes even better off you. And just think of all the places we can enjoy those leftovers.”

  I could tell by the glazed look in her eyes she was doing just that. Riana, feeling awful that we couldn’t go to the birthday getaway she’d planned as my present, made it a point to offer a substitute gift instead. Her.

  I teased that didn’t count as a present since I had her every day… well, except since she’d been put on bedrest a few days ago. And she wasn’t happy about the abstinence. As the pregnancy book suggested, Riana’s appetite improved greatly compared to her last trimester, and that wasn’t only regarding food. She had become insatiable, pouting that if she had to remain in bed for weeks, then why couldn’t I help her pass the time?

  I would love nothing more than to spend day after day in bed with her and nowhere else. Of course, she teased, and I had work to do. But it was the weekend, and my birthday… so game fucking on.

  She cut us a huge slice, and we shared it with her sitting on my lap and Kayla staring at us in hopes of getting a taste. “Nope. Can’t have this, girl. Sorry.” I fed Riana another bite, pulled her closer, and kissed her, enjoying the taste of rich chocolate on her tongue. She squirmed on my lap, prompting my suggestion. “Let’s finish this later.”

  And like a bucket full of ice water, my phone buzzed on the tabletop. We both glanced at it to see Bryce’s name on the screen. My parents had called earlier, and knowing them, he’d been reminded it was my birthday. Since I hadn’t spoken to him in a while, I said, “I should take this.”

  Riana kissed my cheek. “Absolutely. I’ll be in our room.”

  “Hello, my brother,” he said, sounding cheerful. “Happy birthday.”

  “Thanks, bro.” Since getting back with Riana, I had spoken to Bryce twice in four months. In all truthfulness, he’d asked my parents and me to give him space and said he would call us.

  When he finally did, I listened to his progress and not once mentioned Ree. The second time, I meant to tell him, but news of his becoming a sponsor to someone else hijacked the conversation before he said he had to go.

  I couldn’t blame my move to Miami, or work, or even getting back with Riana, for the elusiveness. Hell, I didn’t even communicate with my parents as often as I used to. In my defense, that behavior began before Ree came back into my life. They’d never met Diane, except for over the phone. She was often cool and aloof. It had nothing to do with them; it was just the way Diane was. My parents had later failed to hide their true opinion of her to me.

  In contrast, Riana had been close to my family, having spent holidays and special occasions with them. Many nights had been spent in the colonial in New Jersey where I grew up, having dinner, playing board games. Riana had been my plus-one at Bryce’s wedding only a month before we broke up. They’d be thrilled we were back together.

  My parents had been so consumed with my brother’s recovery, I slipped into the habit of keeping things from them as well. I guessed it was a pattern with me. They didn’t know about Morton, or that I was even engaged. There was no excuse for my self-absorbed behavior, and I needed to fill them in on everything.

  I knew they wouldn’t judge her for deciding to be a surrogate. But my parents were aware how badly the trauma of watching Bryce’s life implode had affected me. How I withdrew into myself. How I vowed to never go through what my brother had. How it changed me so irrefutably that I didn’t want children. They hated I felt that way, and if they knew Riana was pregnant with babies that weren’t mine, it would make them even sadder.

  “How’ve ya been?” Guilt flooded because it should’ve been me asking him that. “Doing anything exciting for your birthday down there in Miami?”

  “Nah, it’s just another day.” With my fiancée, whom you don’t know about. Changing the subject, I asked, “I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

  “I asked you not to,” he reminded.

  “Yeah, still. When do I ever listen to you?”

  “This is true.”

  Something seemed different in his voice, a hint of levity that hadn’t been there in a while. “You sound good. How are you?”

  “Good… really good.” He proceeded to tell me helping others to stay sober was the best motivator for him to do so himself. I listened carefully while he passionately explained why it affected him as it had, and then surprised me with news he was taking courses in psychology, with plans to become a full-time counselor.

  “That’s fantastic, Bryce. I’m really proud of you.”

  “Thanks. I’m proud of me too.” There was a silent pause before he said, “I kind of met someone.” The shock at hearing that had the silence stretching between us until he chuckled. “You can close your mouth.”

  “I’m just… wow, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. Who is she?”

