Change My Game: An Emotional Second Chance Romance (North Haven University Book 2)

by Kelsey Clayton

  "Oh, isn't that just cute," he sneers.

  I roll my eyes and try to see past him, but he won't move. "Do you have a problem?"

  "Yes, actually," he admits. "But not so much with you as it is with her."

  "With me?" Paige asks, sitting up.

  He crosses his arms over his chest. "You know, I always knew he had a hold on you, but I never thought you would be this easy to fucking manipulate."

  "Watch yourself," I warn, but he's not having it.

  "Watch myself?" He turns to Paige. "Do you even realize how fucking brainwashed he has you? So, what? Because Jacey is sad it's suddenly okay for him to get high all the damn time?"

  "Trayland," I bark.

  "No. Fuck you!" he roars at Paige. "You're fucking enabling him. You're supposed to help get him better. You're supposed to care about him enough to get him to fucking stop. And instead, you're just letting him fucking do it!"

  I get up and stand in front of Paige to shield her from his verbal onslaught. "You might want to stand the fuck down and mind your own business."

  He chuckles darkly and gets into my face. "Or what? Are you going to hit me again? Tell me how much of a fucking prick I am for giving a shit about your stupid ass? Go ahead."

  "Jace, don't," Paige pleads.

  Carter smirks. "Yeah, Jace. Listen to your little girlfriend, or is it only her who caves to what you want?"

  My fist tightens, and before I know it I'm swinging it directly into his face. My knuckles crack against his cheekbone, and Paige shrieks as we become a tangled mess of punches on the floor. The two of us swing at each other,—months of built-up anger finally boiling over.

  Each of us gets a few hits in before Paige finally manages to squeeze herself in between us. We stand up, and she keeps a hand on my chest to hold me back. It's not that she's physically strong enough to do so, but she also knows neither one of us will do anything that would risk hurting a woman. Especially not her.

  "Did you ever even get him to tell you what happened?" Carter asks her in outrage. "Or did you just let him convince you that taking drugs is the answer to it all?"

  "Carter!" I growl. She doesn't need to be involved with all that.

  "What?" He presses. "If she's going to keep letting you kill yourself, isn't she at least entitled to know what it's all about?"

  She looks up at me with tears filling her eyes, and I can tell he's getting to her. As I go to pull her closer into me, she backs away. If she wasn't going to run before, she sure as hell might now.

  "What happened, Jace?" she practically whispers.

  I shake my head rapidly. "I can't."

  "You can," Carter says. "Tell her. Tell her what turned you into the mess that you are. Explain the night that took you from king of the universe to some college junkie that can't make it through the day without a fucking fix."

  Focusing on Carter, my anger starts ratcheting up again. "This is all your fault! Things were going perfectly fucking fine before you had to go and insert your damn self into it like you always fucking do!"

  He straightens his shoulders and uses the two inches he has on me to his advantage. "Tell her."

  "No."

  "Then tell me!" he shouts. "Tell me what the fuck you were doing that night. Why were you alone with her?"

  "Stop," I beg as the memories come flooding back, but he won't let up.

  He steps closer and gets in my face. "What were you doing up on that roof that night?"

  "Everything you fucking wouldn't!" I snap. "She was up there because of you. Because you were too goddamn selfish to actually comfort your girlfriend for once in your life."

  "And that makes you mad, doesn't it?" It's like he knows exactly what buttons to push, and he's pressing every single one of them. "It pisses you off. Admit it! You're fucking pissed, and it's not even at me!"

  "Fine!" I cave, and it's like the mile-high wall I built for the past year to block out all this shit comes crumbling down. "Yeah, I'm pissed! I'm angry at a dead girl. How fucked up does that make me, huh?"

  I run my fingers through my hair, and can't even bring myself to look at Paige right now, but I know she's listening to every word of this.

  "I'm pissed that she got drunk and thought the best place to go was up on that roof. And I'm pissed that she had me whipped enough to get me to go up there with her. And I'm fucking pissed that she died and left me here to deal with the aftermath!"

  Stopping to take a breath, I can feel my chest tightening. The anxiety is creeping in as I mentally relive everything that happened that night. This is exactly why I never wanted to talk about it. Because letting in the memories is agreeing to let them break me, and I honestly don't think I can make it out of all that alive.

  "You want me to talk about my feelings? Fine. But I'm not doing it sober." I take a step away from Carter. "I can't."

  Paige is curled up into a ball on the couch, looking like her entire world just crashed down in front of her, and I know the feeling. But if I don't get another fix right now, I'm going to end up having an anxiety attack that sends me on a one-way train to hell—not that I don't live there every damn day of my life.

  I grab the last pill from the bottle, but just before I go to take it, Carter comes in and rips it from my hands.

  "The fuck is your problem?"

  He completely ignores me and goes back into the living room, not stopping until he stands in front of Paige and slams the pill on the coffee table. "You want to take it? Then you're not going to hide like a fucking baby in your bedroom. You're going to do it right here. Looking us in the eyes."

  Shaking my head, I narrow my eyes at him. "You want to hate me, fine, but don't do this shit to her."

  Carter shrugs. "I'm not doing anything to her, Jace. This is all you. You want her to stay even though you're a total train wreck, right? Then really show her."

  I don't want to. I don't want to hurt her, but I also can't go without taking that pill.

  Paige watches me as I cross the room and pick the oxy up off the coffee table. Her eyes stay locked with mine as I put it on my tongue and swallow it down. The second I do, she looks away and breaks out into sobs.

  I turn to Carter, who does nothing but stares back at me. "Are you proud of yourself?"

  He doesn't back down. Not even for a second. "Are you?"

  Bringing my attention back where it matters, I go to comfort Paige, but she pushes me away. She doesn't want me anywhere near her, and honestly, I can't blame her for it. I'm a piece of shit. A pussy of a man who can't handle my past, can't keep a girl happy, and can't go twelve fucking hours without getting high.

  Trust me, baby. I don't want anything to do with me either.

  Even while high, pulling any details of what happened that night out of Jace is nearly impossible. Every time he even got close to talking about it, he would go into fight or flight mode—which resulted in Carter's quickly blackening eye and three holes in the living room wall.

  Watching him get high right in front of me, paired with everything Carter was saying, it hurt—but he wasn't wrong. However, when it comes to forcing Jace into confronting everything that happened, he's far from right. With how traumatized Jace is, I don't think we should be forcing him into anything, and by the fifth time he freaks out, I refuse to let it go on any further.

  "That's enough!" I shout. "He's had enough."

  Carter looks at me like he can't believe I'm stopping him. "He needs to get it out."

  "No. The only thing you're doing is pushing him deeper into whatever the hell is wrong with him. Leave it the fuck alone! It's done for tonight!"

  I don't give him a chance to stop me as I grab Jace's hand and pull him into the bedroom. He lies down on the bed, and I run my fingers through his hair. Between the effects of the medication, and the emotional toll of tonight, it only takes a few minutes before he's sound asleep.

  A part of me wonders if I should stay. If he's been having nightmares, he's almost guaranteed to have one tonight, but I also ha
ve to think of me. Tonight was hard. And I'm starting to realize that this goes a lot deeper than I originally thought.

  Quietly making my way out of the bedroom, I close the door behind me and find Carter sitting on the couch. He's drinking a beer and looking like he aged a hundred years tonight. Then again, over the past year, he probably has. I've only been dealing with this for a couple months. Carter, on the other hand, has been here the whole time—watching his best friend fade further and further away.

  "Is he okay?" he asks.

  I shrug. "He's sleeping. I wouldn't say he's okay, though."

  He nods and leans forward with his elbows on his knees, holding a beer in one hand. "I'm sorry I pulled you into this. You didn't deserve that."