  “Her name is Hope… ironic, huh?” I chuckled. “We met the day I got out of rehab, like out on the street right around the corner. I wasn’t paying attention and plowed into her, spilling her coffee on her clothing.”

  “Sounds like a laundry detergent commercial.”

  It was his turn to laugh. “Yeah. It’s not romantic or anything like that… not yet. There’s this thing between us, and I know she feels it too. Right now, we’re enjoying being friends.”

  “That’s how it usually begins. You deserve to be happy, Bryce.” I hadn’t always believed he would be. Hearing his news, the lilt in his voice, had me now thinking otherwise.

  “I miss her every damn day, Rye… Sometimes it hurts to even open my eyes. But since I met Hope, it’s strange. I can open my eyes each day, and maybe the pain won’t hit until I see a baby girl in a carriage or a redhead in the supermarket. The pain is still there, but it’s not as constant. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I do.” And I did. I wouldn’t dare compare losing Riana to Bryce losing Tammy and his baby… but I got it. The pain eventually lessened, sometimes because life went on. In my case, I had met Diane.

  “Well, anyway… maybe you’ll meet her next time you come up. How’s Miami?”

  “Interesting.” I finally filled my brother in, four months too late, with the chain of events that had happened from the day I ran into Ree until this morning… minus any mention of her being pregnant or our engagement.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Riana

  October

  Ryder insisted on coming to my last appointment. It had been the first time he’d even asked. Apparently, he had read up on preeclampsia during pregnancy and had questions for Dr. White. Once my exam was over and he was called in, he sat tersely in a chair beside me, pouncing on her the moment she walked back into the room.

  She answered every question. No, I did not have preeclampsia, and being cautious now was to keep it from occurring. No, my blood pressure hadn’t improved, nor had it worsened either… which was good news. And no, sex wouldn’t hurt me in any way… insert eye roll.

  Long story short—more bedrest.

  At hearing that, Ryder was not happy. Personally, I had expected as much. Besides feeling no different than the previous month, based on all I’d read up on the subject, it was rare for blood pressure to return to normal as a pregnancy progressed. Could it happen? Yes. But more cases than not the baby, or in my case babies, was the reason for an elevation in pressure to begin with. After the birth, complications during the pregnancy usually worked themselves out.

  I knew Ryder’s concern stemmed from knowing bedrest was difficult for someone like me. Being confined within the walls of our condo with no escape drove me a little wonky. Once I resigned myself it was for the babies and in the scheme of things was only a blip of time in my life, being hom
e wasn’t so bad.

  Ryder made it more than tolerable, and I made it a point to show my appreciation. Even with his busy schedule, he’d been so attentive. If he needed to travel to Miami, he ensured I had anything I’d need until he got back. Of course, Cooper and Ricky were always a call away as well.

  Even the cutie-pie Ryder hired to walk Kayla ensured she was taken care of. Although, he almost lost the job before he even began. On day one, when Tommy appeared at our door and made it clear he crushed on me, Ryder mumbled under his breath something that sounded suspiciously like keeping an eye on that fucker. I shot him a scathing look, thankful Tommy wasn’t paying attention.

  A few days ago, Ryder had to fly to Chicago, and he’d pouted like a child being told there was no Santa Claus. “I’ll be fine,” I assured him—and then pushed him out the door when he was dangerously close to missing his flight. Flying commercial and dealing with all the crap that came with it was something he hadn’t done in years.

  That day, Rebecca and the kids visited with lunch, having heard that Ryder was away. Damon also came by when he hadn’t seen me walking past his bar in a while. It was something I did every few days with Kayla. Mainly so her previous owner, who tended bar there, could see her.

  Janie even called out of the blue—well, kind of. Her greeting when I picked up the call was to announce, “He finally did it!” For twenty minutes she went on about putting her foot down to get him to “shit or get off the pot.” She went on to say, “We’re having an engagement party in a month, and you’re coming.”

  Not only did I have to tell her I wasn’t able to make it, and the reason, but I also reluctantly shared I was carrying twins. During it, I slipped and referred to Ryder as my fiancé. Big mistake.

  “What? You got engaged before me!” she shouted over the phone and proceeded to rip me a new one. That was fun.

  So, although I missed Ryder, I had plenty to keep me busy between friends checking in and working on the foundation, all while relaxing in between.