  "No, you were right to," I counter. "I guess after he broke down in front of me, I didn't know what else to do. I can't leave him. That's not an option for me. But I also just want him to be okay, and he managed to convince me that the drugs help him. That they make him okay."

  "Because that's what addicts do, Paige," he says. "They lie and they manipulate. They make you think that by letting them do what they want, that you're helping them, but you're not. You're only making it worse."

  "I know that now." I walk around and sit down on the couch. "I just wish I knew what happened that night."

  Even after everything Carter tried to get out of him, all I know is that there was a girl in Tallahassee, who was with Jace on a roof, and then ended up dead. My mind has run through almost every possible scenario and it always comes back to the fact that I don't know what happened, and I might not ever know. Not if he refuses to tell me.

  Carter sighs. "I wish I could tell you. I really do. But honestly, I wasn't there. Even I don't know exactly what happened up on that roof. All I know is she ended up on the ground, and he was never the same again."

  "Who was this woman?"

  He smiles only for a second, like he's thinking of something comical, and then swallows the rest of his beer in one go. "My fiancé."

  My jaw drops, but he doesn't give me anything else—just gets up and goes into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Meanwhile, my entire world was just rocked.

  FOCUSING ON CLASSES THE next day is almost impossible. My head keeps running through all the information I got last night, but no matter how much I try to piece it together, it's like I'm missing three-quarters of the puzzle. Even Charlotte looks at me like I've lost my ever-loving mind as I write down everything I know. When she tries to read it, however, I cover it with my arm.

  I finally get to Jace's a little after four, only to find he must have skipped his last class. He's already in his bedroom when I walk in, but Carter is nowhere to be found. Honestly, that's probably a good thing. The last two people that should be alone together right now are those two.

  "Hey babe," I greet him carefully. "How are you feeling?"

  He shrugs. "Like Carter is an asshole, but what else is new?"

  If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was perfectly fine, but I do know better.

  And he's not fine.

  "I was thinking we could go out to dinner?" I suggest.

  Putting his phone down, he hops off the bed and comes closer. As soon as he's standing in front of me, he wraps his arms around me.

  "We could," he singsongs. "Or we could do something else."

  As he leans back, his hips grind against mine, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what he's insinuating. After last night, though, I'm not sure I'm ready to just pretend everything is normal again. Not yet, anyway.

  I arch up to kiss him quickly and then give him a sweet smile. "I'm really hungry. Maybe after?"

  He huffs, but I know he's only playing. "Okay, just one second."

  As he turns around and starts to open his nightstand, I know exactly what he's doing. Dread fills my stomach, knowing that no part of last night helped at all.

  "I thought the one you took last night was all you had," I say, well aware I'm walking on thin ice.

  The chuckle that bubbles out of him is alarming to me. "I went and picked up more this morning. It's not hard."

  My brows furrow. "You skipped class to go buy drugs?"

  He stops for a second like he's getting frustrated with me. "I couldn't sit through classes. Not after last night."

  I watch as he finds the pills he was looking for and smiles triumphantly. But instead of sitting back and letting him do it, this time I make an attempt to try to stop him. I grab his arm and pull him away.

  "Come on," I plead. "Don't do this."

  Ripping his arm from my grasp, he narrows his eyes at me. "I thought you understood."

  "There are other ways to get better, Jace."

  He shakes his head, as if he doesn't even want to hear it. "Not for me."

  Pouring the pills into his hand, he goes to put the rest back in but stops. He spins around to face me, with eyes wide and a broad smile on his face.

  "I have an idea," he tells me excitedly. "Why don't you try it?"

  His words catch me off guard. "What? No."

  "Seriously," he presses. "I mean, think about it. You're going through shit, too. I promise, this takes it all away. It feels like you're floating. We can feel it together!"

  My subconscious is screaming at me to run. Red lights are flashing in every goddamn direction. And yet, for some reason, I stand there, looking at the pills like they're some kind of salvation. They're peace. They're calm. They're Jace's approval.

  As if my body is moving on its own, my hand reaches up to take one from him, until the reality of what I'm doing washes over me like a bucket of ice water.

  Holy shit.

  Carter was right.

  In seconds, the hold Jace has over me becomes so apparent I can’t even try to deny it, and the only thing I can think to do is bolt out of the room. I take a step back from Jace and shake my head.

  "I-I have to go."

  I turn around and run out, not even paying attention to the calls of my name in the distance.

  SKIPPING CLASSES IS NOT something I do often, but given the fact that Jace has tried calling me over thirty times, I don't know that I trust myself to go back to campus yet. After I left last night, I ran all the way out the building and to my car without looking back. The thought of what I almost did, what I almost let him talk me into, haunted me the whole night and most of today.

  I pace back and forth across my bedroom. There's no way I can avoid Jace forever. He's bound to come to my house eventually. Hell, if I don't answer him tonight, he'll probably show up after dinner under the pretenses of seeing my dad. And I couldn't even blame him. My dad lights up whenever Jace walks into the room.

  Picking up my phone, I dial the one number I know will always tell me exactly what I need to hear. It takes a few seconds for her to answer, but the moment her voice meets my ears, I'm flooded with emotion.

  "I didn't realize how much I missed you until now," I tell her, starting to cry.

  Becca scoffs. "It took you until now to realize that? Rude."

  A wet laugh flows from my mouth. "I could really use one of your hugs right now."

  "Why, babe? What's wrong?"

  I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of my bed. "Jace is involved in some pretty shitty stuff. Stuff that I don't know I can save him from. And I don't really know what to do about it."

  In the background, I can hear her leaving wherever she was and going somewhere more quiet. "Honey, it's not your job to save him. Jace is a grown man."

  "I know that. I do," I tell her. "But I also can't leave him to completely ruin himself either. I just don't know what to do."

  She hums. "I think you do. You've always been logical. I mean, you walked away from him when we left for SCU because you knew trying to do long distance was going to break the both of you." She pauses for a second and then sighs. "Sometimes, you have to put yourself first, and that doesn't make you a bad person. That makes you human."

  I know she's right, but that does
n't mean it would be easy. Leaving Jace when he's like this, breaking the promise I made to him that I won't go anywhere, it feels like stabbing him in the back and ditching him when he needs me the most. But at the same time, I don't think that I can handle watching him head down the path he's on.

  THE SUN IS SETTING by the time I answer Jace's one-hundred-and-four text messages. And no, that's not an exaggeration. I don't even read half of the ones waiting for me, knowing that they're just a bunch of begging for me to talk to him, and promises he never intends on keeping. Then again, I'm not one to really judge on broken promises right now. Not with what I'm about to do.

  I take the stairs one at a time, trying to prepare myself for what might happen when I go in there. I even made sure Carter was going to be home. Despite how wrong he handled things last night, I know he cares for Jace's wellbeing just as much as I do, and Jace is going to need someone to make sure he doesn't do something stupid after I leave tonight.

  The door opens only seconds after I knock, and Jace sighs in relief when he sees me. He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses my forehead. Maybe I shouldn't let him, but instead, I breathe him in, knowing this might be the last time I ever get to do that.

  "Can we talk?" I ask as he pulls away.

  He studies my face, and I can tell the moment he sees it because he shakes his head. "Don't."

  "Jace."

  "No, don't. You can't."

  I try grabbing his hand but he won’t let me. "Let's just go in your room and talk."

  "No!" he yells. "There's nothing to talk about because we're fine. Everything is fine."

  "It's not," I tell him, dropping my tone to a whisper.

  He looks like he's about to break down as he laces his fingers through his hair and pulls. "Why are you doing this? You said you wouldn't do this!"